“Jenny, you drove here right?” he asked her.
She nodded. “Yea, I called the rental company and the school about the situation. I’m good for two weeks.”
He looked over at me. “Can we talk for a bit?” he asked.
I nodded hesitantly. “Sure.”
I led him to the room and softly closed the door. He sighed. “Look. I’m gonna have to head back today.” He said.
Such simple words but it twisted in my gut. “You have to leave me?” I asked him. At a time like this? I wanted to add.
He looked away avoiding my eyes. “Club business.”
Seriously? “when are you leaving?” I asked.
“Now.”
I couldn’t believe this. “Tank?”
For the first time, he met my eyes. “What’s really going on? Club business is more important than this?” I asked bluntly.
I saw the fear and defeat in his eyes, and I just knew he was running. “Look – “he started.
I didn’t need anymore. “No, you look. If you wanna leave, then go. I’m not going to make you stay. I have enough shit to deal with right now, and I can’t take anymore.” I turned to leave the room and paused at the door. There was something big happening here, I felt it coursing through my body. I turned the knob, “Goodbye Paul.” I whispered and walked out. Not even ten minutes later he walked out of the room with all of his stuff and out the door. Nothing was said.
Jenny looked at me confused. “He left?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Yea… he’s gone.” Just like that.
*****
The next few days were a whirlwind. We had to make arrangements for the service and burial. Max had a will, and within it, he gave up guardianship to his siblings which would make the transition to getting custody of Gabby easy. That was a process all of its own, but they did grant me temporary custody of her. I wanted that solidified before going to meet her. We decided to check out of the hotel and go stay at Max’s so that Gabby could begin to get used to us.
Jenny took us to Max’s house, and the moment I stepped inside, I felt a pang in my chest. Lining the walls in the entryway were pictures. Pictures of his life with Jenny and Tina, and tons of pictures of us all as children. He held onto the memories and preserved them.
We met Hailey who was the nanny, and she led us to the living room while she got Gabby. The moment I saw her, Tina’s face popped into my head as if I’d just seen her yesterday. Her gray eyes in contrast to her red hair, just like her mother… but the rest of her face was all Max. She ran right into Jenny’s arms and began to babble away.
Eventually, she noticed Angie and me. She hesitated but came over to us all on her own. She walked up to Angie and touched her face. “Sky eyes.” She called her, and Angie broke down. Gabby looked on confused before wrapping her little arms around her. “Shh, you’ll make it rain.” She said. And I had to hold back my own tears. So sweet and innocent, she had to be Max through and through.
When Angie pulled herself together, Gabby turned on me. I felt my heart beating a mile a minute. She came to me and climbed right onto my lap. “Uncle Joey.” She singsonged.
I fingered her ponytail. “Hello, Gabby.” She smiled. “How do you know me?” I asked.
She pointed to the entryway. “Pictures. Daddy said so.” Of course, he did.
She became uninterested and turned back to Jenny. “Aunty Jenny, play?” she asked. Jenny nodded and let her lead her off to somewhere in the house.
Since Max had built his life up here in Pennsylvania, this is where we’ll bury him. His friends and everything was now here, and he deserved to have the opportunity for them to pay their respects and say their goodbyes. I wasn’t ready for tomorrow, to say goodbye and I was aching for Tank to be there to catch me when I fall… but that wasn’t going to happen. It’s been a week since he left, and I haven’t heard a peep from him.
I twirled my phone around in my hand, trying to decide what’s the right choice and decided that I needed to respect his wishes. Tomorrow we we’re having the services and burial. I fixed me, Angie, and Jenny drinks hoping it’ll help us get some sleep tonight.
*****
Tank
I haven’t been home since I left. I’ve been at the club and have had Prez chewing me up nonstop for the past week about leaving Danny. He didn’t understand though. I tried to explain it to him, but he’s too stubborn to hear the truth. Danny was hinting that he had more responsibilities which I knew and was trying to give me an out. I guess to ease his own guilt? I saw the fear in his eyes when we spoke, and I knew he was afraid to tell me the truth. I could at least appreciate that he was thinking of my feelings too.
