by Ana Layne
He reaches out to touch my arm and I jerk it away trying my hardest to get away from him. My breathing becomes ragged as I try to figure out what I am going to do. Can I even beat her, or will I become the latest joke?
“Raegan, I told you this wasn’t a good idea. How can you go against her?” His eyes are brimming with concern. “You aren’t in her class. Somebody fucked up big-time.”
“I know, we have to talk to Howard. I’m not getting in that cage tonight. No way in hell.” I wring my hands, watching Lance get a hit against Jack in the ring.
“Let’s find him and figure this shit out, now. You know how I feel about you fighting.” Then, as if he’d been wanting to ask me since the first day I walked in the gym, he adds, “Why do you do this?”
“I’m sorry, who are you? Don’t act like you give a shit, like you can give me advice or tell me what to do. It’s none of your business,” I snap.
The hurt, the emotional turmoil, is clear in his eyes. Guilt sinks in the pit of my stomach.
“I care about you.” He leans in close. “You know that. I don’t want you getting hurt.”
Tears sting my eyes as I walk toward the door to get some fresh air. Lance just won his match and the next pair is getting ready. Garrett follows me and I wish like hell he wouldn’t. I’m not ready to face him; I just want to get away.
I lean against the brick wall, breathing in the cool November air. A lone tear slides down my cheek and I quickly brush it away as Garrett stands in front of me with his arms crossed over his bare chest.
“I’m a big girl, Garrett. I don’t need you to protect me. I’m good out there and you know it, so quit giving me a hard time.”
“Raegan, most twenty-one-year-old women are in the bars drinking and having the time of their lives, not fighting. I just want to know you, figure you out. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He pauses, then adds, “Come on, we need to get back in there. Howard and Blaize are going to be looking for you.”
I swallow the rest of the tears that threaten to come up. I can’t break down in front of Garrett, I refuse to. “I’m not like most women, Garrett.” I try to keep the emotion out of my voice, but I can’t. “There’s nothing to get to know, what you see is what you get.”
“I won’t let you get hurt in there, I swear I won’t. Let’s go sort this shit out.” His sincerity sends a chill down my spine because I know he’s being honest. For once I wish he would lie.
I tug off my gloves and drop them on the ground. Garrett looks at me, perplexed. “You’re right. She won’t be able to hurt me in there because she won’t have the chance. I’m not going back in. I’m leaving.”
I bend down to grab my gloves and he still stands there not knowing what to say. I start to walk away and he grabs my arm. I try hard to ignore the electricity his touch sends through me. This time when he grabs my arm, I don’t pull away.
“Raegan, don’t go. We’ll tell them to pair you with someone else.”
“Yeah, so I can look like I can’t handle Stacy Harper?” I push his chest so hard, he actually moves back. Howard is going to be pissed at me, no doubt about that. I’m leaving, and not even Garrett with his baby blue eyes can stop me. I was a fool for being interested in him; I wasn’t thinking. He doesn’t know how I feel and it needs to stay this way. Forever.
“Whatever, Raegan, have it your way. Run away from it all. You could just talk to me you know. Tell me why you’re so uptight. Tell me what’s going on with you. Tell me how to fix it. I can do that, you know. I can be there for you in whatever way you need me.”
His gaze is pleading, but I can’t listen to him. So I counter it with the worst thing I can think of.
“Stop trying to get in my pants, Garrett, it’s not going to happen. You can’t fix me either, so quit trying. Give it up, this is all you get.” I shove past him and begin walking. Home is a few blocks or so away, but I don’t care. The sooner I get home, the sooner I get away from Garrett. The sooner I get away from Garrett, the sooner I can forget. Then I remember my truck is here, so why the hell am I walking?
“Dammit, Raegan,” Garrett yells after me. “You know it’s not like that. Come back and talk to me.”
