David Hare Plays 3

by David Hare

  Phoebe (from the bathroom) I need my clothes, sir.

  Moffatt Very well. I shall turn my face to the wall.

  Moffatt stands facing the wall. Phoebe comes out of the bathroom, still naked. Arthur helps her, as she searches, unamused.

  What are you doing?

  Phoebe I’m looking for my smaller garments, sir.

  Arthur holds up a pair of knickers.

  Arthur Here.

  Phoebe Thank you.

  Moffatt If you avail yourself of the bathroom, we can make headway in here.

  Phoebe Thank you, sir.

  She goes out to the bathroom. Moffatt turns. Arthur has had a sheet round him, but now he opens it, showing himself to Moffatt. Neither man moves.

  Arthur I’d not thought Lord Alfred would need his room quite so quickly.

  Moffatt That is apparent. You will now get on and continue your work.

  After a moment Moffatt moves across the room to start work. Arthur goes to pull his undergarments on.

  Arthur Lord Alfred doesn’t normally get back till the evening.

  Moffatt That may explain your behaviour. It hardly excuses it.

  Arthur No, sir.

  Moffatt Lord Alfred has had to make a sudden change in his plans.

  Arthur Oh, I see.

  Moffatt Hence the urgency.

  He lifts various silver lids on a side-table.

  Too much champagne, by the look of it. The remains of a lobster. Plainly he has no respect for crustaceans. This looks like Chef’s moules marinières.

  Arthur, naked to the waist, goes to help Moffatt stripping the bed.

  Did you visit any other rooms this morning?

  Arthur Oh yes, sir. I’ve cleared out the dishes from most of this floor.

  Moffatt Alone?

  Arthur Phoebe was helping me.

  Moffatt Really? And did you christen each room?

  They work on at the bedclothes. Phoebe comes back, adjusting her maid’s uniform.

  Get me the baskets.

  Phoebe I’ll get them.

  Moffatt Ah Phoebe, yes, right.

  She goes, intending to open the main door.

  And also …

  Phoebe Yes, sir?

  Moffatt Tell your friend Arthur: the least he can do is put on the rest of his clothes.

  Arthur smiles and moves towards his abandoned clothes. Phoebe goes into the corridor.

  Arthur, I shall need to speak to you later. You have indulged in behaviour the hotel cannot possibly condone. I shall need to reprimand you in person.

  Arthur Yes, sir.

  Moffatt That’s clear?

  Arthur goes on dressing.

  Arthur When do you wish this act of discipline to take place?

  Moffatt After work. When exactly do you get off?

  Arthur Five-thirty.

  Moffatt Right after.

  Arthur Yes sir.

  Moffatt I’ll wait for you outside the kitchens.

  Arthur The kitchens it is, sir.

  Phoebe comes back with a basket for the dirty laundry.

  Moffatt The hotel has standards it must maintain.

  Robert Ross has appeared at the door. He is a short man, not yet thirty, with a puck face, Buster Keatonish, and beautifully dressed. He is in obvious distress.

  Ah good afternoon, Mr Ross.

  Ross Good afternoon.

  Arthur is now dressed. He and Phoebe bow and bob to Ross.

  Arthur and Phoebe Afternoon, sir.

  Moffatt Lord Alfred’s room is not quite ready, I fear.

  Ross There’s some luggage.

  Moffatt Of course, sir. Arthur.

  Arthur goes out to get it, leaving the door open.

  Ross I am expecting Lord Alfred presently. My fear is our presence is already known.

  Moffatt Sir?

  Ross I came through the lobby. Has someone been talking?

  Moffatt Impossible.

  Ross I’m grateful.

  Moffatt It is out of the question. The Cadogan is a steadfastly private hotel.

  Phoebe goes out again with dirty sheets.

  Ross That is its reputation. That was the purpose in choosing it. You know why we came here.

  Moffatt Indeed, sir.

  Ross Lord Alfred needed somewhere discreet.

  Moffatt Discretion is something we pride ourselves on.

  Arthur appears smartly with a big bag.

  Arthur The bag, sir.

  Ross Please, just put it down where you will.

  Arthur If it’s Lord Alfred’s, sir, then I’ll unpack it.

