by M. S. Parker
When she was out on one of these errands, there was a knock on my door. I expected a nurse to come check my vitals again but instead saw a small, elegantly dressed man.
Osric.
“Hey.” He clutched a bouquet of flowers in his right hand and walked over to place them on the table beside me.
“I figured it would be rude to show up with nothing,” he joked.
It wasn’t like this was a party, and he needed to bring a bottle of wine, but I decided not to mention it.
“Uh, thanks.”
Osric’s dark eyes took in my hospital gown and the beeping machines next to me. He frowned.
“The studio has to release you.”
The words were like a lead weight coming crashing down on me. I had to clench my jaw to keep from saying something I’d regret.
When I didn’t say anything, Osric continued, “It’s a safety issue. I’m sure you understand. This brain thing...it’s intense. If we’d known about it beforehand...”
“You never would have hired me,” I filled in.
His brow furrowed. “Uh, yeah. Sorry.”
I’d never seen Osric so awkward.
Somehow, I forced myself to say that I understood, which caused Osric’s face to shine with relief. He left soon afterward, and I was alone again. Truly alone. Because now I didn’t even have my dream to keep me company.
I felt empty. Desolate.
Done.
36
Jinx
I knew something had happened while I was out the second I walked into the hospital room and saw Drew’s face. His eyes were like two empty holes, staring off at nothing. It broke my heart.
“Drew,” I said quietly. I dropped my purse on the chair and walked over to the bed, resting on the side of it. “What happened? Why do you look so upset?”
He didn’t even look at me, just kept looking past me at whatever was so interesting on the opposite side of the room.
“Studio found out about my fucked-up head. Fired me.”
My mouth dropped open. I might not have agreed with his desire to put himself in harm’s way for shits and giggles, but I knew how much it meant to him. And I knew how devastated he was now that he’d lost it.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be.” His eyes met mine. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to go home.”
I knew he meant North Carolina and not the crappy hotel room he was renting near Hollywood. It shouldn’t have made me so happy. I wanted him to be happy, but I also wanted him to be safe. And there was nowhere he’d be safer right now than at home with his family.
There was only one problem.
“I talked to your doctor,” I said. “He doesn’t want you going anywhere just yet. Not on a plane, anyway.”
Drew looked at me, questions in his eyes.
“Cabin pressure, I guess.” I shrugged. “Anyway, you’ve got a checkup soon. I’d say it’s probably best to stay here, where they already know everything that’s going on.”
Drew nodded silently, then lay back on the bed. “I’m going to sleep for a bit.”
I doubted that he’d be actually sleeping but didn’t challenge him. Drew needed some time and space. I could give him that.
“You do that. I’ll go make a couple calls.”
He turned onto his side, not watching me leave. How many times could my heart break for him? It seemed like each time I thought things could only get better, they kept getting worse. I wanted to help him. I needed to help him.
Outside the hospital, I pulled out my phone and called someone I hadn’t talked to in a long time. But I needed a favor, and there was only one person I knew who could help grant it.
I made a few more calls before heading back in to see Drew. It was harder than I expected to explain to Mom why I wouldn’t be returning to Boston, even though Drew had woken up. The second call secured us a place to stay, although I didn’t think Drew would appreciate the history behind the offer. It was the third call that was one of the hardest I’d ever had to make, and the one I tried my best not to think about.
Back inside, I tried to look as cheery as possible when I entered Drew’s room.
“Exciting news,” I said. “I’ve got a place for us to stay in Beverly Hills until they clear you to head home. And a car.”
Drew, quite unexpectedly, frowned. “I’ve got a place.”
“You’ve got a room,” I corrected. “I’m not living in a hundred square feet of space for the next unknown amount of time.”
Drew’s lip curled a little. “If it’s so unthinkable, then why don’t you just go home?”
The smile on my lips faltered, but I ironed it out. “Because I don’t want you to be alone right now, Drew. Whatever’s...” I paused and cleared my throat of the emotion trying to stick in it. “Whatever’s best for you is best for me right now.”
That wasn’t what I’d been gearing up to say, and both of us knew it. I’d started to say whatever’s happened between us, but my mind shoved a steel wall in front of that line of thought. It was still too raw. Too fresh. I didn’t expect us to be together after this, so what was the point of bringing it up? I just wanted him safe. We could go from there.
“Whatever.” Drew reclined against his pillows and sighed. “Doc said we can leave as long as we come back for that checkup. When would you want to go?”
“I’m free whenever you are.” I smiled, hoping to brighten the room a little with my lame attempt at humor.
Drew wasn’t buying it. He didn’t say anything rude, but he also didn’t acknowledge that I spoke. He just reached into the bag beside the bed and started pulling out the clothes I brought him.
“I’ll just be outside.” I strode from the room before he could stop me, not that he was going to. As soon as I was alone in the hall, I pressed my back against the wall and squeezed my eyes shut to stop the tears.
