The Icarus Void

by CK Burch

  She pumped the manual release until her breathing grew heavy. The doors were only open a few inches. Straub came over and took a turn and found himself ridiculously out of shape as his arm yelled at him immediately. Still, he pressed on and was able to garnish another few inches out of the doors. Fuck, his arm was throbbing.

  Collins walked to the opening, tried putting herself through sideways to test it. There was just enough room to wriggle through. ″Come on,″ she said, and she kicked off the maglock and up into the darkened shaft.

  Straub wedged himself through and deactivated his boots, but looked behind him down the corridor towards cargo: nothing there. Of course there was nothing. There wasn't actually anything anywhere, because his mind was being affected by the radiation.

  Which brought up an interesting question in his mind: how, exactly, was Collins being affected by the radiation? Was she even at all? It seemed to him that the effects varied from person to person, and also the amount of time it took for them to took hold and manifest did as well. Perhaps it depended on the person's strength of will. Or their amount of exposure to it, which didn't make sense. He'd been on the star, which he felt was the true source of the rads, and was only now just beginning to succumb to the stronger effects. He'd been thinking of Sarah constantly. Now he was hearing her voice as if she were standing just out of sight behind him. What would happen if she got close enough for him to see her? How far gone would he have to be for that to happen?

  He didn't want to know.

  Silently, they floated up the shaft, past the lift carriage stopped just above the medical deck. Straub hated the silence. It was the worst part. The darkness was something that he had gotten used to as a part of his university training, in simulators and astrophysics labs. He once taught himself to navigate the Yale lab in pitch black using only his own natural senses. But even in that place there had been ambient noise of some kind. Here the silence cut deep, left no echo, penetrated his suit and made the very sound of his breathing inside his helmet to seem like some monstrous rumble. He tried breathing shallower as they passed by the lift, thought he heard something far away, but shook his head again. He wasn't going to listen to Sarah. He couldn't do it. If he gave in to his mind, his affected mind, then he might as well –

  Collins grabbed on to the edge of the lift carriage and stopped herself. ″Do you hear that?″

  Straub held on and stopped too. There was a voice. It wasn't Sarah, no, it was deeper, a man's voice, a man screaming. Not in pain. More like pleading. ″It's coming from medical,″ he said.

  Collins flipped over and crawled down the length of the carriage using handholds. The exit to medical deck was just beneath the lift. Following her, Straub could here the man's voice a little louder; whoever it was, they were definitely pleading.

  ″Can you make out anything he's saying?″ Collins asked.

  ″No. Not from here. But he's alive. Shouldn't we help them?″

  She shook her head. ″No. We need to get to the bridge.″

  ″Are you serious?″ Straub was aghast. ″Someone's alive in there! They might have some idea what's going on! We have to help them!″

  ″No.″

  ″Why?″

  ″Because we have to get power restored, we have to figure out where we are – ″

  ″What if they can help?″

  ″What if they're trapped and we can't get them out? What if the ship is falling towards the Sun? Do you want to waste the goddamn time getting them out when we could be saving us and them by going to the bridge?″ Collins's face was unreadable. Was she concerned, or was she not? Did she want to save her own skin, or the skin of others?

  ″A moment ago you didn't want to face the possibility that everyone on board was dead,″ Straub said. ″Now you want to ignore the only voice we've heard on the ship thus far.″

  ″I never said I didn't want to face it. I just didn't want to fucking hear about it. Goddammit Straub, we need to get moving.″ With that, she pulled herself upwards and resumed her float.

  Straub watched her go, shook his head, and turned back to the lift doors. The maintenance panel was beside them, the manual primer beneath. His arm hurt just thinking about it, but he couldn't let it go. He needed to know who was there. Mostly he just needed an end to the utter silence. He opened up the panel and began pumping the doors open.

  Above: ″Straub? What the fuck are you doing?″

  God, this thing was tough to manage. Straub had to activate his boots and stand on the wall for leverage. He spoke between his grit teeth as he pushed upward each time, flexing his triceps, his shoulders burning. ″I'm going to go help him.″ He looked up at the doors, thinking that he'd probably gotten them far enough, but they'd only opened an inch. Ah, fuck me, he thought, but he could hear the man's voice clearer now, still far away, probably in the medical bay. He kept at it.

