Seeking Hope: Book 2 in the Seeking Saga

by Becky Poirier

I stood guard in the middle of the road with April and the kids as Billy and Jack went to scout out a new secure location. They came back ten minutes later, finding a house that wouldn’t be too bad to stay for a few hours. Billy bent over to pick April up, and after a weak protest from my sister, he carried her bridle style as he and the kids headed off in one direction and Jack and I went in the other.

  It took Jack and I at least an hour to make it to the downtown. The town we were in wasn’t too big, but we were cautious as we moved through it. The bigger the place got, the more chances you had to run into unscrupulous survivors and that was the last thing we needed to contend with.

  After meandering through the downtown and raiding a clothing shop for some more appropriate clothing for the season, we finally found a pharmacy. The place was what I expected it to be. The front windows had been completely smashed in and the shelves had been ransacked pretty good, but it wasn’t completely bare, so there was at least hope. I sent Jack to the back of the pharmacy to see what medications hadn’t been raided. It was doubtful that he’d find much, but it was worth a shot.

  I continued to peruse the aisles, grabbing anything I thought would come in handy. A couple sticks of deodorant, a hairbrush, lighters and then I came to the feminine hygiene aisle. We were running low on those supplies as we hadn’t stolen nearly enough when we were preparing to run for it. Most of the pads and tampons were gone but there was a healthy supply of menstrual cups. I guess during the apocalypse, being environmentally friendly goes out the window. At least we wouldn’t need as many, I pulled three off the shelf that I hoped would be the right size. As I was putting the third into my bag I stared back up at the shelf.

  “Oh shit,” I whispered.

  “What did you just say?” Jack laughed. He found my swearing quite comical as I did it even less than him.

  “She hasn’t had her period since before we left the village.”

  Jack stared at the menstrual cup still in my hand. “But they were being careful…she couldn’t be.”

  “Condoms can break,” I replied. “And I’ve lived with April long enough that I know her cycle. I’ve had my period. Kaia has. April hasn’t and she’s never late unless she’s pregnant. She’s going to freak out,” I felt tears begin to prick at my eyes.

  I still remembered April’s last miscarriage and how broken she’d been after it. She told Andy she couldn’t go through that anymore. She barely ate for the week after that.

  “We don’t know she’s pregnant for sure, so there’s no point in getting ahead of ourselves. But if she is, you remember what I told you right?” I looked up into his eyes trying to figure out what he was talking about. “My brother’s Rh factor is the same as mine, as yours, as your sister’s. If she is pregnant then she could have this baby.”

  A little bit of hope bubbled up in me for just a moment before I looked around the disaster of a store, we were in. “But having a baby out here…it’s a death sentence at best…at worst she and her infant would be turned so easily.” I hadn’t seen a single infant in all my time on the road, and no pregnant women. Women wouldn’t risk it.

  Jack pulled me back into his chest. “We don’t know that for sure. We have nine months to find a safe place and I promise you no matter what it takes, we will find it.”

  “You can’t know that for sure. We thought your village was safe…”

  Jack put his finger over my lips, silencing my doubts. “Have a little faith,” he said with a smile. Reminding me of my father’s words.

  A strange warmth flowed through my chest at those words. I’d never been religious, or even spiritual for that matter. But in that moment, it was like my father was speaking again, through Jack this time, reminding me, that there was still hope. This baby could be part of that hopeful future my father believed possible for me.

  I nodded to Jack as I wiped my tears. With that, I headed towards the family planning aisle and scooped up all the remaining five home pregnancy tests left. Hopefully, they would still work, even though they were sure to be past their expiration date. Jack found a couple other things and by the end our packs were both filled to the brim.

  Unfortunately, Jack hadn’t found any of the good medications in the back as we suspected, but we managed to find a couple tiny bottles of Tylenol and some ginger Gravol lozenges that should be safe in pregnancy. Hopefully, it would be enough that we could keep moving.

  When we arrived back at our safe house, I asked Jack to pull the others aside so that I could talk with April alone. I already had a pretty good idea of what was to come. I remembered my dad talking about the five stages of grief with me once. And wouldn’t you know it, I witnessed it all happen in record time before my eyes.

  First April laughed off the suggestion, like I’d made the most hysterical joke. Her denial grew until she reached full on anger mode, and I thought she was going to go and cut off a certain appendage of Billy’s.

  As I forced her into the bathroom to empty her bladder into the cup I had provided. As we finished dipping all five pregnancy tests in the urine and set them on the bathroom counter, my sister began pleaded with a deity she didn’t even believe in. She even offered to become a nun if they were all negative.

  As the first plus sign popped up, I watched as the tears began to slowly track down her face. By the third positive result she was weeping on the floor. It was at that point that Billy slowly opened the door to the bathroom. April threw herself into his arms as he stared stunned at the tests.

  I knew Jack would have filled his brother in. I couldn’t have asked him to wait even if I wanted him to. And Billy was just what April needed at that moment.

  “I can’t do it again,” she whispered through sobs. “I can’t lose another one. I’m not strong enough for that.”

