My Black Hole Heart (Colour #3)

by A. Giannoccaro

  My secretary left after I let her fuck me, she was obviously too delicate to work for me anyway. The new one is better at her job, all of it. She’s better looking and more to my tastes, since I decided that there was no way to woo Avery I gave up and set my more forceful plan in motion so now I’m free to fuck the staff and anyone I want to really. I will have everything I want soon enough. I just have to convince her we had a one night stand and get her pregnant. I just hope we don’t need to try more than once because my time is running out faster than I anticipated. I don’t get it people have unwanted babies all the time and I am having no luck getting near her pants never mind getting her knocked up.

  She has to be the most confusing human I have ever come across in all my days, at first I thought I would just tell her the plan and it would work but she loathes me, the open hostility may be gone but I can tell that she seethes with hate for me. I have come into her world and stolen her inheritance from her and it is hurting her. I secretly love the fact that it is, this was never her kingdom to rule she is not family no matter what my sad sick brother believed. I do, however understand that our child will be the purest form of monster ever born and that excites me, the possibilities for the future are endless. Callum’s genius knew no boundaries and I have to admire that. He did underestimate the level of derangement that is Avery, I have been alerted to her latest extra-curricular activities and I have to say I’m impressed at how many bodies she is stacking up. The fascination lies in who she is killing, they are not even paying jobs some of them. She is acting as some sort of saviour for the wounded souls. She is becoming weak, soft and allowing emotion to affect her—she’s going to get caught.

  “What do you want, Baldini?” I answer the man’s tenth call of the day.

  “You know what I want you fool.” He barks at me over the phone and I do know exactly what he wants. Revenge, he isn’t done yet. Their family has no clue when to be done.

  “I’m not done getting what I need from her. We discussed this.”

  “My patience won’t last forever, I’m an old man and I would like to get this done before I die, boy.” I made a deal with him, I give Avery in exchange and he leaves my family out of his vendetta. Now he is like a rabid dog with a bone. When he calls me ‘boy’ my blood pressure goes through the fucking roof and I’m reminded of my brother as I was abandoned at boarding school. “Just behave boy, until I need you, your job is to behave.” I think he had this plan in his head even then.

  He knew he would need me. I was needed, yet my whole life I had felt useless and pushed aside. I wasn’t, he was just waiting for the right time, I am the one, the chosen one to make everything right again.

  SOMETIMES IN OUR LIVES we don’t have the faintest idea what to expect, I didn’t expect what I saw when I collected Avery from her room at the hotel on the evening of the presidents dinner. She was wearing a gown that exposed her chest and back, the black fabric highlights the vivid colours that adorn her milky white skin. The one side of her body is completely covered in tattoos, the side with her father’s blue eye, the other side is white and pure—the opposite of her heart. The beauty of the monster before me is truly breath taking and when she takes the hand I offer her, I could easily fall prey to her seduction. I see how it was easy for her to kill so many men, they never stood a chance against that. My eyes take in every inch of her, usually she’s covered and none of this exposed to anyone, I feel like she inviting me in just a little bit.

  “You are so beautiful, Avery.” I manage to let the words out softly in a whisper as she takes step towards me, her hand in mine. She is the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen.

  “Looks can be very deceiving, Harm, but thank you.” The villainous tone in her voice alerts me to just how difficult this might be, but I will do it by force if that’s what it takes. Tonight I am putting a baby inside her, the future of crime families and the legacy my brother wanted so badly. We walk to the lift at the end of the corridor, my eyes catch the room where things are set up for after the event and my eyes linger on the number for a second. The doors close in front of us and for a few minutes as we descend, it is just me and her. We’re looking back at ourselves in the mirror and I can see us in an alternate reality where we are the power couple in that image. The business man and the murderess, for a few minutes I think about what it would be like if I cared enough for one person to spend my life with them. To share my demons and fears instead I carry them alone. We look so normal in that reflection, a couple of young people off to a party in their finest clothes, but as she said looks are so deceiving. We are enemies beneath the surface.

  I move so that I am standing a little closer to her and she moves her had to loop around my elbow, her shoulder brushes against mine and I feel the static electric shock of human contact. It makes me want to hold onto her, but I’m afraid to scare her and blow everything that is supposed to happen tonight, instead I bring my other hand up and brush her fingers slightly, she stiffens and her breathing changes so I stop right away. Something I notice now in this confined space is the absence of any jewellery, nothing adorns her except art. A woman like her has access to the finest diamonds on earth yet I have never seen her wearing a single one.

  “No diamonds, or eccentric jewels to make the others jealous?” I look into her eyes but in the mirror as I ask her.

  “Diamonds are filthy things.” She answers with a sinister sneer on her face. “I would rather go naked than wear jewellery.” Wow, note to self, don’t bother buying her anything pretty.