  Ross No. It isn’t Lord Alfred’s.

  Moffatt now smoothly intervenes.

  Moffatt That’s fine, sir. We quite understand.

  Phoebe reappears urgently at the door.

  Phoebe Sir, there are people …

  Moffatt What people?

  Phoebe They do look like reporters …

  Ross turns away in panic.

  Ross It starts! It starts even now!

  Phoebe Somehow they’ve got up the stairs.

  Ross Mr Moffatt, this is what I most feared.

  Moffatt I apologise. Have no concern, sir. You will not be inconvenienced, you have my assurance.

  Ross Well, please.

  Moffatt Excuse me and let me now go and deal with it.

  Ross I would be most grateful. Thank you.

  Moffatt I will do it.

  Phoebe Back in a tick.

  Moffatt has gone. Phoebe follows. Arthur opens new sheets for the bed. Moffatt can be heard admonishing the journalists outside: ‘Gentlemen, this is a private area …’ Ross looks uncomfortably across to Arthur.

  Ross I’m sorry. It’s our fault. We caused all this upset.

  Arthur Sir?

  Ross Last night a group of us ate in this room.

  Arthur It’s fine, sir.

  Ross I’m afraid we only parted at five.

  Arthur Did you have an enjoyable evening?

  Ross No, I could not say enjoyable. Why no, not at all.

  Arthur continues his work, the soul of politeness.

  Arthur I’ve noticed Lord Alfred is addicted to company. He rarely likes to be on his own.

  Ross No. No, he is companionable.

  Arthur Yes, sir. That’s what I meant. Since he came here, what is it? five weeks ago – I’ve seen him with a whole range of companions.

  Ross Yes. Yes, Lord Alfred is always sociable.

  Arthur Indeed, sir. It would be a dull world without company. Are you fond of company yourself?

  Ross I?

  He looks at Arthur thoughtfully a moment.

  Ross Oh yes. Within moderation. Sometimes. Occasionally. But always at my own choice.

  At once, Lord Alfred Douglas (‘Bosie’) arrives, followed by Moffatt. He is a startlingly handsome young aristocrat, twenty-three, fair-haired and volatile.

  Bosie It is simply absurd, it is unendurable …

  Moffatt (bowing) Lord Alfred …

  Ross Bosie, you must calm down.

  Bosie I cannot believe what has happened.

  Ross I know.

  Bosie Even now I cannot believe it.

  Ross Where is Oscar?

  Bosie He is on his way here.

  Ross What are you saying? Do you mean you have left him?

  Bosie I could not endure that solicitor!

  Ross Oscar is travelling alone?

  Bosie I simply got up and walked out.

  He turns, anticipating Ross.

  It’s all right, Oscar and I had already decided. It was better we travelled apart. Somebody spat at him. It is known throughout London that his case has collapsed. The crowds all yell at him. The indignity is beyond all description. To have our names in their mouths!

  He turns to Moffatt.

  I need a glass of cold water. Get it!

  Moffatt Yes, sir.

  Bosie From a bottle! A bottle! None of that filthy sewage that flows from your taps.

  Moffatt turns to Arthur, w
ho has been working on, quietly ironic.

  Moffatt A bottle of water for Lord Alfred.

  Arthur At once, sir.

  Bosie Why is this room in such vile disarray?

  Arthur goes out. Phoebe joins Moffatt to continue tidying up.

  Ross Oscar has finished the letter?

  Bosie Yes. It is written.

  Ross Is it dispatched?

  Bosie To the Evening News. Saying the reason he was forced to abandon his case is he could not allow me into the witness box. He had to protect me!

  Ross He is making that clear?

  Bosie is shaking his head in anger.

  Bosie He would not allow me to dispute with my father in public. It drives me to distraction.

  Ross I know.

  Bosie I, who was better placed to denounce my own father than anyone! And yet it is Oscar who forbids me to advance my own cause.

  Ross is uneasy of this talk in front of the staff.

  Ross He has explained to you. It would not be advantageous …

  Bosie Not advantageous?

  Ross He thought it would do you no good.

  Bosie looks at him wildly, as if he’s mad.

