by Ana Layne
“Who’s throwing your baby shower? Your mom?”
She appears distant for a moment before replying. “Um, no. My parents died a few years ago in a car wreck. Some drunk driver ran them off the road.”
All it takes was one tear falling down her cheek to make me feel horrible. “Oh no, I’m so sorry, Whitney. I shouldn’t have opened my big mouth. I had no idea. I feel horrible.”
She places her hand on mine. “Hey, you didn’t know. Don’t feel bad, okay?”
The idea comes to me out of nowhere and a grin spreads across my face. “I’ll throw your baby shower. It can be a couple’s shower. Guys can bring diapers and women gifts. We can play games and it’ll be fun. Only thing is, can we have it at your place? I don’t really have anywhere to hold it.”
“You would do that for me?” she whispers, tears springing forward. “Aww, Raegan, I love you. Maybe if you and my brother ever work things out, you and I could be sisters. How awesome would that be?”
Right before she could hug me, I shoot her a shocked look. Whitney and I sisters? Sounds cool, but there’s no way he and I will ever work things out. I have too much baggage and I refuse to weigh him down, even if his kisses are like heaven.
“Yeah, okay, no. I love you too, so much, and of course I would do this for you. Nothing would make me happier! Okay, let’s plan it for…this coming weekend. That gives us a few days to get a cake ordered and get some food thrown together. I can order all that. And I can get some decorations and look online for game ideas.” I frown, pausing. “I know Garrett’s going to be there, and everything will be okay but…I don’t know if there will ever be anything between us.”
“I know my brother, Raegan, he’s never been one to actually like a girl. He likes you, I can tell. He’s just as scared as you are, but that’s the last thing I’m going to say about that. Scout’s honor.
By the way, I was really a girl scout, Raegan.”
I burst out laughing but my laughter stops the minute the cashier scans my cart that is filled to the brim with gifts, decorations, and other stuff for Whitney and Howard’s baby shower. Who knew all this stuff would add up so fast and I’d practically have to pull out a small loan to cover it? I still have plenty at home in my shoebox, though. Just a little more is all I need to get out the house.
Immediately, Whitney starts texting people; we only have a few days but I knew this was going to be the best baby shower ever.
***
The week flew by quickly and before we knew it, it was the day of the baby shower. Pink and blue streamers hang from the ceiling in Howard and Whitney’s cute little two bedroom house. A blue and pink tablecloth lay over the kitchen table and there is confetti everywhere. Whitney decided to do both pink and blue; I wasn’t sure if she even wanted to know the sex of the baby yet. Balloons hang off chairs and I have to monitor Lance to make sure he isn’t sucking all the helium out of them.
I decided to be nice for the day and speak to Garrett. I’ve barely said two words to him all week. I thought it’d be easier this way, but it’s hard as hell. He’s too handsome to ignore and when he grins at me, I just want to melt.
“Thank you for doing this for Whitney. It means the world to us,” Howard says.
“It was my pleasure. Ya’ll have done so much for me. This was a blast to plan.”
He gives me a hug before stepping away, and my gaze meets Garrett’s as he makes his way to me. I wonder if I can hide under this table; surely no one will see. But I shouldn’t because if I knock this cake over by accident, Whitney will murder me. I ordered the cake from a local cake shop that’s known for their specialties. The inside is a blue and pink marble, with blue and pink buttercream frosting. In big bold letters, it read, Congrats Whitney & Howard.
“You did a good job with this, Raegan, Whitney is excited.”
“Well, she’s my best friend; I would do anything for her.”
Garrett’s gaze is strong, a little too strong, pulling me toward him like always.
He takes a deep breath as I turn my head, trying to get my mind off him. “Raegan, look, I’m so sorry for that night. I just wanted you to talk to me. I miss you.”
“What’s to miss?” The stone walls around my heart were back in place and showed no signs of crumbling anytime soon. I can play tough and show no emotion whatsoever. But I feel shitty doing it. “I’m sorry, Garrett, I didn’t mean that.”
