A Soldier's Roots (Roots series Book 2)

by Tessa Elaine

  “Hey babe, Lucas is yelling for me. I will see you tonight, princess, have a good day.” He breaks me from my thoughts.

  “You too,” I say before we hang up.

  Then I am back to the endless what if’s that keep playing over and over in my head. Waiting for the day to be over so I can go back to the safety of his arms, the place that makes me forget about all the hard stuff to come.

  Chapter 15

  Wyatt

  Working alongside Lucas today and not saying what needed to be said was killing me. I thought I had it all figured out, what I would say, and the fight I was ready to put up if he objected. But the second I saw him, I bit my tongue and held it all inside. I’m not a pussy and I sure as hell am not afraid of my best friend. It’s just the second this all comes out, I could lose everything.

  Not just Sarah but my best friend, or even the Wayne family.

  If Sarah’s family knows I’m not good enough, they will do everything they can to protect her. I don’t blame them. I know she deserves better than me, I’m just too fucking selfish to let anyone else have her. The hell with another man touching what’s mine, I'm about to lose my fucking mind just thinking about it.

  I know the second I suggested that we wait to tell everyone I fucked up again. This isn’t the first time and it sure as hell won't be the last. I’m a walking disaster when it comes to relationships. I could hear the disappointment in her voice, and the last thing I ever want to do is disappoint Sarah.

  Last night had been great. We had dinner and just enjoyed being with each other. My dick throbbed in my jeans all night, but I don’t want to push her. She snuggled up close to me when we went to bed, and it took every ounce of self-restraint I had not to bury myself inside her.

  The tension was thick this morning. I could feel it pulsing between us like a live current of electricity. Then it sizzled out as soon as she saw the blankets on her couch. I didn’t sleep I just need to make sure I didn't accidentally doze off with her in my arms last night. I want to tell her it won't always be like this. But I don’t want to start making promises I can’t keep.

  I can see all the questions in her eyes when she looks at me. I want to open up to her, I want to tell her everything, but, how can I? I’m already being selfish just by asking to be a part of her life. What would it say about me if I put all my burdens on her shoulders? Let her carry my pain with her every day like a coward. Just so I don’t feel alone. That takes a selfish asshole to a whole other level.

  I can’t do that to my princess. She is so bright that when she walks into a room, she lights it up. I can’t smother that light with all my darkness.

  I feel myself spiraling out of control as I start to second guess my own happiness. Am I allowed to be happy? It’s not fair to those that died that I survived when I should be six feet under with the rest of my friends. I should not get a happy ending, not when their families are living without them, or when their kids are growing up missing their father.

  What makes me any better than anyone of them? Why did I survive while they are in the ground? I still can’t wrap my head around that day. It all happened so fast. One minute we are on a quick in and out mission and the next I’m lying in the blood of my friends. Ears ringing, head spinning, pain surrounding my body. People yelling and gunfire all around my head but it sounded like I was underwater.

  I close my eyes as everything plays out in front of me. I see my friends all over the ground, so destroyed I can’t tell who is who. My stomach bottoms out. You know that feeling when you hit turbulence on a plane, and it drops from the sky for a second. That instant feeling of free falling. That’s how I felt right now.

  I double over in front of my truck hanging on to the grill, trying not to face plant. I hear someone approach me from behind, and I stand spinning on my heels so fast I fall back into my truck. Fuck!

  “Wyatt, man are you okay?” I can hear Lucas, but my eyes won't focus. I try shaking my head to clear the fog, but it just gets worse.

  I’m burning up, and my heart is racing so fast it might beat right out of my chest.

  “Wyatt, you need to breathe man. Breathe.” Lucas’s voice is ringing in my ears, and I try to hold on to that. “In and out, man. Slow, deep breaths. You got this.”

  I lean down and put my head between my legs, taking slow, deep breaths. When my mind starts to clear a cold sensation washes slightly over my body. My legs start to shake, and I think I’m going to pass out. This pisses me off, every fucking time it happens. I fucking hate not being in control. My anger takes over, and I punch my truck. The pain that shoots up my arm is welcome and takes my mind off everything else. Like my best friend watching me fall apart.

