Her mouth was already open to argue with him when he grabbed her hand and started leading her away. “Wait! Where are we going?”
He didn’t answer her. He just led her through the ship until they came to the ship’s spa. There were photos on the walls outside it of all kinds of different famous models or actresses. They were all advertising one product or another that was offered in the spa or its salon. Colin positioned her in front of a small strip of mirror that was intended to be nothing more than decoration. He turned her to face it, then nodded to the nearest photo.
“Look at her. She’s got the same high cheekbones you do, the same tall, willowy frame.”
Claire felt herself blushing profusely. She started to turn way. “This is silly.”
Colin moved behind her and took hold of her shoulders, forcing her to stay where he’d put her. “Look!”
She did because the command in his voice was impossible to ignore. She looked at the photo, then at herself, then back and forth again and again. By the time her gaze had shifted half a dozen times she wasn’t feeling quite as embarrassed. He was right. She didn’t really look like the woman in the photo, a model who’d graced the covers of dozens of magazines. Her hair was blonde and her eyes dark, but their bone structure was similar. And as Claire studied the model’s photo she noticed other things as well. Like the fact that she didn’t have large breasts or the shapely legs Claire had always envied in her mother and sister. The model was wearing a skirt that fell well above her knees and showed off almost the full length of her long, slender legs. She brought her gaze back to her own reflection as Colin spoke near her ear.
“You are not ugly, Claire. I swear it. You just don’t do anything to maximize your natural attributes.”
She shifted her gaze from her own face to his. She was five feet, nine inches tall yet he stood a head taller than her. He was close behind her with his hands still resting on her shoulders. As he met her gaze in the mirror she couldn’t help being struck anew by how handsome he was and it brought on a fresh wave of disbelief. He shouldn’t be interested in her. He ought to be with a woman like her sister or Cathy. Beautiful, vivacious women. Yet here he stood with her and try as she might, she couldn’t stop her heart rate from speeding up as that truth slowly began to settle in. He liked her. He was interested in her the way no man had ever been interested in her before.
She felt heat begin to spread through her body as she remembered the way he’d kissed her. She’d kissed before. She’d never felt the kind of sensations that had tingled through her body as Colin kissed her, though. Nor had she ever dreamed that any man would ever want to kiss her with that much passion and fire. She tore her gaze away from the mirror, away from him. Some part of her kept insisting that it wasn’t real. None of it was real. But while she was arguing with herself Colin shifted his position, coming around to stand directly in front of her. He grasped her chin in one hand and forced her to meet his gaze.
“I’m sorry that I’m not the kind of man you need. I’m even more sorry that there’s enough honor left in me to keep me from acting on the attraction I feel for you. Believe that I would like nothing more than to take you to my room right now and show you exactly how much I want you. But I won’t lead you on like that, because I know it could never go beyond sex. I’m not the forever after kind of man. I think marriage is for fools, and that’s not going to change. So it’s better that we put a stop to this thing between us here and now. Before I do something you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting.”
His gaze dropped to her mouth for a moment before he leaned down and placed a light kiss on her lips. Then he turned around and walked away without another word.
Colin couldn’t believe he’d been so honest with her. But he hadn’t been able to stop himself from kissing her and forcing her to face the truth about herself. He’d watched her realize he was right about the similarities between her and the famous model, and the few moments of awe in her eyes had made him want to turn her around and kiss her again. When he saw the uncertainty creep back in her eyes he’d wanted to pull her into his arms and cradle her against his chest while he went through a list of everything about her that he found enticing. He wanted to tell her that he was having all sorts of erotic fantasies about her thick hair and long legs. But more than anything he wanted to make her believe that she was beautiful. It was starting to feel like some kind of mission and he could not allow it to become one. Walking away was the best choice. It sure as hell wasn’t the easy one, though.
Claire wasn’t sure whether she wanted to cry or laugh. Everything she thought she understood was starting to unravel until she was left feeling like she’d just stepped off the Tilt-A-Whirl ride at the county fair. Everything Colin had said to her was spinning around in her head with all the things her mother and sister had said over the years. She was too thin, too lanky, too drab. Yet Colin compared her with a model that was generally considered to be one of the most beautiful women in the world. She kept hearing a little voice inside her head saying it had to be a joke of some kind. She didn’t want to believe Colin was the kind of man who’d toy with a woman like that, but it was so difficult to just accept that he was being completely truthful. She sank onto the edge of her bed as she remembered the way he’d kissed her. Could that spark of heat and hunger be faked? Surely he wasn’t that good an actor. And why would he lie, anyway? What could he possibly have to gain by it?
She felt her hands begin to tremble as she thought about him telling her he wanted to take her to his room and show her how he felt. He was saying he found her attractive, that he wanted to take her to bed. Again, she couldn’t help the disbelieving voice inside her. A dozen unpleasant memories flooded her. Too many times in the past, men had pretended to want her when they truly just wanted to get near her sister. Then in college, there had been a man she allowed herself to care about. She let herself believe she was in love with him and that he felt the same. She even shared his bed because she told herself they would be together forever. And then he met Diane. Within a week he was acting as if Claire had never existed. She covered her face with her hands. She couldn’t bear that again. She couldn’t stand to let herself care about a man only to have him drop her like trash the moment her beautiful sister walked into the room.