“It’s okay, I deserve it. I meant what I’ve said though. I want to be with you.”
“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it, Garrett.” My voice emerges as a whisper.
Before Garrett gets a chance to speak, Lance walks up with a bright pink balloon and in a very high-pitched voice begins singing, “Raegan and Garrett are sitting in a tree, f-u-c-k….”
“Oh God, someone get the helium away from him! You are such a jackass!” I slap his arm, but I can’t help but laugh. My face turns a few shades of red; I am mortified but no one seems to be paying attention, thank God.
“Wow, he’s really rooting for us, huh?” Garrett jokes, reaching out to touch me; he gets too close and I move back. His magnetism is drawing me toward him. His tenderness is melting my soul.
“Yeah, seems like he is.” I wander off, ready to get this party started, and after popping a pepper jack cheese cube into my mouth, it’s time.
Too many presents later and a few garbage bags full of trash, it was time to play games. Whitney wanted to smack the shit out of everyone who tried to guess the size of her belly and guessed way too big. She informed us she was not a whale and just for that, she wasn’t announcing what they were having until after the baby was born.
Ah-ha, so she does know the sex of the baby. I can’t believe she hasn’t slipped up and told anyone yet. Howard just smiled at her and went along with all of it. He opted out of playing that game because he said, “I want to make sure I get lucky tonight.”
Well played, Howard.
After all the festivities, everyone sat around talking until it got dark. No one managed to bring up the fights or anything that would cause any sort of awkwardness. I watch Whitney and Howard being so intimate with each other, and wonder if things hadn’t gotten so twisted with Garrett if we could’ve been that way. Hiding my feelings from him is torture. The hardest part of the evening is seeing him watch me walk out. I wondered if he would come after me, but when he didn’t, I continue to my truck with my head held high. So far I was doing just fine.
Chapter 19
Garrett
I think I fell even more in love with Raegan when I found out she wanted to throw Whitney a baby shower. I’m not too sure how this kind of stuff goes since I’m a guy, but I know most pregnant women have one, and with Mom being gone, I wasn’t sure how she would.
Yes, I love Raegan. How do I know since I’ve never been in love? I just know. It’s the way my day begins and ends with her. She’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing in my mind before I go to bed. She consumes my every thought but unfortunately we’re both so damn stubborn we get nowhere.
My attempt to speak to her at the shower went fairly well until Lance’s dumbass solo. I wouldn’t just fuck Raegan, I’d make love to her. God, what is this woman doing to me?
Just when I thought she was the only woman pissed at me, Whitney practically lost her head when I misjudged the size of her belly. I should have been smart like Howard and just opted out.
Lance’s way of helping to clean up was deflating more balloons; I walked up and smacked him in the back of the head. “Aww, dude what the fuck was that for?”
“I had her talking to me and you walk up singing that ridiculous fucking song.”
“You know that was genius, so don’t give me that shit, Garrett. You wanted to sing along, admit it.”
I threw a plastic cup at his head and when it hit the ground, Raegan just glared at me. To make peace I immediately picked it up and tossed it in one of the many black trash bags that covered the floor. I swear I
saw the corners of her mouth curl up but she would hardly let me see. I adore her smile, I love everything about her but she’s so damn guarded. I helped Howard move all the presents into the baby’s room while the girls had their talks; I didn’t care to listen to any of it.
“Damn, ya’ll racked up,” I commented, shoving more presents into the nursery. “So are you going to tell me whether I’m having a niece or a nephew?”
“Yeah, so she can punch me in the nuts later?” Howard shook his head. “Sorry, your sister would kill me.”
They went neutral with the gifts; I bought a swing and a playpen and immediately hated it once I began putting it all together. Too many screws and tiny pieces.
“Why don’t you go try to catch Raegan before she leaves and talk to her, then come back tomorrow and you and I can get this room set up for Whitney. She would love it and it would take some stress off her shoulders.”
