Her First Vacation

by Leigh, Jennie

  Decades of being in a profession where his life depended on his ability to make fast, accurate assessments of people, made it all too easy to see straight through the polish and shine on both women. Even if he didn’t know Claire, if he’d never seen the flashes of pain in her eyes when she spoke of her family, he’d have known the truth about these two. They were so self-absorbed that they cared less about the fact that he was a complete stranger than they did about establishing which one of them got to stake the first claim on him. It was no wonder Claire had been so unsure of herself. Obviously, neither one of them had made any effort at all to help her overcome her skewed self-image. More likely, they’d both contributed to it.

  Colin stiffened as Diane began to tug him toward the doorway her mother had come through only seconds before. When she lifted her gaze to him, he carefully pulled away from her. He saw the frown on her face and the confusion in her eyes. Probably no man had ever refused her before. He gave her as cool a look as he could muster, which was pretty damn cold considering his past.

  “Actually, I’m looking for Claire.”

  The surprise on Diane’s face was almost enough to make him smile. It also ticked him off even further. Damn the woman, she looked like it was beyond comprehension that any man would want Claire at all. It was her mother who spoke.

  “Claire isn’t here. Is there something we can do for you? I’m her mother, Margaret Abernathy.”

  Colin took the hand she offered, giving it a perfunctory shake before dropping it as if her touch made him sick. She noticed, as did Diane.

  “When will she be home?”

  Diane shot him a frown. “Home? But Claire doesn’t li-“

  Her mother interjected. “I’m afraid I have no idea when she’ll come in. She often gets tied up at work. Why don’t you come on in and join the party? I’m certain she’ll be home any time now.”

  He shook his head. “No, thank you.” He paused, unsure of what to do next. He wasn’t even remotely interested in spending any more time with these two than he had to. On the other hand, he wanted to be there to speak to Claire the moment she came through the door. He was still debating when Claire’s mother gave him a studiously puzzled look.

  “Forgive me for being curious, but how exactly do you know Claire. You don’t work with her at the school.”

  He shook his head. “No, I don’t. We met several months ago, while she was on vacation.”

  Both women’s brows went up. Her mother gave him a questioning look. “Really? She never mentioned meeting anyone.”

  Of course she hadn’t. She wouldn’t dare risk these two finding out that he’d seduced her then walked away without a backwards glance. No doubt they’d greatly enjoy throwing it into her face. His dislike of the pair climbed another notch. Colin shrugged again and lied with well-practiced skill. “There was no reason for her to mention me. We met in a rather official capacity. At the time, I was one of the agents involved in the case she got tied up in.”

  He knew the moment he’d spoken that they had no clue what he was talking about. Diane shot him a frown. “Case? What are you talking about?”

  He shot her an incredulous look. “Garret Palmer?”

  He could see that neither woman recognized the name. Claire hadn’t told them anything. Not even about how close she’d come to getting killed.

  “You did know she was in the hospital at the end of the cruise, right?”

  Diane nodded. “She hit her head.” Her expression turned mocking. “Claire never did have any real grace.”

  He felt his fury threaten to bubble over. Diane must have seen it because she took a quick step back. He fixed her and her mother with a baleful glare.

  “You two really are something. No wonder Claire spent half her life thinking she wasn’t good enough. With two heartless vipers like you constantly telling her she didn’t measure up, it’s a wonder she didn’t wind up crazy or suicidal.”

  Margaret gave him an imperious look. “I beg your pardon!”

  He shot her a look that he knew would keep her quiet. “It’s Claire’s pardon you need to be begging. For your information, she was instrumental in bringing down Garret Palmer and, ultimately, the organization he was connected with. Think very hard and I’m certain you can remember the case I’m speaking of. It got national attention as one of the largest illegal drugs and arms busts in history. A major source of drugs coming into the States and guns going out was shut down thanks to Claire. And she did not simply bump her head. She was damn near killed by Garret Palmer when he finally realized he’d been caught.”

