How to Date Japanese Idols (The Tenshi Series)

by Cilia Jaspers

  But not Gakino. Instead, she had pushed him away. She had told him he wasn’t worth something to her. She’d seen the faces and heard the voices of other people over his. She had been the one who had been a fool. Now she had to be the one to feel foolish if she was ever going to get what she’d wanted. While she’d been so busy trying to be as normal as possible, live an average life, she’d become too afraid to actually be normal or have what the average person did. Instead of being her own woman, she’d become the doll she’d feared she was, held by the puppet strings that were her past and the men who had hurt her.

  She had to meet Sano. So here she was now, not without fear, but with the hope that maybe she hadn’t tossed Gakino too far. Maybe Sano could help her find her way back into being a comfortable and integral part of Gakino’s world. Or, maybe he would tell her Gakino wanted her to leave him alone.. But she had to find out so she could stop hating and hiding from herself. She rounded a corner and saw Sano, bundled up for the cool morning air, his face hidden behind a scarf, reminding her of the photo Gakino had sent weeks ago. When he caught sight of her, he raised his hand in a wave, holding it up and still, next to his head, in a way she had only seen Gakino do before. She felt a tingle behind her nose and her eyes watered. She paused. Looking both ways too many times, hoping the back and forth would dry her eyes and give her time to calm down. She was grateful when she saw a car slowly approaching which would give her time to steel herself. But, as she tucked her hands in her pockets to start her leisurely wait, Sano pulled his hands out of his pockets and dashed across the road to greet her.

  “Eloise,” he called out, without any of the slight accent that marked Gakino’s speech.

  She opened her mouth to say hi, but nothing came out, and she gulped in air and felt it catch and she shuddered as she exhaled. She looked away and up and then down, trying to find something to stare at, her eyes betraying her, her tears falling down.

  She looked at Sano and his too bright smile changed. It was soft and understanding, and his arms came around her in the same way. “It will be ok. It’s ok.” She felt his lips on her forehead and inhaled sharply, surprised.

  Weeks of trying to come to terms with her decisions had led to this, this flood of yuck all over a man who was, in most ways, a stranger. And he was giving her fatherly kisses. Her shoulders tensed and pulled up next to her ears.

  She pulled away, but he still held her. “I’m sorry.” She muttered, horrified that she could see small dark spots on his soft brown jacket that marked her tears.

  “For what?”

  She glared at him, but he only laughed and said, “I see.”

  “Well,” he continued, unlinking his arms and stepping beside her, tucking her arm on his, “You are feeling better now—at least a little bit, and that’s something. Let’s have lunch. I’m starving. Besides, this food will raise your spirits.”

  “I’d rather just get to it if you don’t mind.”

  “Get to it? What do you imagine is going to happen exactly?”

  “I’ve run through a couple of scenarios.”

  “And?”

  “The two most likely are—one, you will scold me for being a terrible person; instruct me to change my ways; and send me to Gakino to make remunerations.”

  “Or?”

  “Or… two, you will scold me for being a terrible person; insist that I stop all contact with Gakino; and order me to disappear off the face of the planet.”

  “No wonder you’re crying.”

  “I’m not crying. I’m anxious and over emotional. I’m not sad.”

  “But you might be—you could be.”

  She didn’t say anything, but he waited and finally added, “You could be.”

  “Yes, if—if you… Yes, I might be.”

  “Come on, Luck exists in the leftovers. Let’s get you to them.”

  *

  As Sano pulled a chair out for her, she glanced around, wondering why he had invited her here. She knew him, of course, but they weren't terribly close--at least outside of e-mails.

  "How are you?"

  "Fine."

  He smiled. "That is what Gakino says now, whenever I ask. This was not what he used to say."

  "No?"

  "No."

  "Well, what did he say?"

  Before Sano could answer, an older woman approached their table speaking in rapid Japanese. She smiled widely, but she didn't bow at Sano. He did bow to her, though; they must know each other, and clearly the woman was someone he respected.

