Diamonds and Dust

by Jessie Evans

  He and Tulsi had already wasted so much time clinging to old hurts and stubbornly refusing to admit that neither of them had moved on. He was never going to move on, he was never going to get over Tulsi, and he didn’t want to. He wanted to be her lover and her friend and the father of her children—Clementine and those other blond babies he’d been dreaming about—for the rest of his life.

  And then, finally, he would be living the dream—his dream. It wasn’t baseball or fame or money that filled the void inside of him; it was the blonde in the rumpled dress with her hair falling down around her bare shoulders, standing in a dusty pen, hugging a black stallion around the neck in the fading light.

  Pike pulled the truck slowly to a stop a good hundred feet from the fence, not wanting to spook Tulsi or the horse. The animal was one of the largest Pike had seen and he didn’t look happy. His muscles corded beneath his coat and his nostrils flared. As Pike crossed the yard, he got a better look at the beast’s eyes and wasn’t surprised that he looked wild. This horse wasn’t even green broke and Pike’s gut said the creature hadn’t spent any enjoyable time with people. He was either fresh from the wild or he’d been abused by a former owner at some point down the line.

  He was also capable of killing Tulsi if he decided to lash out and assert dominance over the woman petting his neck and gently nudging his hoof with her leg. Pike made damn sure he moved slowly and deliberately as he dropped his hat onto the grass beside him before climbing up to stand on the edge of the fence. He wanted to be within an easy jump of being in the ring, just in case he had to rush in to get between Tulsi and the horse.

  “Tulsi,” Pike said in a soft voice. “You okay in there?”

  “He’s trying to step up on me,” Tulsi said. “But we’re working it out. I think he’s going to figure out he’s safe in a minute or two.”

  “You want me to come in and help?” Pike asked, heart skipping a beat as the stallion nipped at Tulsi’s neck only for her to gently but firmly capture his muzzle, before his teeth found skin, and push him away.

  “No,” Tulsi said. “That would scare him more. He’s not as mean as he looks, but he’s scared. I think maybe someone wasn’t very nice to this big guy when he was growing up.”

  “That was my gut, too.” Pike continued to use his “don’t wake the baby” voice, the one that would, hopefully, let this animal know that neither he nor Tulsi intended him any harm.

  “Reece acts like she sends these horses to mess with Daddy, but sometimes she’s trying to save an animal no one else will take,” Tulsi said, stroking the horse’s neck as she spoke. “She’s not as hard as she pretends to be. She’s got a soft heart, though she hides it so well most people don’t see it.”

  Tulsi sighed and whispered something only the horse could hear. Pike wasn’t sure what it was, but he was relieved to see the animal’s muscles relax and the giant begin sniffing Tulsi’s hair in exploration instead of flaring its nostrils in fear.

  “I always thought I was her opposite because everyone could see mine,” Tulsi continued. “But I’ve done my share of hiding…pretending.” She pulled back, looking up into the horse’s eyes as she spoke. “I was so scared, Pike. I was scared of being hurt again and that the baby and I wouldn’t be enough for you, the way Mama and Reece and I were never enough for my dad. It was wrong and deep down I knew I’d made a mistake years ago. I just…I didn’t know how to make it better.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Pike said, wanting her in his arms so much it was all he could do not to jump the fence. But she was getting somewhere with this animal, and he didn’t want to put her in danger, so for now, words would have to do. “I’m hurt and sad I missed so much of Clem’s life. I hate that she went a day without a daddy to love her, let alone six years.”

  Tulsi swallowed visibly and bowed her head, but the stallion wasn’t having any of it. He nudged her chin and she looked up, sniffing as she met his eyes and gently pushed his muzzle back down, showing him that she was still in charge.

  “But in the end none of that matters,” Pike continued as he stepped down off the fence rail. “I’m not saying I’m going to get over this in a day or that we won’t have to work to figure out how to move forward without hurting or confusing Clem... But I love you, Tulsi. And nothing’s going to change that.”

  “Not even this?” Tulsi’s shoulders lifted and fell as her breath shuddered out, but she didn’t break eye contact with the horse, who was now snuffling the palm she’d held up for him to inspect. “You really still love me?”