  I feel Lucas wrap an arm around me and start to walk me to his truck.

  “You know for a tough guy you sure do get emotional easy.” Lucas tries to lighten the mood with a joke.

  “That doesn’t mean I won’t whoop that ass for calling me a sissy.” I hide the smile on my face.

  “That’s not what I said.” He laughs.

  “That’s what I heard.” I pull on the door handle, and my hand hurts so fucking bad I can’t grip it. Fuckin’ great it’s probably broke.

  “Well, you should get your ears checked because that hands not the only thing that's broke.” Lucas opens the door for me.

  “Your face is broke,” I shoot back as I slide into the truck.

  “That’s dumb,” he says as he shuts the door.

  Lucas drives me home, and I’ll admit I’m in no condition to drive. I haven’t had any sleep in weeks, and with this hitting me today my body is crashing hard. I feel like I’m slowly dying. I’m in and out, not able to hold my eyes open.

  My door opens, and I see Lucas looking at me with pity in his eyes, and he needs to knock that shit off right fucking now. I don’t need anyone's goddamn pity.

  “Don’t fucking look at me like that.” I shove his hand away stumbling from the truck.

  Lucas lets me walk into my cabin only calling after me to get some rest. I flip him the bird and slam the door behind me. I make it to my bed before I fall face first on it and don’t remember anything except the headache that is killing me. Then I’m out.

  I heard a banging in the distance and grown at the pounding in my head. Fuck, I feel like I drank myself to death and this is the world's worst hangover. Hearing the banging again I realize it's my front door. I’m lying in my bed face down, so I just turn my head to the side to see the time. I know it's dark because my room is pitch black.

  Fuck, it’s midnight. Who the hell could be at my house at midnight?

  Climbing out of bed, still a little dizzy, my mouth feels like I swallowed the desert. Rubbing my eyes, I swing the front door open.

  “What?” I growl at the person on the other side.

  “Wyatt?” Shit. It’s Sarah. I didn’t even look to see who it was before I snapped at her.

  “Fuck, babe. I’m sorry.” I can barely talk, so I leave the front door open and walk to the kitchen. Needing a drink of water and some aspirin.

  After downing two glasses of water and taking something for this fucking pounding headache, I turn to see Sarah standing by the door.

  “What are you doing here this late?” I asked walking to the couch and falling on to it. I cover my face with my arm to keep the light out of my eyes.

  “I just came by to make sure you were okay,” she says in a small voice. “You didn’t show up for dinner, and when you didn’t answer your phone…”

  “Fuck!” I yell. How did I lose a whole day and forget about having dinner with Sarah?

  It’s bad enough that I can’t control moments of my day, but now it’s taking away whole days from me. Draining me to the point of almost coma status.

  I hear Sarah shuffle from foot to foot and I can only imagine what she’s thinking seeing me like this. What a fucking loser. That’s what I would be thinking.

  “Are you okay, Wyatt?” She sounds closer, so I open one eye and see her w
orried look.

  “I’m fine,” I snap at her. I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me, especially not her. She shouldn’t have to see me like this.

  “You don’t look fine. Do you want to talk?” She sounds unsure as she approaches me.

  “Sarah, really I’m fine. I just needed some sleep. Look, I’m sorry I missed dinner, but you can go home, I will call you tomorrow.”

  I hear her frustrated sigh and move my arm to get a better look. Damn, she looks fierce, and I realize I can’t control her anymore then I can control the weather.

  “You are such a stubborn… jerk face, Wyatt Cruz.” She stomps over to where I’m sitting.

  “Did you almost say a bad word, Sarah?” I ask smiling at her.

  It’s really cute that she never cusses, but I would love to be the one that makes Sarah snap. And not just with the curse words, I would love to see her let go and have some fun, lose herself in the moment.

  Sarah has always been so composed, always in control of her emotions. Never losing her head, never letting others get the best of her. I envy that about her. She has always known who she is and has never let anyone change her or tell her how she should live her life.

