Forever Red

by Carina Adams

  I paused at the edge of the dance floor, scanning the room, not finding her anywhere. “She’s here. Don’t worry,” Rebel assured me, stopping beside me and looking around the room. “Find Mike and you’ll find her.”

  I nodded, still searching. Reb, Mike, and I spent the majority of our time together when we were on the road, writing songs and telling stories. Out of all the ‘Bama Boys, Reb was the only one that truly understood. Reb fucked anything and everything that showed even the slightest bit of interest, but he’d give it up in an instant if the one woman he loved showed up at his door.

  Most of the boys were either in serious, committed relationships with women who actually wanted to be with them, or married. The few that weren’t, were happy being single and didn’t want to be tied down to one woman. Reb and I were the exception; we were fucking miserable, even though no one would believe it, and wanted what the married guys had. We just didn’t want it with some random chick; no, we were masochistic pricks that longed for the ones that had left us years ago.

  “She’s in a booth in the back with Carson,” Noah yelled over the noise as he moved around a group of gyrating women. “She looks pissed, big brother.”

  Reb laughed and slapped me on the back. “Good luck with that.” He grabbed Noah’s arm and pulled him toward the bar.

  The place had filled up and there were now at least twice the amount of people that had been in here when we arrived. I headed in the direction that Noah had just come from, squeezing through large groups and avoiding eye contact with everyone. A familiar hand found mine, pulling me to a stop.

  “Nate,” Molly whined. “Where have you been? Come dance with me.”

  I smiled down at her. “Not right now, kid. I gotta find Lia.”

  Molly pouted. “But it’s my first real after party. And, you left me all alone when we got here.”

  “How ‘bout you dance with me?” Mike asked, coming out of nowhere, peeling her hand from mine and leading her away from me. “I’m not working, let’s have some fun.” Molly went with him willingly, but gave me a sad look before she did. Carson pointed a finger at me. “Right behind ya, boss.”

  I turned back and saw her. She wasn’t the only one in the reserved section, but she was sitting at a table in the corner all by herself. And Noah was right; she looked pissed.

  I jogged up the ten steps quickly, smiling at the bouncer who must have recognized me because he let me in with no problem. I ignored the other people in the area that called to me, heading straight for Red. Pausing at her booth, I smiled. “You’re a hard woman to find.”

  Lia shrugged. “Not if you know the right places to look.”

  The booth was large, with one bench seat that made a semi-circle around the table. I pointed to the small space she’d left next to her on the outside edge. “Move over.” I plopped down before she had time to process my words, pushing her over a little as I did.

  She groaned and slid further away. “Really, Nathaniel?”

  I moved closer again. “Really.”

  “God, you are such a child!” It would have been offensive if she weren’t laughing. And if it wasn’t true.

  I grinned, enjoying the sound of her giggle. Leaning my head toward her, I asked her about the show. I watched her intently as she talked. She still moved her hands back and forth slowly when she was excited, still focused her eyes on just one thing when she tried to remember something, and she still tucked her hair behind her ear when she was nervous. Those were the little details I had forgotten until I saw her do them again, and they were all things I hadn’t realized I missed. As she talked, she seemed to get more comfortable and eventually leaned in closer to me so we didn’t have to yell so loudly.

  “Okay,” she sighed, moving close enough to me so that our thighs were pushed together. “I have to know. Did that hurt?” She pointed at the piercing in my chin.

  “My labret?” I sat back, laying my arm over the seat behind her. “Naw. The tongue killed, but that was only ‘cause of the swelling.” Her eyes shot to my mouth, surprised. I stuck my tongue out so she could see the barbell. “One of my nipples took forever to heal, but it didn’t really hurt.”

  “Why?” She shook her head, obviously unsure how to react. “Why would you do that?”

  “Why not?”

  Her eyebrows shot up, but she didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Instead, she turned back to the table, focusing on her drink. My thumb twitched, moving across her shoulder, but she either didn’t feel it or didn’t care. “You’re so different. But you’re the same.” She turned to me. “Does that make sense?”

