Lisa M. Bodnar and Katherine L. Wisner, “Nutrition and Depression: Implications for Improving Mental Health Among Childbearing-Aged Women,” Biological Psychiatry 58, no. 9 (2005): 679–685.
Edward L. Deci, Richard Koestner, and Richard M. Ryan, “A Meta-analytic Review of Experiments Examining the Effects of Extrinsic Rewards on Intrinsic Motivation,” Psychological Bulletin 125, no. 6 (1999): 627–668.
Edward L. Deci, “Effects of Externally Mediated Rewards on Intrinsic Motivation,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 18, no. 1 (1971): 105–115.
Richard M. Ryan, “Control and Information in the Intrapersonal Sphere: An Extension of Cognitive Evaluation Theory,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 43, no. 3 (1982): 450–461.
Rudolf Dreikurs, with Vicki Stolz, Children: The Challenge: The Classic Work on Improving Parent-Child Relations—Intelligent, Humane, and Eminently Practical (New York: Plume 1991).
Betty Lou Bettner and Amy Lew, Raising Kids Who Can: Use Good Judgment, Assume Responsibility, Communicate, Effectively Respect Self and Others, Cooperate, Develop Self-esteem, and Enjoy Life (Media, PA: Connexions Press, 1990).
Chapter 6: Connection
Myron A. Hofer, “Hidden Regulators in Attachment, Separation, and Loss,” Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development 59, nos. 2–3 (1994): 192–207.
Myron A. Hofer, “Maternal Separation Affects Infant Rats’ Behavior,” Behavioral Biology 9, no. 5 (1973): 629–633.
Danya Glaser, “Child Abuse and Neglect and the Brain: A Review.” Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry and Allied Disciplines 41, no. 1 (2000): 97–116.
Betty Hart and Todd R. Risley, “The Early Catastrophe: The 30 Million Word Gap by Age 3,” American Educator 27, no. 1 (2003): 4–9.
Public high school graduation rates are taken from National Center for Education Statistics, “Public High School Graduate Rates,” updated April 2017, https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator_coi.asp.
The statistics on the achievement gap are from The Achievement Gap Initiative at Harvard University, “Facts on Achievement Gaps,” http://www.agi.harvard.edu/projects/FactsonAchievementGaps.pdf.
Chapter 7: Communication
Ross W. Greene, The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children (New York: HarperCollins, 1998).
Ross W. Greene, Lost at School: Why Our Kids with Behavioral Challenges Are Falling Through the Cracks and How We Can Help Them (New York: Scribner, 2008).
Shaun Ho, Sara Konrath, Stephanie Brown, and James E. Swain, “Empathy and Stress Related Neural Responses in Maternal Decision Making,” Frontiers in Neuroscience 8 (2014).
Sara H. Konrath, William J. Chopik, Courtney K. Hsing, and Ed O’Brien, “Changes in Adult Attachment Styles in American College Students over Time: A Meta-analysis,” Personality and Social Psychology Review 18, no. 4 (2014): 326–348.
Thomas H. Ollendick, Ross W. Greene, Kristin E. Austin, Maria G. Fraire, Thorhildur Halldorsdottir, Kristy Benoit Allen, Matthew A. Jarrett, et al., “Parent Management Training and Collaborative and Proactive Solutions: A Randomized Control Trial for Oppositional Youth,” Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology 45, no. 5 (2016): 591–604.
Chapter 8: Capability
Heidi R. Riggio, Ann Marie Valenzuela, and Dana A. Weiser, “Household Responsibilities in the Family of Origin: Relations with Self-efficacy in Young Adulthood,” Personality and Individual Differences 48, no. 5 (2010): 568–573.
Marty Rossman, “Involving Children in Household Tasks: Is It Worth the Effort?” University of Minnesota, College of Education and Human Development, September 2002, http://ww1.prweb.com/prfiles/2014/02/22/11608927/children-with-chores-at-home-University-of-Minnesota.pdf.