I had to relieve Siarra of Trapper, so it was time for me to go home. As soon as I entered the house, I got a weird feeling. It felt empty, dry. Something that it’s never been like before. Even when I was here by myself, it never seemed to be so cold. I walked into my room and changed clothes and got in the bed. It was only 11 at night, which was early as fuck for me, but I was so damn drained.
Trapper came into my room and jumped on the bed. That was a no fucking go in here, and he knew it, but I didn’t stop him. He must’ve picked up that habit from Addie, probably spoiling him since he’s been there. He automatically went to Danny’s side of the bed and began sniffing and whining. I reached out and grabbed the mutt and for the first-time sought comfort in him.
“I know, I miss him too,” I confessed. He tucked himself into my side, and I wished it was Danny curling up into me.
I was starting to doze off when my phone rang. I looked at the cable box and read the time 12:16 am. I frowned and reached over. I saw Danny’s name flash across the screen, and I swear to fuck I almost had a stroke.
“Danny, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” I asked all at once.
He sniffled into the phone. “Yea, yea. I’m fine.”
I lay back down on the bed. “what’s up?” I asked. He’s not a night crawler unless he’s horny. Shit, he better not be calling me for phone sex.
“I have a hard time sleeping.” He said quietly. “I was thinking about calling you earlier but decided against it.”
“What did you need to tell me?” I asked.
“Tomorrow… we’re having Max’s services, and you know…” he sighed. “I thought maybe you would want to know.”
Shit. How didn’t I think of that? All this time I never stopped to consider that they still needed to bury him. “Thanks for telling me.”
He hesitated. “Ok, that was all… goodnight Tank.”
“Danny?” I said quickly before he hung up.
“Yea?” he asked hesitantly.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes… yea, I’m fine. I will be.” He hung up.
His voice broke as he spoke, and I knew he wasn’t alright. The sniffling and the sound of his voice told me he was crying. I couldn’t fucking do this.
I dialed Prez.
“You better be fucking dying to wake me up from my sleep.” He threatened groggily.
“Get your ass up.”
“For what?” he asked.
“We’re going to Pennsylvania.”
He scoffed. “For what? So that you can leave Danny again? I’m not getting involved in that bullshit because I don’t condone it.”
I rolled my eyes. “The funeral is tomorrow.”
Everything in his voice changed. “When we leaving?” he asked, and I heard movement telling me he was getting a move on things.
“30.” I hesitated before adding, “you wanna get Rip too?”
“Copied. Bringing Trap?” He asked.
I smiled, he liked the fucking pets. “Yea.”
“I’ll be ready.” He said and disconnected.
Chapter 17
Danny
It was hard getting up and us all getting ready for what was coming to us today. I woke up earlier than needed because I knew it was going to be a challenge in itself getting ready. Once I was done, I made my way downs
tairs where everyone was already joined together. We had a light breakfast that everyone seemed to have to force down and were heading out.
I was surprised when Gabby grabbed my hand and stopped me letting everyone else out first. She waved her hand for me to bend down and she cupped her hand over my ear like she was telling me a secret.
“What is it?” I asked.
What she said gave me pause. “Forgive him.”
I frowned. “Forgive who?” I asked.
She looked at me like I was stupid. “Tank. Daddy said to forgive him because he loves you.”
I was frozen. “Gabby, where did you hear that?” I asked.
She giggled. “I told you silly, daddy told me.”
I frowned, maybe she was thinking of a story he told her. “When?”
He shrugged. “Last night. He told me not to be sad, you will take care of me. I won’t forget him, and he’s in heaven, but he’ll visit me just like he did in my sleep. He told me to make sure to remember to tell you that Tank will take care of you and forgive him. He made me promise.”
