Built For A Tank

by Belle Winters

  The bed shifted, and I turned to see Tank stirring. “What time is it?” he croaked out.

  I blushed and was thankful that it was dark, and he couldn’t see it. “6:41.”

  He groaned. “Are you fucking kidding me? Go back to sleep all that bouncing, and shit is keeping me up.”

  I shrugged sheepishly. “Sorry, I’m just excited.”

  He threw an arm over his eyes. “Good to know you don’t just do that when you’re nervous. Now, go the fuck to sleep. You ain't gotta be there until 9:30.”

  I groaned and dropped down onto the bed on my back. “I get that, but I can’t sleep.”

  “Want me to read you a bedtime story?” Tank asked sarcastically.

  I rolled my eyes. “Har, har. You’re so funny.” I said dryly.

  I felt the bed shift, and I turned my head to see he was facing me. “It’s good though… you know to see you looking forward to something for once. I’m used to seeing you dreading fucking everything.”

  I sighed, he was right. “I know. Hopefully, I’ll feel more like this soon. At least I hope so. Being fucking worried and anxious about everything is exhausting and fucking depressing.”

  Tank grinned and then ruffled my hair much like I used to do to my siblings and how I do with Addie. “That’s fucking what I’m talking about.” He yawned and stretched. “But seriously… I’m fucking tired. You don’t have to go to sleep, but I just need you to fucking lay there and be still, so I can. I don’t want to be getting into shit tomorrow because I’m grumpy and violent.” I laughed and rolled my eyes. I was actually able to fall back asleep and this time with a grin on my face.

  Tank pulled up to what looked like a run-down garage shop. From the outside, it didn’t even appear to still be in business, but as soon as we got inside, I felt my hopes rise. The place was impeccably clean and organized sans a few oil spots and tools near where people were actively working. There were at least twelve cars in the room from Honda’s to a Ferrari. I’m almost sure I drooled at the sight of the red beauty and prayed to get my fingers on it or something of the sort.

  I followed blindly behind Tank as I let my eyes take in everything surrounding me. I was so absorbed, I hadn’t realized when he’d stopped walking and bumped right into his back. He muttered out a curse and spun around on me. He looked about ready to rip me a new one, but when I met his eyes with the blistering smile I felt on my face he stopped himself short.

  I’m sure that the next words out of his mouth were far off from what he was originally going to say. “You like it here huh?” he asked in a low voice only I could hear.

  How it was even possible, I’m not sure, but my grin widened even further. “Yes.”

  He returned my grin with a wink and turned around. He let out a wolf-like whistle. “Yo Mark!” he called out.

  Huh. Mark. That was a normal name compared to the rest of them. A large man appeared dressed in a black t-shirt and leather pants. He was wearing a leather vest with the Rulers of Darkness patch. He wiped oil off of his hands onto a soiled hand towel. He approached us slowly and calmly like he had all the time in the world. When he was close enough, I was able to take in his features. Everything about him screamed caution. His hair was pulled back into a bun, he was built like Tank but not as solid. He had tattoos covering his neck and arm from what I could see past his shirt.

  He gave a short nod. “Tank.” He greeted.

  “Sup man.” He put a heavy hand on my shoulder. “This is Dan, who I told you about.”

  He extended a hand towards me which I accepted. “Nice to meet you.”

  He only offered me a nod. He turned around and let out a low whistle, and a guy pulled himself out from underneath a car. He wiped his hands off on his once white t-shirt and strode our way. Tank lifted his chin in a nod. “Trip, what’s good man.”

  “Tank. Heard you were coming through. Ready to get those pretty fingers dirty?” he asked grinning.

  Tank scoffed. “Fuck no. I’m too sexy for this type of shit… Danny here though is looking for some work.”

  “Sup man.” Trip greeted me.

  I remember him vaguely from the club. “Hey,” I said feeling a tad bit shy.

  “You know anything about cars?” he asked me.

  I shrugged. “Yea, I know some stuff… nothing professional like. But I’m willing to learn more. I like working with cars.” I admitted.