  "What would you like?" Sano asked.

  "I don't. I’m not sure.”

  “I’ll order for you if you don’t mind.”

  “No, I don’t mind. That’s fine.”

  He spoke in rapid Japanese, and the woman smiled and laughed taking his order. He laughed with her and they had a small conversation. Even though she didn’t speak Japanese, she understood enough to know that they were talking about much more than the menu. Even their body language was different from what she expected. They were more than patron and customer. Looking around, she noted for the first time that no one else was there. Had he rented out the entire restaurant for privacy?

  As the woman walked away, she asked, “What are we doing here?”

  “Abrupt, aren’t you?”

  “I’m sorry, but something feels off. There’s something I’m not understanding about this, about you, about what’s happening here.”

  “Yes, there is,” he muttered, picking up his glass and taking a slow drink of water. “He used to say that life and love should be easy because they are, they're the most natural things we have. To live. To love."

  "Sounds like something Gakino would say. I guess his life has never been very complicated." Eloise smiled ruefully at Sano as he watched her, calculating.

  "The thing about Gakino, Eloise, is that life is incredibly uncomplicated for him by choice. He chooses to live as fully as he can. He chooses to enjoy every moment of every day. He chooses to smile, most of the time, in the face of complications. Love is the biggest of complications, don't you think so?" His hands wrapped around a cup of steaming barley tea that the woman had returned to set in front of each of them. Eloise smiled politely at the woman and waited to speak until she had left again, thinking.

  "What are you getting at Sano?" Eloise felt her throat squeeze tight with strain. She struggled with a brief laugh at her own expense. "I'm starting to think my second theory was right. You could have just told me to stay away outside." Sano pursed his lips before smiling briefly at her. He set the tea carefully away from himself and reached across to grasp her hands in his.

  "Is that why I brought you all this way from Taiwan? To tell you to go back?

  *

  "Gakino! Come down here and help me get the kitchen going! Why didn't you tell me your friend had a new girl?"

  Gakino scratched the back of his head as he loped down the stairs from his house into the hall leading into his mother's restaurant. What friend could she possibly be talking about? His mother knew about everything that went on in this town which meant it had to be someone from Tokyo. That was an even stranger question to ask when the store was supposed to be closed during this time. She would only open it for one of the members of Tenshi. Wait, who in Tenshi had a girl that he'd bring to his mother's restaurant? Slightly more awake he walked to the edge of the hallway where his mother stood keeping an eye on the couple. That was her term for it. Gakino called it spying.

  "Who are you talking about, Mom? I have no idea . . ." Gakino trailed off, his tongue and lips going numb at the sight of Eloise and Sano sitting at a table together talking. Sano was holding her hands. Eloise's back was to him, but it was easy for him to tell it was her even if her curls weren't a dead giveaway.

  He had never thought, not for one second, that she would come here. He thought she might never set foot in Japan again.

  "Is she his girlfriend? Did he come here to hide from the media?"

  Gakino frowned at
Eloise's hands in Sano's and then immediately dismissed his jealousy. If it had been Shun or even Leader, he might have marched out there and punched them in the face on principal, but Sano was clearly trying to comfort her. Sano had to be the one responsible for this. Which meant Eloise probably had no idea why she was here or that he was here.

  His mother must have seen his face.

  "Is this the girl? The one you've been so upset about?"

  "Yes. She's the one." He said it quietly, but his mother heard him. She saw the tiny smile quiver across his lips in hope and fear.

  *

  "I'm not really sure why you brought me to Japan."

  "No idea at all? Really? Gakino always said you were so smart."

  Eloise was tired of playing games. She was tired of hoping and tired of being afraid of hoping at the same time. In fact, she was just tired of it all at the moment. Now, sitting in Japan in the middle of winter, without the warmth of Gakino at her side, and the intense, exacting perceptiveness of yet another Japanese Idol across from her, Eloise felt like laughing and crying at the same time.

