Tenshi’s Gakino Yoh had just kissed her, and by all evidence, wanted to make a meal of her. She felt like Jane Eyre, Lizzy Bennett, and all great heroines rolled into one. But she wasn’t the star of very own rom-com. And she certainly wasn’t the kind of girl idols normally dated.
She was just plain old ordinary Eloise. A teacher. A stay-at-home-and-read-a-book-on-a-Saturday-night 27-year old. She was pajama-bottoms and t-shirts. A size-twelve-mousey-haired average nobody. She was cranky in the evenings and she came with way too much baggage. What did she possibly have to recommend her?
Yet, when Gakino had made her sing that terrible song, he’d seemed to find something likable about her, hadn’t he? At the time, she’d wished desperately for an asteroid to fall from the sky and level the KTV, sending her the way of the dinosaurs. Of course, she’d felt some regret that Gakino wouldn’t survive the blast, but her shame decreed that none could live who had seen her get her Frankie groove on. But then she turned around and there had been this—this look on his face. And she still didn’t know how to describe it, but it hadn’t been humor over her bad singing. It had been a little bit worshipful, a little bit too much like the way she looked at him—at least when he couldn’t see her watching, and then…and then…oh my god…
Pulling her phone out of her bag, she stared at her history. He hadn’t called once. Should she call him? If he picked up, what could she possibly say?
Assuming he had a good reason for leaving--and she was going to assume that--this wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have. She didn’t even know if she could have it. The idea of intimacy with Gakino was almost unbearable, a feeling so mixed between desire and fear, she could scarcely tell where one ended and the other began. Sex. Sex with Gakino Yoh. Maybe if she said it in her mind long enough she could say it out loud. Maybe if she said it, sex with Gakino wouldn’t be terrifying, it would be normal, what couples had done since the beginning of time. Instead, she was stuck wanting.
Hoping.
Wishing that, somehow, she could meet Gakino as someone more, someone better. And not for the first time, she considered how loving someone could change you. How it could blur the fine line between wanting to be better and hating yourself.
*
Three hours later, Gakino was back in Tokyo, and worrying that whatever he had with Eloise just might be over. He’d come back to the room to find Eloise gone, and when he’d tried her cell phone she hadn’t picked up. He’d only called once though, unsure what to say and embarrassed at the idea of trying to explain himself to her. Hey, there, did you feel my erection? I didn’t mean any disrespect. I just really…
And that’s as far as he got. He really what? Like was too tepid a word. And love was just too much somehow. He didn’t want to scare her off and he wasn’t sure what the word meant to her. Japanese men had a hard time saying I love you. I like you was as close as a fellow normally got, and even that was considered a fairly new thing. His father certainly never said it to his mother with any regularity. And his grandfather had probably said it exactly once to his grandmother. His grandparents rarely even kissed. Japan wasn’t America. And he hand’t even really told Eloise he liked her. Yet he’d gone too far, way too far in a public place. An expressed sexual interest between them was one thing, but they were still dating, and although the kiss told him a lot about her interest in him, the entire situation was embarrassing. You didn’t press your girlfriend like that until she gave you certain signals, but he’d pulled her into his lap and then…How could he have left her alone in that room? He should have known she would bolt. When he’d called Sano earlier--the man famous for always saying the right thing and always settling everyone down--even he hadn’t been too sympathetic. He didn’t want to imagine what Shun and Ryo would have to say about it. It was all so juvenile. Eloise had him tied up in knots, and he was making a greater mess of things every chance he got. Still, it wasn’t all hopeless, not yet.
Sano had done a pretty good job of convincing him that he should call Eloise soon and get on with being perfectly happy, but he still hadn’t found the courage to say such awkward things to her. He did silly stuff all the time, why this embarrassed him so much he couldn’t say.
He was grateful to be getting to work. Maybe if he could get busy enough to stop worrying, he would be able to dial her number and just talk to her.
Knocking three times on the office door out of curtesy, he stepped in and looked at the four men he considered brothers. Tenshi had been together ten years, and, outside of his mom, there was no one he was closer to. It was good to be home.