  Trip nodded. “Alright then. You gonna be working with me getting up to speed then you’ll get to do your own projects. I’m working on that Chevy over there. I’ll explain what I’m doing on her then we’ll see from there.”

  I smiled. “That’s perfect.”

  He nodded and began walking back to the car he was working on. “Get the fuck outta here pretty boy.” He yelled over his shoulder.

  Tank began to crack up laughing. “Fuck you bitch. I’ll kick your ass.”

  Trips shoulders shook which gave away that he was also laughing. “Promises, promises.”

  I gave Tank a shortwave and followed Trip. Tank stayed for a bit and began talking to Mark who seemed like a man of little words. It wasn’t long before he was gone, but I barely noticed. I was in car heaven with Trip who seemed pleased by how much I kind of knew and how badly I guess he could sense I wanted to touch the cars myself. The day flew by and by the time that Tank was there to pick me up I was both exhausted and sad to leave.

  We didn’t speak until we got back to the club and into our shared room. “How was it?” Tank asked me.

  I felt something warm inside myself, and a grin spread out. “it was the best! I can’t wait to go back. Trip taught me a lot… I really like working with him.” I sat down on the bed and looked at Tank. “It was really great. You wouldn’t believe it. It was just… awesome.”

  Tank laughed. “You’re like a kid in the candy store huh?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Probably. That would be the best candy store for me. I really lucked out with Trip.”

  Tank scowled. “So… you like him?”

  I frowned. “What do you mean?” I asked.

  He shrugged casually but didn’t look back at me. “You like working with him?”

  I nodded. “Yea, I think so.”

  “Hmm.” He answered noncommittally, and I immediately became concerned.

  “Is there something wrong with him?” I asked.

  Tank’s whole face scrunched up and he shook his head. “Naw, he’s fucking cool. I’m just surprised is all.”

  He walked towards the dresser, and I got up and followed him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I pressed.

  Tank put both hands down on the dresser and sighed deeply. “It ain’t mean nothing. I was just making a comment…”

  I leaned back against the dresser beside him. “I’m not going to drop this, so you might as well just tell me whatever it is.” I pressed. I don’t know why this was suddenly so important to me, but it was. I wanted to know what he was thinking about. Tank was never cryptic, and it wasn’t normal for him to be so… secretive.

  “Alright look. You don’t open up to anyone. The only people that you really are comfortable around is me, Adds, Sia, and Prez. I just thought it was weird that you seem so close to someone so soon. Was there anything… else?” he asked.

  Now I knew what he was getting at, and I was getting annoyed and offended. “You mean, did I blow him in the corner for five bucks? No. I have no fucking interest in sex. Period. You’re not the only person that I’m ever going to be okay around so get your head out of your ass.” I rattled off before I went to storm off.

  How fucking dare him? He was the last person that I thought would come to me or even think something like that about me. I had all this fucking trust and faith in this asshole, and he was no better than any other fucking person. I had just gotten the door cracked open ready to walk off and go God knows where when a heavy hand slammed down on the door shutting it back closed tightly. Then a hand gripped my shoulder and spun me around pushing my back flat again
st the door.

  “What are you doing?” I hissed.

  Tank looked equally pissed, and it came even more apparent when his eyes narrowed to slits, and he closed the space between us. I felt fear trickle down my spine, a new feeling inspired by Tank. “That’s what you fucking think?” Tank asked. I opened my mouth to answer, but he didn’t give me a chance to try. “Fucking think that I think you’re a fucking whore or something? That’s the fucking best you can think of me?”

  “Well, that’s what you implied Tank,” I argued.

  “FUCK THAT SHIT!” he roared before punching the door above my head. I instinctively flinched… hard. And he immediately calmed down. It showed from his eyes to his posture, he took in a deep breath as if trying to control himself and when he spoke again he seemed more in control. “Don’t fucking flinch at me. I ain’t gonna fucking hit you.” He hissed. “I’m just pissed that you took that away from what I was saying. I meant it as if saying did you like him. Not as if you fucked him in the backseat of one of the cars you were supposed to be fixing.”

