You’re the Reason

by J. Nathan

  “What?” he asked, subtle dimples digging in beside his lips.

  I shook my head, smart enough not to tell him how confusing I found him to be.

  He lifted his coffee cup and tipped it back like it wasn’t piping hot.

  “You disappeared.”

  He dodged my eyes, his latching on to something outside the window in the distance. “I do that sometimes.”

  “You do?”

  He nodded.

  I tucked one of my waves behind my ear, stalling so not to appear too interested. “Where do you go?”

  “Just got things to take care of.”

  “You got a secret baby or something?”

  Laughter burst out of him, a sound so unfamiliar but so smooth it hit places deep inside me I hadn’t expected. “No. Not even close.”

  I smiled, grabbing my jar with both hands, like a safety net. Because any minute now, he could resort to his mean self and I’d need it.

  He looked back to my jar. “What else is in there?”

  I tipped my head to the side. “Do you really care?”

  He shrugged.

  “I want to be the reason someone else does something amazing.”

  “Amazing is ambiguous. How will you know if you succeed?”

  I smiled. “I’ll know.”

  Chase’s lips twitched in the corners, but before he would allow himself to smile more than once in a conversation, he pushed his chair back and stood. “I’ll tell Chantel to play nice.”

  “Oh, no you won’t.”

  His eyes narrowed, caught off guard by my objection.

  “I can handle her.”

  A harsh, humorless laugh escaped his throat.

  “Well, tell me then. How would that conversation go? Hey, Chantel. I had coffee with Sophia and she told me you went through her stuff—”

  “She went through your stuff?” he asked.

  I closed my eyes, cursing my big mouth.

  “She went through your jar,” he said, the puzzle pieces falling into place.

  “As I was saying,” I said, trying to distract his attention from what I’d just divulged. “Bringing up the fact that we’ve spent any time together, regardless of how innocent it’s been, seems like a horrendous idea—for both of us.”

  “I’m not scared of her,” he assured me, before turning and walking in no hurry toward the door.

  The girl seated by the door working on her laptop peeked up as he passed, staring at him as he walked out.

  I understood the inclination to look at him. Too bad he had a split personality and you just never knew who you were going to get.

  ***

  I unlocked the door to my room. I pause with my hand wrapped around the doorknob as my lungs expanded on a long, deep breath, preparing myself to face Chantel. I pushed open the door, only to find the room empty. I exhaled, more relieved than I expected to be. I hated conflict, but she’d started this, and I wasn’t sure it was something we could come back from. I couldn’t trust her now.

  And down deep, I wasn’t even sure I liked her.

  I went to my closet and pulled out an old pair of jeans I never wore. I rolled my jar inside the jeans and buried them in the back of my closet. If she planned to snoop again, I wasn’t making it easy on her.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  I walked toward my dorm after my Thursday classes, really hoping Chantel wasn't there. We’d managed not to cross paths since yesterday when she’d gone through my jar, and I hoped to keep it that way. I knew she was leaving for the weekend for her cousin’s wedding, and I really hoped she’d left early.

  The cloudy sky sent a cool breeze whipping through the path I took back to the dorm. I hugged my arms around myself, thankful I’d worn my pink hoodie. I’d forgotten how inconsistent September weather could be.

  I stepped off the path onto the sidewalk across the street from my dorm. An older woman, standing there staring up at the top floor, grabbed my attention.

  I stopped, wondering what she was doing. Was she waiting for someone to come down to let her into the building?

  When minutes passed and she still hadn’t moved, I approached her. “Are you waiting for someone?”

  Her eyes moved to mine. That’s when I noticed she’d been crying.

  An ominous shiver rushed up my spine. “Oh, my goodness. Are you all right?”

  She shook her head.

  My Lifetime movie senses kicked in. “Is there someone I can call for you?”

  She shook her head again.

  A bouquet of flowers lay beside her feet on the sidewalk. Oh shit.

