by David Hare
Kyra A chance?
Toby Yes.
Kyra What sort of chance?
Toby I think you know what I mean. I kept on saying, ‘If I behave well, if I get through this, then maybe Kyra is going to come back.’
Kyra stands stunned, understanding how deep his feeling is. He goes on haltingly.
Sitting by the bed. Just awful. Looking at Alice, propped up on the pillows, her eyes liquid, cut off … I’d think, ‘Oh shit, if Kyra were with us, if Kyra were here …’
He stops a moment and shakes his head.
Jesus, why weren’t you? ‘If Kyra were here, she’d know what to do.’
Kyra stands absolutely taken aback, as if not knowing what to think about his shocking devotion to her. He knows how much this has affected her.
But you ran and left us.
Kyra Yes. I had to.
Toby You did what you said people never should do.
Kyra I had no alternative. I had to get out of Alice’s way. I had to make a new life of my own.
Toby And this is it, Kyra? This is the life that you made? Will you tell me, will you tell me, please, Kyra, what exactly are you doing here?
Suddenly there are two shocked people in the room. She is holding the edge of the table. When she speaks she is very quiet.
Kyra Are you going to go down? Will you speak to Frank then?
Toby What shall I say to him?
Kyra Send him away.
Without looking at her Tom walks across the room and opens the door and goes out. Kyra is alone, dazed now, white, like a shadow. She goes into the kitchen and pours the sauce into a bowl. She puts the bowl on the table, mechanically, not really thinking. She puts a second wine glass on the table. Then she gets a loaf of bread, takes a knife and cuts slices. The room seems dark, like a painting, the little red fire burning and the shadows falling across her face. Then Tom appears at the door. He closes it but does not yet move towards her.
Toby He’s gone.
He moves across the room. They take each other in their arms and she holds him tightly, hugging him desperately, and beginning to cry, shaking with grief in his arms. He puts his hand through her hair.
Kyra, Kyra I’m back.
He runs his hand over and over through her hair. The lights fade to darkness.
Act Two
SCENE ONE
The door to the bedroom is slightly ajar. A white light, reflected off snow, comes from outside the kitchen window. The bar heater Kyra lit hours ago is still on, and glowing. It’s around 2.30 a.m.
Kyra appears in the doorway. She is wearing a white flannel nightdress, over which she has put a sweater and a cardigan. She has clearly just woken up. She moves across the room trying to make as little noise as possible. The tray of cutlery she threw earlier is still scattered all over the floor. The abandoned meal is still on the table, uneaten. She looks at it a moment, then takes the spaghetti sauce she made earlier, picks up a piece of bread and carries them both across the room. Kyra puts them down by the big armchair, then looks for the school exercise books which she had put on the floor for the meal. She picks them up, then turns on a low side-light. She pulls the little heater nearer the chair, then sits down with it at her feet. She puts the books on her knee, then dips her bread in the cold sauce and starts to eat.
This is how Tom finds her as he now appears in the doorway of the bedroom. He has put on his shirt and trousers, but his feet are bare. He stands a moment, trying to make sense of the scene in front of him: the teacher sitting with books on her knee, the glow of the heater on her face.
Toby What are you doing?
Kyra Eating the sauce. I’m starving. Remember? We never had supper.
Toby God, I’m sorry. I fell asleep. What time is it?
Kyra I think it’s two-thirty.
Toby I must say …
Kyra It’s no worry. I must have fallen asleep as well.
She looks at him, genuinely affectionate. He moves towards her, an easy warmth between them, and kisses the top of her head in the chair.
Toby Why don’t Baptists like to fuck standing up? Because they’re frightened God will think they’re dancing. Is it me? Or has something happened to make it warmer in here?
Kyra looks up, amused. He wanders away, more skittish, definitely pleased with events.
Kyra It may be you. But also it’s snowing finally. Everything’s covered in snow.
Toby My God, you’re right. It’s beautiful. I’m beginning to like it. I think I’ve decided I’m going to move in.
Kyra just sits back, as he looks round, comfortably at home.
I was lying there, yeah, in that bed of yours, next to that sort of interesting lump in the mattress you have, I was thinking I could get used to this. Maybe this area isn’t so bad. Over there, I was thinking, I’m going to put my telly …
Kyra Have you still got that big one?
Toby Oh no. It’s much bigger now. I’ve got a home projection system. Enormous. It’s going to take up most of that wall.
He points to her wall of books, then looks round contentedly, imagining the scene.
Yes. The football. Sunday afternoons with the lager …
Kyra Do you still support Chelsea?
Toby Of course.
Kyra How are they?
Toby They play the English game. My own game, you know. Kick it up the middle and hope for the best.
He is amused, knowing how perfectly the sentiment suits him personally.
And over there, the stereo. Maybe put Frank in a box room. He’d love it. We could make a life, you and me. Takeaway Indians …
Kyra Except you’d need the house next door as well to store all your clothes.
Toby Oh no, I’ve stopped all that rubbish. I haven’t bought clothes … well, since Alice died. Do you think I’ve lost weight? A diet of suffering …
He does a little pirouette.
Kyra I didn’t notice, in fact.
