David Hare Plays 3

by David Hare

Elsa ‘Yes! That’s what she chooses to do. That’s who she is. That’s her identity. She’s twelve-man Clem. Grant her the dignity of her own actions. Because when you blame them on your drinking, then insidiously you begin to insult her.

  Paul ‘No.

  Elsa ‘Yes! She’s an adult. She’s a grown-up. It’s her life. She chooses to sleep with twelve men! That is her magnificent choice.

  Elsa turns back with the definitive diagnosis.

  Paul, you are not addicted to alcohol. You are addicted to blame.

  Paul is shaking his head in protest.

  Paul ‘I can’t believe this. I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

  Elsa ‘Why not?

  Paul ‘Because I know what I did: I drove this woman from my bed by my behaviour. By serial dishonesty. I lied. I told lies consistently for the eighteen months we were together. I barely let out a single word that was true. I deceived her.

  Elsa ‘Yes, but why?

  Paul ‘Why do you think? Like all drinkers. To hide my drinking, of course.

  Elsa ‘Was that all?

  Paul ‘No.

  Elsa ‘What else did you lie about?

  Paul ‘Oh, things.

  Elsa ‘What things?

  Paul ‘What does it matter? It becomes an attitude.

  Elsa ‘Say.

  Paul looks at her, reluctant to go on.

  Say.

  Paul ‘If I’m honest … also to hide my contempt.

  Elsa ‘Your contempt?

  Paul ‘Yes.

  Elsa ‘That’s a strong word. Contempt for what, Paul? Hide your contempt for what?

  Paul ‘Well, if you want to know, I hid my contempt for her acting.

  Elsa ‘Why?

  Paul ‘Because it was fucking awful.

  Elsa ‘I see.

  Paul ‘Yes!

  Elsa ‘Bad, was it?

  Paul ‘It was embarrassing. It was the pits.

  Elsa ‘Ah, now …

  Paul ‘Yes!

  Elsa ‘Well now …

  Paul ‘That’s what I really thought. She tried to be alluring but she came across as vulgar. And she couldn’t say the lines.

  Elsa is nodding, at last at the heart of things.

  Elsa ‘So. Now we progress. Now we understand. You were in a long-term relationship with what is known technically as a ‘bad actress’.

  Paul ‘Very funny.

  Elsa ‘Seems to me clear what drove you to drink.

  Paul ‘You know nothing. You insult me. You know nothing at all.

  Elsa just looks at him.

  Elsa ‘And one more thing. Was she clever? Was Clem clever? Was Clem as clever as you are?

  Paul looks at her, not answering.

  You fell in love with an idea, didn’t you, Paul? You had an idea of her.

  Paul ‘Yes.

  Elsa ‘Oh yes. And one more thing. One more thing, Paul. About her acting. Was its awfulness your fault as well?

  There is a silence. Then Paul suddenly gets up and moves a distance away, further than we knew the area reached. Elsa stays where she is.

  Paul ‘I can’t do this. I can’t. I can’t do this.

  Elsa ‘Do what?

  Paul ‘Argue. Relate. Honestly, I got out of this. I stopped this. I put it all behind me. I’ve been dry for over a year. I have one hope. I have one thread of hope. I go to the meetings. I go home. I listen to music. I can’t …

  Paul stops dead, unable to speak.

  Elsa ‘You can’t what, Paul? You can’t what?

  Paul ‘I can’t …

  Elsa gets up and moves quickly across the room to him. She takes him in her arms, cradling his head. He is crying. Elsa holds him, then she looks into his eyes.

  Elsa ‘You can’t what?

  Paul begins to kiss her. He pushes her down against the top of a desk. They stay in each other’s arms, passionate. Paul begins to pull at her shirt, loosening it from her skirt. It looks as if they might go on, but after a few moments they separate. They move to different parts of the area. After a while Paul speaks.

  Paul ‘For you it was easy. It was easy for you. You had Victor. Isn’t that right? ‘Oh no problem! I kicked alcohol. I didn’t need AA.’ But you had Victor to help. Who do I have?

  Elsa ‘Me. You have me.

  The sound of Victor outside.

  Victor ‘Elsa! Elsa! Are you there?

  FOUR

  Paul moves out of the scene to talk to us. Behind him, the feeling of the stage lightens and changes. Victor and Elsa disappear.

