Jack folds his arms. ‘So, because I listened to her, and said that, as a bloke I’d rather know if I was a dad, this is all on me, is it?’ He shakes his head slowly. ‘You always have to find somebody to blame, don’t you, Sally?’
‘I do not!’
‘Yes, you do. And you always want to make sure that you run other people’s lives for them.’
‘I know what’s best!’
‘No, you don’t.’ His voice is dangerously soft. ‘You don’t Sal, you don’t even know what’s best for yourself, for us.’
‘I do! And it’s not you!’ Sal is red in the face and all wound up, and I’m sure she didn’t mean for those exact words to pop out of her mouth, she was just trying to win the argument. She was just trying to win.
‘Exactly.’ He shakes his head. ‘We need to talk, don’t we? God knows I’ve tried to make this work Sal, but it was never going to, was it?’
‘Shut up! You don’t know what you’re saying.’
‘I’ve shut up for too long, and I do know. I do, Sally. This is way overdue for both our sakes, but I can’t do it any longer. I won’t do it. I’m sorry, I really am, but it’s over.’
‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous. What do you mean, over?’
‘Over.’ He signals a flat line with his hands, which looks pretty final, and non—negotiable. ‘You can’t force yourself to love somebody can you? And I know you know exactly what I mean. Neither of us is happy, we’ve been dancing around each other, me being a drip trying to do the right thing. We’ve forgotten who we really are, and I’ve just realised I can’t carry on doing that. And you don’t want to either, do you?’ He looks her straight in the eye, and she wavers. Glances away, turns her wedding ring on her finger.
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, why do you always have to be right?’
This is rich coming from Sally, who always needs to be right.
‘I’ll go and tell everybody what’s happening myself!’ She glares as she brushes past Jack and we all know that she just needs to get away. To process this and come up with a new plan. Then she looks back over her shoulder, and the spark is still there. ‘And don’t think for one moment that you’re having my car!’
Jack turns to Rachel. ‘Erm, sorry, I didn’t mean to … Not today, on your day. It just kind of came out, and …’
Rachel opens and shuts her mouth for a moment, then comes to. ‘Better out than in, Jack.’ She smiles. ‘She’ll be fine, she’s tough our Sally.’
‘And you’re right, in her heart she did know.’ I add.
‘I’m still sorry.’ He glances again at the remnants of the cake. ‘For everything. What do you need me to do?’
‘I need to talk to Jane, but can you go and warn Mum and Dad? And can you make sure Sal is okay? Maddie?’ I’d almost forgotten about Maddie, who’d been sitting quietly in the background watching the drama.
‘Oh, hell, look!’ I point down the driveway. There are cars, and even from here I can tell that they’re wedding guests – the hats are a give-away.
‘Oh, no!’ Wails Rachel. ‘Everybody’s arriving. I don’t want them going to the …’ her voice wobbles for a moment. ‘Chapel,’ she manages. ‘Can you and the ushers divert them? For drinks? Quickly, please?’
I squeeze her hand.
There’s a chapel attached to Startford Castle, and the wedding service was going to be held there, before everybody headed over to the marquee.
‘I’m on it!’ Jack, relieved I think to have something useful to do, spins round. Then stops. ‘Coming?’ He holds a hand out, and just like that, Maddie slips hers into his like it’s meant to be. There’s a lump in my throat. Again. And a prickle of happy tears. I am seriously going to have to do something about these waterworks when this wedding is over and done with. I never used to cry. Ever.
‘Tell Mum I’ll be back soon?’
Maddie nods. We’re all a bit shocked, now that the action is over, and our lives seem about to change for ever.
‘And, erm,’ she shouts after Jack, ‘could you get somebody to break the news to Michael’s parents? I don’t think I can really face them.’ For a moment her face crumples, and she grabs a napkin off one of the tables.
‘Oh, Rach.’
‘I’m fine, I’m fine.’ But she isn’t. She’s been going on adrenaline up until now, fired up with anger and pain, and now it’s gone all quiet. Just the two of us, and I can see it hurts.
‘We can cancel everything.’ I squeeze her shoulder and try a tiny smile. ‘My mum knows exactly what to do!’ She sniffs, then grins, a tiny grin back.
