by David Hare
I saw that old film. Invasion of the Body Snatchers. You know, where they look the same. They look like humans, but it turns out they’re creatures from Mars. They’re pods. Well, another way of putting it, they’re male adolescents. It’s like they get taken over. Someone comes and surgically removes all the good qualities they have, and turns them into selfish hoodlums …
Kyra I don’t really think it’s that bad.
Kyra picks up the board and takes it out to the kitchen. Tom has already moved away to pour himself a second scotch.
Toby I mean, you spend all this money on education. A generation builds something up. And the children learn nothing but how to stand back from it …
Kyra Tom, that is nonsense.
Toby And all they want is to knock everything down.
Kyra reaches now for a frying pan, not thinking he’s serious. But he shakes his head, bitter, his indignation now real.
He called me a brainless animal.
Kyra No? Really? That’s unspeakable.
Toby That’s what he called me. Buying and selling. That’s what he said. Without ever questioning. He called me a zombie …
Kyra No!
Toby Just doing business without asking why …
He doesn’t see her quiet amusement at this story as he reaches past her to pour water into his scotch from the tap.
I said, perhaps it’s true, perhaps I’m not brilliantly contemplative, perhaps I do not stop like some Oxford smartarse philosopher to ask myself the purpose of it all. But the rough effect of all my endeavour – my putting my house, my mortgage, my car, the whole of my bloody life on the line – as I reminded him I have done in my time – has been to embody this unspeakably crude assumption that it’s still worth human beings trying to get something done …
He has landed on this last phrase, getting pleasure now from his own rhetoric.
Kyra And what did he say?
Toby Say? Say? You mean, like ‘say’ as in the concept of actually replying? Kyra, you don’t understand. This is the modern game. This is men’s tennis. People don’t bother with rallies. You put in your big serve and you hope to hell it never comes back. (He turns, expansive, bitter.) He’s not like what you’d call rational-articulate. He doesn’t want argument. For Christ’s sake, Kyra, you teach. Language belongs to the past. This is the world of Super Mario. Bang! Splat! Spit out your venom and go. (He looks at her, his tone softening now.) It’s not like, you know … when we were together. You and me talking. Talking down the stars from the sky. This is … oh, you know … it’s instinct. This is a young man wanting to hurt.
Kyra And does he hurt?
Toby No, of course not. For God’s sake, look, I’ve fought bigger than him. He can’t get a glove on me. That’s why he’s angry.
He is aware that Kyra thinks his bravado sounds a little unconvincing. So he moves away a few paces.
There’s no problem. It’s all in hand.
Kyra nods. It has gone quiet. Both of them know he is not telling the truth. He has gone to the kitchen door and now watches as she pours the olive oil into the frying pan. She looks at him as she works because he is standing so close.
Kyra What? No, really. What are you thinking?
Toby Are you putting the chilli in first?
Kyra looks at him uncharitably. He is at his most boyish, hesitant.
No, it’s just I usually … I fry the chilli, so it infuses the oil.
Kyra Uh-huh. I see. I don’t do that. I’m doing it the way I prefer.
Toby Yeah. (He shifts a moment, uneasy.) I haven’t quite asked you. I mean, if I’m going to stay. I mean … I just mean for supper. I’m actually asking. I mean, are you laying two plates?
In reply she takes plates from the rack and goes to the table at which she has been meaning to work. She clears the books to one side. Then she puts two plates down at opposite ends of the table. Then she goes back to the kitchen and resumes. All in silence. He makes a little bow.
Thank you. Believe me, I’m really grateful.
Kyra Think nothing of it.
Toby Oh, and put the chilli in first.
Kyra gives him a filthy look, but he is already out of range, relaxing again.
You never cooked.
Kyra No, I didn’t.
Toby I remember in those early days once you asking if you could try it some time …
Kyra I never did. I was a happy waitress.
Toby You weren’t a waitress for long.
Kyra I was a waitress for forty-five minutes. Alice made me the boss on the spot.