  Margaret and Diane Abernathy were staring at him as if he’d lost his mind. He didn’t care. It infuriated him to no end that they had so casually ignored Claire’s brush with death. Garret would have killed her if Colin hadn’t stopped him. And Colin never would have had a chance to take that shot if Claire hadn’t had the courage to duck out of the way. He shook his head as a feeling of disgust rushed over him.

  “I can’t believe Claire is related to you. It doesn’t seem possible that such a warm, intelligent, caring woman could share any genes with a pair of self-involved social wasps like the two of you. In my entire life, I’ve never known anyone with the kind of courage and strength that Claire possesses.” He locked his gaze on Diane. “As for her grace, she is without a doubt the most gracefully beautiful woman I’ve ever had the good fortune to meet. And if I wasn’t such a damned fool, I’d have told her so five months ago.”

  He saw Diane’s gaze shift to something over his shoulder, and he spun around to see Claire standing just inside the door. He hadn’t heard it open, hadn’t even felt the cold rush of air that came swirling in around her. Peripherally, he saw the dress she wore and the heels and the cascade of her hair as it curled around her face and shoulders. He felt his breath still in his chest as her beauty washed over him. But his eyes were locked onto her startled gray gaze. He saw the surprise in her eyes, the shock at finding him standing in the middle of her foyer, giving her mother and sister a dressing down he had no right to give. He saw the flash of pain in her eyes, the raw hunger she hid almost as quickly as it had appeared. Then he saw her gaze go carefully blank, and it cut him far worse than any knife. She stiffened her spine a moment before turning on her heel and walking right back out the door. Colin didn’t even wait for the door to close before he went after her.

  “Claire!”

  She ignored him. She had to ignore him. She had to ignore the words she’d heard him say to her mother and sister. The beautiful, angry words he’d used to tell them just how much he despised them for what they’d done to her. He understood. All of it. Somehow, he’d figured it all out, and he’d defended her like some avenging angel. She felt tears gathering in her eyes as she ran for her car. Damn him, why hadn’t he just stayed away? Why did he have to come back now and make her believe her dreams might be possible after all?

  Colin caught her long before she made it to her car. He spun her around and gripped her arms so she couldn’t escape him.

  “God, Claire, I’m sorry. Sorry for walking away from you five months ago. Sorry for making a scene in your home. Sorry for not making sure Garret never got anywhere near you.”

  She shook her head. “Let me go, Colin. I don’t want to hear this.”

  “I don’t care if you want to hear it or not, you’re going to. More than anything, though, I’m sorry for not telling you how much I loved you. I think it started that first morning we talked up on deck. The morning I told you it was too beautiful to be sad. The moment you smiled at me I felt something inside me shatter, and I’ve been scrambling to pick up the pieces ever since.”

  She was crying fully now. Almost sobbing. But she’d stopped fighting him. Colin let go of her arms and wrapped his hands around her face. He slid his fingers into her hair, feeling an electric jolt of pure need as he remembered the feel of her hair fanned out across his body. He forced her to look up and meet his gaze.

  “I’ve been a jackass, Claire. I k
now that. Believe me, I know exactly how flawed I am. But I also know that I love you, and that’s not something I’ve ever felt for any other woman. I need you. I want you with every breath I take. I ache for you even in my sleep. I want to spend my life by your side. I want to give you babies. Our babies. I want to give you everything you deserve and more. Please. Tell me you’ll let me try. Just give me a chance to love you.”

  Claire could feel her heart breaking again. She wanted to believe him. She wanted it more than her next breath. But he’d lied before. He’d made her believe him when he’d joined their bodies. He’d made her feel like it was so much more than sex. And he’d done it all while lying about who and what he was. She couldn’t stop the tears, or the trembling. She couldn’t pretend that his presence didn’t disturb her profoundly. She could, however, choose not to surrender to her own weakness. She reached out and gathered the tattered edges of her composure, pulling it tight around her like a shroud. She forced herself to meet his gaze, to hold it as she shook her head.