  It did. It made complete fucking sense. She was my Lia, but she wasn’t. “So what about you? Any crazy piercings I should know about?”

  She laughed, shaking her head. “Um, no. I’m not nearly as adventurous as you are.” Her eyes trailed down my arms, checking out my tatted sleeves. “How many do you have?”

  I tore my eyes away from her face and moved it down the rest of her body. She was wearing jeans and a tee shirt again, but at least this time the shirt left very little to the imagination. I hadn’t seen any ink on her when she got out of the shower this morning, but I hadn’t really been looking, either. “More than you.”

  “Okay, ass. You know that isn’t an answer.” I took a sip of the beer a waiter brought me but didn’t answer. “I bet you have no idea how many you have.” Her tone was teasing and I knew she was fishing. “I’m gonna guess you got most of them when you were drunk and you have no idea what is permanently etched on your body.”

  I caught one of her curls between my thumb and forefinger, giving it a little tug. “If it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t go on my body.”

  “Hmmm.” She smirked, as if in challenge. “Dice.” She tapped the two I had right above my wrist. “I’m dying to know what is so important about a set of flaming dice.”

  I hoped she didn’t look close enough to realize the significance. The dots on the first added up to ten, the dots on the second added to fifteen; October fifteenth, the morning after homecoming and the day she set my world on fire. Instead, I turned my arm slowly, showing the entire thing. “I like to take chances, Red. I throw the dice and see where they land. And I’ve been fucking lucky.”

  She reached out, leaning in front of me, running her fingertips over the dice up to the cards on my inner bicep.

  “You and I both know that you can plan all you want, but in reality, you can’t predict the future any more than you can predict how the dice will fall. Or know what cards you’ll draw. It’s all about making the best out of the hand you’re dealt.”

  There wasn’t a lot of light in this corner, but I could make out the dark flecks in her blue eyes when she finally looked up at me. “That’s actually really nice.” She didn’t move her hand; instead, she traced the cards – a Joker, an Ace of Spades, and a Queen of Hearts. I didn’t ever want her to stop touching me. “I’m going to assume the lack of color also means something.”

  “I have color.”

  “Yeah. Red and yellow,” she muttered so I stretched my arm out, showing her the bright colors on the inside of my elbow. “Oh, and blue! You’re right. So colorful.”

  I’d missed that sarcasm. I smiled, pulling on her hair again. “Those are the only colors that matter to me. I want to carry them with me forever.”

  She looked confused, pursing her lips in concentration as she stared at my arm, trying to put together the puzzle. I knew the moment she realized and hated the sad look that drifted across her face. She started to pull her hand away, but I grabbed her wrist.

  “Hey,” I started softly, feeling like I should explain why I had needed to carry her with me, but I didn’t know how.

  “God, it’s hot out there!” A very tipsy Molly fell onto the seat across from us, preventing me from baring my soul. “Aren’t you two coming out?”

  Mike gave me an apologetic look as he joined her on the other side of the table. From the frustrated look on his face, it was safe
to assume that he’d tried to keep her distracted – and lost. I sighed, biting back my irritation and turned to Molly.

  “No, you go have fun, kid. Enjoy yourself. Celebrate the night. We’re catching up.”

  Molly acted as if she hadn’t heard me, staring at the woman next to me instead. Lia was doing her best to ignore the scrutiny and had her eyes glued to the dance floor. She was probably looking for her friends so she’d have a reason to leave.

  Molly leaned across the table, tapping the spot directly in front of Lia. “We haven’t really met,” she slurred. “But I thought you’d be a lot prettier.”

  Her words hung in the air a minute, surprising us all. “Mols!” I hissed in warning as Mike cleared his throat, sitting back uncomfortably. Usually, I found her drunken observations humorous and spot on. Right now, I wanted to strangle her.

  Lia turned her head slowly, settling on the younger woman. For a second, I watched them face off and I wasn’t sure what to do. I always stood up for Molly – to everyone from my band to the assholes at my label. Hell, I’d dumped more than one woman when I found out she had a problem with my friend. But this was Lia. I’d convinced myself that I’d never see her again, and I wouldn’t lose her because my friend got drunk and bitchy.

