The pounding in my head wouldn't stop. I opened my eyes, but the pounding continued. When I rolled out of bed and made my way to the door, I noticed light coming through my living room window. It hadn't been that long since I'd fallen asleep, I thought. The pounding started again. I threw my door opened.
“What is so damn important?” I yelled.
When my eyes landed on Chris' face, I instantly felt bad for yelling. He looked like he was about to lose it. I swear the man was worried about something. His keys were in his hand just about to enter the lock.
“What's wrong?” I asked with concern.
“What's wrong?” he repeated, as he walked right by me. “I've been calling you since yesterday. Your phone goes straight to your message every single time. I tried not to come by. I wanted to give you time, but you freaked me the fuck out. What have you been doing? You're wearing the same damn clothes you were wearing yesterday. You have to be at work in four hours.”
“No, I don't,” I said confused.
“Yes, you do,” he said sarcastically. “I think you're losing it, Tina.”
“I couldn't have slept that long,” I said more to myself than to him.
I hurried to my room, grabbed my phone, and turned it on to hear beep after beep after beep.
“Shit,” I whispered.
“See,” he said, as he walked into my room and threw himself down on my bed.
Chris treated my apartment like his own. I did the same thing to him, so I could never complain. We'd exchanged keys but were only supposed to enter if it was an emergency.
“I fell asleep right after Jackson messaged me yesterday,” I said.
“Wait,” he said in a shocked tone. “What?”
I told him about our short exchange. He couldn't believe Jackson got my number from my brother's phone.
“I think he's really into you, Tina,” he said.
“No way,” I said, as I shook my head over and over. “It's the same thing all over again. I thought he was interested and slept with him. If I hadn't been gone, he would have been. You'll see. He'll go away before you know it.”
“I'm telling you, woman,” he said. “I paid attention this weekend. That man isn't going anywhere. He's a fine looking one at that. Not sure how you got him.”
Chris burst out laughing, and I jumped on him and held him down.
“Enough out of you,” I said.
He rolled me off of him, and I hit the floor with a thud. We both laughed until I finally found my way back to my phone.
Jackson: It wasn't like that. I need to talk to you. I thought we would have time in the morning. If I had known you were going to run, I'd have tied your ass up and made you listen to what I had to say. I'm not going away, Tiny. You better get used to it.
Jackson: I see how you want to play this. You have no idea who you're up against here.
Jackson: I'm not going to be stupid enough to let you go a second time. It's not going to happen. I'm going to show you every single day that you belong with me. I meant what I said last night, Tiny.
I moved my phone to show Chris the messages, and he laughed.
“I feel sorry for any guy that comes your way. I have a feeling Jackson's not going to let it happen. That dude had a punch. My face still hurts. I'm still not sure I made the right decision. Maybe if I'd have hit him back, he'd know I wouldn't let him mess with you.”
“That wouldn't stop him, Chris. He won't last long. I'll be his best friend's little sister, and he'll back off real quick. He'll be off getting laid someplace else in no time. That's what he does,” I said.
I typed out a quick message.
Me: You know Tim's going on that vacation. I don't know why you'd spend your hard earned money on his ass. If he's so mad, he shouldn't be going. Have you talked to my mom?
When I backed out of his messages, I saw some from my brother.
Tim: How could you leave without saying goodbye? I thought you were coming to mom and dad's house for lunch. We aren't done discussing this situation.
Tim: Answer me, Tina. I'm not stressing out on my honeymoon.
Both of those men were going to drive me crazy, I thought as I typed.
Me: I called mom and told her I was going home early. I didn't want to see you. What happened between me and Jackson ten years ago is none of your business. Have fun on the trip your best friend had to work for. Oh wait, he's not your friend anymore, but he's still good enough to take money from.
Chris waited in my living room while I showered and got ready for work. I just sat down to watch a show and eat a frozen pizza with Chris when the messages started coming through.
Tim: That's bullshit. Do not act like I use him. You don't know shit about Jackson. Stay the fuck away from him. Do you hear me, Tina? I better not find out you two hook up again.