  “I was thinking about love on the drive over,” Pike said, making his way slowly around the fence, closer to the gate. “And I think the country songs are wrong. You don’t fall in love; you choose it. You get close enough to a person to look into their dark corners and see things that scare you, but you choose to stay and keep loving them anyway. Because love isn’t meant to be sunshine and rainbows all the time. It’s beautiful, but it’s also painful. If you really love someone, you sign on for both, and when the painful parts come, you hold on even tighter.”

  He stopped at the fence, eyes glued to Tulsi’s profile and the tears sliding slowly down her cheeks. “But whether we’re having a beautiful day or a painful one, I’m always going to choose you, Tulsi Hearst. You’re the only person I want to go through heaven or hell with. And if you don’t get out of that ring and close enough for me to hug you pretty soon, I’m coming in, and that horse and I can fight over who gets to sniff your neck.”

  Tulsi smiled as she leaned in to kiss the stallion’s nose. And then she turned and started toward the gate. After a moment, the horse followed her with slow, easy steps, clearly having decided this human was a different breed than the people he’d encountered before—someone good, kind, and special.

  Pike knew the feeling.

  As soon as Tulsi slipped through the gate, he pulled her into his arms, crushing her against his chest, rocking them both back and forth as Tulsi cried.

  “I’m so scared,” she said, her tears wetting his shirt. “I can’t live without her, Pike. I can’t imagine anything worse than waking up tomorrow and knowing I’ll never hold her again.”

  Pike’s eyes filled with tears he didn’t try to stop from spilling over. “I know. I wish I could promise everything will be okay, but all I can promise is that I’ll be with you. No matter what.”

  Tulsi clutched him tighter. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t believe in you.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t give you a reason to,” Pike said. “But I’m going to make up for it now. It’s me and you from now on. You’re not carrying this alone anymore. I’ve got your back.”

  Tulsi’s fingers dug into his shoulders with a strength he knew most people didn’t realize she possessed. “I’ve got yours, too. I promise.”

  “And that’s all I need,” he said, smoothing her hair from her face. He brushed the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs and met her sad, blue eyes. “We should probably head back to the hospital. I know they said two hours, but…just in case.”

  Tulsi nodded swiftly. “You’re right. I want to be with her as soon as they’ll let me. Sometimes she gets angry when she’s scared. The nurses might need me to help talk her down.”

  “I hope she wakes up throwing things and screaming every cuss word she learned from her Aunt Mia,” Pike said, taking her hand as they started toward the truck.

  “Me too,” Tulsi whispered. “It could happen. She’s stronger than she looks.”

  “So are you,” he said, opening the passenger door for her.

  Tulsi climbed into the seat and turned back to look at him. “Thank you. For coming to get me.”

  “Always,” Pike promised, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to her lips. She tasted sad and scared, but that was okay. He was signed up for all of it—every sweet, terrible, wonderful emotion, every peak and valley of the journey. His love was unbreakable, and there was nothing that would come between him and the woman who was his ever again.

>   CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Tulsi

  When Tulsi and Pike arrived at the hospital, Mia, Sawyer, Bubba, and Marisol were already in the waiting room, camped out in the far corner near the windows overlooking the parking lot. For a moment, Tulsi hung back, not knowing if she could handle a confrontation with Mia right now, but the moment her friend spotted her across the room, she jumped to her feet and hurried over with her arms outstretched.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, pulling Tulsi in for a hug. “You needed me, and I was a selfish asshole.”

  “It’s okay,” Tulsi said, her voice muffled by Mia’s shoulder. “What I did was horrible. I was young and scared, but you still have every right to be angry.”

  “We don’t have to talk about it now.” Mia patted her back gently. “We’ll hash through it all later after we’re sure Clem is all right.”

