by Piper King
Blinking hard, I swore to myself. This was why I couldn’t get close. Not to her. Not to anyone.
I was a mess.
I was broken.
25
Diesel was here and then not, hot and then cold, left and then right. I couldn’t make sense of it. One minute, he was strolling through the woods, his steps light, his eyes turned up to the summer sky. And then the next minute he was glowering in the shadows of the trees, clearly pissed off about something.
But what? Nothing had happened. All we’d done was walk into the woods.
I grabbed the basket from his fisted hands and knelt on the dewy grass, hastily unpacking the picnic. My hands shook as I spread a checkered blanket across the ground. If I weren’t so irritated by him, I’d be touched at how thoughtful he’d been for remembering that I loved the ocean.
I hated this. I had thought we were getting somewhere. Where? I didn’t know. To some sort of understanding. To some sort of…something. He was the father of my child, and he’d made it clear he wanted to be part of her life. And then he’d asked me out here for what? To scowl at me?
This man drove me insane.
I wanted to kiss him and slap him all at the same damn time.
“Here, let me help you.” His voice was suddenly soft. Instead of making it better, it sent my pulse to the brink of overdrive. Cold one minute and then hot the next. I couldn’t take it!
“What is with you?” I stood and shoved my fisted hands on my hips.
Diesel frowned, the lines around his dark eyes deepening. “You seem angry again.”
“Angry?” I threw up my hands. “No, Diesel. I’m fucking ecstatic at the moment. Ecstatic because I’m finally realizing that this…whatever the hell this is. Well, it’s just not going to work.”
The words came out before I could stop them. I wasn’t sure I really meant what I’d said. I was just so frustrated by his ever-changing mood. I wanted answers. I wanted him to tell me why he was here and why he kept switching off and on like a lightbulb that needed to be changed.
Diesel stared down at me, so tall that he blotted out the sun overhead. The sky rumbled, this time closer, and the irony of it all was not lost on me. We had come out here for a nice picnic together in the sunshine, and instead, the storm was rolling in so fast we wouldn’t be able to escape the rain.
“What’s all this about, Lucy?” he asked quietly. “You were fine just a minute ago.”
“So were you!” I shook my head, barely believing him. “And now you’re moody. Again. Why? What is it that you want from me?”
And there I’d said it. The one question I’d been asking myself from the first moment he’d shown up last night. I understood he wanted to be in his daughter’s life, but that didn’t explain why he’d come back to the diner in the first place. Before he’d even known she existed. It didn’t explain why he’d slept in his truck. And it really didn’t explain why he’d brought me here now.
“What do you want from me, Diesel?” I asked again, this time so softly that the words got lost in the crash of thunder overhead.
“I want you,” he said, his voice like tires on gravel. “I’ve never been able to stop thinking about you, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t quit imagining how fucking amazing it would feel to be inside you again.”
My heart throbbed hard, the skin on my neck trembling with each beat. “Then stop trying.”
Diesel strode forward and cupped my cheek in his steady hand. I let out an almost imperceptible sigh and leaned against his fingers, breathing in the musky scent of him. He was so strong, so rough, so big. And yet so gentle that I knew I would be safe as long as he was here.
“Are you sure you want this?” he asked, his eyes locking on mine.
The air thickened as the clouds opened up and rain began to tumble onto the ground, onto our heads, onto our skin. But we didn’t even flinch. Water cascaded down Diesel’s face and chest and the chill of the rain did nothing to ease the heat between my thighs. He wanted to take me here in the middle of the woods, and knowing we were exposed—to the weather and to any random passerby—did nothing but excite me even more.
“Take me,” I whispered. “Do anything you want to me.”
Diesel’s response was a guttural growl that sent shivers to my toes. He dropped his mouth to mine, spreading my lips with his tongue. His kiss was hungry and spoke of long nights full of unmet desire and need. My entire body hummed from just that one kiss, and my pussy ached as the need inside me grew and grew, the roar in my ears so loud I could no longer hear the rumbling thunder in the sky.
He pushed me up against a tree, slamming me into the bark. Its rough sides scraped into my skin, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was him. I dropped back my head as his kisses trailed down, his tongue darting across my neck. Moaning, I hooked my leg around his waist, my sundress sliding back to reveal my wet thighs.
His hands snaked down my back and stilled when they reached my bare ass. Moaning loud, he pulled back and searched my eyes, a dark heat swirling in them. “You aren’t wearing panties.”
“No, I’m not,” I whispered, arching my back to press my wetness against his bulging crotch. I needed him to touch me, to be inside me. I couldn’t wait much longer or I was certain I would explode.
“My god, Lucy,” Diesel moaned as his eyes swept across my face. “You’re the most perfect woman alive.”
With his eyes drinking in my curves, he unzipped his jeans and pulled out his rock hard cock. I gasped at the sight of it, just as I had the first time. It was big. My memories hadn’t done it justice. And he was about to fill me up with it.
He shoved me harder against the tree and wet leaves cascaded around us. His hands gripped my ass as he lifted me from the ground, wrapping my thighs tight around his hips. The head of his cock pressed into me, and I cried out, not caring if anyone else heard the sound.