  Paul On the whole, all things considered, I think I can say now with some certainty that Elsa was not what I needed. I was a recovering alcoholic. I needed stability. An awful lot of fascinating things happen when you fall in love with Elsa Quinn. But I don’t number stability among them.

  Jung says that when we love another person what we are really doing is trying to compensate for a lack in ourselves. But Jung also says that the search to complete yourself with another person can never succeed.

  FIVE

  Summer. Sunshine. A feeling of outdoors. Victor is heading towards Paul. He is more casually dressed than we have seen him before – without a jacket – and he is wearing sunglasses. He is carrying a silver tray with two beautiful glasses on it. He proceeds to set them out with elaborate care on a garden table. Beside them, he lays out nuts and olives.

  Victor ‘I’m making margaritas but there’s no way I’m going to offer you one.

  Paul ‘There’s no way I’m going to drink one.

  Victor ‘Quite right.

  He sets down the tray. Paul stands looking out at the evening. Victor is skittish, in wonderful spirits.

  And suddenly it’s summer at last.

  Paul ‘Mmm.

  Victor ‘Beautiful, isn’t it? The park stretching away …

  Paul ‘You’re very lucky.

  Victor smiles at him from the table.

  Victor ‘Do you remember how to make them?

  Paul ‘Not clearly.

  Victor ‘You put the glasses in the fridge. You put the salt round the glasses.

  Paul ‘You put the tequila in the freezer.

  Victor ‘Yes, and the Cointreau in the shaker.

  Paul ‘That’s right.

  Victor ‘Your aim is something lip-puckeringly cold. It should have the kick of a donkey. Cold as hell in the mouth, then hot as hell as it goes down. Is there anything better?

  Paul ‘It depends.

  Victor flashes a smile at Paul.

  Victor ‘I’m sure Elsa’s coming out. She’s somewhere around.

  Paul ‘With the children?

  Victor ignores this, gesturing expansively at the surroundings.

  Victor ‘So what do you think?

  Paul ‘What?

  Victor ‘Of the place?

  Paul ‘Oh, it’s wonderful.

  Victor ‘It is, isn’t it? We’ve only been here six months. I don’t know if Elsa told you …

  Victor stops.

  Paul ‘What?

  Victor ‘I don’t know what Elsa’s told you. In general.

  Paul ‘Oh. In general, she’s told me … just this and that, really. I’ve only met her a couple of times, I think.

  Victor ‘About what?

  Paul ‘About?

  Victor ‘Yes, what’s she told you about?

  Paul ‘About the house.

  Victor ‘I see.

  Paul ‘Setting her heart on it and how there’s room for the children.

  Victor ‘I don’t want to bore you with what you already know.

  Paul ‘Please.

  Victor ‘Bore you?

  Paul ‘No. I mean …

  Victor seems disturbed by the loop.

  Victor ‘Elsa – what? – Elsa – what? – told you, for her it’s great because it’s so near work. She can walk to work. Excuse me.

  With no warning, he suddenly goes out. Paul speaks to himself.

  Paul ‘Jesus Christ.

  Paul takes his jacket off. Victor appear
s at once bearing a triumphant jug of margaritas.

  Victor ‘And how is work? How are you getting on?

  Paul ‘Oh …

  Victor ‘I’ll be frank. I’m surprised.

  Paul ‘Why?

  Victor ‘I had you down as a Luddite.

  Paul ‘I can’t think why.

  Victor ‘The stereotype of a poet, I’m afraid. Poets always long to go back. Childhood. Lost love. How would poets get by without them?

  Paul ‘But why else did you appoint me? Unless you thought I could handle it?

  Victor ‘Some people can’t.

  Paul ‘And if I’d failed, would you have sacked me?

  Victor ‘Paul. With relish.

  Elsa comes into the garden. She is wearing jeans and no shoes, caught very much off her guard at home. She clearly doesn’t know Paul is going to be there.

  Paul ‘Ah …

  Elsa ‘Paul, goodness. How are you?

  Victor ‘I’m sorry. I invited Paul here back for a drink. He was at a loose end. I thought it would be nice.

  Elsa ‘It is.

  Paul ‘Elsa.

  Elsa ‘Paul.

  They shake hands, a little stiffly. Victor is pouring two glistening margaritas. Elsa turns back to him.