Tom is happily shaking his head at the memory, as Kyra now cooks.
Toby That was a night.
Kyra It was.
Toby Hilary’s accident!
Kyra It was my first trip to London, I just walked in off the street.
Toby You were eighteen.
Kyra Incredible!
Toby You were the same age Edward is now.
Kyra I was so thrilled, I remember. At last I’d escaped. I was walking down London’s famous King’s Road. I saw the sign ‘Waitress Wanted’. I walked in. Alice told me I could start right away. Then after an hour of it, she came running over. She said her daughter was in hospital, she’d fallen off her bike. She said she’d looked round and she’d decided. Could I run the place for the night?
Tom laughs at the ridiculousness of it. Kyra has stopped at the frying pan.
I said, ‘I’ve only just started, I only started an hour ago.’ She said, ‘I know. I’ve watched you. I trust you. Now you must trust me, you’re going to be fine …’
Toby What time was that? Do you remember?
Kyra Oh, it can’t have been later than eight o’clock.
Toby Before the rush?
Kyra I mean, oh yes. I handled it. I know I did the whole thing. Then I closed up. All the waiters were great, they were great, considering I’d only just arrived yet I was in charge. They all said, ‘Look, we promise, there’s really no need for you to hang on here. Just lock up the door and we’re all going home …’
She has left the cooking, and is now standing at the kitchen door.
But I don’t know … I just had this instinct. Somehow I didn’t think it was right. I can’t quite explain it. I wanted to be there when Alice got back. It’s funny. Of course, I would have met you anyway. Surely I would have met you next day. Who knows? But there was something about that evening. Something to do with the evening itself …
She looks away absently. Tom has sat down and is rapt.
I sat alone. Drank espresso. Smoked cigarettes. I’m not sure I’d ever sat through a night. This deserted restaurant all to myself. But filled with inexpressible happiness. This crazy feeling. ‘I don’t know why but this is where I belong.’
Toby And then?
Kyra And then … Need I continue? Then towards morning she came back with you.
Kyra turns and goes back to work. For the first time Tom is at peace.
Toby Earlier she’d rung. I’d driven like a madman from some meeting. In those days I had the Jag. Praying. Weeping. You know, feeling not like myself, because I thought … I was thinking, I’m not a person who cries. Crying with relief, too, at the sight of Hilary. Fast asleep in the little bed. Her leg in plaster. Some fucking nurse. What terrible parents! How could you let your daughter play in the road?
Kyra has stirred her pan and now is listening to him at the kitchen door.
Then, when we came back, you brought us brandy and coffee. In our own restaurant. At four o’clock. It was completely natural. I thought, this is the strangest night of my life. This girl I’d never met before, bringing brandy and coffee. It’s as if she’s been with us the whole of our lives.
Kyra looks down, moved by this.
Yeah, that was something.
Kyra It was.
Toby Didn’t you stay with us?
Kyra I did. I stayed at your place. On the floor. Well, I have to say that was my moment. From that moment on … I’d have
done anything, just to stay with you, just to stay in that house.
She goes back to the cooking.
Toby I remember I got really angry soon after, after a few weeks or so, you saying you weren’t going to give up a place at university. You weren’t going to make your life in the catering trade.
Kyra I didn’t say ‘catering’! I never used the words ‘catering trade’! Honestly, you make me sound like a prig.
Toby No? A prig? Impossible! You’re a seaside solicitor’s daughter! Are you saying that some of that hadn’t rubbed off?
Kyra has picked up her glass of red wine, laughing at his account. At last, she is unguarded.
Kyra It’s just … for goodness’ sake … I loved mathematics. I did. I loved it. I wasn’t going to give up halfway. And what’s more, it meant finally escaping my father. I was hardly going to pass up that chance.
Tom shrugs, unimpressed.
It wasn’t easy. You started to lecture me. I was quite shocked. ‘Don’t waste your time on higher education, it’s only a way of postponing real life …’
Toby So it is.