Throwing himself down on the sofa, he sighed.
“Rough day?” Ryo asked. Though his voice sounded odd, he didn’t seem all that concerned. He barely glanced up from the dice in his hands.
“Yeah,” he answered. “The worst. Sorry I’m a little late, but I am definitely ready to get to work.”
Some of the guys exchanged looks. He wasn’t worrying them, too, was he? Bad enough he was driving Eloise to distraction, he didn’t want his friends wasting energy on his screw-ups. He pulled out his phone to refer to an email he’d read earlier, hoping to get to business. “Sano sent me notes on the set list so far. I like it. Upbeat, fun. But aren’t you worried that we aren’t including enough of the older stuff? You don’t think it will disappoint some people?”
“Good point, Gakino, but first I want to ask you something.” Ryo moved forward to sit on the edge of his seat, his face serious. “You poked your girlfriend, tossed her on the floor, and ran from her...all because of a little kiss?”
Hearing this, the rest of the guys broke into open laughter. Hiro and Shun doubled over. Ryo thought it so funny he actually clapped. Even Sano laughed a little, his shoulders shaking and his mouth smirking under his hand.
“You told them?” Gakino looked at Sano accusingly. “And you thought that was a good idea because…”
Sano had the decency to look slightly abashed. “Ryo was in the car with me when I got your call.”
“I’m surprised you couldn’t hear me laughing in the background. Seriously, who does that?”
”It’s not funny, Ryo. Seriously, every body, stop laughing.”
“Man, you sound pretty serious about this, especially coming from a guy who thinks life’s one big carnival,” Shun added.
Gakino shrugged.
“We don’t want to give you a hard time. Really, we’re just kidding, ok?”
Ryo and Sano joined in with yeahs and head nods.
“But…she actually felt your…” Hiro, not taking his customary nap, motioned toward his lap and pointed up. Suddenly everyone was laughing again.
“I don’t know. I think so.” Gakino leaned back against the couch, his head falling back. He rubbed his eyes with his palms, working at the headache behind them.
“Did she seem happy about it or, you know, disappointed?” Ryo teased, holding up his finger and thumb and making a measuring gesture..
“Shut. Up.”
“If you’re so worried about it, why’d you get all hot and bothered in a KTV of all places?” Hiro asked.
Gakino’s eyes narrowed at Hiro, “And you’re the guy to give advice about what to do with girls in KTVs? After that scandal last year? Spare me, ok.”
“Gakino, relax.” Sano said. “That was different and you know it. She wasn’t his girlfriend or anything.”
The room went quiet.
“So she’s your girlfriend?” Shun asked, his voice low, serious, a little sad.
“Maybe. I want her to be.”
“Wow.” Ryo muttered.
“Sorry.” Hiro added, scrunching his nose, his face a mild wince. Even he could see Gakino had made a huge misstep.
All the guys were silent, nodding their heads, understanding what Gakino still wasn’t able to say.
“But when were you ever this bad at romance?” Ryo added, “Stabbing your girlfriend in the–”
Gakino threw a pillow at Ryo’s head, and everyone was laughing again. Even Ga
kino joined in.
“I don’t know. Never, I guess.”
“It’s not so bad. It’s kind of romantic. Like Cinderella or something,” Hiro said.
“But if it’s Cinderella, she would be running, right? He ran first.” Ryo threw in. The laughter got even louder. Suggestions and jokes went around the room, each Tenshi member joining in, teasing Gakino into smiling.
There was no need to worry over this. Later, he’d call her. They would talk and everything would be fine. And, if one awkward phone call was what it took to get to kiss Eloise again, that was a bargain. He didn’t tell Tenshi how kissing Eloise had been different than any other kiss he’d ever had. They had enough to laugh about already and they probably wouldn’t understand. Besides, it was private, and he wanted that for himself. He laughed at their taunts and threw another pillow. This time at Shun’s head.