  “Hmm, you don’t need them anyway.” I remind myself to be nice and not let her see me judging her choices. I have embraced their way of doing things here the corrupt underhanded dealings, the disregard for the lives of anyone that isn’t themselves so her choice surprises me. Cold blooded killing machine with a conscience. That thing I have always lacked, the ability to be sorry about my actions. I have never felt a connection or empathy to anyone, not just after my family were all killed, long before that I was an empty shell of a human. I see things differently, cleanly, without the tarnished emotion that others add to life. The doors open twelve floors down from where we got in, the ballroom is decorated in bold colours and gold everywhere. The guest list is a who’s who of corruption and crime with a shiny exterior of business and the man in charge is here to announce his tenth wife. Politics is all about money and who has it. Money and power are two things I understand, unlike feelings and emotion.

  “Can I get us a drink?” I ask her as we weave our way through the crowded room greeting adversaries, subsidiaries and partners along the way.

  “Yes please, just water for me.” No whiskey, no wine. Shit, I had hoped she would get a little drink in her. “You can cut all the crap, Harmon,” she whispers. “My spies are better than yours.” Sliding a hand down my chest and stepping into my personal space she has the devil in her eyes. “If we are going to make a baby, you should really start treating me like you want to be with me. I will give you what you need Harmon and then I’m out.” This all seems too easy and I’m not sure how to react. When she leans right up against me and whispers, “This is where you pretend to have a heart and kiss me, you fucking idiot.People are watching us. We need to look like the power couple you want them to believe in.” Fuck me she’s good. I lean in and kiss her, I don’t like kissing it’s so personal, but when she kisses me back I forget my aversion to it and pull her into me. Avery tastes like everything I want.

  The night passes with formalities, speeches, business talk and all I can think of is her and that kiss. I feel like I just sold my soul, she is so much better at this than I am. The people know her and love her, she’s elegant and they all fall for her seductive ways. As the evening begins to wind down, the dance floor is opened and she gives me a death glare that tells me I better be a gentleman and ask her to dance. As I get up to do just that Baldini walks right up to her, they air kiss like old friends and she lights up with a smile as they greet each other. Before I can get to them h
e has whisked her away and she’s dancing with the old man. How does she even know him, what is going on? I feel like I’m missing a giant piece of a puzzle. When Avery returns to the table, I’m quick to take her hand and lead her back to the dance floor, she melts against me as the music seems to possess her body. My school ballroom lessons didn’t prepare me for this and my body betrays me, I feel clumsy. Her perfume is seeping into my senses as we move across the polished wood floor, her dress ensures that no matter where I put my hands I am met with her soft skin.

  “Are you ready to go upstairs, Harmon?” she asks into my neck as her fingers rake down the back of my tuxedo jacket.

  “Are you going to kill me?” I have to ask, given her history.

  “You and I both know that no one wins if either of us die before there is an heir to this blood stained throne, so no Harmon, I’m not going to kill you. I’m going to fuck you so we can get this over with.” My mouth has gone dry and I’m sure I have been drugged, this is not the woman who has done nothing but avoid and hate me for almost a year.

  “Let’s go upstairs then.” I smile as the words and reality come out of my mouth.

  Even the moon has a dark side.

  AMYA SURPRISED ME when we met after I found out the ugly truth of what was the design for my future. She was efficient and had a lawyer there to look it over within hours, it turns out, I’m pretty much screwed until Harmon’s grace period runs out. If he dies before then or vice versa, the company becomes Amya’s. She wants no part of it and the thing about a crime conglomerate is you can’t just sell it. But the lady is resourceful, she had a plan in place after only a few weeks, I didn’t like that the plan included me having a relationship with Harmon and that I would have to have sex with him. The thought alone made me gag a little. The man is beautiful to look at, but he is just that and nothing more. After a little extra digging, I found out what he had planned, the idiot, and I decided to turn the tables on the imposter. After making sure with Owen that there was absolutely no chance of getting pregnant at all the plan was now in place, I would let Harmon know that I know, I would play the part, pretend that I agree and start a relationship with him. The power couple that the media and world needed to see. The company had taken a knock after Callum’s death and this would bring us into the public eye in a good way. I have met the man who killed my father and wants my head on a golden platter, we have a truce, but things need to get better or it won’t be worth his while. I will entertain Harmon until the deadline passes at which time Amya and I will sign the whole business over to him. I’ll go back to my wine farm and she will disappear off the face of the earth again. Owen will play the part of fertility doctor and ‘try’ everything imaginable. I’m two steps ahead of Harmon and he’s going to be very sorry he crossed me, the deceitful little prick.

  On the night we are set to put the plan into motion, I have a minute where I feel the world is going to swallow me up and I will never come back from this. In that moment, I call Mathew and leave another message on his voicemail.

  “I miss you, I’m about to break so many rules and it hurts without you. I have to fix this, I know you’ll understand that. I need to feel like I’m more than just a black hole. God, Mathew. I’m going to bed with the fucking enemy tonight and all I can think of is that I wish it was you.”