  Collins floated down next to him and eased him aside. ″Let me at it.″ She locked her boots down and started pumping.

  ″You changed your mind pretty quickly,″ he observed. He was gasping; if he made it off this ship alive, he was going to find a way to get to the gym every single fucking day of his life.

  ″I just didn't want to hear your girlish whining while you did this.″ She pumped harder until the doors were open wide enough for them to squeeze through. ″After you, miss.″

  At least she had a sense of levity. Straub floated through the opening, listening to the sound of the voice. ″Hang on!″ he shouted. ″We're coming!″

  ″Hello? Hello!″ The tone of the voice changed. Relief flooded each and every syllable. ″Oh please god! Please god please be someone! Hello!″

  Straub turned back to Collins. ″Jesus. I think it's Captain Udeh.″ Straub pushed from wall to wall down the corridor towards medbay, the fieldlights fixated on the opaque doors ahead. ″Captain Udeh! Is that you? It's Doctor Straub! Commander Collins is with me!″

  There was no reply, only gratified weeping. Straub and Collins came up to the doors to medbay, which were already frozen open in place. They walked through and stopped. ″Fucking hell,″ she said.

  Floating about in the bay were bubbles of blood and two dead bodies. Numerous medical instruments were gently dancing around the room, sticking to the wet blood which shone in the fieldlights. Straub looked at the bodies: Christ, there were teeth marks in the neck of one, and in the hand of the other. Bitten to death? By what? Then he looked over at the empty medbed where Sydney Kerrick had once been, and cold sweat spread over his skin. He didn't need to ask who had done this. ″Oh, god,″ he said.

  Collins shoved past him and over to the other medbed, where Captain Udeh was floating just under the restraints. His whole body was slick and shiny in their lights from sweat. ″Captain, are you okay?″ Collins asked.

  He nodded his head, gratefully. ″Yes, yes, thank god you're here.″ He swallowed and took a deep breath. ″God. I'm sorry. I must have sounded crazed. When the lights went off I had a full blown attack. Started screaming. I didn't know if anyone could hear me but I had to give it a shot...″

  ″What happened here, sir?″ Collins looked over at the bodies. ″Did Kerrick escape?″

  Udeh nodded. ″There was a quarantine alarm. Those orderlies came in to check on us, opened up her restraints. Never had a chance. She looked at me though, and I thought she was going to kill me too, but she just asked me if I wanted her to go home. I told her no and then she left.″

  Collins looked at Straub. ″Mean anything to you?″

  He shook his head. Nothing about Kerrick meant anything anymore, and that was the problem. She had meant something, and that was what was causing him to feel guilty. That was why Sarah was beginning to creep even harder into his subconscious, acting with radiation effects. If he could figure out a way to channel the guilt, shove it somewhere else, he might find more control over himself. But Kerrick and ″going home″ meant nothing to him.

  Collins returned her gaze to Udeh. ″What about the power? Why's it off?″


  ″It was an EMP.″

  She recoiled slightly. ″Are you sure?″

  Udeh nodded. ″Positive. My guess is that something went wrong during the quarantine and the ship blasted out of orbit. The whole ship moved from the thrust, it was unmistakable. Then the EMP hit and everything went dead.″ He wriggled against the restraints. ″Can you get me out of this thing? I can barely stand it any more. If you two hadn't come along I think I would have gone insane or hoarse.″

  Collins tried fiddling with the restraints. They were powered, but there had to be a manual unlock somewhere. Straub looked up and began inspecting the blood. Perfect spherical droplets collided and separated and came out wibbly-wobbly, like jello, as the bodies of the orderlies quietly spun in aimless direction. In the light, Straub thought he saw something else hanging in the blood; it was discolored, brownish-green. It was feces. He was sure of it.

  Must have come from the orderlies, he thought. They shit themselves when they died, it ended up floating around.