“My god.” Diesel’s heavy breaths sent another wave of heat through my trembling body. “You feel so fucking good. Tell me you want me. Tell me what you want me to do to you.”
“I want you to fuck me,” I breathed. “Hard.”
And so he did.
26
After Lucy and I fucked in the park, we moved to the truck. We spent hours naked and breathing hard on the leather seat, skin rubbing against skin, exploring each other’s bodies. It was the best fucking day of my life. At some point, we dozed off, basking in the heat I’d cranked up in an effort to get Lucy dry. We’d gotten soaked out in the rain, and Lucy’s hair was dripping wet…much like another part of her.
She had curled up against me, her arms splayed across my chest and her head tucked under my chin. I stiffened, a strange feeling passing through me. Relaxation? Calm? Two emotions I wasn’t very acquainted with, and it caught me off guard. I had fallen asleep, and nothing had gone wrong. It was the first time in a very long while I’d been able to do that.
Something could have gone very wrong.
I frowned, my emotions battling within me.
It had become clear as day that I felt something for this girl. Something far more than just lust. I had for a long-ass while, but it had been easy to shove it aside when I’d been out on the road with nothing but dark skies above and empty miles ahead. But things had changed. And I could no longer push away what was happening between us.
I wanted Lucy. I wanted her with every beat of my heart.
But if we were going to be together—really together—she’d have to know about my past. And I didn’t know if she’d want to be around me after that.
Lucy awoke, suddenly bouncing off my chest and whirling around with wide eyes. She peered out the window, but there was nothing to see. It had gotten dark while we’d been asleep and rain still slashed down from the sky, ricocheting off the steel frame of the truck.
“What time is it?”
“Oh, it’s about nine.” I cracked a grin and eyed her erect nipples. Even after all the sex we’d had, she was still turned on as hell.
She yanked her dress over her head. “Nine? Shit. Grams is going to be in a state. Oh god, I hope Anna is okay. How the hell did we lose track of time like this?”
“Well…” I reached out and dragged my thumb across her cheek. “I can remind you how, if you’d like.”
“Diesel.” Her face flamed. “We can’t start that up again. We need to get back home.”
“We?” I raised an eyebrow as I cranked the engine, the roar filling up our ears and drowning out the sound of the rain. I liked the sound of we.
“Yes, we.” She bit her lip and leaned over to brush a kiss across my cheek. Still so shy and sweet even though we’d just spent the past few hours being as intimate as two people could possibly be. “Let’s go home.”
27
I’d never felt happier in my life, but all that flew right out the window the second Diesel pulled his truck along the side of my house. Jared’s Jeep was parked out front, squatting there like some kind of beast about to pounce on its prey. I’d been so distracted by Diesel that I’d forgotten Jared had planned to swing by the house tonight. My heart began to flicker and worry formed like a lump of coal in my gut.
After the perfect day we’d just had, I didn’t want to even breathe wrong for fear of messing things up. We were still so new, so fragile, like a leaf on the wind. One big burst of air, and we’d go tumbling off in the wrong direction.
“Looks like you’ve got some company,” Diesel said as he cut the engine.
“Yeah, listen,” I said, not entirely sure how to explain. “About that. There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I want you to promise you won’t fly off the handle.”
The front door of the house swung open, and Jared’s silhouette filled the doorframe. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Diesel frown. And when Jared took another step, the porch light illuminated his features, features that had drastically improved since he’d cleaned himself up. His eyes were no longer sunken in and his back no longer hunched. He was still drawn and thin, especially compared to the Jared I’d known all those years before. But he was getting healthier. Stronger. Better.
And as much as I knew I was falling for Diesel, I didn’t want him to ruin everything Jared had done to change his life.
“What the fuck is he doing here?” Diesel’s hands tightened on the wheel so much the leather cracked, and I swore I could hear his teeth grinding together, like engine parts without enough oil.
“You have to listen to me, Diesel.” I placed a hand on his arm, but he shook it off.
“That man is the druggie who attacked you.” Diesel’s voice was low and dangerous, and it sent chills along my skin. “Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me that man is not inside your house. With our baby girl.”
“He is, but listen to me,” I said quickly. “That’s Jared.”
“That’s our baby girl inside that house.” Diesel launched a finger in the air, pointing straight at where Jared stood on the porch, frowning out at the rain. He had no idea what was about to hit him—maybe literally—and it scared me to think this night could send him back to where he’d been.
Suddenly, realization dawned on Diesel’s face and he stared at me with such hurt and betrayal that my heart split in two. “When I asked you before if there’d been any men coming by here, you wouldn’t look at me. You said there hadn’t been, but you lied.”
“It’s not like that, Diesel,” I said in a rush of words, desperate for him to understand. In that moment, everything slowed, the seconds ticking by at an agonizing speed. The two of us stood perched above a chasm that could swallow us whole, and I was teetering on the edge. One wrong move, and all of this would be gone in the blink of an eye.
“Then, what the fuck is he doing here, standing on your porch like he belongs?” Diesel’s stormy gaze searched my eyes for an answer. “Tell me he hasn’t been coming by here. Tell me he’s not in your life.”
