And then, after holding it back for days, I finally did it. I put my fist through the dry wall.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Andi
“Is that true? Do you think that’s what really happened?” I asked Lili over the cordless hand phone on my parents’ landline. I’d holed myself up in my old bedroom with the door firmly locked. I didn’t need any parental interruptions.
“To be honest, I really don’t know if he’s telling the truth,” she said. “He sounded genuine enough. But I don’t know him, and you’ve only just met him. Do you really want to be mixed up in this? Andi, this is Taylor freaking Lawson! Do you think she’ll give him up so easily?”
“Yes...no, oh I don’t fucking know, Lili.” I dropped my face into my hand. He was worth fighting for. No matter what anyone said—Lili, Tony, or my parents—I knew him. I had always known him. Well, I thought I did. “What would you do in this situation? I mean, you’re still trying to get Scotty back. How is this any different?”
“The difference is Scotty and I have history. You and Levi don’t.”
“I know you don’t believe in this stuff, but we have a connection. Levi feels the same way.”
“He actually said that to you?” she asked.
“I swear he said it.”
“Wow, okay. This changes things. Does he really mean that much to you?” she asked.
“Yes,” I whispered, my voice catching. “I love him.”
“Then call him. But you need to make him beg for forgiveness. In my opinion, he’s obviously keeping stuff from you. Relationships are based on trust and honesty.” She laughed lightly. “It sounds ironic, doesn’t it, coming from me?”
“You’ve learned some hard lessons too this weekend,” I said. “Hey, I just had an idea. Call Scotty from my cell. He might answer if he doesn’t think it’s you.”
“Great idea,” she chirped. “Thanks. And good luck.”
“Same to you,” I told her, and hung up the phone.
I stared at the phone in my hand like it was about to explode. My hand started shaking as I dialed his number on the keypad, his cell phone number committed to my memory.
“Hello. Andi?” His voice was full of hope.
My throat constricted. I couldn’t talk, I just hummed.
“Don’t talk. Let me explain.” His words tumbled out over each other. “She came here, but I kicked her out. I don’t want her, Andi. It’s you I want. Just you.”
Hot tears slid down my face. “Just give me a second,” I said, my voice dangerously unstable. After a couple of deep, ragged breaths, I had composed myself enough to talk. “I want to believe you, only Taylor told me you were back together. She said you told her all about me.”
“That’s the first truth that has come out of her mouth in years,” he said. “I did tell her all about you. I told her how special you were to me, and how I was with you. And then I kicked her out.”
The sides of my mouth lifted ever so slightly. “You did?”
“Yes, and I told her to never come back. She’s a vindictive bitch. Don’t listen to her.”
“Okay.”
“So do you believe me?” he asked.
“I want to,” I said, still unsure.
“What does your gut say?”
“It says that you’re telling the truth, but the things she said, though, Levi, they really hurt.”
“She is a nasty piece of work.”
“She wasn’t just nasty. Her words had truth. She said you guys have a past, and you do. She knows things about you that I don’t.”
“You’re right. But what I have with her is history. Ancient history. Please come over. I need to see you and make everything better. I’ll tell you everything plus more, and then we can start our own memories, tonight.”
I smiled at his proposition. “That sounds wonderful. But, not tonight. I’m too drained. It’s been a huge weekend. I just want to sleep here tonight, at my parents’ house.” Despite my room looking like a pink unicorn had thrown up rainbows and candyfloss up in it. I was pretty sure it hadn’t been redecorated since I was twelve.
“I understand,” he replied, sounding deflated. “We can still talk, if you want to. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
I smiled. He was making an effort. “I’d love to.”
“What do you want to talk about?” he asked.
“Tell me something personal about you. I feel like I know you, yet I don’t really.”
“Okay. I’ll start with the big one.” He exhaled loudly into the phone, and paused before talking again. “My mom died of a prescription pill overdose. She suffered from extreme depression, and one day, I guess she’d decided she’d had enough and swallowed a bunch of pills and left me. Just like that.”