  “Would you like to sit down?” I motioned to the sidewalk and slowly sat down hoping she’d follow my lead.

  She carefully lowered herself down beside me.

  A heavy silence descended.

  Another breeze whipped through sending goosebumps scampering up my legs. Our quiet was interrupted by students passing by, walking around us, and laughing and chatting with friends.

  “Did you know my daughter Sydney?”

  Though I had a sinking feeling it was Sydney’s mom, my heart wilted as the truth hit me. I shook my head. “No, I’m sorry. I just transferred here.”

  “But you heard what happened?”

  I nodded. “I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine your grief.”

  “It’s torture.”

  Tears pricked my eyes.

  “My husband would be furious if he knew I was here…I just needed…I just needed to see.”

  I nodded, understanding her need to seek closure after suffering such a tragic loss.

  “She was the light of my life,” she said.

  A rogue tear escaped my eye and I quickly wiped it away. I couldn’t imagine the grief she was feeling. I don’t know what came over me, but I slipped my arm through hers.

  Instantly, her body relaxed against me, as if she needed someone to comfort her.

  We sat there for a long time.

  “You’re an angel,” she said, turning to look at me. Her puffy eyes assessed my face. “Sydney would’ve liked you.”

  I willed back the flood of tears threatening to fall and smiled. “I’m sure I would’ve liked her, too.”

  Tears glazed her eyes as she turned to look back at the top of the building. “My daughter would’ve never hurt herself.”

  Unsure what to say, I said nothing. Kids kept secrets from their parents, and no matter how well parents thought they knew their kids, they never knew everything.

  “I just can’t believe no one knows anything,” she said softly.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Oh, honey. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” The sun began to set and the breeze became cooler. She shivered, her light sun dress not enough to keep her warm. She unlocked her arm from mine. “I should get going. I just…I just needed this.”

  I pulled open my backpack and grabbed a pen and notebook. “I’m gonna give you my number.” I scribbled down my name and number on a sheet of paper and tore it out of my notebook. “You call if you ever find yourself back here. I’ll sit with you for as long as you need me to.”

  She took the paper from my hand and looked at it. “Sophia,” she mused. “A beautiful name for a beautiful soul.” She closed her hand over mine. “I think Sydney wanted us to meet.”

  “You think so?”

  She nodded.

  “Sophia?” Chantel called from the dorm entrance across the street.

  My eyes shot to the door where Chantel stood, anger brewing in her eyes.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  Sydney’s mother stood.

  I followed her up. “This is Sydney’s mom.”

  “We’ve met,” Sydney’s mother said through tight lips.

  “How are you?” Chantel asked her.

  “How do you think I am?” Sydney’s mother’s voice grew louder. “My daughter’s dead and none of her so-called sisters know a damn thing.”

  “I’m sorry I can’t help you,”
Chantel said. “I have class.” She hurried away and Sydney’s mother watched her go, a blank stare on her face. Her eyes cut to mine. “You know her?”

  I nodded. “She’s my roommate.”

  She closed her eyes, as if pained by the notion. “Watch that one. She’s a sneak.” Sydney’s mother headed over to a BMW parked against the sidewalk. She pulled open the door and slipped inside. “It was nice to meet you, Sophia.”

  “You too.”

  She closed her car door and the engine purred to life. I watched as she gave the top of the building one last glance before pulling away.

  I sat back down on the sidewalk, my legs shaking beneath me. I couldn’t imagine that poor woman’s grief. I also couldn’t understand how no one knew anything about Sydney’s death. Or, why Valerie and Chantel both reacted strangely to the mention of Sydney Lane.

  If there was more to Sydney’s story, like Sydney’s mom believed, I hoped to God it came to light so she could finally have closure.

  ***

  “What the hell was that?” Chantel asked as she stormed into our room that night.

  Great. She was still here. I peeked up from my laptop. “Excuse me?”

