Geek Magnet

by Kieran Scott

  “Brainwashed!” Stephanie sang under her breath.

  I shot her a look of death in the rearview mirror.

  “What was that?” Tama asked.

  “Oh, nothing,” Stephanie said sweetly.

  The light turned green. I ignored Stephanie and hit the gas.

  ACT ONE, SCENE THIRTEEN

  In which:

  I HAVE A BREAKTHROUGH

  “WASHINGTON HIGH, HUH? YOU KNOW THAT’S THE ONLY SCHOOL in the L.W.A.L. that I haven’t hooked up in?” The St. Luke’s boy snorted, sucking phlegm into the back of his throat, and swallowed. I tried not to grimace. He had bulging eyes and ears like Dumbo. His name was Otto. I had a hard time believing he’d ever hooked up with anyone anywhere, let alone in every school in the L.W.A.L. Whatever that was.

  All around us, unfamiliar people laughed and flirted and kissed and drank while I . . . I was being systematically tortured, praying every second that Cameron wouldn’t walk in and see this guy inching closer to me with every rancid breath. He had told me that he wasn’t going, but he’d also said he never missed these things, so my radar was up and running just in case.

  Anyway, this was Tama’s plan. Throw me to the geek wolves so she could study and analyze my behavior. She stood back by the bookshelf near the wall, watching my every move. I was starting to hate her a little bit.

  “You mean, like, in the school, or with girls from the school?” I asked, because I had no idea what else to say.

  He guffawed. “No! Not in the schools! What kind of a male slut do you think I am?”

  The annoying kind.

  “So, what do you think? You wanna go find someplace private and help me run the table?” he asked, looking me up and down.

  Not even a little bit.

  My face warmed up as he moved in closer. I looked past him at Tama, pleading silently for mercy. As soon as Otto’s fingertip touched my arm, she crossed the five feet between us in two long strides, tapping him on the back.

  “You need to go now,” she told him.

  “Excuse me, but we’re having a conversation.”

  “Not anymore!” she announced. Then she took him by the shoulders, steered him around and gave him a push in the center of his back. Otto tripped away, cast one forlorn look over his shoulder and disappeared into the next room.

  “Thank you! Omigod. He was about to stick his tongue down my throat!” I said.

  “Why didn’t you stop him?” Tama blurted.

  “I don’t know! He was all over me! I was all trapped and stuff,” I said, feeling like a weakling.

  “It’s not like you two were alone in some dark alley somewhere. There are fifty people in this room,” Tama said. “God, KJ. If you can’t tell off a guy you don’t even know, how are you going to ever tell off the geek posse?”

  I sighed morosely. “I don’t know.”

  “Let me ask you this. What were you actually thinking when he was about to rub himself up against you?” Tama asked.

  “Uh . . . well? He asked me if I wanted to hook up and I thought, ‘Not even a little bit.’ ”

  Tama’s eyes widened. “There! That’s perfect! See? You do know what to say, you just have to say it.”

  “Wait, so that would have worked?” I asked.

  “Yuh-huh!” She threw up a hand.

  “But it would have crushed him,” I said.

  “So what? Why does he get to make you uncomfortable, but you can’t make him uncomfortable? If that were me, he would have felt my discomfort right in his itty-bitty boy parts,” she said, leaning back against the wall next to me. “Oh! Here comes that horror show who was talking to you before.”

  I looked up to see Peter, a tall guy with broad shoulders and a somewhat pockmarked face, approaching with two drinks. The last time he’d been over here, he’d spent the entire time channeling Glenn—talking to my breasts and calling me J.J. At least Glenn got my name right.

  “Do it to him! Tell him what you really think!” Tama hissed as she moved away.

  “No! Tama! Don’t leave me!” I pleaded.

  But it was too late. Pockman Peter was there.

  “Hey, J.J. Got you that root beer,” he told my breasts.

  He held the cup out. I automatically took it. From the corner Tama groaned and rolled her eyes.

  “Saw you talking to Otto,” Pockman said to my chest. “I know you don’t go to St. Luke’s, so let me clue you in—you don’t want to be talking to Otto. He’s kind of a loser.”

  Gee, thanks. And what does that make you?

  Tama stared me down. I was so hot I could feel sweat prickling under my arms. I had to say it. I had to.

  “Gee, thanks,” I said. But my throat closed and I couldn’t get out the second part. Why, why, why would my body not cooperate with my brain?

  He smiled. At my boobs.“You’re welcome. So. You want something harder than that?” he asked. “Maybe have some real fun?” Then he turned slightly, crooked his elbow out and rubbed it against my chest. He blatantly felt me up with his arm joint, right there in the middle of the party. That was it. My internal thermometer shattered.

  “What the hell was that?” I blurted, shrinking toward the wall.

  His arm flattened at his side and he turned white. “What?” he asked. For the first time all night he looked at my face.

  “That!” I glanced at his elbow. “Do you really think it’s okay to feel someone up in the middle of a crowded basement without even knowing her name? What’s wrong with you?”