  Are you going to say hello to the children?

  Paul ‘Oh God, should I have said hello to them?

  Elsa ‘You don’t have to.

  Paul ‘I’m not good with …

  Paul gestures to indicate imaginary dwarfs.

  Elsa ‘Nobody’s good with …

  Elsa makes the same gesture.

  Except other …

  Elsa makes it again.

  And sometimes not even them.

  Victor ‘I’d rather drink margaritas. How was your day?

  Elsa ‘Did you get Paul a Coke?

  Paul ‘I’m fine. I’m …

  Elsa ‘What?

  Paul ‘… enjoying the evening.

  Victor takes a first draft of margarita.

  Victor ‘Perfection.

  Victor takes one across to Elsa, who has sat down.

  Paul ‘Victor was just telling me what a pleasure he would take in sacking me.

  Elsa ‘I’ve no doubt. ‘You have to be ruthless.’ Victor always says, ‘Oh you have to be so ruthless in life.’

  Victor ‘It’s true. You do.

  Elsa ‘He always manages to imply somehow that it’s a terrific effort. You don’t like to say, ‘Victor, for you it seems to come quite easily.’

  They smile together. Paul is watching, trying to interpret their behaviour.

  Paul ‘I don’t think I could look someone in the eye and sack them.

  Victor ‘Couldn’t you? Why not? What would stop you? If you needed to do it, what would stop you?

  Paul ‘Scruples.

  Victor ‘Scruples? Scruples about what? Losing their good opinion? Is that what matters to you? That everyone should think you’re a nice person?

  Paul ‘No.

  Victor ‘What then?

  Paul ‘That I should be a nice person.

  They all three smile.

  Victor ‘Ah, very good …

  Elsa ‘Yes.

  Victor ‘… but can one be nice in this world?

  Paul ‘That’s a different question.

  Victor ‘Is there such a thing as nice?

  Paul ‘There’s such a thing as good.

  Victor ‘There’s a noun, yes. Elsa does good. It’s clear. She administers a charity. So by definition my wife does good. The homeless acquire homes. The roofless roofs. But is she good?

  Elsa ‘I don’t claim to be good.

  Elsa has become very quiet.

  This drink is very strong.

  Victor ‘Is it?

  Elsa ‘Yes. It’s very strong. It’s almost pure alcohol.

  Victor looks at her a moment, then he goes on as if he hasn’t heard her, moving to pour himself another.

  Victor ‘Of course, there was one time something called good. When I was young, there was something called ‘the common good’. It’s rather gone out of fashion, don’t you think? Of course, if I’d been cleverer I’d have spotted that earlier. I wouldn’t have wasted all those years selling newspapers at the factory gates.

  Elsa ‘Were they wasted?

  Victor ‘I would have entered this business earlier. Hence: I’d be richer. I’d be freer. I’d have an even bigger house.

  Elsa ‘You don’t think you’re being just a little imperial, my darling?

  Victor ‘Just a little, yes. Something in the mood of the evening, perhaps.

  Victor turns to Paul.

  Did Elsa tell you how we met?

  Paul ‘No.

  Victor ‘I met her in a bar, it’s true. In Copenhagen. She was smashed.

  Paul ‘Had you been married before?

  Victor ‘Never.

  Elsa ‘Victor doesn’t believe the young should marry.

  Victor ‘It’s so.

  Elsa ‘This is one of his favourite theories.

  Paul ‘Try me.

  Victor ‘I’d have thought it was obvious. It’s a problem of evolution. Ask a Darwinist. Fidelity’s effectively impossible when you’re young. In my experience, you leave the young alone for five minutes, at once they fuck each other.

  Victor turns casually to Paul.

  You’d know about this.

  Paul ‘Would I?

  Victor ‘I’m speculating. I look at the young men in my office – I miss nothing, I love office romance, I adore it – I look at them all with their stiff little cocks, and the women wet, wet with longing, longing for adventure and I think: no chance.

  Victor shrugs at the inevitability of it all.

  Paul ‘You think to get married you have to be older?

  Victor ‘Plainly, it’s a plus.

  Elsa ‘Say Victor’s age.

  Paul ‘But Elsa was young.

  Victor ‘Yes. She was also exceptional. And she had two children.

  Paul ‘I didn’t realise. I thought they were yours.

