No End to Love

by Roberta Capizzi

  “Thank you.” Jenna let out a relieved breath and used a knuckle to wipe a stray tear from the corner of her eye. “I’ve always hoped Adam would love again and move on with his life, but deep down I was scared his new wife wouldn’t want me around, seeing as I’d be a reminder of Hannah and all she meant to Adam. I appreciate your understanding, Ellie. You’re a good woman, and Adam’s lucky to have met you.”

  Ellie smiled, even though all she wanted to do was flee out the door and run back to her cottage where she could think properly about whether or not she was ready to start something serious with Adam—and, most importantly, whether he was ready to be with someone who wasn’t Hannah, who wasn’t his first and only love.

  “Everything okay?” Adam’s deep voice coming from behind her held a hint of worry. Ellie nodded and put on her best ‘everything’s peachy’ expression before turning to face him. His frown eased a little when she smiled. “I thought you couldn’t find your way back to the living room, so I came looking for you. Jenna, are you crying?”

  He took a step with his arms outstretched toward her, but the woman waved him away. “I’m okay. You know I tend to get a little emotional during our family gatherings; nothing to worry about. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.”

  She disappeared behind the wooden door, and when the lock clicked Ellie looked up at Adam, to find him staring at her with a quirked eyebrow. “Please, tell me she didn’t say something mean to you, that she wasn’t trying to scare you away or something.”

  He took her hands and pulled her to his chest, wrapping his arms around her as soon as her body collided with his. She buried her face into his burgundy sweater, breathing him in, his citrusy cologne, fabric softener, and just him. She pondered telling him the truth, but now wasn’t the place or time. Besides, Ellie had gotten the distinct vibe that her conversation with Jenna wasn’t meant to be shared with anyone else.

  “She didn’t. She got a little emotional telling me anecdotes from the past.”

  She hated lying to him, but she didn’t want to ruin a happy family meeting, in case Adam got upset with his mother-in-law. The poor woman had meant no harm; it wasn’t her fault that Ellie was so insecure around Adam and thought she’d never be able to compete with the ghost of an amazing wife, who’d been taken from him too soon and was still missed every single day.

  Ellie squeezed him a little and turned her chin up to look at him. She smiled, and his stare softened, turning his eyes to pools of dark chocolate. He’d trimmed his beard to barely two-day stubble today, saying his mother had never really liked the scruffy look he’d been sporting ever since he’d stopped shaving after Hannah died, but Ellie couldn’t bring herself to agree with Enya. She’d seen pictures of him around his parents’ house, younger versions of the three brothers and their cousins, as well as a grown-up version of Adam without a beard, on his and Hannah’s wedding day. He was mouthwatering in a black tux, his dark hair cut short and a clean-shaven face, showing the dimple in his right cheek that was now hidden under his dark stubble most of the time. But even though she’d never been a fan of facial hair, she couldn’t deny that she loved present Adam much better. The slight scratch of his stubble when he kissed her, or when she stroked his face, always caused a flurry of tingles to dance around her body. Not to mention, the scruff gave him a mysterious, fascinating look that never failed to make her heart leap in her chest when he looked at her.

  “Have I got whipped cream on my face or something?” He frowned, scrubbing a hand over his face.

  Ellie laughed. “No. You’re okay. I was just…” She felt like a love-sick teenager who’d never known love before and still believed fairy tales existed. And in a way, maybe it was exactly so. She’d never really known what loving someone meant, not until this wonderful man had walked into her life and showed her what true love was. “I was appreciating your beautiful face.”

  Adam chuckled. “I think you’ve had too much to drink. Come on, let’s go get you some coffee to clear your mind.”

  He placed a soft kiss on her brow, wrapped an arm around her shoulder and guided her back to the living room, where Cayden, his twin siblings, and Sophie were playing a game of Whac-A-Mole in a cacophony of cheers and laughter.

  She’d be willing to do anything to be part of this amazing family, even come to terms with the fact she’d never really be Adam’s true love.