  His jaw dropped slightly and he reminded me so much of Glenn. Glenn, who I really should have been yelling at for six years of invading my personal space. But Glenn wasn’t here. Peter was.

  “I wasn’t—”

  “Yes, you were,” I shouted. I slapped the root beer cup down on the shelf next to me and it splattered everywhere, but I didn’t even care. “You know what? Otto’s not the only loser at St. Luke’s. Maybe you should go find him and compare notes.”

  A few people around us chuckled. Peter once again glanced at my breasts. “I . . . I . . . ,” he stammered.

  Un. Be. Lievable. His complete gall gave me the one last push I needed to finish him off. I snapped my fingers in front of his face. “Up here, Peter.” He looked me in the eye, snagged. “You need to go now,” I said, mimicking Tama’s words.

  He ducked his head and finally went.

  “Nice one!” some stranger shouted as a couple of girls near the basement’s wide bar applauded. I grinned from ear to ear. I’d done it. I had told someone off. And I had never felt lighter in my entire life.

  “KJ, that was amazing!” Tama cried, grabbing my arms. “Man, I’m good at this! I should go into the empowerment business or something.”

  “Yeah,” I said vaguely.

  I didn’t have the heart to tell her that it was thinking of Glenn and the many indignities he’d put me through that had actually inspired that rant. She was still partially responsible. For bringing me here. For cheering me on. For giving me the “you need to go now” line. I would never have done that without her help.

  Tama’s cell phone rang and she rolled her eyes at the caller ID before picking up. “Where are you?” she said without greeting. Then she rolled her eyes at me. “No. No . . . fine! We’ll meet you there.” She clicked the phone closed and tilted her head. “Come on. We’re out. Leo’s not coming. I said I’d meet him at the diner, and we have to stop and buy him cigarettes on the way.”

  “But how—”

  “I have ID.” Tama rolled her eyes at me this time. “God! Grow up already.”

  I narrowed my eyes as I followed her out. She had been in a perfectly fine mood before Leo had called and now look at her! All tense and snapping at me and being bossy. Robbie was right. Tama deserved much better than Leo. And tonight, when I hadn’t been getting accosted by geeks, I had been taking notes. Details I could pass along to Robbie. Seeds, as he so liked to call them. As I followed Tama out the door, I couldn’t help hoping that very soon, Tama
and I would both have brand-new boyfriends.

  ACT ONE, SCENE FOURTEEN

  In which:

  I PUT MY NEW SKILLS TO GOOD USE

  THE STAGE COACH DINER WAS JAM-PACKED WITH KIDS FROM school, playing table hockey with sugar packets, dumping over sodas and acting like general morons. I caught a few of them eyeing Tama and me with interest and tried to look aloof, like the two of us hanging out was a totally normal occurrence.

  “There he is,” Tama said, beelining it for a booth in the back of the room.

  Leo sat with his arms splayed out atop the maroon vinyl bench, his blond hair back in a ponytail. He had a healthy blond stubble all over his chin and his blue eyes were droopy, making him look about twice his age and not at all attractive, in my opinion. Tama slid in next to him and they shared an extremely short, but still wet and tongue-heavy kiss.

  “Got my cigarettes?” he asked by way of greeting.

  Tama dropped them on the table and he slid them into the pocket of his black leather jacket. “KJ, Leo, Leo, KJ,” she said.

  “We’ve met,” I said, sitting across from them.

  “We have?” he asked.

  I blushed. “A few times.” Jerk.

  “Okay, KJ. Time to work on your image,” Tama said.

  My eyebrows shot up. “My image?”

  Tama nodded. “I was watching you at the party and your body language is all wrong. You’ve got the hunched shoulders, the darting eyes, the apologetic smile. It all just screams ‘victim.’ ”

  Wow. Tell me how you really feel.

  “But the fix is very simple,” Tama continued. “First. You want to keep your shoulders back and your chin slightly raised. Like this.”

  She sat forward, resting her elbows on the table and bringing her hands under her chin. Instant model. I tried to do the same, and my boobs hit the edge of the table. I immediately shrank back. She gave me a withering look. Leo, luckily, was oblivious.

  “Sorry,” I said, and tried again. This time I angled myself slightly so that my boobs faced the room instead of the table.

  “Good,” Tama said. “Now, don’t make eye contact with anyone, but don’t let your eyes dart around. Either stare at a fixed spot near the ceiling like you’re thinking about something truly fascinating, or let your eyes slowly wander the room with disinterest. Like this.”

  Tama demonstrated. Her face was pure boredom as she scanned the restaurant full of hotties and dorks, jocks and wannabe jocks, princesses and emo chicks. Like it was all just so lame. I took a deep breath and tried to do the same. My eyes instantly fell on Jonathan Marsters, the oversexed burnout who was playing Kenickie in the musical. He stuck out his tongue and waggled it at me like a lizard. I quickly averted my gaze.

  “KJ! Come on! This is not that complicated. Watch,” Tama said.