Kyra I was so worried, I went to Alice. I said, ‘Does he mean it?’ She said, ‘Never take any notice of Tom …’
Toby Thank you, Alice …
Kyra ‘And even if you go, he knows you’ll always want to come back …’
She looks at him, serious now, the words etched out, sincere.
You gave me a place. It was there. I could count on your welcome.
There is a slight pause, Tom moved by Kyra’s acknowledgement of how much their home had meant to her.
And I never doubted, not for a moment, that when I came back to London, there’d be a job waiting.
She stops a second. Then a real mischievousness comes into her manner.
In spite of – my God! – whatever else I was doing. Far more, let me tell you, far more than you ever knew …
Toby Yes, well, I have to say I assumed, I hardly thought – you were young enough, for God’s sake – I hardly thought you lived the life of a nun.
Kyra You wish!
Toby You thought I was jealous?
Kyra You did tear that painting from the wall.
Toby I did not tear it. As God is my witness, I did not remove it. It fell.
Kyra Oh yes, I see, pure coincidence, this picture painted by a man of whom you happened not to approve …
Toby Colin! The original art-school wanker … the greasy beard and the clogs.
Kyra Who had painted me at college, as I felt rather beautifully.
Toby Rather beautifully, but wearing no clothes.
Kyra That was the point. You could not stand it. You saw me there on the wall.
Toby It’s true. I looked at it. I just looked at it. I sent beams of hatred from across the room. And without my touching it, I admit it fell down.
Kyra Oh, sure.
She turns and goes back into the kitchen to put the spaghetti into boiling water.
Toby (defending himself, half serious, half not) It wasn’t – be fair! – it wasn’t the sight of you, it wasn’t just the image of you, it was my disbelief … my horror that this young woman who seemed so capable … so smart –
Kyra Thank you …
Toby – should have had the clothes ripped off her as if they were tissue as soon as some phoney used the word ‘art’.
He sums up his charges as she cooks on.
I thought you were gullible!
Kyra No, I was open-minded. And what’s more, twenty years younger than you. And living a life. You actually tried to give me a lecture …
Tom is about to deny it.
You did! You said, ‘In a way you’re part of the family, in a way, Kyra, you’re like a daughter of mine …’
Toby I didn’t say ‘daughter’!
Kyra Oh, but you did.
Toby Where was this?
Kyra That ghastly hamburger restaurant you had. You were in your chargrilled hamburger phase.
Toby Oh God, I’m ashamed! I mean, I’m ashamed of the lecture, I’m ashamed of those burgers as well.
Kyra (suddenly shouting as if there is no end to the awfulness of it all) The burgers! The lecture!
Toby I must say, it begins to come back …
Kyra And I thought, yes, oh I see. I realised then: here we go.
Toby What?
Kyra I thought, hold on. This is it. This is only going to be a matter of time.
She has come back into the room and finds herself standing right by his chair, close enough to touch. The contact is now so intimate between them that it suddenly feels as if either of them might say anything. Then Tom speaks as if the next thought were completely logical.
Toby Pressing on. You know, that’s the thing in business. My chairman keeps telling me: never look back. In business, he says, the world was created this morning. No such thing as the past …
Kyra turns to go and look after her pasta.
He says that modern management asks you to look at your assets, really look at them – this is a fierce, competitive world, all that crap! – how you got here’s not part of the story, the only story is what you do now …
Kyra And what do you do?
Toby Oh, expand, inevitably. I mean, expand, I hardly need say that. Defend market share. Build another stainless steel restaurant, this one larger, more fashionable than ever, turning over hundreds of covers in a day. It need never end.
Kyra Nor will it. You love it.
Toby Oh yes. I must admit that I do.
He looks at her, on safe ground, the feeling once more easy and warm.
All that time, I must say, I can’t deny it, while Alice was … you know … while she was lying in that bloody room … well, it was true for me, I saw no alternative but to redouble my efforts. It was like some lunatic board game. Not helped of course by your having quit.
