Claire felt the tears coming to her eyes and struggled to hold them in. He shot her a disgusted look, then backed away.
“You see, I told you that it was a bad idea to keep seeing me. We’re two different people, with completely different needs. I don’t make love to women, I fuck them. And I’m not interested in screwing any woman who doesn’t want to be fucked, understand?”
He didn’t wait for her to answer him. He just turned and walked away. Claire watched him go through eyes blurry with tears. She wanted to drop to the floor and cover her face with her hands. She wanted to curl up into a ball and cry until she was exhausted enough to sleep. But she knew she couldn’t do that. Not here. She had to get to her room, first. She headed for the end of the hallway, then stopped when she heard Garret’s voice.
“There you are. What’d you do, fall in?”
“Sorry, I got distracted by someone. Are the girls ready to go?”
“Yeah, and so am I. My luck’s been shit tonight.”
“I get the feeling you won’t need luck with the brunette.”
“Good thing, too. Otherwise I might be forced to go to bed alone tonight.”
“If she fell through, you could always take the blonde. She’s so hot for it that she’d probably take any man who came along.”
“But that would leave you to go to bed alone.”
Colin’s laugh made Claire feel sick to her stomach. “My luck’s not as bad as yours. Like I said, I’ve already been distracted once tonight. I’m sure I could arrange to make it twice.”
Garret was silent for a moment, then he spoke softly. “You son of a bitch!”
“Yeah, that’s me. And don’t you forget it.” He chuckled again. “Come on. Let’s get out of here before my date really does decide that any man will do.”
Claire waited several long minutes before finally creeping out of the hallway. She quickly scanned the interior of the casino but didn’t see Colin or Garret anywhere. She hurried through the crowd as the tears slid down her cheeks. By the time she reached her room, she was barely managing to hold back the sobs.
Colin had to resort to pharmaceuticals to finally get the blonde off him. He slipped her a mild sedative, then left her and headed back to his room. He stood in his bathroom, glaring at himself in the mirror over the sink. He really was a son of a bitch. He closed his eyes and immediately saw Clair’s stricken face. He’d cut her to shreds, and if he burned in hell for it, he couldn’t complain. He reached out and gripped the edges of the vanity. Just thinking about the way she’d touched him and kissed him made him hard. He’d never responded to any woman like he did to her. He’d never wanted any woman like he wanted her. And he couldn’t have her. Worse, he couldn’t even just walk away and leave her in peace because he’d been stupid enough to let her get close to him. So he’d hurt her to make her stay away. God, he hated his job. He hated what he’d let it turn him into.
Claire spent a while crying, then half the night thinking about everything that had happened since she’d made the decision to come on this cruise. In the beginning she’d made the plans out of desperation. She knew she needed a change, and she’d hoped this trip would be enough of one to erase the dissatisfaction plaguing her. Instead it had only served to make her feel more alone than ever. Until Colin had reached out to her. She’d shared parts of herself with him that no one else had ever gotten close to. He’d made her start questioning her own self-image. He’d forced her to face the fact that everything she thought she knew about herself might be wrong.
His words had hurt her. His vulgarity had shocked her. But she knew she had no one to blame for that but herself. He’d tried to warn her. She was the one who’d refused to see him for what he really was. She’d been too busy sinking into the fantasies she was creating about him to actually see the truth. Colin and Garret were two of a kind. The only difference was that Colin hid his true face behind a mask of charm so realistic that it was almost impossible to disbelieve. Garret simply didn’t bother to try to pretend to be anything other than what he really was.
So now she knew that Colin was not the man she’d wanted him to be. And she’d made a fool of herself by going after him. But there was one thing that she was starting to think he hadn’t lied about. Because she could see and feel the proof for herself. Maybe he’d pretended to be interested in her as a person when all he really wanted was her body, but the fact was he had wanted her body. She knew he hadn’t been faking that. So maybe she wasn’t as homely as she’d always believed. Colin had seen something in her that turned him on. He’d even pointed out that her only real problem was the fact that she didn’t take advantage of the assets she did have. Perhaps it was time she remedied that.
Colin was awake at dawn the next morning, but he stayed away from the deck and the dining room. The last thing he was in the mood for was facing up to Claire’s accusing eyes. She’d have spent the night crying. He knew that much about her. By morning he hoped she would have refocused her pain, turning it to hatred. It wasn’t her opinion of him that bothered him. He could live with her thinking he was a bastard. What he couldn’t take was the worry that it might actually make her draw even further into her shell. If she thought everything he’d said was a lie then it could do the kind of damage that she might never recover from. That wasn’t something he wanted to live with. Of course there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. Not now, at least. But maybe he could try to make up for it later. After Palmer and his friends had been dealt with, maybe Colin would find her and tell her the truth.
A nagging little voice in his head snorted. And then what? She’d forgive and forget and run into his arms and his bed? Yeah, right. It wouldn’t matter why he’d treated her the way he had. Claire wouldn’t understand it. She was going to hate him for the rest of her life, and that was no less than what he deserved.