  “Don’t patronize me, Wyatt. Just because I don’t react to every situation like a caveman, does not mean I don’t feel things.” She shakes her head and levels me with a look I know all too well.

  She is about to let me have it.

  “Are you ever going to let anyone in?” Her sigh has me sitting up straight. I don’t think I can focus enough to have this conversation.

  I can’t even look her in the eyes.

  “My dark places are for no one but me Sarah.” My anger over the situation I’m in has me acting like a fucking asshole. “Maybe you should just forget about us and find some sappy asshole that is willing to sit around and spill all his feeling out while you paint each other's nails and watch a chick flick. Because I’m not that guy.” I’m almost yelling when I’m done, and Sarah looks like she wants to kick me in the balls.

  “No, Wyatt, you’re the guy that pushes everyone away because you think suffering in silence makes you a man somehow.” She doesn’t know the first thing about my suffering.

  “Sarah, I was broken from a young age. Life is only good to those that deserve it, and I’m not one of those people.”

  “Oh my God, Wyatt. Get over yourself. You are not the only one that has had it hard. When life gives you something good, you don’t question it and tear it apart until there is nothing left. You hang on to it and be thankful for all the good moments.”

  “I’m not one of your students, Sarah; I don’t need your counseling.” I huff a breath and stand from my seat on the couch, ready to ends this and go back to bed.

  “You are such an asshole!” she screams.

  Chapter 16

  Sarah

  Did that just come out of my mouth? I work so hard to not sound like a Neanderthal. I don’t like cussing, and it’s not that I think others shouldn’t do it. It just always leaves a bad taste in my mouth. But I’m on a roll, and the shock on Wyatt's face pushes me past the point of caring.

  “When are you going to do something for yourself?” I ask him.

  “I don’t deserve anything for myself.” He looks down at the floor and my heart breaks. He looks so lost I just want to fix everything for him, but he’s the only one that can fix this. He has to let go and forgive himself for whatever is eating at him.

  I know a little of how he got hurt and what had happened over there, but that was only from listing to my dad and Lucas talk. Wyatt doesn’t talk about anything from before he came home, ever.

  “How can you go through life letting the happy moments slip through your fingers?”

  I want to be one of those happy places in his life, but he keeps pushing me away. One minute he’s asking me to give us a chance and the next he’s throwing me out on my butt. I don’t know what to do anymore and I’m starting to ask myself is it worth the heartache I’m already feeling.

  We had only just started this, and he is already making it hard to hang on to hope. I keep telling myself to be patient and this thing between us is worth it, but then he looks at me with such defeat in his eyes, and I know he's already giving up on us. Giving up on himself.

  “You asked me to give us a chance, Wyatt. You begged me to let you in, and the second I do you throw your walls up,” I whisper because I’m on the verge of tears. Feeling my own defeat.

  “Don’t you get it, Sarah? Every time you walk into a room, it lights up.” He’s facing me now, and all I see in his eyes is fear. “I don’t want to bring my darkness into that; I don’t want to snuff out your light, princess.” His shoulders sag, like he said his peace and it’s done, but I’m not done, not even close.

  “What if I light up your darkness? What if I can help you see in the dark, Wyatt?” I take slow steps to him until I can reach out and touch his hand.

  Wyatt is looking down at where I’m rubbing circles on his palm with my thumb. Trying to get him to feel what I’m feeling. That uncontrollable spiral that leaves you breathless and dizzy from so much love it hurts. That’s the way he makes me feel.

  “Don’t we deserve that chance? You might not think so Wyatt, but you do deserve to be loved and to feel that light in your life.” I step closer running my hand up his arm, squeezing his bicep. I feel a shiver running through his body, and I know in that second, he feels everything I do.

  “Lose yourself in me, Wyatt, I’m yours, I always have been.”

  A loud groan tears through the air and before I know it Wyatt has me pinned to the wall, only a breath away from my lips. I feel the warm air from his rapid breathing, the rise and fall of his hard chest pressed to mine. He’s on the edge of losing control, and I want him to lose it with me.