Drew was hurting. He was hurting probably worse than he ever had in his life, and that meant he needed me. And I wanted to be here. But it still hurt, seeing him so cold. He’d woken up with such a hopeful spirit, and now all the joy seemed to have been sucked right out of him. Which is why I didn’t tell him how much I was hurting too.
And I especially didn’t tell him that only a few minutes before, I’d turned down the job opportunity of a lifetime to stay with him.
37
Drew
I didn’t know how the hell Jinx had managed to get a place this amazing. It was probably the nicest house I’d ever seen, though admittedly, I hadn’t done much luxury home hunting.
“It’s huge!” Jinx commented, lugging her bag up the front steps. I’d refused to let her carry mine.
“You haven’t been here before?”
She shook her head, slipping the key the maid had given us into the lock. “No. I haven’t seen my friend for a long time, and had no idea he had a house like this.”
The inside of the home was all polished marble floors and high ceilings. Huge floor-to-ceiling windows took up one side of the living room. The view included miles of palm trees, other houses, and the LA basin in the distance. It was beautiful.
“It’s almost like we’re on vacation,” Jinx commented with a grin.
I nodded and dropped my stuff by the door. “I’m gonna go take a shower.”
I still didn’t feel clean from the hospital. It would probably take another couple showers before I did.
The giant rain shower was probably the most luxurious thing I’d ever seen. There was a huge soaker tub in the corner of the bathroom, which I eyed up for later. My muscles were aching something fierce since I’d done nothing more than lay in a hospital bed for a week.
After my shower, I stepped out into the living room in my towel. Jinx was seated on the designer sofa, sipping a beer while watching some talk show on TV. Her cheeks turned red when she caught me staring.
“I’m gonna replace it,” she said. “But the fridge was fully stocked, and I really wanted a beer.” She furr
owed her brow. “I’d offer you one, but I’m not sure you’re supposed to have any alcohol.”
I waved her offer off. “It’s fine. I’m not thirsty.” After a second, I forced out a tight smile. “Uh, where should I put my stuff?”
“I already put your bag in the far bedroom.” Jinx looked just as awkward as I felt. “I’m just across from you if you need anything. Well, obviously right now I’m here. But later, I mean.”
I nodded and headed to my designated room. God, I hated that we were so awkward around each other. Not long ago, we would have been fucking on that couch by now. Then I would have held her for hours and told her everything I’d dreamed about while I was unconscious.
But I’d ruined it. I’d ruined us.
I supposed she didn’t want to push or assume we’d be sleeping together while we were here, but part of me couldn’t help but wonder if it was just because she didn’t want to be with me anymore. Maybe breaking up with me had been a total positive for her. Maybe she hadn’t been suffering and aching like I had.
Maybe I was just a burden now, and she was only here because she felt guilty.
In my room, I called my mom. She answered and put me on speaker phone, which was just as frustrating as it was endearing.
“How are you feeling?” Delaney asked.
Dallas snorted. “How do you think he’s feeling? He just got out of a coma!”
“What was being in a coma like?” asked Derek.
Dad interjected. “Don’t ask him shit like that! Poor guy’s just trying to get back to normal.”
Normal. What was normal anymore? I had no job and no job prospects, not now that I’d bitten it big in front of an entire Hollywood crew. That meant it was back to small time stunt work. I hadn’t been in LA for long, but taking such a massive step back felt like dragging razor blades across my skin.
“Guys,” I said, trying to break through their chatter.
They didn’t hear me. They were bickering amongst themselves now. I fucking knew this would happen.
“Guys!” I roared.
The line went quiet. For a second, I thought they’d hung up.
“I’m sorry about them, sweetie,” my mom said. “Jinx tells us that you’re staying in a Beverly Hills mansion. What’s that like?”
I barely had the energy to talk to them about the house, but I latched on to the topic and gave them everything I had. The more I talked about where I was staying, the less I had to talk about my mental state or anything else even close to personal.
By the time I disconnected the call, I felt completely and utterly drained. Convincing my family that things were okay when they were about as far from okay as possible was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do.
Telling them that I’d come home as soon as the doctors cleared me was almost as hard because I didn’t really know where home was.
Going back to North Carolina felt like a failure. It felt like the life of another man. I loved my family, and I wanted to see them, but I’d started something here. I’d never been a quitter, and the idea of walking away from everything because of some stupid fucking brain condition made me want to scream.
It was Sunday afternoon before I accepted an invitation to eat with Jinx. She’d been quietly prodding me all week, whether it was to eat with her or to get outside. I’d spent most of my time in front of the TV. I told her I needed more time to recover. Honestly, I just didn’t know if I could take spending time with anyone. It was hard enough spending time with myself.
But on Sunday, I knew I couldn’t avoid it any longer. I was being a complete asshole to her. She’d come all the way here to help me through this, and I’d been ignoring her like she was diseased.
It still pissed me off that she was trying to get me to do stuff. I just hoped if I gave her this one bone she wouldn’t take it and run with it. I didn’t know what I needed, but it wasn’t pushing.