Me: I'm old enough to make my own choices. You're right, I don't know anything about him anymore. If I want to get to know him, I will. That is not for you to decide. I don't think you deserve to be his friend anyway. Enjoy your vacation. He's been your best friend forever. You better fix it with him. Do you hear me?
Jackson: No, I haven't been able to face your mom. You didn't see the look on her face. You know her opinion matters more to me than anyone. Tim should go. He never thought I was good enough for you. I went against the only thing he asked of me. I totally understand why he's mad. You weren't supposed to know about the vacation. I like doing things for the people I care about.
Me: What about you? You need to do things for you. You should save that money for your future. What happens when you find your Mrs. Right? You need to be able to take care of her. I'm so sorry I said something at the reception. It was wrong. I was just so upset about you and Chris. It came out without me even realizing it. My mom will still love you, Jackson. I talked to her yesterday before I came home. She sounded sad about it all.
Jackson: I'll be fine. I'm not sure about the whole marriage thing. I had to see my parents before I went home. That was the same as always. Ten years hasn't changed that. Don't be sorry. It needed to be said. I've been carrying that around forever. It actually feels good to have it out there. I definitely have regrets. Your mom has always been there for me. Tim doesn't know I see her all the time.
There was the Jackson I knew so well.
Me: Who knows, maybe you'll meet someone and marry them after a few weeks too. Then you can forget all about your regrets of that horrible night. I won't be there to screw it up again. You're safe there. Bridget seemed to like you. Maybe you should give her a chance. I have to go to work.
I threw the phone down on the table in front of my couch, and Chris looked over at me.
“Nothing,” I said.
I heard the beep and shook my head. Then I heard a second beep.
“We need to get to work,” I said, as I stood up, grabbed my phone, turned off the television, and grabbed the rest of my stuff.
I thought about Jackson my entire shift. Chris watched me the whole time. He was such a great friend. I knew he'd have his daughter the following weekend, so I'd be alone. It was going to be my time to relax and do nothing. I planned to turn off my phone and get lost in a couple of new books I'd wanted to read. I just had to get through the week first.
When I got home that night, my feet ached. Chris was going out with some guy friends of his, so I knew he wouldn't come looking for me. I turned on the hot water and filled my tub with bubbles. Then I grabbed my e-reader. Curiosity finally got the best of me, and I grabbed my phone on the way back to the tub. I had always loved taking baths. I remembered how I used to say I was going to own a tub that could fit four people. It was going to be one my whole body could go under in. There would be jets everywhere. I don't know what it was about them, but I could take a bath every night and soak for hours at a time. I stepped in and let my body relax in the bubbles with my head back. It was so damn far away from being a tub I could go under with my entire body in, but it was still extremely relaxing.
I t
urned my phone on, not being able to wait anymore to see what Jackson's response was.
Jackson: Fuck, Tiny. That is not what I meant. I do have regrets about that night, but it's not what you think. I regret leaving in the middle of night. I regret running from my feelings to save your brother's. I regret not being there the next morning. Bridget's not my type. There is no way I would move that fast with someone after two weeks.
I read that text over and over. He was good. That fucker had me thinking everything I'd thought about that night for ten years was wrong. Could he really have ever cared about me? I doubt it. I was Tim's sister. That was all I'd ever be. I was Tiny, and he was Jackie. Then I checked the text from my brother.
Tim: Stay away from him!
I let my head fall back against the tub and closed my eyes. What if I was able to go with my heart? What if I didn't have to listen to what everyone else told me to do? If I could have been with only one guy all that time, who would it have been? Without my brother or Jackson pushing them away that is. The more I thought about it, the clearer it became. Jackson was the only one I'd ever really liked. When he was away at college, it was still him I wanted to talk to. None of those guys they chased away ever mattered. I had to wonder if my brother saw more than I did when it came to Jackson. Why had he been so sure Jackson needed to stay away from me? I lifted my head and smiled.