I teared up again. “Oh, Levi, I’m so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug right now.”
“Yeah, me too,” he said quietly.
“It means a lot to me that you’d share that. I know you still miss her.”
“Every day.” He sounded just like that little lost boy in the department store. “I wish there was something I could have done to stop her, or said to make her change her mind. But I didn’t. She needed me, and I failed her when she needed me the most.”
“You can’t blame yourself. Believe me. As much as you can try, sometimes, the people that need saving don’t really want saving. You were only in high school and I’m sure she hadn’t even told you about the depths of her depression. If you had known, you would have tried everything you could have done to save her from herself. Am I making sense?”
“Yeah, you are,” he said. “She hid her depression from me. What kills me, though, is I should have known. I knew she had never recovered from the rejection of my father. She loved him, and he cheated on her and then dumped her while she was pregnant with me.”
“Stop beating yourself up for something you had no control over.” Suddenly, I felt a real closeness with Levi’s mom. Rejection hurt. I’d felt that first hand. “I know she loved you...and knew that you loved her, too.”
“She did, on both counts.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “Okay, that’s enough deep and meaningful shit for the night. I’m going to shower and hit the bed. I’m pretty beat myself. Work called in before and I’ve got a couple of jumps scheduled early tomorrow. Thanks for the talk, Andi. So...I need to know. Do you believe me about Taylor?”
“Yes,” I said, now smiling.
“Will I still see you tomorrow? After you finish work?” He sounded unsure. “We can pick up where we left off.”
“I’ll come straight to your place after work,” I replied.
“That makes me happy.”
“Me too. Goodnight. And sweet dreams.”
“Goodnight, Andi.”
****
My dreams that night were of Levi and the both of us on the back of his Harley, riding along a long, open highway. I didn’t need a dream diary or translation to tell me the meaning. It was like making up with Levi had repaired some broken wire, and put my life on track with him guiding me.
Even though I was not a morning person and never eat a decent breakfast, that morning I had breakfast with my parents. It was my way of a peace offering to them after the family dinner debacle. It wasn’t all happy family, though. There was still some tension. Yesterday had been the first time I had openly stood up for myself, so our truce was a little uneasy. Over pancakes and crispy bacon, they confided they weren’t angry with me, they were protecting me. I had to resist rolling my eyes at that one. Then they told me to take it slow with Levi. That time, I had to bite my tongue.
After I helped clear the breakfast table, I kissed them both goodbye and left for work with a little bounce in my step. There was no sign of my usual anxiety and depression as I exited my Jeep at work, and I practically floated to the staff door. Until I noticed a familiar tall and lanky body leaning up against the side of the building. I came crashing down.
Scotty pushed himself off the
wall and walked to me, meeting me halfway.
I poked him hard in the chest. “Who the fuck do you think you are? What are you even doing here?”
“Andi, there’s something I need to show you.” His eyes were serious. He meant business.
I folded my arms across my chest. “I don’t want anything from you. You’ve broken Lili’s heart. I can’t believe you are so stupid to think I would still want to associate with you after what you’ve done to her.”
He ignored my comments and held out a folded up newspaper. “I think you will want to see this.”
I pushed his hand away. “I saw it already, thanks.”
He made me take the paper, shoving it into my hands. “This is today’s paper. I think you’ll be more interested in the front page than the social section.”
I raised my eyebrows quizzically. Unfolding the newspaper, I scanned the front page and felt my knees buckle. Instinctively, I reached out for his arm to steady myself.
“This...this can’t be true.” My voice shook. I had to know. “Read it to me.”
My vision blurred. The picture of Levi and Taylor joined at the lips on the front page of the Bay Herald had been permanently burnt into my retinas.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Just read me the fucking article, Scotty. You came all this way to break the story to me, now just read it.”