A new voice reminded her that Colin neither knew Diane, nor would likely meet her at any point in the future. He’d expressly said that he wasn’t interested in any kind of long-term relationship. He wouldn’t be a part of her life no matter what happened on this ship. She slowly let her hands fall into her lap. He could be hers without ever once laying eyes on her sister. The trembling in her hands started moving into the rest of her body. Everything within her rebelled at the idea of such an affair. Colin was right about her. She wasn’t the kind of woman who could share her body with a man and then just walk away as if it didn’t mean anything. But maybe that was part of her problem. Maybe what she needed was to do away with some of her inhibitions. She’d spent the past fifteen years of her life living in the shadow of her own self-imposed exile from life. Maybe it was time for her to finally stop hiding behind her fear of never measuring up to her mother and sister.
She turned her head and met her own gaze in the mirror over the dressing table a few feet away. She studied her features, struggling to be truly objective in the face of a lifetime of skewed perspective. She stood up and turned to fully face the mirror. Then she lifted the hem of her skirt and studied her legs. They were slim, yes, but not the toothpicks her sister often described them as. They weren’t without curves. She let the skirt fall again and studied her overall appearance. The clothes were too big. They hung loosely on her frame, making her look especially angular and thin, as if she’d lost weight and just not bothered to buy new clothes. Her hair might as well have been non-existent since she always kept it pulled back. It gave her face an almost gaunt look, like some dour old maid in a period film. She met her gaze once more. What would happen if she changed it all?
> Claire was picking at the salad she’d ordered for lunch when she heard a familiar laugh. Her gaze went toward the sound involuntarily, and it only took a few seconds to locate him. Her heart did an odd little flip as her eyes scanned his smiling face. Then her stomach clenched when she spotted who he was smiling at. Janine. She was standing too close to Colin’s side and cocking her head a little as she looked up at him. It was a move Claire recognized instantly. Coy, yet suggestive. She’d seen her sister do it countless times. Just behind Janine stood Garret and another woman Claire didn’t recognize. She was definitely the kind of woman who knew how to show herself off, though. Claire wondered if she’d deliberately bought a shirt that was two sizes too small or if it was supposed to fit her like a second skin.
She watched the foursome as the maître d' seated them. The two women walked in front of the men and as Claire watched them, she saw Garret lean over to say something to Colin. His gaze went to Garret’s companion, and his mouth curved up in a salacious smile. Then he turned and said something to Garret that brought an audible laugh. Claire felt her frown deepen. She had no idea what Colin had said, but every instinct she possessed suggested that it hadn’t been in good taste. There was something about the look on his face and the nature of his smile that made it appear...sleazy for lack of a better word. She didn’t expect to see that in Colin. Garret, yes, because he was the kind of man who took every woman strictly at face value. He liked attractive women and made no pretense of hiding it. He was a womanizer and apparently proud of that fact. But Colin didn’t truly seem to be the same. Or was he? Was it possible that he was every bit the womanizer Garret was, though without the openness?
She didn’t like the way that thought made her feel. She was glad when the maître d' finally seated them around a corner and out of her sight. She wasn’t sure how she’d feel about coming face to face with Colin right now. So she abandoned her salad and left the dining room, all the while trying to reconcile the behavior she’d just witnessed with the man she’d thought Colin to be. By the time dinner rolled around, she wasn’t any closer to figuring out which man was the real one. She sat in her usual place and was, as usual, ignored by everyone except Colin. His gaze locked on her the moment he came into the room, and she felt her pulse rate jump in response. His eyes stayed on her as he approached the table, and it took every ounce of strength she possessed to keep her gaze locked with his. In the end, she wasn’t the one to break the eye contact. Colin shifted his gaze off her when Janine called out to him. The smile that lit his face made Claire ache.
All through dinner, she fought to keep her eyes off him. She struggled to ignore the way Janine threw herself at him. This was what she knew his life must be like. Women would always want him. In that way Claire supposed she was exactly like the rest of the females at the table. It was the only thing she had in common with them, though. She knew she wanted Colin, but there was no way she could be so open about that desire. So she kept quiet while Colin and Janine flirted with one another. She couldn’t help the sigh of relief when Colin left the dining room without Janine on his arm, though. He and Garret were going to the casino. Claire had never been gambling in her life and still felt no interest in it, but she followed them all the same. She didn’t know what else to do. She couldn’t possibly just walk right up to him and tell him that she’d decided that having an affair was a good idea. That wasn’t the truth, anyway. She still wanted a husband and a family. That wasn’t going to change. But she also suddenly knew she didn’t want to risk waking up one day and finding herself a lonely old spinster with nothing but shattered dreams to keep her company. Having an affair with Colin would be crazy, but at least it would be something to remember.
