T.K.O.: Total Knock Out

by Ana Layne

  I have to survive this.

  “Montgomery?” I look up to see an older woman standing beside me. She must be the supervisor on duty. Her navy uniform is nicely pressed and she seems calmer, less judgmental than the others. Her salt and pepper hair is pulled back into a bun. Her kind eyes reveal tiny laugh lines, and the matronly atmosphere surrounding her brings me comfort on his otherwise dismal morning.

  “Yes ma’am, that’s me.”

  “I see you didn’t get your phone call last night. Would you like to make one this morning? You are entitled to one.”

  I’d been wondering about it; suddenly I know who to call. “Yes, ma’am, I would like to.”

  She leads me toward an office with nothing but a desk with a phone sitting on it and a chair, then steps out for a second, giving me a little privacy. I didn’t even sit as I dialed the number praying someone would answer. A tear slides down my cheek as I listen to the phone ring over and over and over again.

  Chapter 21

  Garrett

  I’ve grown to hate how quiet this apartment is without Whitney. I make my own coffee in the morning; it’s not as good as the way she did it. Whitney got me stuck on flavored creamer so here I am nursing a cup like she did the morning she told me she was moving out. Except I’m sitting here feeling sorry for myself and my situation with Raegan. If only I hadn’t been a complete ass from the beginning.

  This morning I’m supposed to go help Howard get all the baby stuff put together as a surprise for Whitney. After the cup of coffee, I throw on some black shorts and a dark gray shirt. To top it off, I grab the black hat Whitney bought me last Christmas and place it backwards on my head.

  On the way to their house, I listen to “Absolutely (Story of A Girl)” and think about Raegan the whole time. If she showed at the gym today, and I know she will, I was going to talk to her. I planned to bare my soul and prayed she would do the same. Then we could finally be together. I know she wants me just as much as I want her. I’ve noticed how her breathing changes when we’re standing close and how her eyes twinkle like the stars when she’s happy. I’ve even felt her heart beat against mine and together they orchestrate the most melodic rhythm.

  There’s no point in knocking on the door but I almost wish I had when I stumble upon Howard and Whitney making out against the stainless steel refrigerator. They pull away the minute I clear my throat; Whitney glares at me like she wants to kill me.

  “I didn’t mean to interrupt, sorry.”

  She scowls, stomping into the living room to plop down on the couch. Howard leads me to the baby’s nursery. “She’ll get over it when she sees this room put together, trust me,” he says.

  “Sorry, man, I should have knocked.”

  He hands me a screwdriver and sits in front of a few scattered pieces of the soon-to-be crib. “You’re good, Garrett, no big deal. Did you get to talk to Raegan yesterday after the shower?”

  “No. She was already gone so I’m going to talk to her today.”

  “She’s a good girl, Garrett. I know you weren’t happy she wanted to fight again and I had no idea she got paired with Stacy until it was too late. Whitney told me you were pissed. I’m sorry about that. But she’s got good reason to fight.” He adds the last bit offhandedly, then looks as if he regrets mentioning it.

  “What was the reason?” I drag part of the crib together, but all I can think about is what he said.

  Howard studies my face for a moment, looking worried. “I can’t tell you. It’s not my business.”

  Then why the hell did he bring it up? I want to ask him, but his phone starts ringing, and he eyes the number on the screen as if he’s debating answering it.

  “You gonna get that man?”

  “Yeah, hold on a second.” He answers, listening, then I watch as his face turns bright red and his knuckles whiten while he balls his free hand into a fist. He snaps off a few quick replies, then hangs up.

  “Shit,” he mumbles, running his hands through his hair as he stands. “I’ll be right back, I’ve got to take care of something.”

  “What’s going on? I can go with you if you need help.”

  “I wish I could tell you, but it’s not my business. I’m sorry, Garrett, you can’t come.”

  I throw the screwdriver onto the beige carpet. He’s in the living room talking to Whitney and I heard her gasp before the front door shuts behind Howard. Whitney’s eyes are brimming with tears, she’s covering her mouth with one hand, and she’s trembling.