  * * *

  When he’d realized that neither Ellie nor Jenna were going to fess up and admit what they’d really been talking about, Adam decided to let it go, at least until he could get Ellie alone and pull the truth out of her.

  Besides Jenna’s tears, which had been a dead giveaway something was wrong, Ellie had looked like she was ready to run, and he had to know why. If it was something Jenna had said, he’d talk to her and make things clear.

  He’d known Jenna all of his life, so he doubted she’d been intentionally nasty to Ellie, but he was wise enough to understand that, as much as Jenna wanted his happiness, it must be tough for her to see him with another woman, to realize he was ready to move on after only three years. She’d lost her eldest daughter, because of him, and not only had he let one of the men involved in the robbery run away and had been unable to find him, now he’d let another woman into his life, into his heart, in a way tarnishing the memory of Hannah and all they’d shared.

  On the other hand, he also understood how hard it must’ve been for Ellie to be there, surrounded by his family and the ghost of Hannah that was still lingering in the house, smiling at them from the picture of their wedding day. She’d never once let her uneasiness show, smiling and chatting with his family as if she’d always been a member of their clan, but when she thought nobody was looking, he’d noticed her slightly slumped shoulders, or the way her eyes had lingered a little on the pictures on the mantel shelf and on the walls.

  They came home late in the afternoon. His mother had tried to persuade him to stay for dinner, but he felt the need to go home, spend a little time with Ellie and his baby girl. Besides, he couldn’t have eaten even a piece of popcorn if his life depended on it. Jenna’s cheesecake had been the last nail in his coffin, and he was just about ready to explode.

  Ellie had gone back to her cottage, claiming she had to feed Bobcat and check he hadn’t destroyed her living room as a punishment for being left alone all day, but he was sure it was just an excuse so she could be alone with her thoughts. She promised she’d go spend some time with him later, so they could have a cup of tea or coffee in front of the fire, watching a Disney movie with Sophie before her bedtime.

  His doorbell rang shortly after seven, and he let out the breath he’d been holding since he kissed her goodbye outside his car with a quick peck. From the way she’d gone all quiet on the ride home, he’d feared she wouldn’t show up and he’d have to spend the night tossing and turning in his bed, wondering what had happened.

  “Hi. I’ve brought cookies.” Her smile was as cute as always, making him wonder whether his imagination had just gone a bit overboard earlier. She’d changed into a pair of loose-fitting black pants and a baggy silver sweatshirt, with a matching black and white polka-dot headband. He loved the way she’d started to let go around him, wearing comfortable clothes, without worrying about always looking prim and proper the way she did when she was around other people. She’d opened the door a crack, letting him take a peek into the intimacy of her life, and he couldn’t wait until she opened the door completely and showed him the real Ellie.

  “We might have to eat those after Sophie’s asleep, or she’ll be on a sugar high until dawn, and I’d have to ask you to stay here and babysit with me.” He winked, and his arm snaked around her waist, pulling her in for a kiss as he kicked the door shut. A yap coming from behind him alerted him to Sophie’s imminent approach, seeing as Meatball went wherever Sophie did. His daughter’s giggles proved him right.

  “Hi Miss Ellie! You know, Meatball pooped in the garden when we came home, but Daddy w
asn’t angwy. He said the flowers will be nicer next year. Maybe you should let Meatball poop on your flowers too, so they’re more beautiful.”

  Ellie laughed and crouched to pet Meatball, who wagged her tail and let out a couple of contented yaps. “Maybe we should try next spring, see if the flowers grow taller. Will you come and poop in my garden, Meatball?”

  Sophie grinned, and her eyes grew big when they registered the box of cookies in Ellie’s hand. “I like those cookies. They’re my favowite.”

  “I thought your grandmothers’ were your favorite.” Adam picked her up before she could reach for the cookies, and used his most serious tone. As appealing as the idea of being up all night with Ellie was, he was way too tired to deal with Sophie on a sugar high. “And I thought you said you were so full you could only drink a glass of milk for your dinner.”

  “Milk tastes better wif cookies, Daddy.”