As he finally relaxed and settled into the sofa, the door opened behind him. Hearing it, he turned around and saw Kishimoto-san with another man he only barely recognized. Sugiyama, he thought was his name. He was another KM manager, a stickler, if he remembered right.
Hopping up with the rest of Tenshi, he bowed.
“Good morning, Kishimoto-san,” they all said, nearly synchronized. The bowing continued for a while.
Kishimoto saw each of his acts regularly. But the meetings were always arranged in advance, and they usually happened in his office or his home.
Unless you’d messed up and then, you weren’t welcome there.
He walked to a chair that they’d left open and sat. He did not give them permission to join him. Sugiyama stood at his elbow.
After a few awkward moments of silence, Kishimoto said, “As we all know, Yoh-kun caused quite a bit of trouble two months ago.” He paused and looked at each of the members individually. First Hiroya, their leader. Then Shun. Then Sano. Then Ryo. “But he was a good boy, a respectful boy afterward. At every appointment, interview, and broadcast, he showed up on time, worked diligently and respectfully.
“I know because I checked. And I thought he’d learned his lesson.
“But it seems Gakino didn’t learn his lessons well enough.” After a brief pause, he asked, “Is it true that you’ve been traveling back and forth to Taiwan without my permission, without telling the agency, or even your manager?” This was said without looking at Gakino. Instead, Kishimoto was again moving his eyes over the other members, gathering their reactions and making Gakino aware that his future wasn’t the only one at stake.
“Yes. It’s true.”
“Are you studying Mandarin for a product endorsement in China?
“No.”
“Are you shooting scenes for a drama on location?”
“No.”
“Are you scouting for venues for our Asia Tour later this year?”
“No.”
“Well, these are the theories that your fans have invented to explain your actions. And what will they think when they discover none of these theories to be true?”
Kishimoto finally turned toward him. Gakino locked eyes with Kishimoto and said nothing because his friends were relying on him. Arguing with Kishimoto would help no one.
After a few minutes, Sugiyama-san answered the question in his stead. “I imagine they’ll start to cook up theories closer to the truth, which is…
When Gakino still said nothing, Kishimoto repeated, “Which is…”
“That I go to Taiwan to meet with someone.”
“With a woman?” Kishimoto asked, though Gakino was sure he already knew the answer.
“Yes.”
“And all this when you know that the women who buy your records, who watch your films and your dramas are doing so because they fancy themselves in love with you?”
He nodded his head yes, hoping that Kishimoto would take his silence for regret and his nod for a respectful bow. He wasn’t going to discuss Eloise like this, like she was some detriment to his future. Even if he couldn’t tell her he was half in love with her already, he knew that she was making room for herself in the area of his life were he kept his mother, his father, his brother, and the men of Tenshi. And if Kishimoto pushed this…
“Yoshida failed all of us. He failed you. He failed your band mates. And he certainly failed your fans. Your responsibilities come as no surprise to you. And his should not have been so easily swayed.” Looking down at his fingernails, he continued, “Yoshida has decided that the pressures of managing you were too great. After all, he does have a new wife and a little boy on the way. He’ll need more time to see them and certainly less stress. He’s been moved to P-group.”
Gakino’s jaw clenched, and he heard someone inhale sharply near him, probably Sano. They all knew what Kishimoto was telling them. Yoshida-san, their manager for the last nine years had essentially been fired. He would have to move. There was no way he could afford to keep his current place. Their managers worked on a commission system and he wouldn’t make money managing new talent just starting out. And, rather than less stress, he’d likely have more. Managing one group–even one as high profile as Tenshi–was less work and less stress than managing five or six just to make ends meet.
“Sugiyama-san is here to help you. You’ll be pleased to know that I’ve chosen the best manager for your particular situation. This is your tenth year in the business, gentlemen. And we need prove to your fans that you’re bigger than ever, that you are the pinnacle of the industry, that you’re going to magically last forever, like the angels you’re named after, or people are going to start worrying that your time is over and that you should move over to make room for some of those youngsters Yoshida is coaching.”