  “What’s going on? Why won’t anyone tell me anything?”

  “I’d tell you if I could, Garrett, I swear, but I promised Howard and Raegan I wouldn’t say anything.”

  “So it’s about Raegan and you can’t tell me?” I yell; I can feel an ache in my chest, and I know it’s my concern for her bubbling up. I want to help her, I want to do all I can, but she won’t let me. “I’ve been trying to get her to open up to me all this time. And you know everything? What the hell.”

  “Garrett, none of this is easy for her. Have you ever thought she may want to open up to you but she’s scared of what you might think? It’s not always about you, why are you so damn insensitive?” Her tears come faster now.

  “Shit, I’m sorry, Whitney. Please stop crying.” I pull her against me, kissing her head as she sobs into my chest.

  “If I tell you, you have to swear to God you won’t say a word. I don’t want anyone to know I slipped up.” She sniffles, wiping her eyes on my shirt.

  “No, I won’t put you in that position. If she wants to tell me, she can.”

  And every part of me prayed she would. I wondered if Raegan was in trouble. I held Whitney while we waited for either a phone call or an appearance from Howard or Raegan.

  But an hour had passed. There was nothing.

  Chapter 22

  Raegan

  I was so relieved when Howard answered the phone and I could tell by the tone of his voice he was both worried and pissed. I didn’t know who else to call. I thanked the woman for allowing me to make the call; she seemed sympathetic, as if she knew there was more to the situation than met the eye. I imagined lying in bed with Garrett, my head on his chest, listening to his breathing even out as he fell asleep. I stared at the walls until a guard came and got me.

  I don’t think I’ve ever jumped up so fast in my life. I’m more than eager to get out of that horrible outfit. Once my clothes are back on, I feel more like myself. As they open the main door for me, the smell of freedom surrounds me and I spot Howard in the waiting area. I don’t want to cry. I told myself I wouldn’t. But one look at him and I can’t help it. I throw my arms around him, so relieved to see him.

  “I’m so sorry for calling you, I didn’t know who else to call.” I sob into his chest. So much for staying strong.

  “Don’t apologize for anything. I’m glad you called. Now what the hell happened?”

  I sat in his truck drawing in a deep breath as I began the story, starting from when I got home after Whitney’s baby shower. He stared in disbelief as I gave him every detail. His knuckles turned white as he clutched the steering wheel. Part of me expected him to rip it from the column. When I finished, we’re both silent for a long time until he finally speaks.

  “Whitney and I have an extra room. It is no trouble at all so don’t argue with me, Raegan. Stay with us until you can get on your feet. You can’t go back there, what he did was cowardly and I can’t allow you to go back knowing what I know. I’m so sorry about your winnings. You worked hard for that money.”

  “I know,” I whisper.

  “Shit, I forgot Garrett is at the house. We were putting baby furniture together when you called. I can call Whitney and have him leave.”

  “No, Howard, its fine. I owe him an explanation. He’s been trying to figure me out. He’s done nothing but be nice to me and I’ve kept everything from him because I’ve been upset with myself. I can’t go on like this.”

  He raises an eyebrow as if waiting to s
ee if I were going to change my mind, but I look at him confidently. Since last night, I’ve learned to appreciate the fluffy clouds in the sky a little more. I didn’t want to take the green grass for granted again either. This is freedom. Where Dad sent me was pure hell. The thought of having to spend more than one night there made a sour taste rise in my throat.

  When we arrive the first thing I spotted was Garrett’s truck. My heart races as I contemplate what I am going to say to him. I get out of the truck, trying to even out my breathing. Before we reach the front door, it flies open and Whitney bursts out.

  “Raegan, oh my God,” she whispered as she hugged me. “I’m so sorry you had to stay there. Why didn’t you call last night? Oh never mind that, you’re staying here right? We’re going to be roommates!”

  “Yeah, it’s going to be awesome. I just need to get my truck and some clothes.”