  He had to work hard to keep a serious face, even though laughter bubbled in his throat. He couldn’t really contradict her on that, but he had to be the responsible parent now, not the funny daddy who let her have it her way. “You can have the cookies tomorrow morning, with your breakfast. Now go and pick the DVD you want to watch, while Miss Ellie and I put the cookies in a safe place.”

  Sophie nodded and ran toward her collection of movies as soon as he put her down, with Meatball running after her. Adam took Ellie’s hand and pulled her into the kitchen, behind the half wall that separated it from the living room. He checked Sophie wasn’t watching before he leaned in and stole a quick kiss.

  They’d been very careful not to kiss or hug whenever Sophie was around, mainly because Adam thought she’d need time to adjust to this new situation, where her teacher was also her father’s girlfriend. He planned to sit down with his daughter and try to explain his feelings for Ellie when the time was right. It wasn’t an easy task, since he didn’t want to confuse her, so he’d postponed the speech every time the opportunity had arisen. He should do it soon, though, if he wanted to be free to kiss Ellie whenever he felt like it.

  “Tell me what happened between you and Jenna this afternoon,” he whispered in her ear, cutting straight to the chase. Once Sophie had picked the movie, they wouldn’t have time to discuss it. “And don’t say ‘nothing’, because I know something was wrong. I saw it in your eyes. If she was rude or mean, you should tell me. I love Jenna like a second mother, but she has no right to interfere or—”

  “No, she didn’t mean any harm. She just…” She chewed her bottom lip and tried to take a step back, but his hands caught her before she could put too much distance between them. “She just wanted to make sure if we kept, uh, dating she could still see Sophie. She was scared I’d ask her to stop being a part of your daughter’s life, just because she’s Hannah’s mother, and she thought I wouldn’t want her around.”

  Adam let out a chuckle. “She can be a little melodramatic at times; please forgive her.”

  Ellie shook her head. “I don’t really blame her. I’ve come out of nowhere and taken the place that had always been her daughter’s, that should still be—”

  “Ellie, please. Don’t, okay? You aren’t taking anyone’s place. I’m with you because I want to, because I like you and don’t want to be away from you. Not because I need to fill a hole in my life or a seat around the table.”

  Ellie nodded. “I know you mean well, but I walked into this with my eyes wide open. Hannah will always be a part of your life, and I would never in a million years ask you to forget her. But deep down I’m also aware that I’ll never really be able to fill Hannah’s shoes, no matter how hard I try. From the way people in town talk about her, she was a wonderful person who was good to everyone. She shouldn’t have died in such a tragic way, and I’m sure if she were still here, you’d still be happily together in your blissful marriage.”

  Adam tugged on her hand and pulled her close to him. He took her face in his hands and forced her to look at him. Her words had pierced his heart, but more than the slight truth in them, it was the uncertainty in her tone that did it. She thought he didn’t care about her, that he was only taking advantage of her being handy, since she lived right next door.

  “Don’t ever think you need to fill anyone’s shoes. I’ve never expected you to and I never will. You’re just as amazing in your own special ways as Hannah was in hers. Don’t compare yourself to her, because you’re just too different—that’s one of the reasons why I like you.” He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, breathing in the faint scent of the flowery perfume she’d had on earlier today. “I don’t want a surrogate for my dead wife; if I did, I would’ve found one long ago. I’ve let you into my life, into Sophie’s life, because I like the way you make me feel, the happiness you bring into our lives. I like you for who you are, and I don’t want you to try and be anyone else but you.”

  “I know, but…” Ellie turned her face to the side and avoided his stare. “We barely know each other, while you two had known each other forever. Hannah was the love of your life, I know I can’t compete with that, and I’m okay with it, but I’m afraid you—”

  “Hannah was the love of young Adam’s life, but you could be the love of grown-up Adam’s life.” He smiled and brushed the pads of his thumbs across her cheeks. “I still love Hannah and I always will, but for the first time in three years, I’m ready to let love in again, and it’s because of you, the way you opened my eyes and woke me from the hibernation I’d fallen into the day Hannah died.”