  As she scanned the room again, Leo started to chuckle quietly.

  “What?” she snapped.

  “You!” he cried mirthfully. “This!” He threw his hand out at me. “This is hysterical. Are you really trying to teach her to be more like you? And you’re really trying to learn?”

  “I’m just trying to help her,” Tama said.

  “Well, I think you both need help, because after that display, I’m not sure which one of you’s more pathetic.” Leo laughed.

  “Screw you!” Tama shouted.

  A few people around us shut up and stared. I sank a bit lower in my seat.

  “What’s your problem? We said we were gonna be more honest, right?” Leo said, turning toward her in his seat. “Well, that’s my honest opinion, babe, so deal.”

  “Okay. Why don’t you deal with this? I would honestly appreciate it if you’d get the hell outta my face,” Tama replied, all business.

  “Oh, really. That’s what you want?” he demanded.

  “That’s what I want,” she shot back.

  Tama slid out of the booth and Leo got up, shaking his head. “Bitch,” he said under his breath.

  “Jackass,” she replied loudly.

  Leo stormed out, leaving me completely and totally shell-shocked. I couldn’t believe Tama had just told him off like that in front of everyone. I was half awed, half mortified.

  “God, it’s like he’s PMSing,” Tama said, loud enough for the people around us to hear. A few of them laughed and everyone went about their business.

  “Are you okay?” I asked Tama quietly.

  “I’m fine. He’ll have a smoke and come back all smoochy. It’s what he does.”

  Great. Sounds like a real prince.

  “Uh-oh. Incoming,” Tama said.

  I glanced over my shoulder. Glenn Marlowe had just walked in with two of his friends from the chess club. He hadn’t spotted us yet, but I knew it was only a matter of time. His KJ radar was as reliable as my Cameron radar.

  “This is your chance,” Tama said under her breath. “Remember what you did at the party and just do it.”

  Glenn spotted me. Gave me a particularly lecherous smile. My palms were moist.

  “Oh, God.”

  “You can do this, KJ. It’s time. It’s beyond time. Look at the guy. He’s undressing you with his eyes right now,” she said with disgust.

  She was right. I felt violated just looking at him.

  “Here he comes,” Tama whispered. “You have to be mean, KJ, or these people are never going to leave you alone.” Tama gave me a serious, bolstering, dead-on glare. “Remember the party. Do it again.”

  I nodded, but inside I felt sick. This wasn’t some random guy at some random party. This was Glenn. And okay, he sucked, but I had to face him every day at school and at rehearsal. How was I going to do this?

  “Katie Jean Miller.” Glenn dropped into the seat next to me. Before I even knew what was happening, his leg was pressed into mine and his arm was draped over my shoulder. “I knew you were going to be here tonight. I just knew it.”

  His breath smelled like guacamole. My skin burned. My vision blurred. I looked at Tama. She clenched her teeth as she stared back.

  “Glenn, go away,” I said, stomach turning.

  He laughed and squeezed my shoulder. “Why don’t you come over and sit with me and my friends? I’ve told them all about you.”

  Like what? How much I hate you?

  I wanted to say it, but I couldn’t. The lump in my throat was too huge.

  “I mean all about you,” Glenn said, running his beady eyes over me like a slithering reptile.

  And that was it. Something inside of me just snapped.

  “Really? Have you told them how much I hate you?” I blurted, pushing him away from me.

  All the tables around us fell silent once again. Glenn went ashen. I felt that annoying thump of guilt.

  “What?” Glenn said.

  “Go away, Glenn,” I said again, lowering my voice. My heart was pounding so hard it was tough to breathe, but somehow, I forged ahead. “Leave. Me. Alone.”

  I stared at him, my face growing redder with each passing moment. I was doing it. I was being mean. I was finally saying how I felt. So why wasn’t he going away?

  “Do you not understand English, Marlowe?” Tama said finally. “She said go away.”

  Stunned, Glenn pushed himself up from the table. He paused in the aisle, and I was sure he was going to say something crude, but instead he turned and walked stiffly out of the diner.

  “Wow. You guys are really setting ’em up and knocking ’em down tonight, huh?” Jonathan shouted, earning a round of laughter.

  I stared at Tama, stunned. Stunned and suddenly twenty pounds lighter. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt good. Proud. Confident. I’d actually gotten rid of Glenn. Glenn “Human-Flytrap” Marlowe. I had taken charge of my own personal space. From this moment on, everything was going to be different. Tama was a freaking genius.

  I sat up straight in my seat and smiled. Tama lifted her water glass in a toast.

  “Now, that, KJ Miller, is how it’s done.”

  END ACT
ONE

  ACT TWO, SCENE ONE

  In which:

  GLENN FIGHTS BACK

  I WALKED INTO SCHOOL ON MONDAY MORNING FEELING LIKE A new person. The sun was shining, there were no clouds in sight and my hair had even done exactly what I’d wanted it to do. I’d told off Glenn Marlowe. I was a Glenn-free zone. It didn’t get much better than this.