  “Don’t play dumb. Sydney’s mother. You didn’t tell me you knew her.”

  “I don’t. She was standing outside our dorm and something seemed wrong with her, so I talked to her. She’s hurting. And she’s looking for closure.”

  “Right. By closing my sorority.”

  My eyes widened. That was cold even for Chantel. “You’ve got to know she’s grieving. She’s not seeing clearly. I’m sure she doesn’t want to hurt you guys. She just doesn’t know what else to do.”

  “She needs to move on.”

  A cold chill rushed through me. Sydney was someone Chantel actually knew. I didn’t even know Sydney, but the way her mother spoke of her made me cry. How could Chantel be so thoughtless?

  But what did I expect? Chantel was self-absorbed. Some people were raised to think they were the center of the universe. I’d never be able to relate. I’d been taught by my parents—and Tim McGraw—to be humble and kind. Chantel just didn’t possess those qualities.

  Chantel and I were two totally different people. And, despite Chase’s foresight, it was becoming abundantly clear that she and I would never be friends.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Saturday morning my phone buzzed, pulling me from a sound sleep. I reached over and grabbed it, hoping whoever was calling this early on a weekend had prepared themselves for my wrath. I checked the screen. Unknown caller. I dropped it back down, ignoring it.

  But it continued to buzz.

  I grabbed the phone again and lifted it to my ear. “Hello?”

  “You’ve got ten minutes,” a deep voice said.

  “Who is this?”

  “Get dressed, take care of whatever girls do in the morning, then come downstairs,” Chase said.

  I huffed. “Why?”

  Dead air filled the line. I checked the screen and the bastard had hung up. What was he up to?

  I crawled out of bed and moved to the window. I shielded my eyes from the bright sunlight as I checked the street in front of my dorm. No one was out there—no cars, no people, not even Chase.

  Was this some kind of trick?

  Was he trying to make some kind of point about me getting into the Uber I thought he’d sent?

  Was he setting me up?

  I closed my eyes, and thought about what to do next. I could get dressed, go downstairs, and no one would be there. Or, I could stay put and go back to bed and pretend it never happened—like I should have done last weekend.

  Grrr. I hated my curiosity.

  I went to my closet, grabbed jeans, and a navy hoodie and pulled them on, then slid on my navy Converse. I ran to the bathroom to brush my teeth, then I secured my hair in a high ponytail. If this was a joke, I wasn’t about to be caught in my pajamas with bedhead.

  I grabbed my phone, tucked some money in my back pocket, and walked downstairs.

  Damn him if this was a trick.

  Damn him if he was going to show his split personality again.

  Damn him for making me curious.

  I reached the front door and inhaled deeply. Please don’t make me look stupid. I pushed open the door. Air punched out of my lungs when I found Chase in a backward baseball cap leaned against a red convertible.

  I blinked hard, making sure I wasn’t having some kind of Jake from Sixteen Candles dream. “What are you doing?”

  He smirked. “You know what I’m doing.”

  I swallowed my surprise. “Yeah, but why?”

  “Can’t a guy just do something nice?”

  “A guy can. You…I’m not so sure.”

  He shook his head, a flicker of amusement lighting his eyes. “Get your ass in the car.”

  My feet stayed firmly planted to the sidewalk. “I’m serious. I don’t understand.”

  “What’s to understand? You get in Ubers with strangers. But you won’t get in a car with me? You gotta see how messed up that is.”

  “You showing up here, when your girlfriend’s away, trying to grant me one of my bucket list wishes. You gotta see how messed up that is.”

  He twisted his hat around on his head and pulled it down low, molding the brim down. “For the love of God, she’s not my girlfriend.”

  I crossed my arms. “Does she know that?”

  “Yes.”

  I tipped my head to the side. “Does everyone else know that?”

  “I don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks.”

  “Do you care what I think?”