Me: What feelings were those, Jackie?
I laughed as I hit send. It was like I could see the freaked out look on his face on the other side of the phone. It wasn't long before the beep came and his response appeared. I was the freaked out one then.
Jackson: My feelings for you, Tiny.
I was still staring at the phone when it beeped again.
Jackson: After everything I've done with my life, he still doesn't think I'm good enough for you. He's probably right, but that's not going to stop me anymore. I've liked you since your thirteenth birthday, Tiny. I'm so damn tired of denying it.
Me: I doubt that, Jackie. You had girls falling at your feet and a new one on your arm each week. Even after you left for college, they talked like it was a prize to have dated you. I got so sick of hearing about it.
Jackson: Are you exaggerating, Tiny? Maybe you were just jealous. Did you want me for yourself?
Me: What if I did?
It took a minute for him to respond.
Jackson: If you did, why didn't you tell me?
Me: If I had kissed you that night, you would have made fun of me for months. There was no way I would have ever given you that control over me.
Jackson: No I wouldn't have. I wanted to kiss you that night, and Tim knew it. That was when he made that stupid promise up. I was damn fifteen. What about now? Would you give me that control now?
I knew what he meant and instantly felt my thighs clench together under the water. There was no way I was going there with him on the phone.
Me: Do you really see my mom a lot?
Jackson: Nice subject change. You must be thinking about it. I do see your mom, all the time. We go out to lunch once a week. I live over an hour away, so we see each other when I'm around for meetings. She's important to me. Tim doesn't see them that much, and you live as far away as possible. She really does miss you. We talk about you all the time.
Me: What do you say about me?
Jackson: That is between me and your mom, Tiny. She always talks highly of you. She's so damn proud that you make a difference in kids' lives every day. Why did you lie about Chris at the wedding?
Me: You really want to know?
Jackson: Yes.
Me: Let me finish my bath. The water is freezing. I'll text you after.
Jackson: Let me guess, your tub is huge and there are jets everywhere.
Me: What?
Jackson: I bet you can go under with your entire body at once. Shit! I'll be in my gym until you're done. Enough talks about baths.
I couldn't believe he remembered all the things I'd said so long ago. What shocked me even more was that I was hurrying through the rest of my bath so I could talk to him. Nothing ever came between me and a relaxing bath.
Once I was dried off, I got dressed for bed and crawled under the covers before sending him another text. I thought for a moment about calling him, but I couldn't do it. There was no way I could be honest with him if I could hear his voice. Through text, it was different. I felt like I could be honest, and he couldn't make fun of me. If he was doing it in the background, I didn't know. For all I knew, he could have been showing his friends or a girlfriend or something. I would never know, and that was better for me.
Me: You had your hand on her back. That was the first thing I noticed. She was absolutely beautiful. I saw the smile on her face and couldn't deal with it. Tim was happy. You were happy. I didn't want anyone to know I wasn't happy. I'd been gone for so long, and I wanted everyone to think my life was just as perfect as theirs.
My phone rang moments later, but I didn't answer it.
Me: How's that for honesty.
Jackson: My hand was on her back because she tripped over her own damn shoe. I didn't realize until later that your brother and his woman were trying to set me up that night. She wasn't beautiful. I wanted to pummel that fucker the second I saw you with him. None of our lives are perfect. What do you mean not happy? I want to hear your voice so bad, Tiny.
Me: She had perfect hair, makeup, eyes, legs, and everything else. Don't give me that shit. You'd have been all over that years ago. I'll never come close to her or any of the rest of them. I don't care to anymore. I'm just me. Chris is hot. I'll give you that. We joke about being together all the time. You're not so bad though. I didn't mean I wasn't happy. I meant not being in a relationship. I learned long ago that hooking up wasn't what I thought it would be. It was fine for a few years, but I don't want that shit anymore. I can't talk to you. You'll do that crazy Jackson shit you do, and I'll be thinking you actually care.