  "This is impossible." She did laugh now.

  "I assure you there's an answer."

  "I don't think I can talk to Gakino. Not even to apologize."

  "Of course you can. The question is, do you want to?"

  "No, I really…I really can't."

  Sano sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. He stretched the silence between them until Eloise almost got up to leave in frustration. He seemed to come to some sort of decision just in time.

  "Eloise," Sano said her name softly, "we both know that this has nothing to do with how normal Gakino is or not."

  She started to protest, opening her mouth and then closing it again. She simply nodded, not quite able to meet his eyes.

  "So are you really going to let your pride keep you from reconciling with the man you love? The man who sees not complication in love, but joy? It may not be normal, but it's simple, right? How long until he proves his love to you?"

  "Sano," Eloise paused to calm the tears that rose to her eyes, constraining her throat. "It's not pride. It's not. I'm…how can I ever go back to him? Face to face? I threw his love back at him and the truth is that he's as normal as he should be." She laughed softly. "He's the normal boy, true to story and life. But I don't belong in that story, do I?" She'd meant to ask it as a rhetorical question, but it had come out more of a sincere question full of pleading. Eloise pushed against the table to leave. She wasn't sure what she'd come here for in the end.

  "Oh!" Eloise nearly ran into the woman who owned the restaurant in her sudden hurry. She put an arm behind her and stumbled back into the table she'd been sitting at. With the sound of the rattle she looked behind her in horror. Sano saluted her with her own cup that he had apparently rescued just in time. He leaned back into his chair comfortably, not in the least disturbed by her coming exit. Maybe he'd finally found her wanting and decided she should go. She turned back to apologize in embarrassment to the owner.

  "Welcome home," the woman said drawing the 'o' in home out, but otherwise nearly perfect in English. She firmly gripped Eloise's wrists in her hands. She smiled gently at Eloise. Eloise stared at her dumbfounded for what seemed like an embarrassing amount of time, but what probably added up to about 5 seconds. Then, she saw Gakino standing behind the woman a few feet behind. She stupidly noticed he was wearing thick wool socks, but no shoes. She turned to look back at Sano who simply nodded, and then back to Gakino who simply stared at her in silence. "Welcome Home," the woman said again and Eloise realized it must be his mother. They were in his family home. Sano had brought her to Gakino, apparently without a word to either of them about his plan. Looking down at Gakino's mother, the words struck her as did the fond smile on her face and the gentle possession in her grip. This woman wasn't letting her go anywhere. Something shifted for her then.

  "Am I home then?" She asked Gakino, tears in her eyes. She might as well face her fears now that she was in the center of them.

  Her Japanese Idol opened his mouth and closed it again, the words clearly stuck in his throat. He cleared it a few times and then gave up, gesturing with both arms for her to come to him. Gakino's mother dropped her grip at his motion. So she ran into Gakino's arms and he closed them around her.

  "Gaki, I…missed you." She whispered it against his ear and he gripped her tighter in his arms. Something tickled her cheek and she nearly sneezed. She pulled away slightly to see what was insistently tickling at her and so did Gakino. Her head was turned against his chest, her cheek now resting against his collarbone, his cheek resting on top of her head.

  They stood right next to the wall pegs that held her and Sano's jackets. Hers was one of those bubble coats made of down, and sticking slightly up from one of the seams in the collar was a feather. Gakino started to laugh and it quickly grew until the laughter was rolling out of him. Eloise felt a pat on her shoulder as Gakino's mother passed them on her way to the kitchen, saying something short and quick in Japanese to the nearly hysterical Gakino. She thought it might have been something about food being ready...maybe in twenty minutes. Sano smiled, unconcerned, but clearly pleased as he followed Gakino's mother into the kitchen.

  "Welcome home, Eloise." Sano’s tone was wistful, but Eloise barely noticed, intent on her reclaimed boyfriend.