  “Raegan, you can’t go back there.” Panic edges her voice. “What if something happens?”

  “He should be at work, I’ll be okay. I need my truck.” My vehicle was special to me, like a home on wheels. A home I never got with my Dad.

  “I’ll go with her.” Garrett’s voice causes me to startle. He’s in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, watching me with concern. My heart skips a beat or two as our eyes met. Seeing him makes my heart flutter.

  Howard stands beside Whitney, pulling her into his chest. “That’s a good idea,” he agrees. “It’s him or me. Take your pick, Raegan. You aren’t going alone.”

  “Garrett can come with me.” He appears shocked by my decision. “Can we go now and get it over with?” I add. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf—or maybe the whole tree, I don’t know.

  “That’s fine, we’ll be here.” Whitney squeezes my shoulder, trying to offer some comfort. “Ya’ll be safe.”

  I climb into the passenger seat of Garrett’s truck. We had several memories that involved this truck or my own. I owe him an explanation. I’d love him forever if he didn’t run. It’s then I realize I do love him; I hate to admit it because it makes me feel weak, but it’s true. Everything about him from his cocky attitude to his sweet ways draws me to him and I wish I hadn’t pushed him away before.

  “You okay?”

  I nod yes, and that damn song starts playing. I want to cry, but I think if I started now I’m not sure I’d be able to stop. He reaches over to turn the volume down but I grab his hand to stop him without realizing our fingers lace together. Just like that first day in the apartment when we ordered pizza, our hands fit perfectly. His touch is just what I need.

  I give him directions, and when we reach the house, I can’t help but fight tears again as the events of the previous night play in my head. Especially the part where James put me in handcuffs and escorted me to the back of the police car.

  Never in my life would I have ever imagined I’d be in handcuffs—except maybe for pleasure. I’ve never tried that before, but I’d give it a shot with Garrett.

  Christ Almighty, get your head out the gutter and focus on what you’re here for!

  All my life, I never broke a law, not even got a speeding ticket. Now I’ve got an arrest on my record.

  “You need me to come in with you? Howard doesn’t—”

  “I need to do this Garrett.” I squeeze his hand gently. “I’ll be right back, okay?” He kisses my knuckles before I got out the truck.

  Anxious, I open the door and look around for any signs of Dad. Everything was the same as I remember from last night; the living room was spotless as if no one had sat there in a while. The kitchen counter was full of empty beer cans and bottles of whiskey. I couldn’t remember if those had been there last night.

  When it seems like I’m in the clear, I head for my room, grabbing my pink duffle bag. I stuff it full of jeans, shorts, shirts, panties, and everything else I can possibly fit. The only thing I’m having difficulty finding are the keys to my truck. Thinking they might be in the kitchen, I throw the bag over my shoulder and cautiously make my way down the hall. Just as I’m beginning to think I should’ve let Garrett come inside with me, even though I haven’t told him what happened yet, I hear a voice that makes me want to shriek, hide, get out—anything but stand here in this house.

  “What are you doing here? One night in jail wasn’t enough for you?” He’s already thrown out all the money I’ve earned; what else can he take from me? “Looking for these?” My keys are dangling from his fingers and he’s smirking.

  “Dad, I’m going to stay with some friends of mine until you’re better. Can I please have my keys?”

  “You mean my keys? It’s my truck.”

  “Dad, you and Nancy bought me that truck. It was my graduation present. Please.” I hate begging with him because it’s pointless, but I need my truck.

  “Get out of my house before I call the cops again.”

  I scowl, holding my fists at my sides. I’m better than this shit he’s pulling. No, wait—I’m not. Suddenly a new Raegan appears, and it’s as though I’m just a witness to what’s happening, not really a part of it. I stalk outside and ignore the fact that Garrett can see me; I don’t give a fuck.

  I grab my old aluminum baseball bat in the garage. Dad walks outside just in time to see me swing the bat at the windshield. The shatter is resounding, and I slam the bat in again, and again, and again. Glass flies everywhere and I don’t stop. I swing at the driver’s side window, but before the bat can connect, a hand grabs hold of me. Garrett.