  But it didn't add up. There was no fecal matter floating near the bodies. There was a small, fine trail of shit leading from the back of the medbay towards Gaines's office. It was barely there, very faint, but once Straub began looking he could see it clearly. Somehow it had drifted out of the office to here, commingling with the blood. ″Be right back,″ he said, and walked to the office. He stepped in the open door and his light found Gaines floating upside down in the air, surrounded by globules of piss and wads of shit, upside down and immobile. Gaines's suit was darkened from the excrement; good god, had Kerrick gotten to him, too? He peered closer: there was no blood floating about, only a fine mist of shit that emanated from Gaines's body, punctuated with lumps of brown. It was disgusting.

  Straub came closer, but not too close. There was a lot of shit in the air. He couldn't see any visible wounds on Gaines's body. God, he didn't want to do this, but he had to be sure. He reached out, slowly, reaching around and through the shit particles and he touched Gaines's neck for a pulse.

  Gaines snorted loudly and Straub stumbled backwards through the shit cloud. He felt a large piece hit him in the back of his helmet, and as he swung at it his arm flung the cloud everywhere, all over the office walls, back onto Gaines, a small tornado of shit and piss circling about. It glanced off of his suit, clung to it, turning the metal to a rusted color. ″Fuck!″ he shouted. This was worse than when the fucking crawler had jumped on top of him. He tried to brush it off his arms but it smeared and left marks. ″Oh, goddammit.″

  ″Straub?″ Collins. ″You okay? What's going on?″

  ″Fuck!″ Straub said. Now he was pissed. He tried waving his arms around, trying to get the fecal matter off his suit in the zero g, but it had splattered all over and was clinging. Jesus fucking Christ, this was disgusting.

  Collins rushed in and stared in shock. ″What the fuck are you covered in?″ Then she looked around and took a step back. ″Oh, fuck, are you kidding me?″

  Straub looked down at his suit helplessly. ″God damn it,″ he said, and he shrugged as he turned to Collins in defeat. ″I found Gaines in here, floating amongst his own waste. I think he shit himself on purpose.″

  ″What?″ Collins started to move past Straub, but stopped when she saw Gaines. ″Oh, gross! Gross!″

  ″I know.″ He looked back at Gaines. ″Doctor Gaines?″

  Gaines said nothing. His lips bubbled slightly and a wad of drool hung in the air, but there was nothing intelligible to be heard. He was alive, clearly uncaring of his situation, and – god was he smiling?

  ″Why on Earth would he do this to himself?″ Collins asked.

  ″The radiation,″ Straub said.

  ″What?″

  ″It makes sense. Do you remember how Gaines didn't seem to care about the radiation effects? How the captain seemed a little shocked at how apathetic he was? I think the effects of the radiation made Gaines more and more apathetic until he simply wore down to the point of not caring to get up and shit. Except he was floating in zero grav when he started doing it.″

  ″So he gladly soiled himself all over?″ Collins looked at Straub. ″Tell me something. What's going to happen to you once all this radiation does what it's supposed to do to our brains?″

  Straub didn't answer. He didn't have one. Up til now he'd had best guesses and thoughts, but after seeing Kerrick's carnage and Gaines's spoiling, he didn't know what to expect now. He thought of Sarah's voice, how it had sounded each time like it was coming closer and closer. It still sounded far away, but what the hell would happen to him when she got close enough for him to see her in his mind's eye? ″The truth we need to face is that this radiation isn't something new to our systems. It's been working at us for a while now, since before the solar dive. It's been working slowly, it's been working effectively, and it's taking different forms with each individual. Now, I'm no expert but we can't just take anyone's word at face value. Including our own. Including mine. Maybe I'm speaking from an irrational mindset. I don't think so, but do you think Gaines knows there's something wrong with him?″

  Gaines sounded like he was trying to say something, but it was lost amidst another expulsion of shit. Gaines farted loud and happily and more feces slid from out of his pantlegs.