“He has a few times, but—”
“Get out of my truck.” His voice was flat, stone-cold, hard. His eyes flicked away, but I could see the storm cloud break away, replaced by something else. Something that made all the blood drain from my face.
Hate.
Tears began to stream down my face. Only moments before, everything had been perfect. For the first time in my life, I’d felt like I was on the right track to something great. I’d been wanted, needed, whole. And now it was all getting ripped away from me again, for reasons I couldn’t understand.
I’d known he probably wouldn’t understand Jared’s presence in my life. And I’d thought he might not like it.
But I hadn’t expected this.
28
He was here. Jared Evans was on my woman’s porch, looking like he belonged here more than I did. He leaned against the railing, hands slung into his pockets. My fingers tightened on the steering wheel and metal creaked. Lucy stared at me aghast, confusion and hurt rippling across her delicate features. She didn’t understand. How could she? She didn’t know what this man had done to me.
But I couldn’t look at her. Not right now. Maybe not for a long ass while.
Back then, she’d said she knew Jared Evans. I hadn’t realized she knew him the way it was becoming very clear she did.
And he’d been coming here all this time.
I couldn’t even look at him without wanting to burn down his world. The way he’d burned down mine.
“I need you to get out, Lucy,” I said through gritted teeth. If I didn’t leave—now—I was afraid I’d get out of this truck and show Jared Evans exactly what I thought of his presence in Lucy’s life.
“Diesel, please,” she whispered through her sobs. That sound cut deep, but it didn’t dampen my determination to get the hell out of here as fast I could. Even though she didn’t know what had happened in the army and didn’t know the extent of what Jared had done to us all, she’d still let a known drug user near our daughter.
Repeatedly.
And she’d kept it from me.
“I’ve made my decision,” I said, though it cut a chunk of my heart out of my chest.
29
My stomach churned, and I felt sick as I stumbled through the rain, my feet slipping on wet grass and soaked dirt. I didn’t know what the hell had just happened. Diesel had done far more this time than flick from hot to cold. He’d gone from volcanic lava to lethal ice. My whole body shook as I made my way up the rickety stairs of my house, suddenly overcome by the lonely life I lived.
I had Grams and I had Anna, but I had no one else. Not really. When I’d gotten pregnant, Grams had moved back from Florida where she’s started a retired life for herself, away from her friends and a man she’d started to date. We weren’t blood related, Grams and I. She’d snatched me out of foster care when I’d been twelve years old, when Jared had begged her to help me.
She’d never say that she wanted to go back to Florida, but I knew she missed it there.
I knew she wanted to make sure I was okay first.
After today, I thought he’d be able to tell her I was.
Not anymore.
Now I was so much worse off than before.
“What was that all about?” Jared asked as I sagged against the railing, sobs shaking my body. I was soaking wet and chilled to the bone, but I didn’t care.
“I’m sorry, Jared,” I said, closing my eyes. “I really can’t talk right now. This is going to have to wait until tomorrow. I just had a horrible fight with my…I don’t know what he is, but he’s gone.”
Jared frowned down at me, the floorboards creaking as he moved closer, concern crinkling the edges of his eyes. He was still so young, barely older than me, but his bad few months had aged him at least ten years. “Who was that and why does he have you so upset? Want me to go kick his ass?”
“I think he’s more likely to kick your ass, to be honest.” I coughed and shook my head. “He already has once.”
He blinked once, nodded. “That was Diesel, wasn’t it? Hard to tell from here, but I thou
ght it looked like his face. Or at least the scowl sure did.”
My head snapped up. I’d never once told Jared his name. In fact, we’d barely spoken of the incident in the diner that night. He’d apologized profusely and repeatedly, but we’d never talked specifics. He’d been horrified by his actions, and I had been, too. And as much as I liked reimagining many of the things that had happened that night, Jared barreling in high as a kite was the one bit I liked to leave out of my fantasies.
“How do you know his name?” I asked, my words almost drowned out by the heavy rain slashing the weak porch roof over our heads.
Jared ran a hand down his face, sighing heavily. His hand tightened on the beam holding up the roof and he leaned into it, almost as if he needed support for what he was about to say. He seemed so hesitant to speak, causing my stomach to squeeze even tighter and my breath to get caught in my throat. What could be that bad?
“We served in the army together,” he finally said.
“What?” My mouth dropped open. I could barely believe what I’d heard. They had been in the army together? So, that meant…All this time, Jared had known who Diesel was. They had served together, fought together. But that also must have meant…
“When you came back, you had changed.” I tried to find the right way to piece the words together. Jared had never wanted to talk about his time in the army. Something terrible had happened. That was all I knew. They had cut his service short, and he’d returned with bloodshot eyes and demons plaguing his every step.
And then he’d turned to drugs.
Things were starting to click together in my head. Why Diesel was the way he was. Why he’d tried to keep me out. Why he’d been so mad to see Jared standing on my front porch. Something had happened. To both of them. And the horror of the event had left aftershocks in its wake, affecting every moment of their lives. Even now.