  Tulsi pulled back, looking up into Mia’s face, knowing she had to say what needed to be said now. If the worst came to pass, this might be the last time she was in her right mind for a long time. “No, I want you to know how sorry I am. By the time I started to think I’d made a mistake, Clem was already walking and I… I didn’t know how to go back.” Tulsi crossed her arms with a sigh. “And then every time I’d get to thinking that maybe I should reach out to Pike or confide in you, I’d see a picture of him with a model on some magazine and let resentment get the better of me.”

  She took a breath, bracing herself for the rest. “It was an ugly, selfish way to behave, and it wasn’t fair to anyone. I just hope you can forgive me someday because I love you so much. I never could have made it through giving birth without you, let alone all the years after. You’re my sister and my friend and I’m just…so sorry I hurt you.”

  Mia pulled her in for a harder hug. “You did, but you hurt yourself more, sweets. I know that and I don’t get off on kicking the people I love when they’ve already been kicked around enough. And that’s all I’ve got to say about it.” Mia nodded firmly. “So far, there’s nothing new on Clem, but Nurse Amy was here a few minutes ago and said she’d keep us updated.”

  Pike’s hand settled gently on Tulsi’s back. “You want me to go check on your dad? I could sneak up to his room and try to find out what’s going on.”

  Tulsi shook her head. “I’m focused on Clementine right now. When Dad’s ready to talk to me, he can let me know. I don’t have the energy to spare bending over backward to please him right now.”

  Mia smiled. “Change that to ‘ever again’ and I’ll say it’s the smartest thing you’ve ever said.”

  Tulsi nodded, thinking about all the things she’d learned about forgiveness in a few short hours. “Maybe I will,” she said. “I’m ready to let go of the past. If Daddy can’t let go too, then maybe it’s best if he and I don’t spend as much time together anymore.”

  “How about a coffee?” Bubba asked, coming to stand beside Mia. “Sawyer and I decided we could use a cup.”

  “Sounds good.” Tulsi smiled, grateful to have so many of the people she treasured most around her. Nothing could make a wait like this one easy, but with her friends around her she would get through it without losing her mind.

  Bubba and Sawyer left to go get coffee from the cafeteria and the rest of them settled into their faded blue chairs beneath the television screen hung from the ceiling. The channel was fixed on a twenty-four-hour news station that repeated the same nuggets of information every fifteen minutes, but even after a large cup of coffee and the fifth cycle back into the evening news line-up, Tulsi couldn’t seem to make sense of what the reporters were saying. She was too scared to focus on anything but the fact that her baby was lying somewhere inside the doors to her right, fighting for her life.

  She spent the hour leaning into Pike, grateful for his arm around her, feeling like the two of them were bracing for a hurricane about to hit shore. She could sense her own fear and dread echoed in his tense muscles, but knew she wouldn’t be holding it together as well as she was without his support.

  “How are you doing?” she asked when Marisol, Bubba, and Sawyer left to make another trip to the cafeteria for snacks, leaving Pike, Mia, and Tulsi alone. She curled her fingers around Pike’s leg above the knee, giving him a gentle squeeze.

  “Getting sick of waiting,” he said with a sigh, his arm tightening around her. “I just wish they’d come tell us something. It’s been over two hours since the surgery started.”

  As if summoned by his words, Amy, the dark haired nurse who’d been keeping them updated, swung through the doors, a smile on her face. Tulsi saw that grin and her heart swelled with a joy so fierce it felt like her chest might explode, but she still needed to hear the words.

  “She’s okay?” Tulsi surged to her feet with Pike and Mia not far behind her. “The surgery’s over?”

  “She’s out of surgery, stable, and doing great,” the nurse said, her smiled widening. “The shrapnel was pervasive, but it didn’t damage any of her internal organs, which is wonderful news. We’ve got her in the recovery room and she should be waking up any minute. As soon as we make sure she’s not going to have an adverse response to the anesthesia, we’ll get Mom and Dad back to see her.”

  “She doesn’t know I’m her dad,” Pike said quickly. “So please don’t say anything. We want to wait until she’s healthy and strong to have that conversation.”

  The nurse’s eyebrows lifted toward her hairline, but she nodded. “Okay. Then we’ll get Mom back to see her first. If she’s up to it, everyone else can come back for a quick hello a little later, but then we’ll need to get her settled in a private room for a nice long rest. The best thing she can do right now is sleep and heal.”