  Then Lia shook her head. “I know, right? It’s that damn song! The first time I heard it I was sure it couldn’t be about me. I couldn’t tell anyone that I was Red because I knew no one would believe me.” She lifted a hand and motioned to herself, shaking her head again. “He always saw something no one else did.”

  The hell I did. She could think what she wanted, but I’d always seen her exactly the way she was. The most amazing creature that had ever given an art geek like me the time of day. I used to spend hours staring at her, wondering how I got so fucking lucky. Even now, I couldn’t stop looking at her.

  She was talking to Molly, but I didn’t hear a word she said. Watching her was like seeing your favorite movie again; you knew all the best parts, but you’d forgotten the little things that made it truly great. Lia was beautiful any day, but it was the quirks that made her endearing. Like how she covered her mouth a little when she giggled as if trying to hide that billion-watt smile that could light up a room. The way she chewed on her bottom lip when lost in concentration. I closed my eyes, trying to stop myself from grabbing her and carrying her out of the club.

  I wanted her. Hard. I could pull her to me and kiss her in front of everyone here in a way that would leave no doubt she was mine. Then I’d take her back to the house and fuck her for hours, make her remember that her body belonged to me. Only me.

  “You’re not falling asleep, are you, old man?” The words – and the hands trying to shove me out of the way – made my eyes fly open. I just stared, not sure what I had missed. Lia only smirked. “We’re going to dance,” she finally offered.

  “Who is?” I felt the scowl wrinkle my forehead, but I didn’t care.

  She tipped her head a little, rolling her eyes. “Molly and me.”

  I slid out of the booth. “We’ll come, too,” I offered as I stood to let her pass.

  She stopped, glancing at the dance floor. “You usually dance at these parties?”

  I followed her eyes, cringing at the mostly female crowd swaying together. Fuck no. I usually sat in the private section, just like now, working on a beer and talking to Mike or Finn until Nikki said we could leave. I turned back to Red. “Sometimes.”

  She chuckled knowingly and patted my chest. “We’ll be back in a little bit.” She grabbed Molly’s hand and sent me a quick wink before rushing across the floor and down the steps.

  I sat back down angrily and tried to watch for her in the mass of people. Mike tried to draw me into a conversation, but after a few minutes, he gave up and transitioned into work mode, glancing around the club and watching for problems. Three songs. Then five. After the seventh started – a Top 40 remix of one of mine – I decided that I was sick of wasting time and I was going to find her as soon as it was over.

  I didn’t have to go anywhere. As soon as I stood up, I saw them talking to the bouncer at the bottom of the stairs. Arguing, actually. Molly looked like she was getting extremely pissed, yelling and pointing at me. Before I could get to him, Noah and Rebel were there, and after realizing who they were, the bouncer let everyone up. Seconds later, four irritated women invaded my booth.

  “He wasn’t going to let us come up!” Molly snapped unnecessarily, sliding all the way around the seat so that she ended up next to me. Nina and Cora moved in behind her, Reb next to them followed by Courtney. “He called us groupies!”

  Mike looked at me, looked at the small open space, and then glanced at Noah and Lia, who were standing at the end of the table, before he shrugged and squeezed into the tiny spot. Courtney smiled up at him and put her head on his shoulder. That wasn’t what surprised me; women came on to him all the time. It was the fact that he lifted an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, rubbing her back in a way that was way too fucking familiar. The hair on the back of my neck rose.

  I opened my mouth to ask what in the fuck I was missing when Noah distracted me. He stepped behind Lia, wrapping his arms around her belly, and pulling her into him. “Someone turned thirty ten minutes ago.” He tipped his head down to look into her face. “I guess you’re too old for me to spank, huh?”

  He’d said the words just as the song died down, letting everyone at the table hear it. My jaw clenched, hands fisting. There were lots of chuckles and some snide remarks, but it was only Cora’s I heard loud and clear.