Suicide and self-harm data are taken from CDC, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, “Injury Prevention and Control: Welcome to WISQARS™,” www.cdc.gov/injury/wisqars (accessed August 17, 2017).
Rashelle J. Musci, Catherine P. Bradshaw, Brion Maher, George R. Uhl, Sheppard G. Kellam, and Nicholas S. Ialongo, “Reducing Aggression and Impulsivity Through School-Based Prevention Programs: A Gene by Intervention Interaction,” Prevention Science 15, no. 6 (2014): 831–840.
Depeng Jiang, Rob Santos, Teresa Mayer, and Leanne Boyd, “Latent Transition Analysis for Program Evaluation with Multivariate Longitudinal Outcomes,” in Quantitative Psychology Research, edited by L. A. van der Ark, D. M. Bolt, W.-C. Wang, J. A. Douglas, and M. Wiberg, proceedings of the 80th annual meeting of the Psychometric Society, Beijing, 2015 (Springer International Publishing, 2016), 377–388.
Kenneth A. Dodge and Nicki R. Crick, “Social Information-Processing Bases of Aggressive Behavior in Children,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 16, no. 1 (1990): 8–22.
Chapter 9: Limits and Routines
Jane Nelsen, Positive Discipline: The Classic Guide to Helping Children Develop Self-Discipline, Responsibility, Cooperation, and Problem-Solving Skills (New York: Ballantine, 2006).
Sara Bennett and Nancy Kalish, The Case Against Homework: How Homework Is Hurting Our Children and What We Can Do About It (New York: Crown Publishers, 2006).
Alfie Kohn, The Homework Myth: Why Our Kids Get Too Much of a Bad Thing (Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press, 2006).
Emory Luce Baldwin and Linda E. Jessup, Parenting with Courage and Uncommon Sense, 3rd ed. (CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015).
Chapter 10: Modeling
Julie Lythcott-Haims, How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success (New York: Henry Holt and Co., 2015).
Jessica Lahey, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed (New York: HarperCollins, 2015).
Ronald C. Kessler, Patricia A. Berglund, Olga Demler, Robert Jin, Kathleen R. Merikangas, and Ellen E. Walters, “Lifetime Prevalence and Age-of-Onset Distributions of DSM-IV Disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCS-R),” Archives of General Psychiatry 62, no. 6 (June 2005): 593–602.
Mental health prevalence data are taken from National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), “Questions and Answers About the National Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCSR) Study,” www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/ncsr-study/questions-and-answers-about-the-national-comorbidity-survey-replication-ncsr-study.shtml.
Research results on meditation benefits are available at National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health, “Meditation: In Depth,” https://nccih.nih.gov/health/meditation/overview.htm.
Kevin W. Chen, Christine C. Berger, Eric Manheimer, et al., “Meditative Therapies for Reducing Anxiety: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis of Randomized Controlled Trials,” Depression and Anxiety 29, no. 7 (2012): 545–562.
Madhav Goyal, Sonal Singh, Erica M. S. Sibinga, et al., “Meditation Programs for Psychological Stress and Well-being: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis,” JAMA Internal Medicine 174, no. 3 (2014): 357–368.
Jason C. Ong, Rachel Manber, Zindel Segal, et al., “A Randomized Controlled Trial of Mindfulness Meditation for Chronic Insomnia,” Sleep 37, no. 9 (2014): 1553–1563.
Chapter 11: Create Lasting Change
Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business (New York: Random House, 2012).
Jennifer Wyatt Kaminski, Linda Anne Valle, Jill H. Filene, and Cynthia L. Boyle, “A Meta-analytic Review of Components Associated with Parent Training Program Effectiveness,” Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 36, no. 4 (2008): 567–589.