  No more holding back, no hiding and being scared I’m going to get hurt. That is always going to be a possibility. I just have to have faith that we will work through it and Wyatt is worth everything it takes to make a relationship work.

  I won’t give up on him. I won't give up on us. If lasting relationships were easy everyone would have one. I love Wyatt, and it’s time he sees that love and embraces it.

  Wyatt runs his hands down my side cupping my backside.

  “Sarah.” He groans, pressing me harder to the wall. I love feeling the weight of him on top of me, and I don’t want him to stop.

  “Wyatt, please.” I’m begging him to take me, and I know he can see it all over my face. Every inch of my body is screaming for him to take me.

  “Tell me, princess. Say those dirty words just for my ears.” I moan and want so badly to give him what he wants.

  “You’re mine, Sarah, and no one else will ever hear you like this. Tell me, baby, say something filthy.” I whimper as heat runs through my body, so hot I think I could incinerate us both.

  “Yes, I’m yours, Wyatt. Fuck me, please.” I can’t believe those words came from my mouth.

  Wyatt closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When they open back up, his pupils are dilated and what I see has me mesmerized. Love, desire, need, and it’s all for me.

  His mouth descends on mine, devouring me, destroying my ability to think straight, absorbing every moan that leaves my lips. This kiss sends a straight shot to my sex. I want him inside of me. I need the hard length that is pressed to my thigh.

  The ache in my core is all too real, and Wyatt is the only one that can satisfy it.

  My lips are puffy and bruised when he pulls away, and I’m loving every second of it.

  Pressing a single finger into his hard pec, Wyatt takes a reluctant step back. I give him my best seductive smile because let's face it I have no idea what I’m doing. I slide my hand in his and start walking down the hall. I am not sure where his room is so when I make an educated guess, I am rewarded with the right room.

  Wyatt has a large bed that looks like it's made from the same wood as the furniture in his living room and kitchen. It's beau
tiful and probably the biggest bed I have ever seen. I turn facing him and lead him over to it, trying to be sexy.

  Stopping when my knees hit the mattress, I run my hands down his hard body. All I have been able to think about since this morning is Wyatt naked. I start to lift his shirt, but his hands grab my wrist.

  In just a quick second his expression changes, I have never seen Wyatt look this vulnerable, ever.

  “Wyatt, I love every inch of you. Please, let me love you.” He was looking down at our hands but as soon as the L word leaves my lips his eyes fly to mine.

  I didn’t even think about it before I said it, I didn’t have to. I have loved Wyatt as long as I can remember, and I do want him to let me love him. I just hope I didn’t scare him with throwing that out there too soon.

  “Sarah,” he says pressing his forehead to mine. “Say it again.”

  A smile pulls at my lips, and I sigh at the thought of telling him what he means to me. I will tell him all day, every day if that’s what he wants.

  “I love you,” I whisper, pressing my lips to his.

  “I love you,” I say again, raising the shirt over his head.

  “I love you,” I say kissing down his left side at the raised scars that cover him.

  “I love you,” I say then sink my teeth into his hip.

  I hear Wyatt growl above me and hide my smile of satisfaction at having this effect on him. It is such a heady feeling to bring a man like Wyatt to this kind of pleasure. There are no thoughts, just incoherent words, and unintelligible sounds.

  “I feel like a needy chick with how much I love hearing you say that over and over,” he whispers, sliding his hands in my hair.

  I’m on a high like nothing I have ever felt before. Seeing the hard line of his shaft in his jeans, hearing him moan my name with every touch, it makes me feel sexy and in control. Feeling brave for a woman that has never seen a penis in real life, I start to unbutton his jeans.

  When his jeans hit the floor, he carefully steps out using the nightstand to his left. I help him pull the jeans over his prosthetic. My eyes are locked on the large swollen head of his cock jerking in front of my face. I lick my lips when a small drop of cum leaks from the tip. God, the musky, manly smell that is all him has me so wet I’m sure my panties are ruined.