But I didn’t go back and talk. I kept walking away from him and the cage. Walking away meant I made no money for the night, but at least I saved myself from embarrassment. Fuck it. I’ve had enough of this bullshit. I don’t need any of this anymore. I can get by. No—I will get by without Howard and most importantly without Garrett.
Chapter 16
Raegan
I can hear the desperation in Garrett’s voice as he calls after me, and I tense up as I stop in my tracks. I refuse to turn around. I can’t look at him anymore.
He walks around and stands in front of me but I keep my eyes down. A lone tear slides down my cheek and I feel him wipe it away.
“What do you want Garrett?” I ask in a whisper. “Why did you follow me? Just leave me alone.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Raegan. Not until you talk to me.”
“I can’t, Garrett. All of this, all of us is a mistake. You shouldn’t have come after me. Just let me go. I have to go home.”
I move away from his touch, my body disconnected from the strength he gives.
“Please, Raegan, come talk to me.”
“I’m talking now,” I snap.
“No, let me bring you to my apartment and we’ll talk in private, not in the middle of the damn street.”
For some reason, I agree, and we ride in silence to his apartment. Not even music could drag me from this funk I’m in right now. I stare through the windshield trying to decide how this conversation is supposed to go. As he opens the door for me, I hesitate, wondering if this is a mistake.
When Garrett looks at me, I know I can trust him. So I walk inside.
I don’t think I’ve noticed anything in Garrett’s apartment the few times I’ve been here. Since Whitney moved out, it looked like he basically kept everything the same. This was the first time I noticed the pictures around his mantle. One was his mom, dad, Whitney, and himself. The other was just him and Whitney. He loves his sister very much, but I’ve never heard them mention their parents. On the other hand, I never asked.
He leads me toward the sofa and I sit reluctantly. He sits next to me but not too close.
“What’s going on, Raegan?”
I turn to see him studying my expression, as if searching for the answer there.
“Nothing.”
He lets out a frustrated sign and runs his hands through his hair. Slowly, he drags himself from the couch and walks towards the mantle.
“Dammit, Raegan, let me be there for you. I want…I want to be with you. I’ll take whatever I can get.”
I stand up as if to leave, but then we’re mere inches from each other. I don’t even remember what started this argument. I just know I need a way out. This is an attraction that needs to end. Nothing good can come from this because I keep secrets from him, and I always will. I kept secrets from James too. This is doomed to end the same way.
“Is it really that easy, Garrett? I want to believe it can be but I don’t think that can happen.”
“Then why’d you come to talk? You should have just said no!”
The hair on my arms stands on end as I inch even closer to him. He puts his hands up in his hair one more time. Seeing that puts me on full alert; Dad does that sometimes before he lashes out.
“What are you going to do, Garrett? You going to fucking hit me?”
“What?” For a moment, he appears as if he thinks I’m kidding. When he sees the terror in my eyes, masked by fury, he adds, “What the hell are you talking about, Raegan? Of course I’m not going to hit you.”
I don’t believe him. At least with Garrett I can sense something coming, there’s a warning in his eyes. With Dad, I’ve learned to gauge when to expect it, but most of the time I never see it coming. Garrett appears distraught, maybe confused—but it’s gotta be a front, I
just know it. This is what a man looks like before he hits a woman. Right?
“Don’t bullshit me, I can handle it, Garrett! I can fucking handle it. Hit me!”
Ready for a fight, I cover myself defensively, but he grabs my trembling hands and tugs me against him. Tensing, I try to push away, but it only makes him hold me tighter.
“Dammit, Raegan.” He breathes into my hair. “How could you even think something like that? I’d never put a hand on you.”
All of a sudden I’m sobbing against his chest; he holds onto me, not letting me go.
Why isn’t he letting me go?
“I’m sorry, I should go. I…I-I need to go.” I try to pull away from him again but he isn’t letting me budge. The sound of my cell phone going off catches our attention and he eases away as he glances at the screen on the couch.
“It’s Howard. We’re in deep shit.”