Kishimoto stood and smiled at them in a fatherly way. “Well. I’ve bothered you long enough. You’ve got a tour to prepare for, and your new interview show is set to air in a month. You’ve a lot to do, so I’ll let you get to it.”
He left companionably enough, but Sugiyama-san took the chair he left. And he, too, did not tell them to sit. He simply stared at them.
After a while, he finally said, “The rest of you can go. I need to speak with Yoh-kun.”
No one moved, and Gakino appreciated the show of support, but looking at Sugiyama, their solidarity made things worse.
“Privately.” Sugiyama said, icily.
*
The changes began immediately. They took his phone. They took his computer, even the one at home although he’d insisted that he only used his phone to contact Eloise. He didn’t even have her e-mail address. He stayed quiet about it, hoping that if he was on his absolute best behavior that Sugiyama, like Yoshida, would back off and give him a little freedom. But apparently, Sugiyama’s reputation was well-earned.
Sugiyama was with Gakino almost every minute of every day. At night, at least, Gakino got some peace, but then he was filled with worry. He wanted to contact Eloise, just to let her know what was happening. The silence that stretched between them seemed more and more damaging all the time. What would she be thinking now?
He could have used one of the other guy’s phones to talk to her. They’d all offered, but he couldn’t risk it. Kishimoto knew well enough what Gakino cared about most, and that meant Sugiyama knew and would use it to gain his compliance. Plus, part of him knew that she might not want to talk to him. And, Sugiyama was right about one thing, he didn’t have the luxury of worry.
This year was an important one. They were staging their first international tour. In Japan, their singles held on to number one spots for months in a row, and their concert DVD’s flew off the shelves. Their last one actually sold out in an hour and broke all previous sales records, but they were staging huge events for their anniversary tour. There were rehearsals, development meetings, interviews, and press, and that was only the work that had to be done for the tour. Japanese idols weren’t just musicians, they were entertainers, so each of the members were currently working on their own projects. Sano was filming a TV series. Hiro was acting in a play and doing half th
e choreography for their upcoming tour. Ryo was producing an acoustic album for another band and Shun was in pre-production for a movie. On top of that, they hosted two of their own regular TV shows, one of which was nationally syndicated. They were always working, and he was used to that. And he liked it. And over the last few months he had found a place for Eloise in his schedule. But could he pull her all the way into this mess? Would she get hurt? Would he hurt Tenshi? He just couldn’t be sure.
But something had to give soon. He wasn’t sleeping.
Most nights, he stayed up, walking back and forth in his apartment, thinking about Eloise or wondering what Sugiyama had planned for tomorrow.
He and Sugiyama had fallen into an uncomfortable routine. Every day, Sugiyama developed petty little tortures, and every day Gakino pretended he was happy jumping through hoops. At first, it had been stuff he’d expected, an extra interview here and there, an unscheduled public appearance. He’d thought that after a few days, Sugiyama would tire of showing him who was boss and things would return to normal, but lately Sugiyama had been giving Gakino what he called “surprises.” Twice, he’d told him to arrive at wrong times, so Gakino was stranded for hours on location without work. Last week, one of his vocal tracks had gone missing, and he’d had to go in for an extra day to re-record. He’d also had to call Kishimoto-san to apologize on the behalf of the staff who had been unfairly blamed for something he was sure Sugiyama had done. The past seven days, after each tour rehearsal, Sugiyama insisted that he practice long hours after the other members went home, during the sessions for the back-up dancers. But it wasn’t that bad, on those nights at least, he could finally fall into a dreamless and exhausted sleep.
This morning, Sugiyama had sent word that he and Sano would be working together for a publicity photo shoot. Gakino couldn’t have been more pleased. He needed a quiet morning with the group’s mother hen. But so far, he’d been waiting at the studio for three hours. Apparently, they were not scheduled to begin at 5 a.m. He wanted to complain, but Sugiyama would have enjoyed that. So he would suffer in silence–happily, too, if he could be sure that Eloise was ok.
How to Date Japanese Idols (The Tenshi Series) Page 11