Toby No.
Kyra I wasn’t thinking.
Toby I was thinking, whatever else happens, we always have this.
Tom has said this speculatively, but Kyra says nothing. She is curled up in the chair, at peace. She puts her bread back in the sauce and starts eating again.
I was wondering, you know, it can’t be much longer. Your term.
Kyra No. There’s only two weeks to go.
Toby Do you know what you’re doing for Christmas?
It’s just I’ve now got this place in the sun. It’s at the water’s edge. It’s perfect. The steps lead down to the sea. The island has palm trees. Beaches. Great fish. Unless of course you’d made other plans …
But she still doesn’t answer, just dipping her bread in the sauce.
I mean, I’m just saying. Think about it.
Kyra Yes.
Toby No pressure.
Kyra No.
Toby No hurry.
Kyra Of course.
Toby If you let me know, say, Friday …
At once he holds up a hand.
No, honestly, that’s just a joke.
They both smile, liking his half-serious, half-funny tone.
For God’s sake, I’m not totally insensitive, I don’t think ‘One fuck and everything’s solved …’
She has got up to go to the kitchen to put the kettle on and now passes him.
Kyra Two, though, and that’ll be different.
Toby (smiles) I mean, well, yes. That sort of thing.
He’s pleased with the way this is going. He is at ease in the flat, casually looking at papers on her desk.
So it’s good …
Kyra What?
Toby This teaching? You enjoy this teaching of yours?
Kyra I wouldn’t say ‘enjoy’.
Toby Ah …
Kyra It can be pretty stressful. But at least it does mean I feel stretched.
Toby Stretched?
Kyra Yes.
She smiles at him.
Surely that’s a good thing, isn’
t it? Don’t we think it’s good to be stretched?
Toby Oh sure.
They both smile. She is very relaxed.
Kyra I know it sounds crazy, but I’m out at six-thirty – earlier.
Toby My goodness!
Kyra I get on the bus. That simple journey, Kensal Rise to East Ham, in many ways it’s the thing I like best about the job. I take a good book. I take my sandwiches. Every day I sit there. Always the top. The top deck’s better.
Toby Oh really?
Kyra Always. You hear better things.
She is becoming more expansive.
I’ve developed this passion for listening.
Toby Blimey.
Kyra It’s like an addiction. I love it. I can’t get enough. And the more I listen, the more it strikes me, you know …
what extraordinary courage, what perseverance most people need just to get on with their lives.
Toby Huh.
Tom nods as if he’s taking this seriously.
Kyra And at the start I actually got lucky …
Toby Lucky?
Kyra Yes, I met this fantastic Nigerian friend. Adele. And she’s introduced me to the group that she’s in.
Toby (frowns) A group?
Kyra Yes. It’s very informal. We meet every Friday after work. We have a few drinks. That way you don’t feel so lonely.
Toby That’s nice.
Kyra Because when you’re working so hard, you’re working such ludicrous hours, the danger is you end up losing sight of your aims …
She smiles at the idea.
And there’s always something new. Like at the moment we have this real problem. We have this private security firm …
Toby At the school?
Kyra Yes. I mean, we’ve had them there lately. Just for a few days. It’s absolutely disgusting, the staff have protested like mad.
Tom is looking at her, amused by the depth of her involvement.
We had this problem with burglary. Lootings. A dinner lady was mugged.
Toby She was mugged at the school?
Kyra Tom, that’s not unheard of. Don’t take up that Home Counties tone.
Toby I’m not. Just allow a moment of taxpayer’s interest that dinner ladies now walk in fear of their lives.
He is making a joke, but she quickly corrects him.
Kyra One dinner lady.
Toby OK.
Kyra Only one incident. It happens. It happened once. But of course it’s being used politically. There are – let’s face it – certain elements. Partisan elements, who wish the school ill.
Toby For what reason?
Kyra Precisely because it is an enlightened regime.
He looks at her, saying nothing.
Tom, don’t look at me like that.
Toby I didn’t say anything.
Kyra I’m not a soft liberal. Far from it. My views have got tougher. They’ve had to. You grow up pretty fast. Education has to be a mixture of haven and challenge. Reassurance, of course. Stability. But also incentive.
Toby I’m not sure I actually know what that means.
But Kyra ignores his humour, really forceful and coherent, wanting to explain.
Kyra Tom, these are kids from very tough backgrounds. At the very least you offer them support. You care for them. You offer them security. You give them an environment where they feel they can grow. But also you make bloody sure you challenge them. You make sure they realise learning is hard. Because if you don’t … if you only make the safe haven … if it’s all clap-happy and ‘everything the kids do is great’ … then what are you creating? Emotional toffees, who’ve actually learnt nothing, but who then have to go back and face the real world.
She is genuinely carried away with this problem as she gets another piece of bread to dip in the sauce. Tom is watching her as non-judgementally as he can.
I mean …
Toby I see that.
Kyra I tell you, it’s fucking interesting …
Toby I’m sure …
Kyra Finding that balance …
Toby Sure …
Kyra Finding it, keeping it there. Tom, there’s nothing I’ve done in my life which is harder. Forty per cent speaking English as a second language!