“Yeah, man, sounds good.” I stand up, making my way out of the baby’s room, which had been painted a soft cheerful yellow. But when my gaze meets Raegan’s, she hurries out the door. As badly as I wanted to run out and talk to her, instead I sat beside Whitney and talked to her and my niece or nephew. I told them all kinds of stories about their mom and uncle. Stories from when we were younger playing in the tree house Dad built, and camping at the lake. Whitney tears up from laughing but her tears soon turn distraught when I tell the baby how much their grandparents would have loved to meet them.
She rests her head on my shoulder and sobs. Times like this, we miss our parents so much. The advice, the love, we miss all of it. Whitney won’t talk about it but I know she misses them, especially Mom. Every woman needs her mom around when she’s getting ready to have her first baby, get married.
“They would be so proud of you, Whitney.”
“Yeah, I know. They would also tell you to fight for what you want.” I knew she was right. Howard emerges from the baby’s room and sees her crying and asks if everything is all right.
“Yeah, babe, I was just missing Mom and Dad. I’m good though, I have you and Garrett. I love ya’ll so much.”
Howard sits beside her, cradling her in his lap, and I took that as my cue to leave. “I love you too, sis. Howard, I’ll be back tomorrow to help set all that up. Ya’ll have a good night.”
Driving home seemed to last forever because Raegan was still on my mind. I wish my Mom were alive to give me advice about her but Whitney was right. Mom would tell me to fight for what I want, and dammit, I want Raegan. No more excuses, no more backing down. I’m Garrett fucking Johnson and I don’t back down for anything. I’ll fight for her; I’m in love with Raegan Montgomery and there’s nothing anyone can do to change that.
Chapter 20
Raegan
Things could have been handled better, but running was the only thing I could do. It’s all I know to do. The baby shower went well considering I’ve never planned or attended one in my life. Whitney got so much for the baby and it looked like Garrett bought out the entire diaper section from Wal-Mart. This baby was in good hands, and has wonderful parents who will love him or her unconditionally. But the baby also has an ass for an uncle; I won’t tell them that until they are old enough to understand what an ass is. Even so, I know Garrett will be an amazing uncle to this baby. He was so excited during the shower, and so cute—.
I catch myself yawning on the way home and all I can think about is lying across my soft bed, pulling the comforter over my head and succumbing to a peaceful sleep. I start thinking maybe I should have spoken to Garrett more; Lance screwed that up with his musical performance.
When I arrive home, the house almost seems too quiet. Nearly to my room, I can almost smell the clean, cotton sheets.
But as I move across the living room—
“Where the hell have you been?” Fuck. Dad scared the shit out of me.
“A friend of mine had a baby shower.” I need to get to my room fast; I can feel it coming, his fury is building.
“Bullshit.” He shoves something toward me. “What are you doing, working the street corner? Selling your body like some cheap whore? You were raised better than that.”
My jaw drops as I recognize the shoe box from my closet, containing every penny I’ve saved from the fights. The money that was going to release me from this hell. Before I can answer him, he opens the front door and throws the box into the yard. The wind carries the money away like a pile of leaves, scattering all over the neighborhood. It’s gone, and he took it away from me. Tears stream down my face, my hands balled into fists at my sides.
“What the hell did you do that for?” I screech. He didn’t even flinch, like he’s been waiting for me to snap. Waiting for me to explode. “That’s MY money, not yours, you bastard!”
He lunges forward attempting to tackle me, but without thinking I sweep his legs from underneath him. Once he hits the ground, I climb on top of him, connecting my fist with his face and anything else I can get to. He tries to fight back and he may have gotten a hit in, I’m not sure. The adrenaline pumps through my veins, and I want to stop, but I can’t; I can’t and I won’t. He deserves this and so much more.
“You’re trash, do you hear me? You’re no daughter of mine.” He pulls at my hair causing me to scream in pain. Before my face can smack into the ground, I turn to push the brunt of the hit into my shoulder. I wince in pain as I swing my fist toward his face again. Just when I’m getting ready to hit him, a strong arm catches me, yanking me off him as though I’m a rag doll.