  “Thank you so much,” Tulsi said, reaching out to press the nurse’s hand. “And please thank all the doctors, too. I’m so grateful.”

  “It was our pleasure.” Amy smiled. “I’m so happy to be able to give you good news. And just so you know, the boy who was driving the car that hit your father’s truck is out of surgery, too. It looks like he’s going to pull through, but he had a blood alcohol level way over the legal limit, so the police will remain involved. They’ll probably be in touch with you in the next few days.”

  “My uncle’s the chief of police,” Mia said. “He’s known Tulsi and Clementine forever, so I’m sure he’ll handle this personally.”

  Amy nodded. “Great. Y’all just hang tight for a little longer. Hopefully, I’ll be back to get you in just a few minutes Mom.”

  Tulsi thanked the other woman again before turning to Pike and falling into his arms. She hugged him tight, relief making her tremble. “Thank God. Thank God she’s okay.”

  “I hope that kid ends up in jail,” Pike said, pressing her to his chest. “If his drunk bullshit had taken Clem away…”

  “Don’t even say it,” Mia said, letting out a shaky breath. “I can’t think about it anymore.”

  “Me either,” Tulsi said, pulling away from Pike. “I should call my mom and let her know Clementine’s out of surgery before I go back to see her.”

  “I’ll make sure someone tells your dad, too,” Pike said. “Then I’ll run to your place and get you clean clothes and whatever else you’ll need to spend the night. You’re going to stay in Clem’s room, right?”

  Tulsi nodded. “Yes. Thank you,” she said, gratitude flooding through her chest as he smiled and leaned down to press a quick kiss to her cheek. “And if you could get a couple of Clem’s stuffed animals from her room, too, that would be great. It won’t be the same as Snuggly Blanket and Monster Princess, but I’m sure she’d appreciate something to cuddle when she wakes up.”

  “I’m on it,” Pike said, with a wink, before he turned and started toward the front desk.

  She watched him go, silently thanking the universe for the host of miracles that she’d witnessed tonight, before she reached for her cell.

  “Let me step outside and call your mom,” Mia said, touching her hand to Tulsi’s arm. “I’ve got her number. Yo
u stay here so you can go back the second Clem’s ready for visitors.”

  “Thank you,” Tulsi said. “Thank you for everything. I’m so glad we’re still friends.”

  Mia grinned. “Family. And no sense staying mad at family, right? And since I get the feeling you’re going to be my sister for real before too long, it would be even stupider to hold a grudge. Just be good to Pike, and I’ll consider us square for life.”

  Tulsi nodded seriously. “I will. I love him so much, Mia.”

  “He’s pretty crazy about you, too,” she said, shaking her head. “I still can’t believe I didn’t see it before, but I guess sometimes we only see what we’re expecting to see.” She slipped her cell from her purse as she backed toward the sliding doors. “I’ll call your mom and be right back.”

  “Thanks,” Tulsi said, Mia’s words resonating. For years, she’d done the same thing. She’d only seen what she expected to see, refusing to see the options that were right in front of her. From now on, she was determined to look at the big picture and realize that, no matter how bleak things seemed, there was always hope and paths that led out of the darkness.

  A few minutes later, Nurse Amy returned and took her back to see Clementine, who looked even smaller than usual lying in a big hospital bed with tubes in her arms and bandages covering most of her chest. Tears sprung immediately to Tulsi’s eyes, but she forced a smile. She refused to cry or do anything to scare Clem more than her daughter had been scared already.

  “Hey, bug. I’m so happy to see you!” Tulsi took her daughter’s small hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze, wishing she could draw Clem into her arms and rock her all night the way she did when she was a baby.

  “Where’s Grandpa?” Clem asked, her forehead wrinkled. “Is he okay?”

  “He’s going to be fine,” Tulsi assured her. “He’s already resting and doing great. How about you, baby? How are you feeling?”

  “Everything hurts. All over.” Clem’s blue eyes swam with tears. “I don’t like it here, Mommy, I want to go home.”