Built For A Tank

by Belle Winters

  The last thing I expected out of today was a road trip and to have a hotel room with overnight bags then in a hospital. What the hell type of surprise was this? Lucky for him, if this is some crazy fucked up shit we were in a hospital and he’d be likely to survive if I tried to murder him… doctors already on the premises and all that.

  I followed him into the room, not sure exactly what to expect. I entered behind him, and Tank moved over to the side to hold up the wall. Odd...

  There was a figure lying in bed. I couldn’t make out anything from where we were standing and why the hell was Tank keeping his distance. I frowned at him confused. “What are you doing? Are you nervous?” I asked.

  Tank shook his head and grabbed the back of his neck. “Go on over there, I’ll be right here for you.” If that was supposed to reassure me it sure as fuck didn’t. It did the complete opposite.

  “Are you… sure?” I asked.

  Tank hesitated then nodded. I trusted him, so I took small steps towards the bed trying to get a good look before I got too close, but it was hopeless. The body in front of me was pale and mostly skin and bones. The cheeks were sunken in, and I could make out the bones in their face. The blanket was pulled up, and they were facing away from me making it impossible for me to see who this person was.

  “Tank…?” I asked.

  I looked over at him expecting an explanation of just what the fuck was going on when the person in the bed shifted. My eyes immediately returned to the form, and I watched as the blanket was tugged down and eyes blinked open slowly. My heart raced as I took in the face in front of me.

  Shaggy hair, eyes that I knew well because they mirrored mine but now appeared too big for their face and the light that once there missing. Those eyes blinked at me and the face wrinkled in confusion.

  “This really must be it if I’m starting to see things.” He whispered in a groggy voice.

  On their own accord, my eyes filled with tears. No way, this couldn’t be right. This couldn’t fucking be. My hand was shaking uncontrollably, and with effort I reached out and stroked his hair brushing his hair back from his face.

  He blinked again, and his eyes widened. “Joey?” a hoarse whisper as his eyes filled with tears.

  I couldn’t control my emotions, and just like that a sob broke free, and the rest was like a free fall. I dropped down to my knees beside the bed and put my head close to his as I cried. A fragile hand stroked my head, and I thought I was going to fall apart. Strong arms wrapped around me and lifted me up and into a broad chest where I let go of everything.

  Eventually, I got myself together and left Tank’s arms. He retreated back off to the side, and I grabbed a chair and pulled it up beside the bed. I tentatively grabbed his hand into mine and felt the need to weep all over again.

  “Max.” it was a whisper that I wasn’t even sure he heard.

  “Joey, I missed you so much.” His voice was just as thick with emotion.

  I put my head down trying to gather myself. “I missed you too.” I took a deep breath. “What happened, Max? what’s wrong?”

  He gave me a sad smile. “I’m dying.” He said simply as if he accepted this fate.

  I shook my head. “I don’t… I don’t understand.” Max was only 25 as it is. How could he be dying already?

  “Oh, Joey.” He rubbed his head. “You remember Tina from back home?” I frowned. “She used to be sweet on Paul.” He said his eyes flicking to Tank in wonder.

  Yea now I knew who he was talking about. I grit my teeth around my answer, “Yes, I remember her.”

  Max laughed. “Well, about two years after…” he turned his head as he trailed off. I knew what he was going to say, two years after I left. I squeezed his hand encouraging him to continue. “Well, we started dating. She wasn’t as wild as she had been before, calmed down. That was about the time Paul got sent away… anyway, Jenny was doing really good in school.” He smiled wistfully. “So fucking proud of her, my Jenny.” He squeezed my hand. “So, we went steady, stayed together but then Angie… she was messed up. Depressed and couldn’t get out of her head. She went wild Joe, crazy. She started acting out, hanging with the wrong people. She was past listening to mom and pop, but there was still me ya know? But then she wouldn’t even listen to me. Say shit like I wasn’t her father and I know a lot of it had to do with you… and what all happened. She was just angry and confused. She never said any of this, but I think it was the guilt that consumed her. She started staying out and then one time she just never came back. I tried to find her, but I couldn’t, and she never contacted us back.”