She stands cheerfully dipping bread in the sauce.
Toby (a little shocked) You’re really that involved?
Kyra You mean me personally?
Toby Do you go to staff meetings?
Kyra I’m not an activist, if that’s what you mean. But I take it quite seriously. Because … apart from anything, I’m older than most of the teachers …
Toby Really?
Kyra It’s a young person’s area. A young teacher comes out of college. They think, this is the kind of work I want to do. Then pretty soon … well, they move house, they marry … They decide they want something a little bit easier.
Toby Mmm.
Kyra A little bit less arduous. Mostly.
Toby But that’s not happened to you?
Kyra thinks a moment, then speaks thoughtfully, her tone hardening.
Kyra Early on, you know, I was spat on. Very early. Like maybe, the first day or two. In front of the class, this boy spat on me. He called me an arsewipe. A cunt. I tell you, I can still feel it. Here, on the side of my cheek. I realised I had no defences. That night I went home and I cried. Then I thought, right, this is it. No more crying. From today I learn certain skills – survival skills, if you like. I master certain techniques, if for no other purpose but that in the years ahead … maybe even after I’ve finished perhaps … I can say, right, it was a job and I bloody well did it. I learned how you have to survive.
Toby I see. It sounds like a challenge.
Kyra hesitates, deciding whether to risk saying what she actually believes.
Kyra I’ve seen the way things now are in this country. I think for thirty years I lived in a dream. I don’t mean that unkindly. Everything you gave me I treasured. But the fact is, you go out, you open your eyes now, you see this country as it really is …
She shakes her head slightly, then waves her hand, as if to imply that nothing more can be said. Tom is watching, suddenly chilled, fearing he has lost her.
Toby But you have friends?
Kyra What?
Toby This life that you’re leading? I’m asking, it’s not without friends? It’s none of my business, but as you describe it … I suppose it all sounds a bit bleak.
Kyra Tom, the point is, we’re mostly totally exhausted …
Toby I’m sure.
Kyra What are you asking? Do I go out? Oh yes, I go out! On Fridays, I go to Thank God It’s Fridays. On Saturdays, Sainsbury’s. And also, yes, I have a few friends.
Toby Well, good.
Kyra Adele is terrific. She lives downstairs. She’s the woman who found me this place.
Toby You call that an act of friendship?
Kyra Oh very funny.
Toby It’s more like she’s trying to freeze you to death …
But Kyra’s up to this, off to the kettle, and already off on a tack of her own.
Kyra It doesn’t bother me. Not after my childhood.
Toby Being pushed by nannies beside stormy English seas …
Kyra My dreadful father had something he called heating-bill targets. He’d hold up the heating bills, he’d say, ‘By all means, keep this place like a furnace, if that’s what you want. But remember: turn it up in September, by February you’ll have to be turning it down …’
Tom smiles at this.
You know he died?
Toby When?
Kyra Yes. A year ago. Dropped dead on the golf course.
Toby But, Kyra, I don’t understand. I thought you were going to get lots of money.
Kyra Ah, well, yes, I thought so as well.
Toby So?
Kyra Tom, things are never that simple. This is also a man who kept cats.
Toby Oh come on …
He turns away in disbelief, but Kyra is laughing, s
omehow exhilarated by the account of her father’s behaviour.
Kyra It’s true. He gave me some money. Not much. In fact, very little. The RSPCA got nearly all of it.
Toby But for Christ’s sake, how did you feel?
Kyra I didn’t feel anything. What difference did it make?
Toby All the difference in the world.
Kyra What do you mean?
Tom frowns, as if it were obvious, not sure why she doesn’t get it.
Toby If you’d had his money you would have been able to buy a new place.
Kyra Oh.
Toby I mean, that’s what I’m saying. You would have been able to leave. You could have bought somewhere decent.
Kyra I mean, yes, I suppose so …
Toby You can hardly intend to live here the whole of your life? I suppose I’m asking, what are you planning?
Kyra Planning? Tom, I don’t expect this to make any sense to you. But I’m planning to go on just as I am.
She has said what she wanted quite simply, but somehow in the very quiet of the moment there is a sense of challenge. She moves back to the kitchen, in order not to have to deal with his response. Neither of them mistake the fact that a crucial moment has been reached.
Do you want tea?
Toby What?
Kyra Shall I make tea for you?
Toby Tea? Oh, yes. I mean, yes. Of course.
Kyra is putting teabags in the pot. Tom is trying to keep his tone normal.
I don’t know. I know it sounds silly. There’s something … I suppose, an idea of the future. It seems to me important.
Kyra Why, sure. I have an idea of the future as well.
Toby Do you?
Kyra Yes. Yes, I mean loosely. A future doing a job I believe in.
She sees he is still unhappy, his pain undischarged.
Why does that bother you?
Toby Because of a feeling … it’s to do with something that happened with Alice. Something which happened right at the end.
Kyra stands, milk carton in hand, seeing his pain, knowing she must let him speak.
Do you know how I first met her? I saw her modelling in a magazine. I thought, oh look, it’s Audrey Hepburn.
Kyra You cut out her picture. That’s what I heard.