He looks at her a little sheepishly.
It’s true, though, I must say I missed you professionally.
Kyra Thank you.
They both know this thought is incomplete and how it will be, in a moment, completed.
Toby I kind of missed you in person as well.
Kyra looks at him a moment, just non-committal, as she works. Tom is serious.
I really did, Kyra. I never … I’ve never got used to it. Ever.
Kyra What, missed me so badly it’s taken you three years to get back in touch?
It is said lightly, Kyra not wanting the atmosphere to darken, but he at once starts to protest strongly.
Toby Now look …
Kyra I mean, come on, let’s be serious.
Toby You think I haven’t wanted to? My God, you think I haven’t wanted to call? To pick up the telephone? You think I haven’t wanted to jump in the car and bust my way through that bloody door?
Kyra But then why didn’t you?
Toby Kyra, why do you think?
They both know a bridge is about to be crossed even before it happens.
Because I knew once I saw you, then I’d be finished. I knew I’d never be able to leave.
He is so clearly speaking from the heart that Kyra cannot say anything. So instead she turns and goes back to her pasta.
Kyra OK, well, I must say, that’s an answer …
Toby You see.
Kyra What?
Toby I’m getting better. Well, aren’t I?
Kyra Getting better at what?
Toby Talking about my feelings. You always told me I had no gift for that stuff.
She frowns, puzzled at this.
Kyra As far as I remember we had no need for it. We had no need to discuss our feelings at all. Or rather, I didn’t. I could always tell what you were feeling. It never had to be said. You’d wander about the office in Chelsea. Later we’d go home to work. We’d sit in the kitchen with Alice. I’d spend the evening reading to your kids.
There is a moment’s silence. Tom is serious, low, when he speaks.
Toby I could never understand it. I
still don’t. You never felt the slightest sense of betrayal.
Kyra There we are. I always felt profoundly at peace. (She waits a moment, wanting to be precise.) I don’t know why, it still seems true to me: if you have a love, which for any reason you can’t talk about, your heart is with someone you can’t admit – not to a single soul except for the person involved – then for me, well, I have to say, that’s love at its purest. For as long as it lasts, it’s this astonishing achievement. Because it’s always a relationship founded in trust.
Toby It seems mad to me.
Kyra I know. You didn’t feel that. I knew you never understood it. Why I was able to go on seeing Alice. Why we were always at ease. Why I loved her so much. But I did. It’s a fact. There it is. The three of us. It gave me a feeling of calm.
She has got a small lump of cheese in greaseproof paper out of the fridge, and a cheese grater, and is coming back into the room.
You were the person I fell in love with. And as it happened you arrived with a wife.
Tom stands unimpressed by her argument, and rather hurt by her cheerfulness about it all. Kyra holds the cheese out to him.
Do you mind?
Toby Do I mind what?
Kyra No, I’m just asking …
Toby What?
Kyra I’m asking. Will you grate the cheese?
Tom takes the sweaty piece of greaseproof paper from her and holds it in his hand.
Toby Do you mean this?
Kyra I do.
Toby Are you serious? Is this what you’re calling the cheese?
Nonchalant, she smiles and goes back to the kitchen as he moves, genuinely affronted by the cheese in his hand.
Kyra Yeah, I haven’t had time to go shopping.
Toby I wouldn’t give this greasy lump of crud to my cat.
Tom is holding out this piece of cheese somehow to represent the final insanity of her way of life. He raises his voice as if everything has become too much for him.
I do not believe it. Kyra, what’s happening? Are you really living like this? Why didn’t you say? For God’s sake, I have this supplier …
Kyra I’m sure!
Toby For cheese – all types of cheese – I have this really great bloke.
Kyra Of course! Your whole life is great blokes!
Toby I mean, I can get you a weekly delivery – no problem – he’ll send you fresh parmesan whenever you need.