  “I’m sorry I’m being whiny. You’re such a wonderful man, I’m afraid I’ll wake up and find you were just a figment of my imagination.”

  “I can’t blame you for being scared of trusting someone else, seeing as the last time you trusted a man with your heart, he crushed it and destroyed your professional life as well.” He placed a soft kiss on her forehead, and his lips lingered there for a moment. “But trust me when I say I’d never want to hurt you or deceive you.”

  “I want to watch The Little Mermaid, Daddy.” Sophie came bounding toward them with a DVD in her hands, interrupting their conversation. Ellie took a step back, deftly disentangling herself from him before Sophie could see them.

  Adam gave a mental sigh. Grown-up time’s over, Daddy.

  But this chat wasn’t over. As soon as Sophie was asleep, he’d make sure Ellie knew how much she meant to him, if he had to talk all night to convince her.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “Thanks for bringing dinner tonight,” Adam said, a couple of days later. He pushed the empty plate aside and let out a contented sigh. “You shouldn’t have, but we truly appreciated it.”

  When he’d gotten home two hours ago, and Ellie had walked out on her front porch to wave at him and Sophie, he’d invited her over to have dinner with them. He’d suggested ordering pizza, but since she’d just pulled roast and potatoes out of the oven, she’d offered to bring it over instead. She’d omitted the small detail that she’d been cooking just because she hoped he and Sophie would join her for dinner. She still wasn’t completely sure where they stood, so she never really knew how far she could go. Yes, after three weeks of quietly getting to know each other, he’d taken her to his family’s Thanksgiving dinner. But as far as Sophie—and everyone at school, especially Dee—were still concerned, they were nothing more than neighbors.

  She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t waited like a giddy teenager for him to come home.

  “Feel free to bring over any leftover food whenever you like. I won’t take offense.” Adam winked and gave her that beautiful, beguiling smile she’d come to love. Ellie’s chest buzzed with tingles.

  “Daddy, I’m weally full.” Sophie patted her belly, before getting off her chair and looking up at her dad. “Can I play wif Meatball now?”

  Adam ruffled her hair. “Shouldn’t you say something to Miss Ellie for this delicious dinner she cooked?”

  Sophie looked up at Ellie with her adorable dimpled smile. “Thank you for
this delifous dinner, Miss Ellie.”

  “You’re welcome, sweetie.”

  Sophie looked back at Adam, and when he smiled and gave a nod, she ran upstairs, where they’d locked Meatball while they ate dinner so she wouldn’t beg for food off Sophie’s plate.

  Adam stood and picked up the empty plates, bringing them to the sink. When Ellie reached him with the glasses, he spun around and caged her in with her back against the counter.

  “I think I haven’t thanked you properly for feeding me and my daughter again.” His voice was a low, sexy rumble that made her heart skip a beat. He tilted his head to the side and leaned in, his nose brushing hers.

  Ellie smiled. “No problem. That’s what neighbors are for, right?”

  Adam chuckled and lifted his hand to stroke Ellie’s cheek with his thumb. She closed her eyes. A second later, his lips brushed hers, and the whole world stopped spinning. Every time their lips had met, she’d felt drunk with the unexpected strength of her attraction. The woman who’d sworn she’d never be at a man’s mercy was putty in the handsome deputy’s hands.

  He feathered kisses on her lips, then moved to her cheeks and her closed eyelids, his stubble prickling her skin in a very sexy, strangely arousing way. Ellie’s heart danced inside her chest, lifting up a little higher with each new kiss, until he moved back to her mouth. When he deepened the kiss, she had to hold on to the counter behind her for support, since her knees decided it was the perfect time to buckle.

  He pinned her against the counter, one hand fisted in her hair, the other on her hip, and she gasped against his mouth when his lower half pressed against her. Her body flared up the moment she felt how much he wanted her, and she’d be a hypocrite if she said she didn’t want him half as much. She’d told herself she’d take it slow, that she wanted to see where this was going before she gave herself completely—heart, soul and body—to him, but judging from the way his body was responding to the kiss, he didn’t really seem in the mood to take it slow. And neither did she.