  He closed his eyes like just retelling it was painful, and I know it had to be because I could feel my insides ripping open. “But there was Jenny. I couldn’t let Angie consume when she needed me too. I told you she was doing really good in school. She got a full ride scholarship for college. She was going to go to Penn State and I couldn’t let her on her own. With Angie gone and no hope in sight, I went with Jenny. I wasn’t gonna leave her alone, and even still I never stopped looking for Ang. Tina moved too of course because we ain’t have stuff going for us like Jenny did. Tina went to a community college and got a part-time job, and I went to work construction. Got us a small place and we were living well. Was better than before with dad and mom.”

  He closed his eyes tight. “Where is Jenny now?” I asked.

  He gave me a huge smile. “She’s at Cornell getting her veterinary medicine degree. You should be so proud of her. Ya know, you taught her everything she knows.”

  I blushed. “I doubt that.”

  He nodded. “She got her motivation from you. That drive and stubbornness, only other person I know like that girl. Every day when I missed you, I looked at her and thought that I still had at least a piece of you. You’d have done just as well… hell, probably better if you had the chance.” Max said with conviction, and I felt tears begin to formulate again.

  “You’re pushing it… but keep telling me what happened.” I urged wanting to know everything.

  He nodded. “Ok, so we were doing alright. Jenny had a 4.0 average, and I knew Tina was it for me.”

  I frowned. “Where is Tina?” if that was the love of his life, why wasn’t she here.

  That sad look came back. “She passed two years ago…”

  Fucking hell, is anything good coming from our lives? “I’m sorry Max.”

  He shook his head. “I’ll be with her soon.” He looked at me and frowned. “I was ok with this all, ya know. Dying. Angie, although she was the youngest was always the scrapper. I was sure wherever she was out there she was alright cause she was strong like that. Then Jenny, fucking look at her. She’s going to be just fine. The only experience I’m going to hate missing is kicking some little boy’s ass that wants to date her. She has never been into guys… at least that’s what the girls were leading me to believe. Then you. I knew you were still alive. I didn’t know where they took you or the odds of ever seeing you again, but you were the backbone of the family and you know we couldn’t live in this world without you. I think knowing you’d fight for us, even without us kept us all strong.”

  A tear slipped free from his eye. “Angie…” I said and had to swallow back a sob. “She’s staying with me. Ran into her… total coincidence. She’s going to be okay.”

  That was all it took for Max to break and I climbed on the bed with him and pulled him into my arms and held him, and he broke with relief. “See what I mean Joey? When we need you the most, you’re always there.”

  I held him tight. “Tell me the rest,” I said in a hoarse whisper.

  “We found out far too late that Tina had been sick.” He gulped. “She’d had HIV when we found out, and it quickly turned to AIDS. She wasn’t exactly sure when she contracted it, but I got it from her. I knew it cause well…” he looked away blushing. “Ya know… she was my first.”

  I chuckled and kissed his head, I always knew he’d make a good husband. A good fucking man. “Huh, I can’t be
lieve you.”

  He grinned. “Oh please.” He looked over to Tank. “Like you are…” he waggled his eyebrows with a knowing look which made me blush.

  “She passed a while back and then about a year ago I got sicker and sicker. Now here I am.” Max summed up.

  “Jesus Max, I’m sorry for what you went through,” I told him honestly.

  He shrugged. “This is the hand I was dealt. The saving grace is that at least Gabby didn’t get it.”

  I frowned. “Who’s Gabby?” I asked.

  He smiled. “That’s our five-year-old daughter.”

  Fuck, what? “You have a daughter? Where is she?” I asked.

  “I had to get a full-time nanny to help out. I’ve only been in the hospital for about two months, and she’s been home with her. I don’t really want her here watching me disintegrate.”