I gulped. “Are you sure?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yes. But I don’t know why you need to forgive a car… did it hit you?” she asked.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “I guess you can say that… he hit me here.” I said indicating my heart.
“Hmm. You must be strong uncle, Joey.” She said before running off.
I was frozen there for a minute, there was no way in hell that she was right. But how would she know about him to call him Tank? Max just learned that name for him. I looked up, hoping there would be a sign or something, but there was nothing. Shit, I was losing my mind.
“Joseph!” Angie screamed. “Come on already.”
I hurried to catch up and tried to forget what Gabby said to me. None of it made any sense to me. There was no way it was possible.
I was doing fine. I avoided actually thinking about anything and focused all of my attention on the scenery. When the car came to a stop, my anxiety hit me full-fledged. I couldn’t breathe, and I began to hyperventilate. All of this time, I was able to hold myself together. The thought of seeing Max again but in a coffin was too much for me to take.
As my attack progressed, I barely registered them ushering Gabby out of the car and Angie and Jenny trying to calm me. All of a sudden everyone was gone, and I couldn’t breathe at all. Everything was beginning to go black.
“Fucking hell Danny, breathe.” Registered and I took in a deep breath.
Did I die too? There was no way… “Danny!”
I took in another breath. I knew that voice, but it couldn’t be. “Shit get me some water. Joey fucking take a breath.”
I inhaled another large breath, and the blackness began to fade being replaced by dots. “That’s it, baby, I’m here… I got you.”
My heart began to calm, and I was able to start breathing. The dots still danced in my eyes and the next thing I knew I felt something against my lips. “Open and drink.” The voice ordered.
I didn’t want to, but my body had other thoughts. As if on autopilot, it complied with the demand, and I was drinking water. It was moved away, and my breathing slowly began to even out. “Danny baby are you okay?”
I still had dots, but they were beginning to clear up, and I was able to start seeing again. I was hallucinating, I could’ve sworn I could make out Tanks face. My breathing escalated again. “Danny, relax.”
I opened my mouth which seemed too dry to speak. “I… I need Tank.” I croaked out.
“Shit.” Was whispered in my ear and then a kiss to my temple. “Danny, I’m right here. I’ve got you.”
My heartbeat stalled and then kicked into overdrive with a renewed fierceness. I felt heat envelop me and I closed my eyes taking in a deep breath. It hit me like a ton of bricks, I knew that smell. I began breathing it in like my life depended on it and my body began to calm until I felt like Jello. I registered calloused hands stroking me soothingly and became afraid to open my eyes and realize I imagined it all.
“That’s it.” His voice cooed. “I’ve got you, I’ll always have you. Just breathe and relax.”
Kisses were trailed across my jaw, up to my lips where a soft kiss was placed. My eyes fluttered open, and butterflies took off in my stomach when Tank’s face flooded my vision. “Tank?” I whispered.
He gripped the back of my neck. “I’m here Danny, are you okay?” he asked searching my eyes.
I nodded. “Yea. I kind of had a panic attack, but I’m ok now.”
He let out a long breath and dropped his forehead against mine. “Shit, Danny. You scared the fuck out of me.”
He moved to get out of the car, and I panicked and reached out and grabbed him to stop him. “Please, don’t leave. Not right now.”
His head snapped back, and he frowned. “Why would I leave? I came here for you.” He held out a hand in offering. “Come on, let’s go say goodbye to Max.”
I took his hand and let him guide me out of the car. My sisters were watching me with concern, and I just moved in closer to Tank hoping to absorb some of his strength. His hold on me was as sure as his steps as he guided us inside leading the group.
*****
Tank
This might’ve been the best damn decision I ever made in my life. Seeing Danny in a full-blown breakdown was scary as fuck, and I felt like a complete asshole for having left him in the first place. He was a mess having to let go of Max, as was the rest of his siblings. Life could be a bitch.