  “You won’t,” Billy said confidently. I moved off to give the couple their privacy as Billy informed April about his blood type. I heard a soft gasping cry that turned into a laugh midway. And I knew that April was happy about the pregnancy now.

  I looked at Jack and even though I was still terrified for my sister and my unborn niece or nephew, Jack had this look of certainty on his face.

  “We’re going to make this work. We’re going to make sure April has everything she needs to successfully deliver this baby in a healthy, safe environment. I promise you.” He pulled me in and wrapped his arms around me so tight.

  Jack and I had gone back and forth about what we needed to do to make this happen for April and her baby. How we could keep them safe.

  “You should really tell April about what your dad said in your vision,” Jack said. I cringed at the idea. We’d talked about it often. Especially, since we’d decided to leave the village. I should have told April so much sooner, and I really wasn’t sure that now was the time.

  “Summer already told me about my Dad’s apology. Not that I buy it,” April said from behind me. Jack looked at me and I felt my guilt envelope me as I slowly turned around.

  “What didn’t you tell me?” April asked, clearly seeing my sheepish expression.

  “You need to promise not to get mad.” April stomped her foot. “You already didn’t really believe me about my vision, and I didn’t really see the point of telling you the rest.” April gave me a look that said I needed to get on with it already. “Dad hinted that we weren’t the only members of our family still alive.”

  April stomped towards me so quickly, I thought she might hit me, not that she’d ever raised a hand to me before. “Why?”

  “Why, what?”

  “Why didn’t you tell me…and I want you to tell the truth this time. Because I know you didn’t keep this from me due to my lack of belief, in fact I think you might have been worried I would believe this part.”

  “I was afraid.” April turned from me to look out the window. “I was terrified to be on the road again. I didn’t want to lose you or anyone else and I thought we were safer where we were. I didn’t want to risk our lives on a vague maybe from our ghost
dad.” April snapped her eyes back to me. I could see the rage slowly simmering beneath the surface.

  “We were supposed to be a team,” she said after turning to face me. “You should have trusted me enough with this information and told me how you felt. We could have talked it out.”

  “Really?” I replied sarcastically. “Because you were so good at listening to my needs back then.”

  I regretted my words almost instantly as tears sprang back at April’s eyes as she walked past me and out the front door. Billy blew out a breath of frustration in my direction as he huffed after my sister.

  “Well, that wasn’t exactly how I thought you should break the news to her,” Jack said as he wrapped his arms around me. “But at least she knows now.”

  Oh, she knew now. And she hated me for it. There were so few times when April lost it like that on me. We’d only argued a handful of times, and she so rarely cried in front of me. I knew that I needed to apologize. I was wrong. My reasons were selfish. She had the right to know everything, and I’d kept it from her out of fear.

  After giving April an hour to calm down, I found her in the weeds that had probably once been quite a lovely backyard. “Don’t make her cry again,” Billy said as he stormed past me. Great…no pressure.

  “If you’ve come to tell me again what a lousy sister I was, you can save your breath.” April had her back to me, and she didn’t bother to turn around.

  “You weren’t much of a sister.”

  “Really,” she snapped. “This is how you start the conversation.”

  “You didn’t let me finish,” I replied quickly. “You weren’t really a sister to me, not after the world fell apart. You had to be a mom. And I think as the mother figure, you felt like you always had to take on the role of being in charge, and it was hard for you to let me grow. It was only in the village, where I finally felt like I was on equal footing as a sister, like we always should have been.

  “I don’t blame you. You stepped up and took care of me. I’m not going to make excuses. I was selfish. I was afraid and selfish, and I let that control what I told you.”

  “Do you know who’s alive,” she asked softly, her lip quivering. I shook my head. “You promise.”

  “I promise I won’t hold anything back from now on. If you want to ask me more about my vision, go ahead. I’ll tell you everything I remember. But Dad was very vague. He just said that we weren’t alone. And he hinted that we’d find at least someone else from our family.”

  April and I talked for the next little while. I told her everything I could remember from my vision. I had been right. Had I told her this part of my vision she would have believed me. She also admitted that she probably would have pushed me to leave the village much earlier had I told her.

  After both April and I had a chance to calm down, we rejoined the others to come up with a plan to safely make it to D.C in time to find a safe place for April to give birth. We agreed we needed to slow down our pace. We couldn’t continue to push ourselves like we were. As far as we were walking each day, we were already draining what little nutrition we had to sustain us for the journey. And as April’s pregnancy progressed, we would need to slow down even further. Hopefully, we’d reach D.C before April’s last trimester. At least that was the goal.

  We looked at the map, we’d been following, and we’d already managed to make it through Montana, and were just inside of North Dakota. Not nearly as far as we would have liked, but still pretty good considering everything. At least we were on a fairly straight path, unlike when April and I had first tried to make it to D.C.

  On the map of North Dakota, we managed to find a former lake resort, that would hopefully be stocked with plenty of fish. Jack and Billy’s dad had taught them how to smoke fish. If we could do that and maybe even hunt some deer and make some jerky, that would help us further with our travels. We decided if it was safe enough in the area. We’d stick around for at least a week stocking up our supplies.