I step away from Garrett and cringe as I answer the call. Before I can even get a word in, he starts barking across the line. “Where the hell are you two? Everyone’s going nuts and ya’ll are making me look bad. There better be a damn good excuse, like someone died or something.”
“I’m sorry, Howard,” I choke out. “I never meant to run off, I have no excuse.”
“Dammit, if you weren’t ready you should have told me!”
“I was ready, I-I mean I am but, Stacy doesn’t even meet my weight class and I flipped. I should have talked to you, I—”
“Just be at the gym tomorrow to practice and we’ll forget this happened.”
I hang up the phone, exhaling, tears staining my cheeks. Just then a text from Whitney comes through.
I know why you didn’t fight, I get it. Someone screwed up but you should have said something, girl.
I quickly key in my reply:
Ugh, I know. I feel like an ass, Whitney. I completely broke down in front of Garrett. Does he know anything about what I told you?
Hell no. And he won’t.
Her text message reassures me, but I still feel unnerved. I don’t have myself under control and that’s what scares me the most.
“Is Howard pissed?” Garrett crosses his arms over his chest, shaking his head. “Shit, that’s a stupid question, of course he is.”
“Yeah, look…I’m sorry for getting us in trouble. But I really do need to go.”
As I stand, he reaches for my hand. Jolts of electricity shoot through my body and I try like hell to ignore it. I was trying to run from him, not to him.
“Please talk to me, Raegan. That’s all I want is for you to talk to me. I want to know you. I want to know the girl who let me take her to the bar, the girl who looked at the stars with me.”
The pain in his eyes hurts me, but despite that, I still push away. “I’ve told you before, there’s nothing to know. And that girl, she’s dead.”
And just like that, I remove my hand from his and walk out the door to sit inside my truck. I stare at the clock on the radio watching seconds turn into minutes. When realization hits that he isn’t coming after me, I furiously slam my fist into my windshield, screaming in pain from my heart and my hand.
He openly admitted he wants to be with me and reaches out to me like no one has before and I completely ignore him, probably pushing him even further away. Insecurity takes over and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to let anyone in. That sucks, because that’s all I want. I want someone to understand. Someone to care.
That was the longest drive home ever and I was never more relieved to find Dad wasn’t home. I wasn’t in the mood for any of his various personalities tonight.
Chapter 17
Garrett
She walked out. I should have chased her but I’m so exhausted. I can’t be who she wants me to be when she won’t let me know who she is. I reach up and grab some whiskey out the cabinet and chug from the bottle. There’s a knock at the door and I stare at it hesitantly, debating whether or not to answer it. After the second knock, I open it, hoping it’s Raegan coming back to talk, but it’s just Howard and Whitney.
“Come on in,” I mumble, wishing they’d just leave instead.
“Garrett, what the hell? What’d you do to her?” Whitney growls.
I shoot Whitney a glare that tells her go to hell. “I didn’t do a fucking thing to her. I tried to talk to her and she flipped the hell out on me. Someone needs to be straight with me, why’s she fighting. She’s hiding something and one of you knows.”
Howard slumps down on the couch. “That’s her business and not yours. I’m not stupid, I know the two of you have something going on, but you need to keep it on a semi-professional level around the gym.”
“That’s the thing, Howard, we don’t have anything going on. She won’t open up to me. Fucking teases me with two kisses and then I fuck it up. She said she didn’t want to be treated any differently, but I don’t know what she means. What the hell is wrong with me?”
“You like her, Garrett, it’s not a crime,” Whitney says, her voice softer now. “Just give it some time. She’s stubborn, kind of like how you used to be.”
Howard clears his throat before he interferes in the conversation. I really hope he’s not planning on screaming at me for walking out tonight. My brain is warped from Raegan, I can’t handle much more.
“Look, Garrett, I’m pissed…don’t think I’m not. But I know you were just looking out for her, so I won’t hold this against you. Like I told her, we’ll put this behind us. But I will say this, the two of you are the best I have, and if you can’t get your heads out your asses, I’ll have to do it for you, and you won’t like it one bit.”