  "Eloise?" Gakino smiled his dazzling idol smile at her, his eyes crinkled as far as they could go in the corners, his arms holding her tightly to him. He held on with one arm, the other rising up to stroke her cheek and twine in her hair briefly.

  "Yes, Gakino?"

  "I like your feathers." Gakino untangled his finger and gestured vaguely at her coat and then in the region of her cheek. He grinned.

  She blushed.

  Keep Reading for an excerpt from the newest novel by Cilia Jaspers

  An Idol Husband

  Available November 2013 from BwB Press

  Bethany Danae doesn’t have a whole lot of luck. She has lost more jobs than she can count. She’s fallen into more tough spots than she cares to remember. But, possibly the worst of all, Bethany has been unable to break her 3-Date Curse–no man in her life lasts past the third date, no exceptions. When Bethany loses yet another job, her therapist tells her she should think about starting over somewhere new to be more independent from her family. Bethany takes the suggestion and runs a mile with it, instantly deciding to head for Taiwan and her best friend, Eloise. Her best friend Eloise is about to be married…to a Japanese Idol. It’s Bethany’s job to work with the best man to help arrange the wedding in Japan. But when Bethany meets the best man (another Japanese Idol), she begins to forget all about her plans to be a successful business owner and starts to think about finally breaking her 3-date curse…one way or another. By the time she thinks better of this new whim, she’s head over heels in trouble. For better or for worse, Bethany is about to face the music, the man of her dreams, and the fruits of her accidental labors.

  Chapter 1

  “I failed. Again. I suck at life.”

  “Now, Bethany, ‘fail’ is a word we don’t use. It’s too negative. You need to use positive language. Instead of saying ‘failed’ try saying ‘I ruled out an option.’”

  Bethany stared at her therapist and tried to decide if she should also ‘rule out’ the negative aspects of jumping out the nearest window to save herself the pain of therapy.

  “I get the idea of ‘ruling out’ options, Dr. Forbes.” She couldn’t resist air-quoting. “I just want you to understand the level of suck I have attained. Is attained a positive word?”

  “Yes, but sarcasm isn’t.” Dr. Forbes gave her one of those tense smiles she detested so much.

  Her mother smiled like that. Her father smiled like that. Her little sister smiled like that. They all smiled like that. Usually, it came when Bethany announced a new plan. Silly Bethany, this smile seemed to say.

  The therapist’s voice drew her away from her spirali
ng thoughts. “Why do you think you feel so negatively about this?”

  “Well…I fai…ruled out yet another option for my life. I think that would make anyone feel a little negative.” She couldn’t keep the frustration from her voice. She was going to cry again. She knew it. Every time she came into this office, as she had been doing for at least two years now at her parents request,she cried. The day could be beautiful and the possibilities full of hope, but three minutes after she walked into the door of the downtown Atlanta office she was pouring tears and snot like some kind of horror movie extra.

  “We often feel a sense of failure when we don’t have control over our own lives.”

  “Hey! I thought failure was a no-no word.”

  “Have you considered why you don’t feel any control in this situation,” Dr. Forbes asked without any hesitation, ignoring Bethany’s interjection.

  Bethany chewed on her nail, thinking. She didn’t chew on any of her nails except the one on her right index finger. She had no idea why. Maybe it deserved it for always pointing out some new, shiny thing to try. Damned fingernail. She chewed harder.

  “I…I just can’t seem to make anything work for me. Everything I try seems to fall apart and then my parents…God. They work so hard…” The tears began to gather. “They put me through that expensive school so I could go to college and then…I dropped out. Done. I wasted years of their money so I could be a painter. A painter! I hate the smell of paint.” She began to cry.

  Dr. Forbes handed her a box of tissues, scribbling something down in the process. “Do you feel like you owe your parents?”

  “Of course I do! Do you have any idea how expensive that private school was? Do you have any idea how much money they gave me for college? I was going to Emory for the love of God. How can I not feel guilty? They do well, but they worked so hard to save up that money for me. And I just…what? Burned it in a moment on a whim?”