  We also needed to check all stores along our way for prenatal vitamins as there had been none at the pharmacy we looked at. Hopefully, we’d be able to find a few bottles to get April through her pregnancy. By the end of our planning session, we were all feeling more hopeful.

  April was feeling better in the afternoon, so we decided to at least walk past the edge of town and see if we could find a farmhouse to huddle up in for the night. It took us until nearly sunset, but we finally found an old barn, that had seen better days, to hole up in for the night.

  I decided to take first watch that night, allowing the rest of our group to sleep, especially April. I didn’t mind watch. I was able to knit during that time. I had already made everyone a hat in the time we’d been on the road. The hats came in handy at night when the temperatures dipped down.

  Tonight, I was just messing around with a random pattern that I would turn into a square to see if I liked it when April came to sit beside me.

  “Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” I scolded her.

  “Yes, mom,” she teased. “But I can’t. I have too much nervous energy. What are you making?”

  “Nothing in particular, just messing around, why?”

  “I was thinking I’d like to learn.”

  “To knit?” I asked confused. April had never shown much interest in things she considered to be part of the patriarchies forced domestication of women.

  “I’d like to make something for my baby,” she smiled. “Could you teach me?”

  I excitedly put my knitting down and dug through my bag until I found another pair of knitting needles and a fluffy soft blue and purple yarn. “I’m going to teach you the most basic pattern to start and then we can make squares together and turn them into a blanket,” I smiled back.

  We spent the next few hours attempting to teach April to knit. There was a lot of cussing involved, but by the time Billy woke up for his watch, April had managed to finish one tiny square which she happily showed off to Billy. He took the square from her as he helped her up off the ground. There lips found each other, and I saw my sister happy for the first time in a long time.

  Despite April’s protests, Billy made her go to bed and I snuggled up next to my sister for warmth. “This is really going to happen this time,” my sister whispered as silent tears flowed down her cheeks. I wrapped my arm around her tight.

  “It is. And you are going to be the best mother.”

  “My child will be so lucky to have an aunt like you,” she replied, before closing her eyes and softly beginning to snore. I decided not to kick her…just this once. She needed her rest.

  Chapter Thirty-FIVE

  May went by without incident and we began to feel a heavy weight fall off our shoulders. By the time June came around, we were so relaxed that we rarely ever had anyone take night watch anymore. We hadn’t encountered a single hive, let alone any other survivors. The survivor part worried me a little bit. The entire time April and I had been on the road before, we’d rarely gone a week without bumping into other survivors.

  By the time August rolled around, even the lack of survivors didn’t worry us anymore. We’d gotten so relaxed with our usual protocols that we rarely kept a stock of bleach, or vinegar to throw possible beasts off our scent. That had always been a must-have item in our packs.

  It wasn’t until September came along that our naively relaxed state was thrown off kilter. The signs that something was wrong were so subtle at first, that it took us awhile to even notice them.

  All summer, we’d had no problem finding fresh food, whether it was fish from rivers or lakes, or fresh game. Berries, and even dandelions were easy enough to locate. The first thing we noticed, was that our traps we set every night were always empty, even though they’d almost always had something in them, every time before.

  Then it got harder to find fish in the water sources we were using. Next it became difficult to even find fresh vegetation to eat. This forced us into the towns, even though we’d been avoiding them for most of the su
mmer.

  It wasn’t like we expected to find a lot of food, but there was literally nothing. Not in homes, on store shelves. Everything useful had been taken. And what was even worse, was that it was clear it wasn’t humans who’d taken the stuff. Every house had claw marks, or tufts of fur left behind.

  The beasts had never acted this way before…at least that April and I were aware of. They didn’t need human food when they were such natural predators.

  Even though we knew little about the beasts, there was still one thing that had always been clear, they rarely coordinated unless they were sure they could attack. Our village had seen several coordinated efforts but then the village was an obvious temptation for the beasts. We were six individuals, hardly enough for a hive to desire to cut off our food supply. And the more things we noticed, the more I became paranoid that the beasts were toying with us.

  As we continued to try to make our way to D.C, we were slowed down, so that we constantly felt like we were back tracking. It was subtle things that redirected us at first. We were approaching one town, and on the welcome sign, 5 hives was written sloppily in blood. We decided not to risk it, even if it was a human prank. The next town we attempted to go through had broken bits of rusted metal as far as the eye could see. It was like all cars within the vicinity had been shredded and then laid out before us. I thought we could push through, but April panicked at the site, remembering my leg and how I got my limp in the first place.

  By the time October arrived, we’d been trying to get through the state of Michigan for a full month, with no success. Our food stores were nearly depleted even with Billy, Jack and I reducing our portions, in order to make sure the other three had adequate nutrition. Kaia had offered to help cut back as well but we wouldn’t let her. She was still growing and needed all the nutrition she could get.

  We were growing desperate and decided to give up trying to get through to Ohio. We decided to go back through Indiana in hopes that we could find our way around by backtracking just a bit. April and I both hated the idea of backtracking, as it was all we’d done on the road before we’d arrived in the village. In fact, we’d ended up so far from our original destination that we ended up on the opposite side of the country without even realizing it.