  Straub and Collins jumped away at the sound. ″Christ,″ Collins muttered. ″This is seriously fucked up.″

  ″If the crew sets off an EMP, what happens next?″ Straub asked. ″Is the power just out, or...?″

  ″Emergency backup generators will kick into place and the ship will come back online. Standard operational procedure after an EMP strike. As for how long it will take?″ Collins shook her head. ″The EMP changes the plan. Going to the bridge won't help us at all if we can't get the power core online, especially if the core doesn't reboot the way it's designed to. Everything's been going wrong on this ship since before the dive. I'm surprised she's still in one piece. The power might not come back on at all.″

  ″And if it doesn't, eventually anyone not wearing a HES will run out of air.″ Straub looked back into the medbay. ″We need to get Udeh into a HES.″

  They both walked back into medbay. Udeh was floating above the medbed he'd been strapped down into only a few minutes before. The captain was in the lotus position, both legs crossed with his feet resting on top of his thighs, his hands before him. Udeh's eyes were closed and his breathing was shallow; his chest rose and fell in slight rhythmic pulses. Straub was impressed. Udeh was hovering perfectly in place, not even drifting off to one side.

  ″Captain,″ Collins interrupted. ″Sir. We, uh, we have a discussion point.″

  Udeh nodded. There was a fresh patch of sweat over his forehead. ″I overheard,″ he said. ″I'm meditating for a moment to clear my mind, clear my anxiety. It's going to be difficult to force myself into a suit.″

  ″Captain,″ Straub said, ″once you're inside the suit, it should cut down the amount of radiation affecting you. The panic attacks and the claustrophobia should lessen as well.″ Or would it? After all, Straub was still hearing his dead fiancee speaking to him. And who knew what Collins was going through? Was her suspicion being enhanced by the rads?

  ″Doctor, no matter how you spin it, I'm still going to be locked into a very tight space. I don't think it will lessen anything. But I'm also not about to die on this ship. I plan on seeing my crew again.″ Udeh opened his eyes and took a slow, deep breath. ″So. Let's get going.″

  ″Let us help you, sir.″ Collins took Udeh by one arm, and Straub took him by the other and they guided him across the med bay and into the corridor.

  Straub looked at Collins. ″So the plan now?″

  ″Engineering. That's where the core is, so that's where we're going. First we get the captain to an alcove and suited up. Over here.″ Collins led them down the corridor deeper into the medical deck, towards the infirmary. A few yards away, just before the storage bay, a HES alcove was set into the wall. Collins let go of Udeh and walked to a small box set ne
ar the ground beside the alcove. She flipped open a couple of switches, turned it on, and a low hum came to being, filling the empty corridor with an ominous rumble. Red light beamed from the box, and the alcove began to glow with white fluorescent.

  ″How'd you get that going?″ Straub asked.

  ″Each alcove has its own generator, just in case the ship loses power. That way the crew can have air and functionality in the event that we face something like what we're facing right now. Sir?″ Collins reached out her hand and Udeh took it, hesitating only slightly. Straub caught sight of the man in his helmet light: Udeh already had his eyes shut, his skin damp from excessive sweat. Cords stood out on his neck, veins across his temple were bloated and taut. Damn. He wished that there was another way, but the truth was that there was none. They needed to get the power back and they needed to get off the ship, one way or another.

  Udeh floated backwards into position, guided by Collins.

  ″You doing okay in there, sir?″ Straub asked.

  Udeh didn't answer. He kept his eyes shut and his breathing even. That was probably the best response, given the situation and the reaction. Collins slid the captain's ankles into place, then stepped back and the alcove automatically clamped the various pieces of the shell into place, closing over Udeh's torso and legs, and then the process was complete. Just like that. Udeh opened his eyes, looked down, and nodded. ″Okay,″ he said. ″Helmet?″

  Collins retrieved a helmet from the panel next to the alcove and handed it over. Udeh snapped it into position without hesitating and the facial imager activated. Collins grinned. ″Wasn't so bad, was it, sir?″

  ″You doing good, sir?″ Straub asked again. Collins might have ignored it, but he saw the monumental effort it had taken for Udeh to get into that suit. Straub was searching for it, the fear, the panic attack. Waiting for its seed to embed and take root.

  Udeh just nodded and said, ″Fine. Let's get underway.″