  “Oh, honey! CeCe’s never too old to spank! Seriously, she loves that shit. It’d be the best birthday present she got!”

  My eyes shot from my brother’s hands to Lia’s face. Her friends were clearly drunk, and making fools out of themselves, but the look on her face told me that her friend had given too much information away. The familiar scarlet of embarrassment crept up her neck and flooded her cheeks and her entire body tensed as she glared at Cora.

  My bastard of a little brother laughed, his arms tightening around her as his eyes met mine. “That so, Lia? The good girl I used to have a crush on grew up to be the naughty girl needing to be spanked. Never saw that coming.”

  If Lia hadn’t been standing directly in front of him, I would have knocked Noah out cold. Then he could talk about shit he never saw coming. Little fucker.

  I was next to him and prying her from his arms before I realized what I was doing. “Stealing the birthday girl,” was all I said before I tangled my fingers with her and pulled her to the railing that let us look over the rest of the bar. Turning her to face me, I cupped her chin. “Happy birthday, Red.” I lost myself in her eyes, her smile, her scent, dying to kiss her. I was beyond fucked.

  I swallowed, breaking eye contact. Trying to distract myself and lighten the mood, I asked, “What do you want this year? For your birthday.”

  She looked down at our feet before looking up at me. Then, she moved her tongue quickly along her lips before reaching a hand up and tucking her auburn hair behind her ear. She was nervous; I could feel the fear coming off her. I wasn’t going to like what she said.

  “You.” A quick step brought her chest flush with mine and she rose on her toes, putting her mouth next to my ear. “I want you.”

  I gripped her upper arms, keeping her on her toes, and pushed her back slightly so I could see her face. She nodded as if to assure me she really had just said it. I was instantly rock hard, my cock straining against the zipper of my jeans.

  I needed to get her out of there, to get her somewhere we could be alone, and I needed to do it now. I dropped her arms, grabbing her hand again and headed for the stairs, hauling her behind me. Mike caught my look and nodded as we passed the table, yanking his phone out of his pocket. Sam was waiting for us before we reached the main floor. I pulled Lia close, tucking her into my side as Sam cleared a path for us. The car was waiting as soon as we stepped out the door.

  “
Take us home,” was the only thing I managed to grind out before I slammed the door in Sam’s face.

  Lia was on her knees on the seat, facing me, holding up a finger and looking terrified. Fingernails cut into my palm as I curled my hands, sure she was going to turn me away, tell me this was a mistake. She shook her head, as if unsure what to do.

  “I need to get this out.” She tucked another strand of hair behind her ear, dragging her teeth over the bottom lip. “I’ve had a lot to drink and I’m probably too drunk to make this decision, but fuck it.”

  Each streetlight we passed under lit up the car just enough for me to see the anxiety on her face. “I’ve thought about you millions of times. I think about you all the time. I didn’t think I’d ever have this chance and I need to tell you I’m sorry.” She shrugged. “So fucking sorry!”

  I opened my mouth to stop her, to tell her I didn’t give a shit because right then, I couldn’t remember what she’d done or why I was supposed to be mad, but she kept talking.

  “I know that you can’t possibly still love me, and I know that whatever this is”—she moved her hand between the two of us—“isn’t what it was.” She swallowed audibly. “One night. Just forget who we are, Nate. For one night. Love me. Love me the way Neil loved me.”

  Her voice was pleading as if she’d start to cry if I said no and I understood exactly how much pain she was in. She might be someone completely different now, I might be someone completely different, but what Lia needed was things to be the way they once were, even if just for a few hours.

  No one believed me when I said that Red had ripped a piece of my soul out when she left. Everyone said I’d forget her, that it was puppy love, and that it was time to move on. So I dated other women. Fucked hundreds more. Nothing helped, nothing made the pain go away. There had been so many times over the last decade that I’d been lost, lonely, and only wanted her. So I fucking understood.

  I’d give her one night. It would never be enough, not for either of us, but I’d give her the best goddamn night of her life. This time, when she left, I’d be prepared.