  Bosie Oh well, how brilliant! What a brilliant decision! And how exactly could things have worked out worse than they have? My father, this disgusting little man, this vandal, who has pretty well ruined my life. And I am not allowed to speak of his appalling behaviour!

  He turns, addressing the whole room.

  And the result? It hardly needs saying: the case is in ruins. The two of us face equal disgrace. He made this fatal mistake. He did not call me!

  Ross No.

  Ross looks round, wanting to get rid of the staff.

  Just one minute …

  Bosie And now – through his own stubbornness, now he is paying the price!

  Ross Yes. If you could allow us one moment … is it Phoebe?

  Phoebe is carrying Bosie’s books across the room.

  Bosie Leave those things there! Just leave them! I asked for some water.

  Phoebe Yes.

  She stands, taken aback by his outburst.

  Ross I apologise. Lord Alfred is under great strain.

  Bosie Robbie, you always speak for me. In everything. Even with the servants, you speak as if I were not in the room. Always I am not allowed to speak! From this habit of silencing, from the way you have all made me silent, from this our present predicament stems.

  Arthur comes back with a silver tray.

  Well, I’ll be silent no longer!

  Arthur Your water, sir.

  Bosie What?

  Arthur The water you asked for. It’s here.

  Bosie frowns as if not understanding.

  Bosie So? Set it down. Come on, what are you expecting? Tribute? What are you waiting for? Praise?

  Arthur No, sir. Do you want me to pour it?

  Bosie Pour?

  Arthur Do you want me to pour it, sir?

  Bosie Yes, of course. Do it, Arthur. What is the alternative? It pours itself? Hardly. Mr Moffatt, this staff you employ! Where do you find them? The music hall? Robbie, do you have some money? Will you give young Arthur here a penny or two?

  Ross Yes, of course.

  Bosie I’ll repay you.

  Bosie’s mood has changed, so he is almost skittish to Moffatt.

  What are they, music-hall comics?

  Moffatt You told me before, sir, you’d been very happy with everything the staff had done for you here.

  Bosie is already bored and wanders away. Ross tips Arthur and Moffatt.

  Bosie Yes, oh yes. If you say so.

  Ross Mr Moffatt, thank you. Here’s something for you.

  Moffatt The room is not yet ready, I fear.

  Ross As long as you guarantee us security, we shall truly require nothing else.

  Moffatt has opened Wilde’s case on the bed. Phoebe bobs insolently, and they are all gone. The room is roughly restored to order.

  Bosie, you realise I do have to speak to you.

  Bosie I know you must speak to me. You have adopted your headmaster’s tone. ‘Come into my study!’

  Ross Only because what I must say is important. We have little time. It is vital.

  Ross pauses.

  You know I have been to his house.

  Bosie Yes.

  Ross I have picked up his luggage.

  Bosie Have you?

  Ross At his instructions, I have also cashed him a cheque. Protest all you like, you know what is happening.

  Ross is holding up Wilde’s pocketbook.

  He will come here only briefly. It is essential. He must not stay long.

  Bosie No, first I suggest he must stop and take stock.

  Ross No!

  Bosie Robbie, Oscar has given me everything. He’s a man I love, I admire. There is no one in the world I admire more than him. But to see him take up the challenge …

  Ross Yes.

  Bosie And then not to give it the care it deserves.

  Ross stays quiet, patient.

  Yesterday, making that joke in the courtroom – even you must see that did him no good …

  Ross Plainly.

  Bosie That says it all! This need to perform!

  Ross Yes. But just at this moment, it’s scarcely important.

  But Bosie is ignoring him.

  Bosie Finally that instinct is lethal. When asked of an Oxford college servant if he had kissed him. ‘Oh no, I did not kiss him. He was far too ugly.’ In front of the jury!

  Ross I know …

  Bosie It was not a good joke. Not even a good joke! There was no reason except to show off.

  Ross No.

  Bosie I had warned him. Yet from the moment he said it …

  Ross I know. I know. You have said this.

  Bosie From the moment he said it, our case was finished. We abandoned all chance of victory.

  Ross I know. All of us said all this last night.

  But Bosie takes no notice.