I’d gone through the motions with him for the service and burial. Even the fucking reception shit they had for him, but when he refused to eat anything for the third time, I had enough. I’d grabbed him and pulled him right out of there without a complaint from him and took him back to the room I’d booked when I got in this morning. He tried to crawl into the bed as soon as he got inside but I wasn’t having that.
“Danny, I know you’re exhausted, but we need to talk,” I told him.
He shook his head and groaned. “I don’t want to talk Tank, I don’t want to think. I just want to sleep.” He said trying to snuggle into the pillow.
I grabbed his ankles and dragged him down the bed. “Danny, come on.”
He sat up and looked at me with red, swollen, puffy eyes. “What do you want to talk about Tank? If it’s Max, then no. I’m not ready.”
I sighed and sat down next to him. “It’s not about Max. I ain’t gonna force you to talk about that until you’re ready. I know it’s still raw for you. We need to talk about us… and what’s gonna happen.”
He sat up completely and looked at me, eyes devoid of emotion. “Tank, what is there to talk about?” he cleared his throat. “I told myself that I wasn’t going to let anything or anyone break me. I didn’t… you know. After everything that I’ve been through, I almost broke. But I didn’t.” his throat worked, and I could tell he was trying to fight back a fresh wave of tears. “Today, I thought this was just going to be another one of those tough times. Something I was going to have to push through. And I – I…” the first tear fell. “I can’t.” His voice lowered and went hoarse. “Seeing Max today for the last fucking time. After wanting more than anything to have them back, I got him back just to have him taken away. Like a fucking game. A force I can’t fucking fight pulling strings, and I’m just a dancing puppet.”
“Dan – “I reached for him, and he knocked my hand away.
“No. No Tank. You don’t get it. It was a teaser, a false hope. A slap in my fucking face. It was a reality check Tank, and I don’t think I can come back from this. This is a battle I can’t fight, there’s no man standing on the other side. You can leave me Tank because I’m already fucking broken.”
He got up and went to walk away and grabbed his arm. He pulled himself free and began walking to leave. I jumped up and tackled him to the floor. He fought against me. “Tank, get off of me. Let me leave.”
I shook my head. “No Danny. I’m not letting you leave.
I tried to let you go when I left. But I can’t fucking do it.”
Danny stopped fighting me and stared confused. “What?”
I pinned his arms above his head and used my knee to make space between his legs so I can settle between them. “If you think you’re going to up and leave and go somewhere with the girls, you gotta another fucking thing coming. You’re going to bring your ass home when this is done.” No need to beat around the bush. “you’re not fucking broken until I say you are!”
“You… you want me to come back?” he asked.
I frowned. “What the fuck type of question is that?”
“I just thought… it would be too much. Having the girls to live with us… Gabby, the baby. I’m going to have to take care of her. She’d have to live with us.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Danny, I’m not dense. I get it. I love Angie and Jenny like they were my sisters. I’d take them in in a heartbeat.” I shrugged. “Gabby would be a change, she’s family. Just… don’t expect me to change no diapers.”
Danny burst out laughing. “She doesn’t wear diapers anymore Tank, she’s five.”
I grinned. “So then, what the fuck are we talking about?”
He gave a tentative smile. “You really want me to come back? Want us to come back?”
“What the fuck did I just say?” I asked. He just stared at me in stunned disbelief, and I sighed. “You gonna come home baby, or am I gonna have to drag your ass there?”
He nodded. “Yea. Yes, I’m coming home.”
Shit. I slammed my mouth against his. When I was certain, I was going to pass out for lack of oxygen I broke the kiss. I looked at Danny’s eyes then his nose, his mouth. I admired his cheekbones and sighed. “I fucking missed you. Do you know I had to sleep with fucking Trap’s furry ass because you weren’t there? I’m not doing that shit again.” I confessed.
He laughed and blushed. “I missed you too.” He ran his hands up and down my arms. “You slept with Trapper?” he asked.
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