We talk a few more minutes before the two of them leave. Once I’m in bed, I can’t get to sleep. Is she okay? That’s all I really care about. The whole debacle plays through my head, especially the part where she thought I’d actually put my hands on her like that. I would never, ever hit a woman.
I imagine her soft lips pressed against mine as I hold her; my imagination is all I’ve got. Is she going to avoid everyone again like she did a few weeks ago? If she does, I’ll find her and get her to talk to me. I can’t walk through that hell again and make it out alive.
Chapter 18
Raegan
I made the mistake of avoiding everyone after the counter incident with Dad. Not this time. Last night was a mess, but I’ll walk into the gym with my head held high and train. And I’d do it all while I try my best to steer clear of Garrett. As soon as I step into Lou’s, I make a beeline for Lance.
He’s standing beside the weight bench looking as if he’s trying to decide whether to lift weights or do something else. I lean against the bench and let out a dramatic sigh.
“Well, where did you and Garrett run off to?” Lance eyes me suspiciously. “There were a lot of pissed off people last night. You both missed your fights. I think I know what you were up to.”
“Yeah, okay, far from it. Want me to punch you now or later, asshole?” I grin when his jaw drops.
“Can’t blame a guy for asking.”
“Whatever. Look, can I be honest with you, Lance?” I run my fingers through my long ponytail out of nervous habit before crossing my arms over my chest.
“Of course.”
“I like him, okay? Really, really like him. Don’t give me those eyes, you knew this already, but I can’t let anything happen. Can you distract him, get him to think of something else?”
“Um, I’m not gay, Raegan. I thought you knew this.”
I punch his arm and burst out cackling. “You are an ass, Lance. Fucking unbelievable.”
I didn’t realize Garrett had approached; the smooth sound of his voice gave him away. “What’s so funny?”
My gaze meets his and I see pain—and hope. I clear my throat. “Nothing at all. Lance and I are just bullshitting.”
Garrett’s breath tickles my ear as he leans in and asks, “Can I talk to you for a second?”
He sends chills down my spine, making me weak in the knees, but I act l
ike the biggest bitch and give him a flat, “No.”
He lets out an exasperated sigh before stalking off.
“Damn girl,” Lance says. “You are cold hearted. All he wants to do is talk.”
“Yeah, well, that’s what I’m afraid of.”
Whitney walks in cradling her tiny belly. She must’ve caught the end of the conversation. “Why are you afraid to talk to him, Raegan?”
If I didn’t adore Whitney, I’d probably snap at her. “I just am,” I mutter. “I don’t know, it’s weird. He’s amazingly sweet. But it’s like every time he brings me back to the apartment to hang out, I screw it up.”
“So you screw it up but you don’t screw him?” Lance chuckles to himself. “What am I missing here?” I glare at him before he heads toward the office and calls out, “Yo, Howard!”
Whitney brushes her dark bangs out of her face and flashes a smile in my direction. “Come shopping with me, get your mind off this place and Garrett. Howard won’t mind, I promise.”
“You know what, I will. It’s just what I need.”
Before I head out, I turn to see Garrett watching me, appearing both hurt and angry. I should’ve talked to him, but there’s too much at stake. He saw too much last night. I’ve almost let him be involved and it can’t happen. Ever.
Whitney drags me to all kinds of baby stores and then on top of that, she makes me go inside Wal-Mart. Oh dear God, I think I’m about to lose it. The inside is packed with consumers shopping and not enough workers to avoid long checkout lines. But she was so excited about the baby stuff I couldn’t be annoyed. I think babies have this magnetic pull on people; I mean, who can look at a tiny baby and still be upset?
She immediately picks up a girly bedding set covered in pink and purple butterflies.
“Ohmigod, this is absolutely adorable! I have to have it, what do you think? Should I put it on the registry or buy it myself?”