  I kissed his forehead. It was something I’d always done to him and until recently, didn’t realize just how comforting it was. He gave me a soft smile, and his eyes began to drift close. I started to get up to let him rest, but he grabbed onto my arm. “Please… stay at least I got to sleep? I’m not ready to lose you yet. I don’t have that much time left to see you.” He pleaded sleepily.

  I stroked his hair. “I’ll be here until the very end. I’m not going to leave you here Max. I’ll stay until you’re asleep and then I’ll be back in the morning. I love you, little bro.”

  He sighed and tucked himself into me like he used to do when he was three and had a bad dream. I stayed until I was sure he was sleeping, and then for another hour after that. When the nurse came in to say visiting hours were over, Tank grabbed me and took me back to the hotel.

  As soon as we walked into our room, I felt like the weight of the world was sitting on my shoulders. “I’m going to take a shower,” I told Tank as I dragged my feet towards the bathroom.

  Chapter 15

  Tank

  Danny was a mess, but he was holding it in. To learn of everything that transpired in his past all in one go while finding out his brother was dying had to of drained him both physically and emotionally. I was both worried and surprised by how he was taking things. I’m not trying to call him a baby or anything but who the fuck could take all that shit tumbling down on them without breaking down… and I don’t consider those couple of tears at the hospital getting it out.

  I changed my clothes and waited for Danny to come out of the shower. He came out, more mellow than I’ve ever seen him in my life and put on some sweatpants then sat on the bad. He crossed his legs and stared at the wall. I had no idea what was running through his mind but the longer he sat unmoving and seemingly unfeeling the more concerned I became.

  Finally, he cleared his throat. “Can you give me a minute to make a phone call?” he asked.

  I nodded and stood. “I’ll call room service for some food. Do you want anything?” I asked.

  “just a drink… maybe whiskey?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Ok. How about to eat?”

  He shook his head. “No, I don’t want any food… I’m not hungry.”

  I sighed wanting to argue but knowing it would be pointless. I was going to have to force-feed him anyway. I walked out of the room and closed the door gently behind me. I rushed and ordered food and hurried back to the room. I was worried about Danny, sure… but I wanted to know about this phone call. He’d shut down, but there was something that remained important to him. Call me what the fuck you want, but I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to find out. I leaned against the door jam and listened.

  I listened as he asked Angie to come see Max. He didn’t once say why, but just asked she’d do it. To see her brother. He wanted her to do it for him, and because she wanted to. Not because she felt bad about the situation. I listened as he pleaded with her and then in the end relented. I heard the sniffles and knew he wasn’t crying but just hurt and disappointed. My boy had enough bullshit already to last a lifetime, and I was done with people and their selfish bullshit. He might not know it right now, but he needed me now more than ever.

  I opened the door. “You done?” I asked softly.

  He nodded and sniffed. “Did they bring the stuff up yet?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “No, but I’m going to run downstairs for a second if that’s ok. If they come, just let them in. I’ll be right back.”

  He tried for a smile and failed miserably. “Ok.”

  I was pissed. I made my way out the room and the hotel. I waited until I was a few feet away before I dialed Rip.

  “Tank?” he said hesitantly.

  I heard sniffing in the background, and I didn’t feel bad for no fucking body. “Where the fuck is she?” I asked.

  Rip cleared his throat. “I don’t think now is a good time…” he warned.

  “I don’t give a fuck what time you think it is. You have no idea what the fuck is going on… put her selfish little ass on the phone.” I demanded.

  “Not if you keep that up.” Rip snapped.

  Interesting… “Rip, this ain’t no shit to fuck with… and if I don’t talk to her you’re both going to fucking regret that she didn’t hear this.”

  He started to talk then stopped. I guess he thought my words through and came to the right decision. “hello?”

  “Angeline.” Yea, I went full name on her ass.

  “Paul?”

  “Yes, this is fucking Paul. What the fuck is your problem?” I asked.