  He took a step back and turned giving me his back. His shoulders flexed with his deep inhale of breath. “I’m just trying to look out for ya. I was asking because that wouldn’t be a good choice.”

  I scoffed. “Because I’m gay?” I asked.

  He turned his head, so he can see me but didn’t move his body. He let me see him roll his eyes before he started to cross the room to the bathroom. “Is that all you’re fucking worried about? Don’t matter if you’re into men or not or whatever the fuck. That man ain’t no good for what you need. Trip is a fucking whore.” I made a face, and he turned to face me fully pointing an accusing finger at me. “Quit that shit. He knows he fucking is and I’ll tell the fuck to his face. I don’t hide a mother fucking thing. What I think of anyone is just that and I ain’t afraid of how whoever fucking feels about it either. Everyone fucking knows that about me.” He shook his head. “I’m going to shower, and I’m going to fucking leave for a while. I need some time to calm the fuck down.”

  He didn’t wait for a response and instead stormed off. I let him and kept my mouth shut because I did feel a bit like an asshole. I know it had more than anything to do with how I felt about myself than anything else, but I can’t help but be defensive. I pulled out a book and pretended to be extremely engrossed in what I was reading while he got dressed and left. In reality, I kept reading the same line over and over, and for the life of me, I still wouldn’t be able to tell you a word of the sentence.

  *****

  Tank

  I’d been keeping my distance from Danny for the past week or so. It might seem childish, but he really pissed me off with his bullshit about the whole Trip thing. What the fuck was wrong with him? I was the only person who constantly looked out for his ass and what’s he do? Piss on it and toss it back into my face. Ungrateful little fuck.

  Prez snapped his fingers in front of my face, and I was brought back to the here and now. This wasn’t the first time I zoned out and let the anger that I had festering because of that little shit Danny bubble to the surface distracting the fuck out of me. I needed to do something cause not only was this shit not me, but it was borderline ridiculous. I mean, to be technical I honestly shouldn’t give a fuck.

  “Fuck is up with you man?” he asked.

  I scowled. “Nothing.”

  He stuck his tongue into his cheek as he watched me thoughtfully. “Sure, as hell seems like something. You’re fucking distracted. I said your name four fucking times. I was seriously contemplating punching you in the throat.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Overkill.”

  He scoffed. “One-word answers… is that all your brain can come up with? Too busy on other shit?” he taunted.

  That little bit of anger that I was able to tamp down a second ago was now back with a vengeance. “Get the fuck off my back. Ain’t nothing going on so fucking drop it. I just been in a bad mood.”

  Psycho sat back into his seat and crossed his arms. “You know, I’ve seen you in a bad mood Tank. But that’s rare and never for this fucking long. Who pissed you off? And why haven’t you already knocked the fucker out? I know it wasn’t Jagger because he woulda came in here bitch’n to me again that you knocked him on his ass for one thing or another.”

  I sighed. “It’s not Jagger.” What the hell right? Psycho was the closest thing I had to family, and he was my right hand… why not tell him if anyone. “It’s Danny.”

  He frowned and leaned forward resting his elbows on his desk. “Huh?” he asked confused. “You two seemed like you were getting along fine. The kid is fucking skittish as hell, but he seems good with you.”

  “Oh, yea?” I shook my head. “That’s what I thought too. But, if that was the case why is it the first time I make a comment he jumps to the conclusion I’m calling him some type of slut or something just because they used to pimp him out. I’m not fucking dense, I know that wasn’t by choice.”

  Psycho cocked his head to the side. “That’s what’s eating at you like this?” he asked.

  I frowned. “Well, yea. All the shit I’ve been doing for the kid since he came to the club and that’s the fucking thanks, I get. Like I’m judging him because he’s into guys. Who fucking cares about shit like that? I don’t know how to get it through to the little fuck that shit like that is the least of my worries.”