  Bosie I had said to him, I had told him one thousand times, ‘Be modest.’ I said, ‘I am English, you are not. The English people do not like wit. They abhor those who are cleverer than they are.’ But he did not listen. No.

  He suddenly raises his voice again.

  Robbie, he has not listened throughout!

  Ross tries to be precise to gain Bosie’s attention.

  Ross Bosie, your father’s solicitors have passed on the papers. We know this. We’ve been told this for sure. They were dispatched to the Attorney General over two hours ago.

  Ross has tried to calm him, but Bosie seems to miss the point.

  Bosie Oh Robbie, come on, why do you think I sent for my cousin? This is exactly what I foresaw!

  Ross steps towards him, still quiet.

  Ross In a moment Oscar will come here. We will only have a short time. In conditions of calm and absolute seriousness, he will have to settle his resolve on the path he must take.

  Bosie Of course.

  Ross The Attorney General is even now speaking to the Home Secretary. It is assuredly only a matter of time. Asquith will give his consent. Pretty soon the local magistrate will issue his warrant for Oscar’s arrest on a charge of gross indecency.

  Ross puts up a hand.

  Yes. You heard us this morning with Oscar’s solicitors. If we stop and examine the evidence, if we look at that list – that disastrous list of young men – well, is it wise … is it truly courageous to stay here? Fight on when he has no chance to win?

  Bosie Who says?

  Ross Listen. Or rather, is it simply foolhardy? In open court, these men will bear witness. They will say the most terrible things. Things no one will ever forget. Whether he wins or he loses, Oscar’s reputation will be destroyed for all time.

  Bosie You say that.

  Ross Very well.

  Bosie I deny it.

  Ross You may well deny it. That is your right. But your denial is not of the essence. Nothing now matters save Oscar’s own view
.

  There is a silence. Bosie looks cannily at Ross.

  Oscar has looked into the abyss. He has seen all the dangers. He will now leave the country. Yes. That is his decision. To leave it for ever. And you must respect this choice he has made.

  They both look, neither man relenting.

  By his nature, we both know Oscar can be excited. How do I say this? He can be swayed. I recognise this truth about Oscar. He is always available to your point of view. I am not seeking to silence you. Be assured. You may say what you like. I ask you, simply take care. There must be no hysteria. You may argue, but you must not dictate. This is the point I am making. On this occasion, because his whole future depends on it, I beg you, let Oscar set his own course. I know I can trust you, Bosie. Behave in a way which gives Oscar a chance.

  The room is silent. But Bosie seems more amused than sobered.

  Bosie Oh Robbie, you always speak prettily.

  Ross Thank you.

  Bosie Considerate. Modest, as always. Well-tempered. Does it never occur to you? Life has handed you the easiest role.

  Ross What role?

  Bosie Third party. Robbie, anyone can play third party. It requires no real talent. You play it to perfection, but bear this in mind: it is a role of no consequence. That’s him!

  He moves across the room because Mr Moffatt can be heard in the corridor, beckoning Wilde to follow him.

  The role can be taken by anyone at all.

  Oscar Wilde comes through the door. He is just over forty, with long hair, not at all the languid pansy of legend. He is solid, tall and fleshy, six foot three, a mixture of ungainliness and elegance. Mr Moffatt is behind him carrying two small bags.

  Moffatt In here, sir, please, come in, the others are waiting …

  Bosie Oh Oscar.

  Ross Oscar, you’re here.

  Wilde What is this? Oh Bosie, dear Bosie …

  Bosie Oscar …

  They fall into each other’s arms, hugging.

  Wilde Bosie …

  Bosie Oscar, oh Oscar! Thank goodness, thank goodness you’re here.

  Ross and Moffatt stand quietly waiting.

  Wilde Forgive us, Mr Moffatt, Lord Alfred and I have been parted for almost an hour.

  Moffatt I quite understand, sir.

  Wilde We have survived the shock of separation. The strain has been awful. On my side at least. And reporters now seem to be holding some sort of professional convention in your lobby. Mr Moffatt has kindly guided me through.

  Arthur has arrived with an ice bucket and bottles on a tray.

  Arthur Wine, sir.

  Wilde Robbie, can you give Mr Moffatt some money?

  Ross Why yes, of course.