  “I can’t, Colin. I...won’t. You’re far too good at making me believe the lies. It would destroy me completely to believe you now, only to find out I’d been fooled again.”

  She started to pull away, but he cupped his hand around the back of her head, refusing to let her go. “I know I hurt you. I’ve been kicking myself every minute of every day since. But I never, ever lied to you in your bedroom. What we shared there was utterly real. If you look at it closely, you’ll know I’m telling the truth. What happened between us that night was pure magic. I’ve never given that much of myself to anyone, and I know you haven’t either. If I live to be a hundred, I know I’ll never feel that kind of connection with anyone else. Don’t just throw that all away.”

  She laughed then, a harsh, bitter laugh that twisted the knife in his gut a little more. “You’re talking about sex, Colin. You said it yourself. That’s all it ever was, all it could ever be. How far do you think we’d go on that alone? A month, a year? How long before you got bored with me? Before you started noticing how beautiful Diane is and decided she’d be more entertaining?”

  He got it then. The man who’d taken Claire’s innocence had also broken her trust. He’d used her, then dumped her for her sister. He again fought the urge to track the bastard down and beat the hell out of him. But then he’d have to beat himself as well, wouldn’t he? Because he’d hurt Claire at least as much as her former lover. Maybe he’d even hurt her more. He shook his head.

  “I wouldn’t touch your bitch of a sister if she was the last woman on Earth.”

  That got her attention. She blinked up at him in shock, and he nodded. “That’s right. I said bitch. And cold and soulless and practiced and predatory. She’s a barracuda, and I’m not even remotely interested in being her midnight snack. You are the woman I want, the woman who’s haunted my dreams for five long months. Five months of cold showers and almost no real sleep. Which meant I had plenty of time to go over my mistakes and see just how profound a mess I’d made of things. Believe me, I know how badly I screwed up. And I won’t try to make excuses for my stupidity, except to say that I convinced myself you’d be better off without me. I’m not an easy man to live with. I’ve got a past. An ugly one. I’ve made a career out of lying and more than once along the way, I’ve crossed lines that I know I shouldn’t have. That night in your room, I came there to hurt you. I meant to embarrass you so badly that you’d stay the hell away from me and Garret Palmer. I thought I could protect you that way. From him. From myself, even. But I was the one who wound up being seduced. By your bravery and your innocence and your damned see-through lingerie. The moment you stood before me and gave me what I thought you couldn’t, I knew I was lost. And from that point on, everything that happened, every word, every touch, was from my heart and soul. I love you, Claire. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. Whatever it takes, whatever you ask, I’ll do it. I’m begging you, for God’s sake. You’ve got to know that isn’t something I’d do lightly.”

  Claire forced herself to shake her head. “That’s just the problem. I don’t know you. I don’t know how to tell the lies from the truth.”

  “I’ll never lie to you again. Not directly or by omission or even by implication. I swear to you that for as long as I live, you’ll never get anything but the truth from me. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, most of which I don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of correcting. I’ve learned to live with them, though, to accept the consequences of my own choices and actions. Letting you go was the one mistake I couldn’t accept.” He reached down and caught her hand, bringing it up and pressing it to his chest. “My heart and soul are yours. They have been since that night in your room. We belong to each other, and no matter how much you try to fight it, that fact won’t change. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel it, too. Tell me you don’t love me so much it hurts and I’ll walk away for good.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Claire opened her mouth, fully intending to give him what he’d asked for. But the words wouldn’t come. No amount of mental insistence forced a sound from her throat. She couldn’t lie to him. She couldn’t look into his face, especially while they were touching the way they were, and pretend she didn’t love him with every fiber of her being. She felt the wall she’d been struggling to erect around her crumble. Fresh tears poured from her eyes as she finally shook her head in defeat. She expected him to smile, maybe even to gloat a little. Instead, he released a shaky sigh she hadn’t even realized he was holding. She felt his hand at the back of her neck flex and she let him pull her forward. She expected a kiss. A claiming. He’d won his prize, after all. Instead, he cradled her against his chest, wrapping his arms around her with a gentleness that she couldn’t have anticipated. Her head rested against his shoulder. He stroked her hair with his hand.