Colin couldn’t believe she’d followed him. She was making an effort to pretend she’d come to the casino to gamble, but there was no doubt that her focus was on him. He could feel her eyes every time they sought him out. It was driving him nuts, because he could barely control the urge to watch her as well. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Garret had found another pair of bimbos to keep them company. The blonde who’d come with the brunette Garret was pawing had all sorts of annoying habits, including a laugh that could make his eardrums bleed and a pair of wandering hands that had pretty much lit on damn near every inch of his body at least once. He shifted away from her a little as he felt one of those hands light on his knee and start sliding toward his crotch. This one was going to be damn hard to ditch. She was hot to trot in a big way and clearly didn’t mind letting him know. Normally, he’d have endured her groping without feeling anything more than mildly annoyed. Knowing that Claire was witnessing it all made him anxious in all sorts of unpleasant ways. Finally he pushed away from the Blackjack table and stepped out of the blonde’s reach.
“I’m going to the john.”
The blonde gave him a seductive smile. “Want some company?”
He had to force himself to return the smile. “Not this time, sugar, but hold that thought for me, okay?”
She nodded, and he turned around, his gaze scanning the immediate area for Claire. Sure enough, she was a few yards away, pretending to watch the tumblers on the slot she’d just fed a quarter into. The slot machine pretty much blocked her from the view of the table where Garret and the two women still sat. Colin chanced a quick look back to make sure they were focused on their cards, then snagged Claire’s arm and drug her off her stool. She yelped in surprise, then tugged at her arm as he drug her around the corner.
“Hey, let me go!”
He ignored the demand as he pulled her toward the hallway that led to the restrooms. The minute he was sure they were well out of sight, he spun around and shot her a dark glare.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Claire was too shocked by the anger in his eyes to say anything for a few seconds. Then she gathered her wits enough to reply.
“Gambling.”
Colin shook his head. “Bullshit. You’re following me.”
She immediately tried to deny it as a blush crept up her neck to her face. “That’s absurd.”
“What’s absurd is you being foolish enough to pull a stunt like this. Didn’t I make myself clear this morning? I don’t want to see you anymore.”
She swallowed, then shook her head. “No, you said you didn’t want to hurt me. But you did want to take me to bed. That’s what you said, wasn’t it? Only you knew I wasn’t that kind of woman. Well, you’re wrong.”
It took a tremendous amount of willpower to make herself move after saying the words. She reached up and laid a trembling hand against his chest, then drew a deep breath and leaned forward to touch her mouth to his. He didn’t move. He didn’t appear to even breathe. She felt her confidence wavering, but refused to let it collapse so easily. She opened her mouth and ran her tongue across his lower lip. He jerked as if the act had been painful. Then he grabbed her and shoved her back against the wall an instant before opening his mouth and devouring her.
CHAPTER SIX
Claire would have gasped if she could have. There was no way she could draw breath through her mouth, though. It was full of Colin. His tongue stroked hers, his teeth nipped at her lip. His entire body was pressed tight to her length, and she could feel heat spreading outward from every place they touched. It seemed to pool low in her belly. Then he shifted his position slightly so that one of his legs slid between hers, and all the heat in her body raced to the place where she rubbed against him. She was trembling and didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was his kiss, his touch. She could feel the hard bulge at the front of his pants and couldn’t help the shiver that it caused. He really did want her.
Colin had to jerk his mouth off her just to get a deep breath. God, she tasted good. There was a hint of sweetness in her mouth from the desert she’d had after dinner. But it wasn’t just her mouth that he wanted to taste. He was aching with the need to run his tongue all over her. The skin of her neck, the hard peaks of her breasts, the soft flesh of her
belly and lower. God, how he wanted to feel her trembling while he put his mouth between her legs. At that moment he was certain he’d never wanted anything else more. Then she spoke in a voice thick with arousal and full of emotion.
“Make love to me, Colin.”
It might as well have been a bucket of ice water. Make love. That’s what she wanted. What sex would always be to her. There was no way in hell that she could give her body to a man without handing out her heart as well. And he knew he had no right to take that from her. Even if she offered it willingly, he had to refuse. But telling her no wasn’t going to cut it. She’d swallowed what little bit of pride she had to come after him tonight to tell him what she wanted. If she’d done it once, she might work up the nerve to do it again. Unless he made sure she stopped wanting him altogether. He felt his gut clench as he accepted the decision he’d made, the only decision he could make. He forced himself to pull away from her and look down into her eyes, then braced himself for the pain he knew he was going to cause her.
“Make love? Is that what you think it would be, Claire?” He shook his head. “Love has absolutely nothing to do with it. What I want from you is sex. I want it hard, fast and dirty. In fact, I’d be willing to take you right now. We don’t need a bed, you know. All you need to do is hike up that skirt of yours. We’ll go into the bathroom and I’ll fuck you up against the wall.” He dropped his gaze to her mouth. “Or maybe you’d be willing to do me with that sweet little mouth of yours. What do you say?”
Claire wouldn’t have been more shocked if he’d slapped her. It wasn’t just the vulgarity of his words. It was the way he said them and the look in his eyes. It made her feel dirty somehow. She shook her head.
“I thought you wanted me, Claire. Isn’t that why you followed me here like some pitiful little puppy?”
Her First Vacation Page 7