  She sighed. “I can’t believe that Danny had you call me!” she shrieked. “I’m not – “

  I cut her ass off right then and there. “Angie, don’t start that shit with me. You know damn well he wouldn’t fucking ask me to call you. He doesn’t know that I know he spoke to you. What the fuck is your deal? You’re killing him right now.”

  She groaned. “Look, shit ain’t end well with me, Max, and Jenny. They don’t wanna fucking see me, trust me I know. I ain’t hear a peep from them in years. His ideas of a family reunion are crazy. Hell, they moved to Pennsylvania he says, and I didn’t even know about it. No thanks.”

  “I always thought you were the caring one of all of you. You always cared Ang… and right now, I’m so fucking disappointed in you. I don’t know what happened to you these last years, but this ain’t the girl I know. The girl I know, wouldn’t sit there and let her brother who took care of her fucking cry and plead with her just to visit her fucking brothers. The girl I knew, wouldn’t THROW. A. FUCKING. Tantrum because Danny just wants to make sure you don’t have any fucking regrets. None of you.” I took a deep breath as she gasped and let out a shaky exhale. “The girl I fucking knew, wouldn’t sit around and let some bullshit emotions about situations that none of you had control over stop her from seeing her brother while he’s on his fucking deathbed.”

  “Wha… Paul?” the change in her voice was immediate.

  “Yea Angie. He wasn’t calling you for a fucking family reunion. He was calling you to say goodbye.”

  “Paul, what happened? What’s going on?” her voice was frantic.

  I shook my head. “There’s only one way to find out. And I’m going to warn you, don’t call Danny. He’s had enough for today learning about the past and how much he’s to blame for everything that got fucked up in his family. Make your choice, and you better choose right.” I said before hanging up.

  If I smoked cigarettes, I’d probably had done a pack right then and there. I was so fucking mad. I could only imagine what she said to Danny, and he was already torn inside out. I know he needs me right now, but I’m not good if I’m on edge. The last thing I need is to accidentally snap at him when he is the last person on earth I’m mad at.

  When I was calm, I made my way back to the room. The food had arrived, and Danny was fixing himself a drink. I walked up to him and pulled him into my arms and gave him a soft kiss. “Are you okay baby?” I asked.

  He tossed back the whole glass. “No.” he whispered. “Tank, I’m anything but okay.”

  I cupped his
face and titled his up to face me. His eyes bright with tears wanting to flow but refusing. “What do you need?” I asked.

  He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. “You. I need you to make me feel better. I need you to make me feel safe.” He whispered.

  I kissed his temple. “Anything.” I scooped him up in my arms which surprised him and carried him back to the bedroom and laid him down on the bed. I began taking off his clothes, and he shook his head.

  “I don’t think I can… right now.” He said.

  I frowned and shook my head. “No sexy time. I just want you as close to me as possible. You need to feel me and know I’m there. Feel my skin against you. That’s it. I’m just going to hold you, so you know I’m there.” I reassured him.

  He settled and waited as I took off my clothes and joined him in bed. I dragged him over to me, the food forgotten, and I held him tight in my arms. Our bodies were flush against each other, and I kept whispering reassuring words to him as I rubbed him lovingly. Eventually, he was able to find sleep although it was peaceful.

  I don’t know how long I stayed up just watching Danny and making sure he was okay. I was so worried about him and his fragile state. At some point, I must’ve fallen asleep because the next thing I know, I was being awakened by Danny.

  “Visiting hours are soon… we need to get up.” He said.

  I yawned and stretched and pulled myself out of bed. I could use more sleep, but I wouldn’t be able to right now if I tried. I hopped in the shower and got dressed barely remembering doing it. I drove us back to the hotel, stopping at a Starbucks on the way to grab us some coffee. I followed Danny to the room and took a seat in the corner.

  “Hmm. Interesting.” I looked up to see what they were referring to. Danny was blushed scarlet and Max was staring at me grinning.