He cleared his throat as he prepared to read. I released my vise-grip on his arm and wrapped my arms around my waist, almost hyperventilating. I was overreacting. Being stupid. Levi was with me now, not her. It had to be an old photo.
“The caption says: Son of Publishing Giant Derek James Reunites with High School Sweetheart Taylor Lawson. Turn to page three for the real life Hollywood love story.” He paused and looked at me. I nodded at him to continue. He turned the page and continued to read. “Levi James, son of Australian publishing giant Derek James, has refound love with his high school sweetheart and Tinseltown’s hottest commodity, Taylor Lawson. A source close to the Bay Herald told us of their reunion over the weekend.
“‘Levi couldn’t keep his eyes or hands off Taylor. It’s clear that they still love each other as much as when they first started dating in Sydney when they were in high school.’ Our source said they wanted to keep their reunion private, but as our photo shows, their secret Saturday rendezvous at The Wine Bar on the Santa Cruz pier is anything but. It’s also rumored, twenty-five-year-old Levi, who lives in the Santa Cruz area, is planning on proposing soon to Taylor.
“‘After four years apart, he’s realized how much he misses her. He doesn’t want to lose her again and can’t wait to settle down and make her Mrs. James. Taylor is ready to settle down with Levi and make Santa Cruz her new home. Taylor can’t wait to be a mom.’
“Taylor is currently on a break from filming the third installment of the Hollywood horror blockbuster franchise Vampire Bites. Taylor has also recently been made a patron for the Children’s Hospital in Santa Cruz.”
Scotty finished reading. “That’s all it says. There are some other photos of the two of them. Looks like they aren’t recent, though.”
My brain stopped functioning around the “ready to settle down” comment. Instantly, I regretted eating breakfast as my stomach clenched, threatening to spill its contents. I felt all color rush from my face and my body broke out in a cool sweat. Scotty looked at me, his mouth moving. I shook my head, unable to hear him through the white noise buzzing in my head. I opened my mouth to ask him to repeat his question, but no words came out. It was like the trauma had turned me into a selective deaf mute.
Scotty took control. Supporting me by my elbow, he walked me to his car and guided me onto the passenger seat. Except for the building pressure inside my head, I was numb. I was in desperate need of a Valium, or two. A full-blown anxiety attack was imminent. Shutting my eyes to switch off all external stimuli didn’t work either. The photo of the two of them kissing at The Wine Bar kept flashing up on the inside of my eyelids. Levi hadn’t told me she had been there. Then again, he hadn’t spoken much about that lunch date other than he had met with his father. No wonder.
Scotty slammed the car door shut for me and went to the driver’s side. “Andi, I’m taking you home,” he said as he sat down, and then leaned over, buckling my seat belt for me. His voice was muffled, like he was talking to me underwater.
Void of all emotion, I turned to him and stared blankly. I didn’t respond. Instead, I turned away from him, my movements in slow motion, and rested my forehead against the coolness of the closed window. Outside, the world rushed past me in blur. Beside me, Scotty was talking on his hands-free, his voiced hushed and fast. I overheard my name mentioned more than once through the muffle. I didn’t care what he was saying. I honestly didn’t think I would ever care again.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Levi
It was easy to forget everything except your surroundings when you were fifteen thousand feet in the air and falling to the ground at a rate of one hundred and seventy feet per second, with the wind pushing up hard against your body and adrenaline coursing through your veins like a high octane fuel. It was why I loved skydiving. It gave me the ability to be free from the confines of reality. The second you left that plane, everything else ceased to exist. The exact moment the cold hard wind hit and you began your high-speed descent, that adrenaline that had slowly been building during the plane climb, finally released like a shot of Nitrous Oxide, and you just hung on for the ride. It was total, pure, unadulterated exhilaration. If riding my Harley made me feel like I was soaring, when I skydived, I was. During that one-minute freefall, I was the eagle, weightless and carefree.