Index
abuse
brain, self-regulation and, 42
verbal, 43
See also substance abuse and addictions
academic achievement, 25, 29, 35, 63
demands, 69–70
homework not associated with, 70
recess replaced by focus on, 30
ACEs. See adverse childhood events
Achievement G
ap Initiative, 104, 106
ADHD. See attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
Adler, Alfred, 59–60, 89
misbehavior types according to, 71, 91–92
adolescents
anxiety diagnosis numbers for, 24
with authoritarian parents, 62
adults, disorders in, 193
adverse childhood events (ACEs), 43
affirmation cards, 141
after-school activities, 90
age
depression and, 156
of fully-developed human brain, 40
household chores appropriate to, 147–150
PAX game, 87
aggression, PAX game and, 157
amygdala, 44, 98, 165
analogies
potty-training, 211–212
puzzle, 124
sailing, 226–227
weeds, 143–144
anchoring, 132, 159, 185
animals, play instinct in, 28
anxiety
arousal-relief cycle and, 51
diagnosis numbers in adolescents, 24
lack of sleep contribution to, 88
misbehavior epidemic and, 13, 24
mom’s presence alleviating, 50–51
overscheduling cause of, 32
percentages of adult, 193
apologies
to children, 84, 88–89, 167
college students as demanding, 56–57
appreciation, 89, 117, 234
See also praise
Apprenticeship Model, 75
actions for specific ages in, 95–96
capability as pillar of, 164–165
collaboration in, 115
communication pillar of, 123–124
“connect before you correct” in, 116
connection as key to, 99
discomfort at beginning of using, 127
family styles and cultural variations in using, 201–202
Grant family morning routine and, 79–81
limits set in, 166
long-term view in, 96
negotiation in, 90
Obedience Model replaced by, 86
PAX and, 154–155
in real world experiences of children, 200–201
self-advocacy developed by, 215
social support needed for practicing, 210–211, 222–224
three threads of, 63
arousal response, toning and, 102
arousal-relief cycle, 51
attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
academic demand increase linked to rise in, 69–70
Christakis research on brain, TV screens and, 20–23
diagnosis, 69, 156
dyslexic millionaire and, 214
Greene and, 121, 139
neurobiology of, 69
omega-3 fatty acids and, 88
PAX Game as eliminating symptoms of, 156, 157
physical health and, 69–70
socioeconomics and, 31
tackling the challenge of, 35
weekly schedule and, 32
attention seeking (undue attention), 91, 92, 218
misbehavior viewed as, 74–75
authoritarian parenting
long-term problem with, 64
1950s and, 56
PEP clay exercise on, 128
results comparison of authoritative, permissive and, 60–61
authoritative parenting
comparison of authoritarian, permissive and, 60–61
negotiation in, 90
parents’ attitude toward, 65
psychosocial development resulting from, 62
self-esteem and, 61
time and effort concern in permissive versus, 63
autism, 23, 139
Ava (youngest child)
donut-muffin problem between Maddie and, 219–222
homework roadblock and solution, 180
morning routine with Maddie and, 186–188
mother-daughter connection study and, 97, 98, 99–104
quesadillas made by, 149
“awesome cards,” 141
The Baby Book (Sears), 60
backpack, on floor, 72–73
Baltimore, 201
The Basics National Network, 107
bath time, 175–177
Becoming Brilliant: What Science Tells Us About Raising Successful Children (Hirsh-Pasek), 29–30
bedtime
debriefing, 114
difficulty at, 3–4, 7
partying, 3–4
tactics, 5, 115
behavior
app for tracking, 213
brain circuits linked to, 41
charts, 161
DBT, 204–205
zero association between parental time and kids’, 6
See also misbehavior; PAX Good Behavior Game
behavioral disorders
most common, 24
rise and percentage of, 4, 23, 24
best friends approach, 60
bias
hostile attribution, 154
test for implicit, 102–103
unconscious racial, 102
biology
emotional, 103
neurobiology of ADHD, 69
bipolar disorder, 47, 48