‘Bloody mothers.’
‘Where would we be without them?’
‘Knock, knock?’
Our heads shoot up at the sound of Beth’s voice. You’ve got to admit it, the girl has got guts. If that had been me I think I’d have been on a train to the Outer Hebrides after an announcement like that. Ouch, I don’t want to think about the Outer Hebrides, I really don’t, and I’d promised myself I wouldn’t. Not today. My job is to sure Rachel’s day is memorable – which I think has been achieved. But for all the wrong reasons.
‘Can I say something?’
‘Fire away, this day can’t get any worse, can it?’
‘Right.’ She takes a deep breath, and I think she’s been rehearsing this speech while she’s been standing on the driveway watching Michael and Lexie being chased off the premises. ‘Okay. Right.’ Even with a rehearsal this has shaken Beth, I’ve never seen her stuck for words before. She’s jiggling on the spot as well, which is partly for Joe’s benefit, but more because she can’t help it I suspect. ‘I am sorry,’ she looks down, then forces herself to look back up at Rachel, after a quick glance in my direction, ‘I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, but I wanted you to be happy. Honest, I would have never told him if I’d have thought it would have hurt you. He wasn’t interested in me, I know that, I really do.’ Her voice wobbles. ‘I didn’t know he only slept with me because I was your friend.’ She sniffs, but battles on, and I really want to hug her. But I can’t, this is Rachel’s call. It’s between them. ‘No excuses but I was so drunk, I bumped into him in that pub we all used to go to? He kept buying us all drinks and when everybody left he persuaded me to stay, and I hardly knew what was happening. A quickie in the park behind a bush, how crap a way is that to conceive a baby? He was just making a point, Rach, getting back at you. I think he thought you’d find out, that I’d tell you.’ There is a long silence. ‘I just wanted you to know. I’ll go now, shall I?’
‘Oh, Beth.’ Rachel shakes her head. ‘I can’t just forget this, I don’t know if I can ever forgive you totally, but I believe you.’ She nods her head. ‘I know how bloody charming he can be. And he basically just said the same to me, that we’d split, and he was angry, and you were there. Sorry, I don’t mean to sound cruel.’
‘Don’t be sorry, I deserve it, I deserve it all. I’ll go. I just wanted to check you were okay, that we … Oh, Rach, I don’t know how to make this right.’
‘You can’t, can you?’ She sighs. ‘Nobody can make it right. You don’t need to go though, stay, enjoy my non-wedding.’ She smiles, a weak but I reckon forgiving smile. Rach is nice like that. We should all be more like Rach. ‘Just stay out of my way for now, okay?’
We both watch as Beth backs away without a word, bouncing Joe in her arms.
I look at Rachel. I am mildly – okay, massively – shocked by her decision to party on, though not by her decision to forgive Beth.
I’m not sure I could do this, no scrub that, I know I couldn’t do it. But it’s her decision to make. So I swallow hard before carrying on. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Silly question.
‘Great.’ Her voice is flat, motionless. This does not sound great.
She blinks at me. Her eyes are red-rimmed, and she’s pale, but there’s a determined air about her.
‘Did you know, Jane? About Beth?’
‘Shit no! Honestly, I only knew about Lexie, and that was ages ag
o, and I thought you guys had split up for good after the other time.’
‘Joe is his you know.’ She throws her hands in the air. ‘He never even wanted kids, he’ll be a shit dad. They did it once! Once, and were shit-faced.’ She rolls her eyes. ‘So that’s okay then.’ She rests her head on my shoulder. ‘And I guess Beth was trying to do the right thing, telling him.’
‘I had no idea, Rach. I would have told you. I honestly thought it was Jack. You know I did, we both did when we saw him and Beth together! And before that, I’d just assumed it was some guy none of us knew.’
She sniffs and sits up straight. ‘I’m not letting him beat me.’ Her gaze drifts from mine, and she looks out over the tables. But I don’t think she’s seeing them. ‘You were right you know.’
‘About what?’
‘Michael. I should have listened to you. I know you’ve never really liked him.’
‘I wouldn’t say I’ve not …’
‘It’s okay. Honest. You never trusted him, did you?’
‘I just wanted you to be happy, Rach.’ I say, dodging the direct question.