  He stared at me across the empty space, his blue eyes penetrating while his patience with me was clearly wearing thin. “Are you gonna get in the car or not?”

  Oh, hell.

  I walked slowly toward the car.

  He opened the passenger door. My arm brushed his. Goosebumps broke out all over my skin as I slipped into the car, settling into the smooth leather seat.

  Chase closed my door before circling the front and sliding into his seat. “Well, that was more difficult than I expected,” he said as he pressed the button and the engine roared to life.

  I cut my gaze to his. “Where’d you get the car?”

  He pulled out onto the main street. “Don’t worry about it.”

  I closed my eyes as we picked up speed, loving the free feeling of driving without windows or a roof. The warm September sun beat down and a breeze brushed against my cheeks as we moved through the streets. Once Chase turned onto the highway, I lifted my arms into the air and let the wind push them back, loving every minute of it.

  “You having fun?” Chase asked.

  I shrugged, not wanting him to be too proud of himself.

  He smiled, and when he smiled like that—all teeth and dimples, I almost forgot about what a jerk he could be.

  “You should do that more often,” I said.

  “What?”

  “Smile.”

  He reached for the radio and turned it up, clearly not in the mood for conversation—or compliments.

  I laughed to myself. Maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy after all. Maybe the real Chase was the guy in the media room sticking up for that girl, and the guy who’d picked me up to make my bucket list wish come true.

  Before long, we neared the coast. The briny air greeted us and laughing gulls flew overhead, their wings spread as they, too, eagerly neared the beach.

  Chase lowered the music. “Get ready. You want to remember the moment your wish came true, don’t you?”

  Butterflies took flight in my stomach. But I feared those butterflies weren’t because my wish was about to be granted. I feared it was because of the unlikely person granting that wish.

  I absorbed the stunning view of the coast as he drove along it, slowing when no one was behind us on the road. I pulled out my phone and snapped pictures of the beautiful blue water with the puffy white clouds dangling in the air—a perfect backdrop to
a perfect moment.

  Chase hit his blinker and turned off the road into a dirt overlook. He parked the car and cut the engine. “Let me get your picture.”

  My brows furrowed.

  “In the car. By the coast. Your wish.”

  Oh. Right. I handed him my phone and smiled as he snapped a few pictures, making sure to get me in the car in front of the ocean.

  He handed me back my phone and circled around the car. But instead of getting back in, he leaned against the driver’s side door and looked out at the ocean.

  I gave him time, figuring he wanted to be alone. But once he still hadn’t gotten back in after a few minutes, I stepped out of the car and walked over to him, leaning beside him against the car and staring out at the ocean. The waves crashed loudly, but I still couldn’t ignore Chase’s silence. He was never one to hold back his thoughts. But clearly something was on his mind.

  Maybe he regretted bringing me here. Maybe he thought I wanted to stay longer. Maybe he thought he was giving me what I wanted.

  “Thanks for doing this for me,” I said.

  He didn’t respond.

  “I’m ready to head back now.” I turned to go back to the passenger side of the car, but Chase reached out and grasped my arm. I stilled, not sure why he stopped me.

  His hand slipped down my arm to my hand, and his fingers linked with mine.

  I didn’t dare speak. Move. Or even look at him.

  “Don’t let Ryan hold your hand again,” he said.

  I swallowed down my confusion. “Huh?”

  “I don’t want Ryan holding your hand anymore.”

  A million thoughts inundated my brain, none of which made any freaking sense. Why did he care if Ryan held my hand? Why did he think he could give me another order? Why was he currently holding my hand? “Then stop holding Chantel’s hand,” I countered, instantly wanting to eat my words. Why had I said that? Did I actually feel that way?

  His eyes cut to mine, and a shiver skimmed down my spine. “Done.”

  We stayed like that, with our hands locked, for a long time, just watching the crashing waves. Both in our own heads. Both admitting feelings we probably would have rather not. What in the world was going on?