  “Raegan, stop. Let’s go. You’re better than this.” Shaking, I drop the bat, and it’s as though I’m slipping back into my body, my feet connecting with the earth. With his arm around my shoulder, we walk to his truck. As we pull away, I can see my father’s his beet red face in the side mirror. With my luck, I’ll end up back in jail and this time I’ll actually deserve to be there.

  Silence pervades in the cab of the truck. I can only imagine what the hell Garrett is thinking right now. He’s probably driving me straight to the hospital so I can admit myself for being a lunatic. Who the hell smashes the windshield out their own vehicle? I know what I need to do. It’s what I planned on doing all along. Garrett deserves an explanation.

  “Can we go somewhere we can talk?” My voice shatters the silence like the bat shattered the glass.

  He grabs my hand. “Yeah, my apartment okay?”

  I nodded my head before laying it against the window. My truck is gone. My money is gone. I have nothing.

  Garrett leads me into his apartment and I sit on the same couch where I suffered my last breakdown with him. This couch and I were becoming really good friends. It was sort of therapeutic in a way. Garrett sits beside me, pulling my hand into his. This should be easy after what he’s seen, but I’m so worried about what he’ll think of me. I’ve never shared a single thing about me with him, and come to think about it, I know nothing about him. All I know is what Whitney told me about their parents. It breaks my heart. Our lips have met once, twice—who’s counting? Yet I’m so consumed with him, and terrified. It’s all or nothing.

  “I haven’t been honest with you.” My voice is small, soft. “You’ve asked me what my deal was, you said you wanted to help me and I shoved you away. I’m so sorry.” I stop and regain my composure. I’m seconds away from breaking down. Tears beg to fall, but I won’t let them.

  I begin by telling him about Dad and Nancy, and how she walked in that day and told me she was leaving. I left out everything about James, none of that matters right now. James is a distant memory I wish I could forget. Garrett can tell I’m struggling.

  “Raegan, you don’t have to do this. It’s okay.”

  “No,” I choked. I didn’t come this far to stop. “I want to tell you this. I owe you this much.”

  He takes his free hand and gently wipes the tears from my eyes. His touch is soft, yet electric causing my body to heat. I want to kiss him and thank him but I can’t get distracted.

  I tell him how I never knew my mother, and how
Dad’s drinking got worse and he grew violent. I don’t leave out a single detail—except the fact I think he’s gorgeous. His ego doesn’t need to get any larger than it already is. It was hard to look into his eyes, to see the pain there. When I get to the part about the black eye, he looks more pissed than ever as I explain that’s why I avoided the gym. When he learns I was in jail last night because of my Dad, Garrett is practically seething.

  I draw in a deep breath. “And you…you’ve been an ass, but you’ve also been incredibly sweet to me…and all you wanted to do was help. I’m so sorry I shut you out, Garrett. I didn’t regret a single minute of that first night with you and I’m even sorrier I avoided you. I never wanted to do that, but I didn’t see any other way around it. I couldn’t let anyone see me like that, especially you. For some reason, I care what you think about me. But now you know everything…and I get it if you don’t want to talk to me again.” I hang my head, trying to hold back more tears.

  I can’t even look him in the eye. I sob quietly, wondering whether this was a good idea or not. He isn’t speaking, and that scares me. My fears are becoming reality. He wants nothing to do with me, I know it. I want to find the strength to stand and walk out with what little dignity I have left, but Garrett cups my chin and slowly raises my head. Again, he wipes the tears away.

  “Open your eyes, Raegan, please.”

  I do ask he asks, taking in his chiseled face. His eyelashes are wet with unshed tears and his lips tremble. I seem to be pretty good at upsetting people.

  “I’m so sorry, Garrett.”

  “Stop. I wish you’d told me before now, but I’m not even close to mad at you.”

  “You’re not? Do you think any less of me?” I was waiting for him to tell me I had way too many issues, that he couldn’t deal with it.