‘I know. It’s not just Joe, or Lexie, I was trying to ignore all my doubts, but it’s all suddenly started to add up.’ She gives me a sideways look, and I understand now why she was having doubts, why she’d asked me before if she was doing the right thing. At her hen party, and the night we dyed our hair. ‘That’s why I’m not completely in bits. It’s better this way. We had a row the other day, over money and I very nearly called the whole thing off.’ She plucks at the napkin. ‘I should have done.’
‘Row?’
‘Yeah. That’s why I totally flipped when I saw them together. I mean cheating on me is bad enough, but the rest is even worse.’
‘What do you mean, Rach?’
‘I opened his bank statement by mistake, I thought it was our new joint one.’
‘Oh?’
‘He’s broke. Aren’t money, kids and commitment the biggies you need to agree on before you tie the knot?’ She laughs, a harsh little laugh and doesn’t wait for an answer. ‘Well, we’ve not sorted out about children and he’s lied about other people, so I guess the money thing is the final straw. He was just after my money, Jane. Not me.’
‘No! I don’t believe that. He did love you, Rach. You guys have been together for ages.’ I could add on-and-off, but I don’t.
‘Maybe he did love me at first. But that wasn’t why he wanted to make up, why he proposed. I’ve been kidding myself.’ She dabs at her eyes with the hem of her dress. ‘That’s what all this is about.’ With one gesture she includes everything, the hotel, the dress. ‘He talked me into all this ’cos it was what he wanted, so he can show off. It’s all front with Michael. He’s broke Jane, I didn’t realise but he’s completely broke, and so are his parents.’
‘Are you sure?’ I think about the BMW he always drives, the smart suits. His mum’s insistence on Rachel’s designer dress. The doves and bloody flame-throwers.
‘Oh, God, I’ve been so stupid, Jane. I got totally carried away with the whole romance, the wedding, everything I dreamed of. He just stoked my ego. He’s clever, and I’ve been a total idiot.’
‘No, you’ve not been stupid. You loved him, Rach.’
‘Maybe I loved the idea of ‘us’ so much, I ignored the fact that we’d changed, grown apart. And,’ she gives me a weak grin, ‘the fact, he’s a dick.’
‘Well, yeah, maybe he is a bit of a dick.’
‘A massive dick.’ She rubs the back of her hand over her eyes then suddenly, and unexpectedly, smirks. ‘Nice shoes by the way.’
‘Ahh, you weren’t supposed to notice!’
‘Oh my God, how could I not! You’ve got DM’s on, they are aren’t they?’
‘Limited edition!’ I grin. ‘Sorry, Louie shit on my wedding shoes.’
‘You’re kidding?’
‘No joke. Then the entire Housekeeping department here tried to help me scrub them clean, they’ve kind of got a tie-dyed look now.’
She hugs me. ‘What the hell. Those are far cooler. I’m well jel. Come on, I need make-up if I’m going to do this. The full trowelled on look.’
‘You are sure about it, Rach? Nobody will mind if you don’t.’
‘Are you kidding? This is the biggest party of my life, I might never get the chance to do it again.’
She slips her shoes on and I take her hand and haul her to her feet. Her cheeks are blotchy, she’s a bit snotty and her eyes are red-rimmed, but she’s smiling.
‘Then can we get bladdered?’
‘You got it!’
We high-five, link arms then weave our way back across the lawn like a pair of drunken old fogies.
Until she stops, by the flowerbed that Michael landed in.
We both stare at the crushed flowers, the remnants of cake crumbs, and the single pink fondant rose that is surprisingly intact.
It is so sad it nearly starts me off again.
She looks me in the eye, then throws herself into my arms and a big hug. Her voice is small when she whispers into my ear, small and slightly broken, but her words are clear and determined. ‘I would so love to pretend I forgive him, and pretend I’m going through with it, because I want to humiliate him in the same way he just humiliated me.’ She sniffs. ‘I’d love to get him to the ceremony, then tell the whole bloody world what he’s done. But it’s better this way. Without him. I think there have been enough secrets haven’t there? It’s time to be out, loud and proud.’