We sat on the patio, which looked out over the same landscape as the living room. The day was mild so far, with just a faint breeze carrying tendrils of Jinx’s blonde curls into the air. She looked bright and positive. Had all morning.
“I had an idea,” Jinx said, sliding over my plate. She’d made sandwiches. I hadn’t bothered to tell her that I felt sick looking at sandwiches ever since I’d eaten that first one after waking up.
I popped a potato chip into my mouth instead. “What’s that?”
“I’ve been talking to Maddox,” she explained. “You know, the guy who owns the house.”
I nodded.
“Well, he’s an entertainment lawyer. I told him about your...predicament.”
My jaw tensed. I stopped chewing.
“This is good news, Drew. Don’t look so dour,” Jinx joked. “He said that contracts for stunt choreographers aren’t as strict as they are for performers.”
“So?”
My hard gaze and unfeeling tone apparently did little to dissuade her.
“So...I was thinking that you should try to get into designing stunts. You know, like for movies and stuff.”
“No.” I munched on another chip, ready to change the topic.
Jinx clearly didn’t get the message. “Don’t worry. You won’t have to start from scratch. Maddox said that he can set up a meeting whenever you want as soon as he’s back in LA. He wants to help you.”
My jaw was now so tight that I thought my teeth would crack. I took a measured breath. “I. Don’t. Want. His. Help.”
Jinx’s eyebrows dipped down in confusion. “What do you mean? I thought–”
“What did you think?” My tone was like ice. I knew she was just trying to help, and that snapping at her would just hurt her, but I couldn’t help it. “You thought I was going to thank you? Huh? I’ve got news for you. I’m not that guy. I’m not going to be the one who lets other people take all the risks!”
“And why not?” She fired back.
Anger rose in her eyes suddenly, like a flash of fire.
“I’ve got a news flash for you too! You have to be that guy now. You can’t be the other one, the one who takes risks. It will kill you!”
“Good,” I snarled. “Then maybe I’ll have some fucking peace.”
I rose from the table, resisting the urge to dash the plate onto the ground. That wouldn’t be fair to the person we’d borrowed this place from. I was surprised I could still see well enough to know right from wrong at this point.
“I’m fucking broken, Jinx!” I yelled, then lowered my voice until my words were coming out from between my gritted teeth. “There’s no coming back from that. There aren’t going to be any other opportunities for me. I’m done.”
38
Jinx
How many times? How many times was Drew Mikelson going to break my heart?
I’d never seen a man so broken. And I wanted to help him, but he wasn’t taking my help. Why wasn’t he taking my help?
“Where the hell is the Drew Mikelson I knew, huh?” I challenged. “The one who never gave up. I want to talk to that guy!”
“He’s dead!”
His outburst shocked both of us, but he hid it much better. His breaths came hard and fast as he glared at me.
He spoke through gritted teeth. “The Drew you knew died the second his dreams did. Hell, maybe even before that.”
The words pierced deeper than they should have. The world around me seemed to chill a degree or two. I stepped toward Drew, but he backed away.
“Just leave me alone,” he said. “I’m not feeling very social right now.”
He turned to walk into the house, but there was no way in hell I was going to let him walk away from me right now. Not when this was the first I’d managed to get him to talk since I got to LA.
“Drew! Don’t walk away from me!”
He ignored me and continued inside the house. I followed through the sliding glass door, slamming it closed behind me in a fit of fury.
“I said don’t walk away from me!”
Whether he l
iked it or not, Drew was responding to this. I should have guessed that coddling him wouldn’t work. He was strong and responded to strength, so right now I needed to be strong too.
“If you take one more fucking step, I swear to god I will make you regret it!”
Drew stopped, back tense and erect. He turned just his head, peering over at me over his broad shoulder.
“I find it funny that you think you can tell me not to walk away since that’s exactly what you did to me.”
His words were quiet, but I could hear the pain in them. My nostrils flared, and my jaw tensed. I needed to be strong, no matter what he threw at me.
“Do you trust me?” I asked.
He slowly swiveled on the spot, crossing his arms to stare at me. “Why should I?”
“Because I care about you.”
Drew snorted, and it broke my heart. “You have a funny way of showing it,” he muttered. “You left me, Jinx. I don’t know what you’re doing here now, but nothing’s changed. I don’t need you.”
My legs threatened to give out from under me, but I made them close the distance between us until I was staring directly up into his fierce green eyes. I was prepared to face the challenge written on his features. I had to.
“I don’t believe you.”
His jaw ticked. “I don’t believe you either.”
I took a breath. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care about you.”
His voice was louder when he spoke, yet was thickened with emotion. “But why? Why even fucking bother?”
“Because I love you, you jackass!” I yelled.
You could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed. The gigantic house was consumed with it, wrapped tightly in a quiet so oppressive that I wondered if maybe I’d gone deaf.
And then Drew pulled in a shaky, ragged breath. His eyes softened, grew wide. His jaw slackened. And I saw the moment the words sank into his skin, fusing into his soul.