  Victor ‘No. Not mine.

  Elsa ‘I arrived with the children.

  Paul frowns, trying to get back on track.

  Paul ‘So – what? – you just walked into a bar and saw her?

  Victor ‘She was irresistible.

  Elsa ‘Tell Paul what you said.

  Victor ‘Oh. I told her she was fruit which had fallen to the ground.

  Victor colours. At once it’s intimate between them.

  Elsa ‘A long time ago.

  Victor ‘Not for me.

  Elsa ‘Soft fruit.

  Paul watches as Victor stands behind her, taking her proffered hand.

  Victor hates philanderers.

  Victor ‘It’s true. I do.

  Elsa ‘He hates them.

  Victor ‘You say to a girl you can’t live without her. You say to her, you’re my whole world. Then a few weeks later you say the same thing, with just the same conviction, only this time you’re saying it to someone else. So what’s your excuse? Were you lying the first time? ‘No, no,’ people say, ‘I believed it at the time.’ But that’s not good enough.

  Victor looks at Paul a moment. Then he puts his hand on Elsa’s shoulder.

  Things are true, or they aren’t.

  Elsa is quite still. Then Victor lets go of her and heads out.

  Victor ‘I’m getting you a Coke.

  He’s gone. At once Paul moves away.

  Paul ‘I’m not going to survive. I can’t survive this.

  Elsa ‘Why not? It’s Victor. He’s just being Victor, that’s all.

  Paul ‘Jesus, they tell you at meetings. It’s the golden rule. At all costs, avoid stress. Never get yourself into stressful situations.

  Elsa ‘Do you want a margarita?

  Paul ‘No thank you.

  Elsa ‘It might get you through.

  Paul ‘No thank you!

  Elsa ‘It’s getting me through.

  Elsa smiles to herself.<
br />
  Paul ‘What is this? Faust?

  Elsa ‘I don’t think so.

  Paul ‘Is he Mephistopheles? Am I playing Faust? I’m to make a contract, am I? To lure me to my doom?

  Elsa ‘I don’t think so.

  Paul ‘What’s the idea? I’m to raise a glass to my lips and be magically transformed into a human being again?

  Paul turns back to her.

  Was it just chance he asked me back here?

  Elsa ‘Of course. Chance. That’s Victor. It’s whim.

  Paul ‘‘Stiff little cocks!’ What is going on? ‘The young men with their stiff little cocks …’

  Elsa ‘Paul, there is no conspiracy. It’s a summer evening. We’re having a drink and enjoying the evening.

  Paul shakes his head.

  Paul ‘Elsa, you’re married, for Christ’s sake. You have two children.

  Elsa ‘So?

  Paul ‘What the hell did we do? I’ve been thinking ever since, what the hell were we doing?

  Elsa ‘We kissed.

  Paul ‘Yes.

  Elsa ‘We kissed in the office.

  Paul ‘Yes. It was great. But we’re not doing it again.

  Elsa ‘How was it? How did you say it was? ‘Great’, did you say?

  Paul ‘No.

  Elsa ‘Did you say ‘great’?

  Paul ‘No.

  Elsa ‘What’s ‘great’? What does ‘great’ mean?

  There is a silence. Then Paul moves away again, trapped. It is very quiet and intimate between them.

  Paul ‘All right, I know what you’re going to say, but I’m not going to listen.

  Elsa ‘‘Great’ meaning you were touched?

  Paul ‘All right …

  Elsa ‘‘Great’ meaning I reached you? Something reached you? Something made you feel you were alive?

  Paul ‘Yes.

  Elsa ‘‘Great’ meaning you’re not sitting alone in a room in Camberwell? ‘Great’ meaning for ninety minutes in my company you weren’t actually scared?

  Paul ‘I’m scared now.

  Elsa ‘Why?

  Paul ‘I can’t love you without alcohol. If I’m to love you I have to have alcohol.

  Elsa ‘It isn’t true.

  Paul ‘Elsa, I can love you and drink. Or I can not love you and not drink. That’s the choice.

  Elsa ‘Nothing in between?

  Paul ‘No.

  Elsa ‘Nothing? For the rest of your life? That’s the choice for the rest of your life?

  Paul ‘I don’t have a life. I left my life behind me on the motorway.

  Elsa ‘Why?

  Paul ‘Because I had no faith.