My body lands on the ground with a thud as I try to control my breathing. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth and I spit trying to get it out. My shoulder aches horribly from hitting the ground. The blue police lights flash, and I curse under my breath. Who the hell called the police? I can hear Dad’s voice, but it’s faint, and I can’t make out what he’s saying. Click—I hear the steel cuffs open.
He’s being arrested. Thank you God.
A distinct voice comes from behind me. No, it can’t be. No way in hell.
James?
In an attempt to catch my breath, I turn to see him standing there in an officer’s uniform. When did he join the force? By the way the other officer was talking to him, he must’ve been in training. I’d almost rather they shoot me now and put me out of my misery, but now that James is here, he knows what Dad has done. Surely, he’ll take my side. He has to.
“Sir, are you sure you want to do this?” The other officer sounds skeptical, and I’m dragged back into the present, everything becoming clearer.
“I’m sure.” My father’s voice is gruff, filled with venom. “She attacked me. Arrest her.” My cold gaze meets his and the bastard had the nerve to smirk at me. He thinks this is a game. No way will James put handcuffs on me, he knows better. He knows everything.
“You heard him, Brice, cuff her and let’s get this over with. Our shift is almost over, I have a wife to get home to.”
As he clicks the cuffs into place, James leans a little closer and whispers, “I’m so sorry, Raegan.”
As he recites my Miranda rights and leads me to the car, I don’t even look back at Dad. James opens the car door for me to climb in. The back seat is hard, uncomfortable. I look up at him with a tear stained face.
“You don’t have to do this, James.” My voice is hoarse, pleading. “You know what he’s done! Whose side are you on?”
“This is my job, Raegan. I’m not picking any sides. You had your chance to get away.”
“I screwed up, is that what you want me to say? I screwed up by not being able to move past what I saw on your phone. Not that you care, you’ve obviously moved on. Do you love her?”
“Yeah, Raegan, I do love her.” The words hurt worse than any punch to the face ever could. “I didn’t think I could love again after you. I made some mistakes, I know that, and I’m sorry. I still love you, you know, I always will. You’re the first girl I ever loved.” James leans closer. “I don’t think he’ll press charges o
n you, so everything should be fine. I don’t think he would really do that to you.”
The door closes, and I know there’s no going back. Ever. The other officer makes his way back to the car and James hurries to get in.
“I am so sorry, Raegan, you have no idea. I wish this wasn’t happening.”
Here I was, sitting alone in the back of a police car after being arrested by my ex, lusting over a guy I pushed away, a guy who was probably done with me already. What started off as a good day turned into the worst night of my life. All my money was gone, Dad provoked me to fight him like a grown man, and my ex arrested me. Fuck.
The ride to the station was long and excruciating. My legs were cramping from sitting in the small back seat, and the cuffs felt like they were slicing into my wrists. Just when things couldn’t get any worse, James was the one to remove me from the car and bring me in to be booked.
I’ve never been more embarrassed, but I held my head high. Any time he tried to look at me, I turned away. After I was printed and they took my mugshot, I was handed an orange top and pants to wear. I kept waiting for the chance to make my phone call but no one offered it. I was just placed in a cell alone with no one to talk to. I laid down on the hard cot, tossing and turning, trying to find some level of comfort that didn’t exist and never would.
I thought of Nancy, and wondered if I could call her. I hoped they would let me use the phone soon.
There was a small window in the cell. A tiny glimmer of hope, a reminder of what was outside. Garrett, Howard, Whitney—Nancy. Oh God, Nancy. She would be pissed beyond belief about this but I know deep down I can’t call her.
Hours pass and the sun begins to rise. The shuffling of feet down the concrete hallway stirs me from a small nap as the officers do a morning check after shift change. I stand there numb, lost to the world, as they make sure I’ve made my cot to their expectations. And I have. The thin, frayed cream colored blanket is folded and I’ve managed to not turn my toothbrush into a shank. Breakfast is a joke, nothing but two pieces of toast and some eggs that look fake.