Claire was standing outside the entrance to the ship’s spa and salon when the doors opened. She’d forced herself to leave her room and get there early because she’d been afraid that if she let herself hesitate at all, she’d lose her nerve. She was tired of being a pitiful shadow. It was time for a change, and she was convinced that if she didn’t do everything at once she might never do anything at all. So she made the decision that for herself and no one else, she was going to take the ultimate risk.
The woman behind the reception desk gave her a perfectly neutral smile as she walked into the salon. When she asked how she could help, Claire found herself uncertain how to respond. She finally blurted out the first thing that popped into her head, which was the truth, if not a particularly eloquent version of it.
“I want a makeover.”
The woman didn’t even blink. She just nodded and opened up the little book in front of her. “Hair and makeup?”
Claire nodded. “Everything. The works from head to toe.”
The woman’s gaze lingered on her for a moment, and Claire found herself chattering to fill the silence. “I’ve looked like this for more than twelve years and I’m ready for a change.”
The woman didn’t say anything for a moment, then she dropped her gaze and scribbled in her little book some more. She finished the rest of the registration without once looking up. When she was done she finally lifted her gaze to Claire again, and this time Claire saw genuine emotion in the other woman’s face. Her smile was warm and her voice soothing as she spoke.
“Okay, let’s get you started.”
She led Claire into the salon and introduced her to a young man named Tom who assessed her from head to toe, then took charge. From that moment on, Claire was caught up in a whirlwind unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. They started her off with a full body massage that pretty much put her in a frame of mind to allow them to do anything they liked with the rest of her. She suspected that had been the idea, but didn’t care if it was. She’d never felt so relaxed in her life. They went to work on her hair next, which did cause her to tense up a bit. Fifteen years of growth was a lot to surrender w
ithout some measure of uncertainty. Tom insisted that she could trust him, though, so she did. She gave him free rein to do whatever he thought was best. He started by cutting somewhere in the neighborhood of eighteen inches off her hair. An hour later she was wondering if she’d made a mistake. They’d colored her hair once all over and now there were two people putting enough foil in her hair to make her feel like some kind of monster from a 1950’s horror film. Tom kept reassuring her that she’d love the final result. She prayed that he was right.
She had her nails and a pedicure done while the highlights set. When they finally pulled all the foil out of her hair and rinsed it, she was shocked at the results. Her hair was still brown, but now it gleamed with golden and copper highlights that she could see even before it dried. Tom started cutting again and she wondered how far he planned to go. When he announced that he was finished her hair hung a couple of inches below her shoulders with long layers that lifted much of the heaviness and allowed her natural body to come to life. Her head felt like it was immeasurably lighter. He’d explained as he cut that he was thinning it out to take away some of the weight and bulk, but she didn’t care what he’d done once she saw the final result. He dried it just so she’d get a good look at the color and cut. She was too stunned to do more than stare.
It didn’t look anything like the unruly tangle she was accustomed to seeing in the mirror. It was lustrous and smooth, falling around her face and shoulders like a soft cloud. The layers he’d put in framed her face and the soft edges did wonders for the sharpness of her features. She didn’t look nearly as severe as she had before. Tom gave her shoulder a pat as he told her it was just the beginning.
As the day wore on Claire realized she was becoming a sort of salon-wide project. Word had spread among all the workers that she was making drastic changes, and they all wanted to be a part of it, even if they just offered verbal encouragement. After they finished with her hair, they led her into a small boutique that she’d passed by but never entered. The clothes were hardly the sort she typically wore, while the price tags were enough to make her heart stop. However, she’d vowed to go all the way, and she was going to stick with that promise to herself. A personal shopper had already gathered up a number of outfits for her to try on. She threw herself into the usually unpleasant act of trying on clothes with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. It didn’t take long for her to truly become excited, though.
She went through so many different outfits that she lost count. Almost every one of them looked completely wrong for her when she saw it on the hanger, yet they each worked incredibly well once she got them on. By the time two hours had passed, she’d purchased half a dozen new outfits, none of which were anything she’d ever even dreamed of trying before. She was starting to feel a little shell-shocked by the time they sat her down in the chair to do her makeup. The woman who did it took the time to explain everything she was doing and to teach Claire how to repeat it herself. She talked about the colors that would work best for her and the various techniques that would give her any effect she desired. When she finished and turned Claire around, the woman in the mirror was a complete stranger.
She had a thick cascade of rich mahogany hair and smoky, blue-gray eyes. Her mouth was full with a hint of a pout she felt certain wasn’t natural. She stared at herself for a long while, trying to reconcile the woman in front of her with the one she’d known for so long. It didn’t seem possible that the two could be the same. She was finally led back to Tom and he started working on her final style. The cut was finished, but he was giving her something special for tonight, he said. He curled and teased and sprayed for so long that she wondered if he would ever finish. Then he stepped back and gave her a warm smile.
“Stunning, if I do say so myself.”