  Psycho shook his head. “I don’t understand why this is really bothering you so much. It just sounds like you’re whining right now. What is this really about?”

  I scrubbed my hand down my face. I never fucking spoke like this to anyone… well, maybe one person but he’s from another life, another time. “Look. When I was younger, I had a best friend. You know where the fuck I came from, so you know having someone you trust and shit like that is something… anyway, I was pretty sure he was into guys, but he never told me. At first, I figured that it was because he was probably trying to figure it out or something. Then I don’t know what I thought. I just kept making excuses for him in my head. I told him everything, you know? He knew all my fucking secrets even the ones I was ashamed of. Then one day he just ran away… not a word from him. That was when I realized that him keeping something so big like that away from me meant that he ain’t give a shit about me. Even still, I helped his family out and shit. He had a brother and two sisters who meant the world to him, and they were all I had left.” I shook my head. “it was then I stopped trusting everyone and spiraled out of control. You remember when I went dark?” I asked.

  Psycho’s face pinched, and he nodded. “I’ll never fucking forget it. You scared the shit out of me then.”

  “Yea well… the trigger for that had been him. You know I don’t know all of what I said to you during that time. But, I know I didn’t say much as far as detail.”

  “I knew it had to do with someone that fucked you up. I didn’t know who or how… but shit. Whatever it was – whoever they were if I knew I’d had found the fucker and made them pay.” Psycho said with conviction.

  “It’s all related – from the same time,” I told him.

  Psycho blew out a breath. “Now that makes a hell of a lot more sense. Danny reminds you of him yea?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know why. I mean it ain’t like he’s hiding it… but the way he’s so defensive about what he went through and about what he likes makes me feel that same bullshit. Like I’m not trustworthy enough… Am I that big of a fucking monster that people are intimidated to tell me shit about them?”

  Psycho sighed. “Nah., You know what the kid went through… probably more than any of us. That’s probably the only defense he’s got. Don’t take it personally even though I can see how you would. You were doing good with the kid. I saw him start to freak the fuck out when we went out for pizza and you calmed him. Don’t let the fact he’s afraid damage that. He ain’t got no fucking body, and you’re the only person he really associates with.”

  I laughed without humor. “he gets on w
ith you well.”

  He shook his head. “Nah. He’s gets on with the two crazy chicks in my life… but me? I’m okay by association. He speaks to me… but he doesn’t talk to me. There’s a difference. He’s not intimidated by me because he sees how the two nuts push me around but that’s as far as that goes.”

  I sighed, suddenly over with talking about him. I wasn’t the type to talk about my feelings and Psycho ain’t either… although he’s a bit more relaxed since he’s had Addie and Siarra. I ain’t gonna lie, sometimes I get jealous seeing how happy they are together even though they seem like the most unlikely bunch. “What’s going on with you guys anyway?” I asked going for a subject change.

  He picked up on it too but didn’t point it out. Instead, he grinned and reached into his desk drawer. “Man, I don’t know what the fuck is going on with me… but I think I finally fucking lost it.” He said.

  I laughed. “you’re just now figuring that out? I coulda told you that the day you came in here fuming about not finding Addie and some stuck up bitch with a wicked nose.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Shut up.” He groaned.

  That only made me laugh more. “So…?” I hedged.

  He put down a box on the desk, and it took me a full minute before understanding dawned on me. “Fucking shit… you serious?” I asked knowing damn well he was.

  “I never thought I’d see the day.” He told me confused.

  “Yea, you did. You were done when you met the woman. Now, when are you gonna do it?” I asked.

  He shrugged and looked away. “I have no idea… I’m actually fucking nervous. She’s been pushing me to let her adopt Addie, and I’d been making excuses and pushing it off because I want to do this first. I have the forms for her to start the process. Since the crackhead bitch is dead, it shouldn’t be a hard process since she can’t argue about giving up her parental rights. I already had her death recorded with the state as a suicide. I was thinking of having her fill that out, and once that’s done, I want to pop the question. Then I thought that if I did it after she would think the only reason was because of Addie.”