blind praise, 128
block play, 22
Bona, Anna, 69, 70
bossiness, Hoefle on, 125–126
Boston Basics, 104–105, 106, 109
Russell’s child in, 110–114
brain and brain development
age in humans of fully developed, 40
amygdala, 44, 98, 165
arousal response and toning in, 102
behaviors linked to circuits of, 41
CDC study and, 42–43
criticism impact on, 38–40, 48–50
emotional regulation and, 52–54
hypothalamus, 44, 45
infant separation impact on child’s, 101
neuroscience study of, 40–41
number of neurons in, 42
parent proximity influence on, 41
problem-solving regions of, 40, 130
punishment impact on, 53
spouse touch and, 44–45
television impacting development, 20–23
threat response, 44–45
See also prefrontal cortex
bribes, 54, 175, 176, 215, 225
in Obedience Model, 75
Brosco, Jeffrey, 69–71
Brown, George, 46–47
brushing teeth, 85, 150
buddy classroom, 120
buddy groups, weight loss, 210–211
Caiby, Lori, 110–111
Callaghan, Bridget, 99–100, 102
Camberwell Family Interview, 47
capability building
as Apprenticeship Model pillar, 164–165
connection, communication and, 63
household chores as building, 144, 145–147
temper tantrums scenario and, 143–144
CDC. See Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Center for Child Health, Behavior, and Development, 20
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 42–43
Central School, Greene’s model applied to, 121–124
problem-solving conversations with Quinn, 139–142
child care, parental time spent on, 64
child pornography, 17
child services report, Daly’s son Quinn and, 119–122
children
apologizing to, 84, 88–89
comparing other parents’, 214
doing things with not to, 157
high-achieving, 27
right to autonomy, 82
Skenazy’s free-range kids movement, 34
suicide deaths in, 24
trying to control, 82
value of mistakes made by, 83
viewed as talents to be cultivated, 25
yelling at, 43, 67–68
See a
lso specific topics
Children: The Challenge (Dreikurs), 93
Christakis, Dimitri, 20–23, 25
Chua, Amy (“Tiger Mother”), 51–52
Class Dojo app, 213
classroom
buddy, 120
environment, 181–182
clay molds, parenting styles demonstrated with, 127–129
Coan, Jim, 44–46
code words, 155
college students
apologies demanded by, 56–57
social media and lower satisfaction in, 19–20
Columbus, Ohio, 8, 29, 86, 163, 201
free meal programs in school district, 152
See also Ohio Avenue Elementary
command-and-control style, 7
communication
advance, 129
Apprenticeship Model and, 123–124
Central School approach to, 121–124
of confidence, 134–135
connection, capability and, 63, 87
emotional vocabulary and, 138
mumble and walk away technique, 130, 212
nonjudgmental listening in, 124
parents’ expectations and, 135
prioritizing communication over compliance, 124
reflective listening, 124–125, 137
sign language, 113, 130
“when-then” approach to saying no, 131
words and language, 132
community, 214, 224
comparing, social, 19–20, 214
competitive parenting, 202, 214
conditioning hypothesis, trauma and, 32–33
confidence, communicating, 134–135
connection, parent-child
Boston Basics initiative for, 104–105, 106, 109–114
communication, capability building and, 63, 87
“connect before you correct” advice on, 116
discipline based on empathy and, 43–44, 54
neuroscience tests for measuring, 97, 98–104
participation in study on mother-daughter, 97, 98, 99–104
rough play situation handled with, 226
saliva test for measuring, 99
special time appointments, 89–90, 96, 115, 117
ways of achieving, 99
word-finding study on, 90–91
consequences
distinguishing punishment from, 168–169
four Rs rule, 168–169
incentives and, 122
learning from, 173–177
letting children learn from, 168–169, 172–174
contributions
household chores as, 144
response to son’s hitting by giving responsibility, 218, 219
cooking, 148–149, 178–179
The Good News About Bad Behavior Page 29