Jackson: Way to hurt the ego. He's hot, and I'm not so bad. You're lucky I have a meeting tomorrow or my ass would be on the next flight out of here. I was being honest. Not one thing about Bridget was sexy to me. I haven't been that guy in years. You're the one that's fucking perfect, Tiny. I'm not so sure about that cocky mouth of yours though. I can't decide how I feel about that yet. As much as I wanted to spank that ass for you talking to me like that, I also couldn't wait to see what you came up with next. I do not want to hear about you hooking up, ever. How long has it been since you've hooked up??? I do care.
Me: It's been two years since I've been with someone.
Jackson: Ouch. I guess next time I need to be more memorable then.
Me: I meant before that. You were memorable enough I guess. I'll get back to you on that.
Jackson: You wouldn't be talking shit if you weren't so far away. I bet you have to biggest smile on your face right now.
Me: You have a meeting tomorrow. What time? Do you wear a suit and act all important?
Jackson: Eight o'clock. Sometimes.
Me: Do you have your own office?
Jackson: I do. I have my own assistant as well.
Me: You must be big stuff. I can't imagine you as a boss. Are you a control freak?
Jackson: I can tell you that you're the only one that has gotten away with talking back to me in a very long time.
Me: Really? Does everyone else kiss your ass then? That guy at the wedding seemed pretty impressed by you. He was all “I've not done as well as Jackson.” I see you have everyone under that Jackson spell of yours.
Jackson: You're not under the Jackson spell. Everyone does not kiss my ass, Tiny. I'm not that important. I just don't put up with people talking snotty to me all the time.
By the time we'd gone back and forth, I could barely keep my eyes open.
Me: It's a good thing I'm not just anyone then. I'm falling asleep, and you have to be up early.
Jackson: Am I boring you?
Me: You, boring. Is that even possible, Jackie? I can't imag
ine that.
Jackson: Where's my Tiny? What did you do with her?
Me: Goodnight, Jackie.
Jackson: Sweet dreams, Tiny.
When I woke in the morning, I felt more refreshed than I had felt in a very long time. The sun was shining, and I couldn't help but be in a great mood. I opened my eyes just before eight o'clock, so I grabbed my phone and sent a quick text.
Me: Good luck at your meeting. May they all kiss your ass. Don't you have an ass you need to be kissing as well?
By the time I got out of the shower, I had a response.
Jackson: Thank you. I seriously almost spit my coffee at a table full of people. The only ass I want to be around today is yours, but I can't. You work today?
Me: I do. I have many asses to kiss. The bigger the kiss, the bigger the tip.
Jackson: I do not want to think about that. I have to fly out later today. Can I call you tonight?
Me: Where to now, Mr. Important? Don't go off punching people or anything. Not sure what time I'll be home. You can text me whenever you want. I might be with Chris after work.
Jackson: Is it bad that I'm still jealous of him? If he changes his mind about women, I'll be there to kick his ass. I have a meeting tomorrow in Virginia. Who knows, maybe I'll find my way to New York one of these days.
Me: You fly a lot?
Jackson: I do. The more I work, the less time I have to think.
Me: What does the amazing Jackson have to think about?
Jackson: Regrets.
Me: I'm sure we all have those.
Jackson: What are yours?
Me: Don't you have something you need to be doing? I'm going to get ready for work now. Be careful. Have fun in Virginia.
The days that followed were more of the same. I text back and forth with Jackson every single day. That was the only time I text first. After that, I waited for him each time. I knew eventually he'd get tired of sending them. The rest of that week, I either hung out with Chris or went home after work. When the weekend came, I never got out of my pajamas. I cleaned my apartment, read, watched movies, and text Jackie. I even got him to watch the same movie as me. If he lied, he did a great job. I made sure to ask him things about what was happening so I could make sure he was really watching it. It was the best, most restful weekend I'd had in a very long time. I started thinking maybe I didn't want him to stop texting me, and I caught myself wanting to learn more about him.
In Love with My Brother's Best Friend: Complete Box Set Page 14