‘You got it!’ I gaze at my best friend, and I’m so proud of her it makes me well up. She is so much stronger than me. I’d always thought I was the one looking after her, but I know now that I never was. True, we’ve looked after each other’s backs like good friends should, but Rach is the one with Girl Power. Rach is handling this so much better than I did when my own wedding fell to pieces. I’d never needed to worry about what the knowing would do to her. ‘You’re amazing you know.’ I say softly.
‘You might have to remind me of that later. Anyhow,’ she smiles weakly, ‘I couldn’t catch him, he ran too fast, and in this dress.’ She opens her arms wide and we both look at her dress.
We laugh then I hug her back. ‘It is better this way and of course I’ll help you. If it’s confession time, can I tell you mine?’
‘Spill.’
‘I think I love Freddie.’
‘I know.’ Her voice softens. ‘I know you love Freddie, you daft cow! So, what you gonna do about it?’
‘I’m going to hunt him down!’ We both laugh. ‘Come on, before I do that we’re going to have a bloody good party. The best damned wedding without a groom anybody has ever been to!’
Chapter 36
‘Aren’t you going to get changed, dear?’
Rachel’s mum doesn’t even raise an eyebrow when we stagger into the room and demand emergency make-overs. She just produces gin and tonics in the biggest glasses you have ever seen. You can always count on her in a crisis, she’s totally no-nonsense and calm. The type of person who you can rely on to cater for extra dinner party guests at the last minute. Or to cancel a wedding as the guests are arriving. She must be upset, but she doesn’t ask a single question, cast any reproving looks, or even say, ‘I told you so.’ Which my mum would have been very tempted to do.
She hugs her daughter, and it’s then I see it. Just how similar, and close, mother and daughter are. They’re both stunningly attractive, but both kind and capable underneath. They’re picker-uppers, problem-solvers.
They’re both very determined.
‘I’ve paid for it, so I’m going to wear it. It’s not like I can wear it another time, is it?’ Replies Rachel, looking down at her dress.
Her mum, for once doesn’t tell her that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. ‘Maybe, but it’s a bit grubby along the bottom, though, dear.’
‘And this bit that sticks out, it looks like somebody has blown their nose on it?’ My mum adds, peering over the specs she’s pu
t on.
‘Does it matter?’
‘It might do to you later, when you look back.’
Rachel sighs. ‘I’m not sure this is a party I’m going to be reminiscing about, Mum.’
‘Oh, you should!’ It’s my mother again. My groan might have been a bit loud, but she ignores me. ‘I mean you might not do it again!’
‘Mum!’
‘Well, there’s no sign of you doing it, is there, Jane? Give me five minutes, Rachel. Five minutes. I know what to do!’ We think that is the end of it, but she bustles off and ten minutes later is back with the head housekeeper, and a pair of shears.
‘This lady does alterations!’
‘Well, not, I’m sorry madam, but …’
‘Oh, come here.’ Before anybody can object, Rachel’s mum has grabbed the massive scissors. ‘On the stool darling, then I can get it level. How short?’
Rachel giggles, and clambers on to the stool, hanging on to my shoulder for balance. ‘Oh, Mum! She used to do this when we were at school, emergency alterations!’
‘It’s going to fray, but I’m sure that’s trendy!’ I’ve never seen Mum so excited about dress alterations, the two mothers are egging each other on like giggling schoolgirls, and I have to say it is a fantastic dose of light relief after all the drama.
‘On-trend, they say now, Mum.’
‘Do you want some slashes in it, like in those jeans we saw?’ Her mum is gabbling on as she chops, and I’m a bit worried Rach is going to lose a leg, or we’re going to have to rush off to A&E with a severed artery.
‘Oh, yes! So on-trend!’ Shouts my mum – I’m not sure what she’s been drinking.
‘No!’ Rach yells, and, for a moment, I think she has been injured. ‘No slashes!’
‘Oops, you made me jump! Don’t shout darling, I’m not deaf. Oh dear, I’ve gone a bit off-piste, must be the gin. Never mind, I’ll improvise!’
Within minutes the fishtail has flapped to the floor, and the improvisation means there’s a sexy slit that reaches nearly up to her hip bone. ‘I’m not sure your father would approve of your knickers showing, but I’m sure I’ve got a safety pin somewhere!’
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