He spun her around, and she was forced to agree, even though it sounded insane for her to admit such a thing. He’d pulled her hair up and piled it on top of her head. She had no idea how he’d made it all stay there, but it was a mass of curls that moved when she did without collapsing. Wispy tendrils trailed around her face, artfully placed to be perfect without appearing planned. Claire didn’t know how to express what she was feeling. She was a teacher, but she couldn’t even begin to find the words. They ushered her into a dressing room where she put on one of her new outfits, stuffing her old clothes into the sack the new ones had come out of. When she stepped out of the dressing room she found half the workers in the spa waiting for her. There were indrawn breaths and sighs followed by applause. Claire felt herself blush and struggled to hold back the tears that leapt into her eyes. She didn’t dare mess up everything they’d worked so hard to accomplish.
She spent several minutes thanking everyone for all they’d done, then she finally gathered all her belongings and headed for the exit. She paused in the reception area though, suddenly afraid to leave. What was going to happen when everyone saw what she’d done? She had a horrible flash of them laughing at her. It almost made her drop the bags she carried. Then she jumped when she felt a hand touch her arm. She turned around to meet the gaze of the receptionist who’d signed her in. There was understanding in her eyes as she smiled up at Claire.
“You’ve got the look. All you need is the attitude. Just hold your head high and walk like nothing in the world can touch you.”
Claire almost started crying again. She blinked several times, then smiled as she thanked the woman. A moment later she squared her shoulders and walked out the door. Whatever happened next, she would take it in stride. She was never going to let anyone make her feel inferior again, including herself.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Colin was starting to really worry about Claire. He’d been watching for her all day, but he hadn’t caught so much as a glimpse of her. Granted, it was a big ship and accidentally bumping into someone wasn’t something had really happened with any frequency. But he’d been looking for Claire. Not to talk to her, or to even let her know he was looking, just to make sure she was okay. Trouble was, she was nowhere to be found. Which meant she was probably still locked in her room. Now it was dinnertime and she still hadn’t shown up. It wasn’t like her to be late. She always got to the table first. Was she going to spend the rest of the cruise hiding in her room?
He cursed himself as he accepted that she might do exactly that. He’d wanted to make sure she decided he wasn’t the man she wanted, but maybe he’d gone too far. He knew she was insecure, that’s why he’d tried to get rid of her by being offensive. But what if she’d only felt it as a rejection? What if she couldn’t get past that fact? He glanced around the table as Garret drew a laugh from everyone. Not one of the others who’d shared the table with Claire for eleven nights even seemed to notice that she was missing. It ticked him off to know they could all ignore her so easily. She deserved better.
Claire was shaking as she walked down the hall toward the dining room. She’d sat in her room for an hour, watching the minutes tick by as she tried to convince herself that she’d be just fine going to dinner. They’d all be shocked. They’d certainly say something, but there was no reason at all to think they’d laugh at her. Most likely they’d be just as stunned as she was. She still barely recognized herself in the mirror. The outfit she was wearing was hardly skintight, though it hugged her more closely than anything she’d worn in well over a decade. The dress was a dark shade of pink, which should have clashed with the auburn highlights in her hair but somehow didn’t. It had a fringe of beadwork along the lower hem, which fell a couple of inches above her knees. She had a pair of open-toed sandals that sported a beaded flower across the top, which coincided with the beading in the dress. The dress had a deep enough V in the front to show off a little cleavage, a fact that was still giving Claire fits. It had spaghetti straps that went over her shoulders and crossed in the back. She had a pair of beaded earrings in her ears and a bracelet that matched them on her wrist. There was a necklace as well, though they’d suggested she not wear it since she was wearing her hair
up. They said the focus was supposed to be on the elegant line of her neck, and the necklace would break up that line. She deferred to their judgment because she didn’t know anything about it.
As she walked down the hallway, she could feel herself wobbling occasionally on the heels. She wasn’t used to wearing heels. She figured she was tall enough without adding any additional height. But they’d insisted she wear the heels to show off her legs. In the mirror it had looked like they went on forever. So far she was managing well enough, but she knew she’d have to be careful if she didn’t want to break her ankle. She was getting close to the dining room when she started passing other people. It took her a few minutes to realize that their gazes were following her as she passed. She hesitated just outside the dining room entrance as she wondered if something was wrong. She started to lift a self-conscious hand to her hair, then stopped. She wasn’t sure how it was secured and she didn’t want to risk messing it up now. She caught a man watching her out of the corner of her eye, and she turned to find him smiling at her. Not laughing. Smiling. In invitation. She blinked, then smiled back before turning away. She was late. Everyone was going to already be at the table. At least she’d get it over with all at once. She squared her shoulders and kept her head high as she walked into the room.
Colin was pretending to listen to Janine as she talked about something that had happened to her on a vacation a few years back, but his attention was on the door. The waiter had already made his rounds, taking drink orders, and Claire still wasn’t there. He took his eyes off the door to focus on Janine for a moment, giving her enough attention to make her believe he was listening to her. Then he swung his gaze back to the door and caught sight of a woman he’d never seen before as she walked into the room. And his wasn’t the only head turning. She was attracting the attention of just about every man around. His gaze traveled over her, starting at her endless legs and rising until it finally reached her face. Then her eyes met his, and he felt the air rush out of his lungs as if he’d been kicked in the gut. Claire.
Her First Vacation Page 8