Except today. Today, I couldn’t wait to get my jumps done and go back to the condo. Only one thing was on my mind. Andi. Every jump I had taken this morning she was there—her smile, her smell, and oh God, her taste. It was a good thing that tandems had become second nature to me as I was merely counting down the feet until I saw her again this afternoon.
The morning was a blur of plane rides, freefalls, high-fives, and selfies. With the final jump in the bag, I was more than happy to leave for the day. Steve, who had taken over Phil’s management role, was leaning on the counter talking to Frankie as I walked through the reception area of the clubhouse.
“See you both tomorrow,” I called in farewell to them.
“Yo, LJ. You got a second?” Steve asked.
“If it’s quick,” I said. “I’ve got plans this afternoon.”
“Won’t take long. Just have to ask you something.”
I glanced at my watch. “Sure thing, as long as it’s quick.” I walked over to the counter.
Steve and Frankie gave each other side glances as I approached.
“What’s going on?” I asked suspiciously.
“When were you going to tell us about Taylor?” asked Frankie. “I thought you were hot on little miss cleanskin?”
“You mean Andi.”
She rolled her eyes. “I don’t really care what her name is. We just want the dirt on Taylor Lawson.”
“What?” I looked between her and Steve, who pushed a folded newspaper on the counter toward me. This wasn’t good.
My hands shook as I took the newspaper in my hands and silently read the caption, taking in the grainy long range photo of Taylor kissing me during the lunch meeting with my father on Saturday. The angle of the shot was perfect tabloid fodder. My hands were on the tops of her shoulders and hers around my waist. If I didn’t know that, moments after this shot, I had pushed her away and told her and Derek to go fuck themselves, even I would have thought we were in a passionate embrace. Hurriedly, I opened the paper and read the gossip news piece that was also surrounded with old photos of the both us when we were dating. Before she cheated on me.
“This is all lies and bullshit.” I tore away the offending pages.
“So you’re not shacking up with Taylor and getting married?” Frankie asked, actually sounding disappointed
. “I think LJ has a past that he’s been keeping private. What do you think, Steve?”
Steve ignored Frankie. “What’s goin’ on bro? Do you need to talk?”
I shook my head and scrunched up the torn out pages into a ball. “I need to talk to my father.” My hands were still shaking.
“Something else you need to know. Frankie has been fielding phone calls all morning from international media. You might have to lay low for a while. If the paparazzi start showing up, I’m not sure how the business will be affected.”
“It’ll be great for business,” Frankie piped up. “Think of the free exposure.”
Steve shook his head. “I’m not going to risk it and expose our clients to a media circus. You understand, don’t you, LJ? Just until you clear this up or it blows over.”
“Yeah, bro. Sure, I understand. You’ve got to think of the business.” My mind was elsewhere, with my father to be exact. He was a master manipulator. This whole scenario was most likely playing out exactly according to his plan. One thing I knew without a shadow of a doubt—I wasn’t going down without a fight. “Look, I gotta go, guys. Steve, I’ll be in touch.”
He slapped me on the back in farewell as I left. I hoped to hell that Andi hadn’t seen this article yet. If she had, I was in deep shit. I flew down the highway on my Harley toward the Bay Herald offices. Given this article and his plans for the paper, I was sure he wouldn’t have left for his offices in LA just yet.
After parking in the guest parking lot in front of the James Publishing building, I walked straight through security and took the elevator to the top floor. My anger had only intensified on my ride over. I knew it would take every bit of self-control not to go bat shit crazy. Instead, I let my anger smolder deep in my gut and let it be my fuel.
Not long after I left Taylor and was down and out in LA, I had used my anger and hatred toward her to fuel my underground fights. But in the end, the hatred had also been my undoing. Today, though, I was determined to not let it get physical. I refused to give my father any more ammunition for the gun he had permanently pointed at my head. Derek’s control over me was going to end today. Whether he liked it or not. I wasn’t willing to live my life like this anymore.
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