  Watching Harmon’s reactions as the night unfolds is priceless, it’s better than any TV show I have ever seen, the shock and confusion is worth every minute that I am going to have to suffer in his presence. The little weasel has no clue who he’s going up against and if he honestly thought his plan would work then I am dealing with a blithering idiot who has no place in this world. In fact, I’m amazed that no one has killed him yet. His eyes when Baldini asked me to dance made me smile, I don’t often smile because life doesn’t give me anything to smile at. I want to laugh at the ignorance, but I don’t want to anger him yet. If he thought for one minute my staff and my almost friends would betray me and help him he was sadly mistaken, I have been part of this business my whole life. Sam however is swimming with the crocodiles tonight. The shit faced little worm.

  When we have circulated and shown our ruse enough for the night, I ask him to go upstairs. He’s afraid of me now, it’s written all over his face. He’s scared I will kill him. I am going to kill him—just not yet. First we need to be the most loved criminal couple in history, we need to be a united front and get the company back to its best or Baldini won’t want it at all.

  Before we leave the dance floor, I use the best weapon I have and push my body hard against his before I lean up and kiss him. Creating this kind of a public display of affection turns heads and has the Italian smiling. While I feel nothing from the connection but satisfaction of winning the game, I can tell that I affect him, not that he would ever tell anyone. I may just be the hammer that breaks his walls down, the cold empty man has a pulse after all, it’s just in his pants.

  “Let’s go, Harmon.” I keep telling myself to be believable. He may be a fool but I don’t need my emotions getting me caught out.

  THAT WAS THE MOST anti-climactic sex of my life. I think messing around with high school boys was more satisfying. He may look like man candy on a stick, but Harmon can’t back it up in bed. I may be jaded and I was comparing him to Mathew the whole time. Once in my life I liked my men to lay down behave and let me take over, but now I need more than that. I need the thrill of losing control and I had all the control, it’s me in the driver’s seat now and I don’t like it.

  “This is not how I had planned this all to happen,” he says to me as I slide out of the bed and away from his still naked body.

  “Oh, I know that. You really think that your stupid plan would have worked?” He really is a fool, the more I look at him the dumber he seems to get.

  “I had to do something.” He lifts himself up on his elbows and I can see the visual appeal as his smooth chest is on display.

  “And not once did you think let me discuss this with her like a person? You know I’m a person, what did you think I would do when I found out? I knew your brother was insane. The madness in that man knew no limits.” It’s the truth, he killed his whole family, married a crazy woman and tried to steal me from my family. He was certifiable.

  “You didn’t exactly make it easy to talk to you.” He has a point.

  “I don’t play well with assholes, Harmon, simple, you acted like an entitled dick.” We better just get this all out in the open since we are going to be fucking. “I have been here my whole life, I lived, breathed and murdered for him. Then you just appear as he is ready to die, excuse me for being upset.” I pull out a pair of jeans and a sweater from my suitcase across the room.

  “I was locked away after he murdered our whole family and then he chose you to be the special one when I was his blood. Forgive me for not liking you, but I am entitled to this, Avery. This company has my name on it, not yours.” He sits up and faces me now, I wish he would cover up. “I will be damned if I lose it all now.” The subtle threat in the last sentence isn’t missed. I leave the room and go shower and get dressed, locking the door between us. I secretly hope he leaves to his own room since he has nothing in here.

  As the water cascades over me, the bathtub taunts me with memories, some horrific and others haunting my heart with the images of love and fighting. I feel the tears start to fall. I’ve betrayed what I had with Mathew and tainted it with Harmon. I should kill him, but then Baldini would kill me. My whole body aches for the love he showed me. I sob quietly in the shower while I try to scrub Harmon off of me. He smells like a lawyer and I’m sure this is a signature scent that they bottle just for them. It’s vile. The more I wash myself, the sicker I feel about this. I don’t want to be with him, I don’t even want to be near him. Puking up the expensive dinner I ate earlier, I feel the slightest bit better as I remind myself that I am doing this to end it all. The Italian can have it and I’ll be free. I’m desperate to break this vicious cycle, to put an end to cri
me families. There should be no crime in a family the whole term is just wrong on the most basic level. You cannot have both things, I cannot be a killer and have a family—I won’t. When I emerge from the bathroom at least an hour later, he’s still here, at least he has pulled his pants on now, but I notice the complete absence of tattoos on his body. A vision of Eiran’s back flashes through my mind as I take in just how out of place this man is in my world. I have no doubt that he is mentally as fucked as his brother but his demons are all on a leash, he has yet to lose his cold collected facade and come alive. His madness has been kept in a cage.

  “I ordered coffee.” He points to a cup on the small table. As if I would drink anything left unattended with him.

  “No thanks.” Frowning, he turns away to answer his phone and I slip on my shoes and leave him, alone in my hotel room.

  There is an eerie silence at this hour of the morning, not everything is sleeping but nothing is waking up yet. I stroll through the hotel gardens, missing Jameson who’s staying with Amya and Robin this weekend. Owen claimed that the dog hates him. There is a quiet bench in the corner of the formal gardens where I sit, staring at my phones lock screen where Mathew and Jameson look back at me and I feel lost. I dial his number, it is always the same digital voicemail message that greets me when all I long for is his voice.