  “I’ll never betray you again, Claire. I’ll never give you reason to regret loving me.”

  She might have gone right on believing he was simply telling her what she wanted to hear if it hadn’t been for the tremor she heard in his voice. It was slight, barely perceptible, but she knew she’d heard it. She pulled away from him, lifting her gaze to his. The shock of what she saw there took her breath away. There were tears in his eyes. Real tears. And a joy unlike anything she’d ever seen in another person. She felt something inside her leap with hope. The pain tried to beat it back, to warn her not to trust her eyes or her heart. But it was impossible to contain the surge of emotion. She lifted a hand to touch his face, then pulled away and focused on the moisture on her finger. He spoke, sounding gruff and more than a little uncomfortable.

  “I’m not exactly the weepy type. Not usually, anyway.”

  Claire continued to stare at the moisture on her finger until her own vision began to blur so badly that she could no longer focus. His tears were real. The tremor in his voice, in his hands as they held her, was real. The emotion behind his words was real. She closed her eyes as it all finally got through to her. He was being honest with her. Maybe, in his own way, he’d been honest with her all along. From the very beginning she’d felt like he was battling himself when they were together. As if he was trying to hold something back, to keep their relationship on a strictly casual plane. He’d as much as admitted that to her. He’d told her he was fighting his attraction to her and even in that casino hallway, he’d tried to warn her that he wasn’t the kind of man who made any sort of commitment. But he had committed himself to her. The night he came to her bed, he’d given her himself. She felt his hand touch her face.

  “Are you okay?”

  She lifted her eyelids and focused on him. Her heart swelled so much she thought it would burst. She loved him. She knew she did. She’d simply tried to convince herself that it didn’t matter. And now, she knew it mattered more than anything else ever would. She felt a smile come to her lips.

  “I’m better than okay. You’re here. You love me. That’s the answer to more prayers than you could imagin
e.”

  Colin felt the last of the fear leave his body. He’d been terrified, he realized, that she’d refuse to listen to him. That all his words and professions of love would not be enough to overcome the pain he’d caused her. Even when he’d won the battle of forcing her to admit she loved him, he’d feared it wouldn’t be enough. But now, he saw the truth in her eyes. She believed him. More awesome, though, she forgave him. He couldn’t help the swell of pride he felt. She was the most incredible woman he’d ever known, and she was his. He bent his head then, finally surrendering to the desperate need that had been clawing at his gut for the past five months.

  Claire took his kiss, his heart, his soul. Standing in the middle of her mother’s driveway, with snow falling all around them, she knew they were doing far more than sharing a physical need to touch and taste each other. This was a claiming...for both of them. Claire knew her mother and sister watched. They’d have witnessed the entire exchange between her and Colin. They might not have heard the words that were said, but there was no way they could mistake the intensity of the emotions involved. Nor, she knew, would either of them be able to doubt the fact that finally, someone in their lives had chosen her over them. Openly, blatantly, without the slightest shadow of doubt. Colin had made his feelings known as only he could. And he’d done it honestly. God, how she loved him.

  Colin finally broke the kiss because he was a heartbeat away from pushing her back up against the nearest car and encouraging her to hike up her dress and wrap her long legs around him. While the idea did have tremendous appeal, he had enough presence of mind to realize that this was hardly the place for it. The snow was steadily picking up in intensity. It covered everything in a soft blanket now, and by morning, if the forecasters were even close to being right, there would be enough of the stuff to make travel unwise, if not impossible. As if that wasn’t enough reason to bank the desire burning him up from the inside out, the feeling of eyes on his back reminded him that they had an audience. He might be a lot of things, but an exhibitionist wasn’t one of them. He slid his hand down Claire’s arm to twine his fingers with hers.