The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant

by John Warren

  Immediately remove all bondage. If it won’t come off fast, cut it off. This is where the EMT scissors or bolt cutters come in handy. The submissive should be on his or her back without anything under the head, with the legs elevated slightly. Smelling salts can be used, carefully ,to awaken the submissive. Do not attempt to do CPR unless the submissive has stopped breathing and you know how. CPR is a wonderful technique but its application is limited to very specific circumstances.

  If the submissive remains unconscious for more than a couple of minutes, seek medical help. However, if the submissive recovers and seems all right, you should still keep him or her lying down for at least a half hour. If he or she is a diabetic, offer some food.

  Severe chest pains spreading to the shoulder, neck or arm and/or a crushing feeling in the chest accompanying a shortness of breath might mean a heart attack. Call 911 immediately before you do anything else.

  If it turns out your submissive was using drugs or alcohol, you have some soul-searching to do. First, why didn’t you notice before this? Second, do you want to continue to play with a person who would do such a stupid thing? Obviously, many people will disagree with me, but my basic rule is that drugs and the scene do not mix.

  Stroke

  A stroke is caused by a leaking blood vessel in the brain. Among the causes is great excitement or agitation (you know, the things we try for in the dungeon). The symptoms include sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body, sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding, sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes, sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination and sudden, severe headache with no known cause.

  This condition, more than most others, calls for an immediate 911 call and transportation to the nearest emergency room because the quicker treatment is begun the better the chances of recovery. For example, there is a medication called a “clot buster” that can work wonders in the event of a stroke. However, it must be administered within three hours of the initial attack.

  Convulsions

  A more frightening experience is if the submissive goes into a convulsion. Remove any bondage immediately, and place a loop of rope or a piece of soft leather in his or her mouth to protect the tongue. Do not use something hard like a whip handle or something vulnerable like your fingers. The first may cause damage to the teeth; the second will be damaged.

  Any clothing around the neck and waist should be loosened, and you should place pillows, cushions or rolled blankets around the body. Unless you have reason to believe that these convulsions are not significant (or example, if you know the submissive is epileptic), call for medical assistance.

  Head injuries

  Head injuries can be time bombs. Television and detective fiction have made people casual about blows to the head. The truth is any blow to the head severe enough to cause unconsciousness is cause for a trip to the hospital. If the membrane covering the brain inside the skull is bruised, a dural hematoma can slowly form over a period of hours, eventually causing unconsciousness and, possibly, death.

  At the very least, the injured party should be under observation for a full day following the injury and regular follow up for a few days after that.

  Symptoms of serious injury include returning unconsciousness, nausea and or vomiting, swelling, severe headache, stumbling or knocking things over, and confusion. One check for the last is to ask three questions, called “Orientation times three:” “What is your name?” “Where are you?” “What is today’s date?” Any errors indicate possible serious problems.

  “Misplaced” toys

  What do you do when you “lose something inside?” If it is in the vagina and it doesn’t have any sharp edges or points, relax. There isn’t any place for it to go. Like Mary’s lamb, it will soon be back. Losing something in the rectum is more of a problem. Do not try to get it out with an enema. You also shouldn’t try to reach in and get it. I know one panicked individual who tried to use what looked like salad tongs. Don’t do it!

  Lubricate the anus and go sit on the toilet. Bring a good book – this one, maybe. Wait, don’t force it. After all, your body wants to get rid of it as much as you do. If it doesn’t come out in a few hours or if there is severe pain, go to an emergency room and next time don’t use something that can slide all the way in.

  Heat-related injuries

  Certain kinds of mummification, bondage or vigorous scenes in hot weather can lead to heat cramps, heat exhaustion or heat stroke. Because the human body uses the head to get rid of almost half of the body’s heat, a hood by itself can lead to a dangerous increase in body temperature. While none of the injuries in this chapter are limited to submissives, heat-related conditions are a particular threat to dominants who do scenes in hot weather. We tend to pay so much attention to the submissive that we tend to neglect our own needs.

  Heat cramps are painful muscle spasms caused by excessive sweating and the loss of salt. This can be treated simply by consuming food or liquid containing salt.

  Heat exhaustion is indicated by nausea, faintness, dizziness, excessive sweating and weakness. The individual’s skin is pale and clammy, and he or she has a weak pulse and may show signs of shock. The affected person should lie flat with the head down and take drinks of a cool, slightly salty liquids every few minutes. However, you should never offer food or drink to anyone unless he or she can speak and hold up his or her head.

  Heat stroke is potentially lethal. Initial symptoms begin like those of heat exhaustion, but soon, the individual develops a fever of more than 104 degrees and may experience convulsions or become unconscious. Cool him or her immediately. Packing in ice or snow is not too extreme, but a more common treatment is wet towels or sheets and a fan. You should call 911. While waiting, check his or her temperature often to make sure you don’t overdo the cooling. You want to reduce the temperature, not chill the victim.

  Burns

  Burns sometimes occur during waxings when a beeswax candle is used or if you are too busy watching where the wax is falling that you don’t notice where the flame is going. Electricity can also cause burns.

  Reddened skin is the sign of a first-degree burn. Immerse the area in cold water or cool with an ice pack and apply a used tea bag that has been allowed to cool. Aloe vera gel will moderate the pain. Commercial burn ointments are made for this kind of burn. Do not use petroleum jelly or butter.

  If blisters form, it is a second-degree burn. Again, the initial treatment is cold water. Then, you must cover the blister with a sterile gauze pad. If the blisters fill with a clear fluid, leave them alone; do not open them. If the fluid is cloudy, they may be infected; this calls for a trip to the doctor.

  Third-degree burns are very serious. The injury may, at first, resemble a second-degree burn but quickly progresses to a charred or whitish color, and the surface may be warm and dry. Interestingly enough, it may not be painful at first. This is not because the injury is not serious; it is because the pain nerves have been damaged. This kind of injury is beyond first aid. If you are not trained and equipped to handle this kind of burn, get the submissive to a doctor. Do not use cold water or burn ointment. You can, however, cover it with a sterile dressing.

  Bone and muscle injuries

  Occasionally, something goes wrong and a submissive takes a severe fall or crashes against something. In most cases, these accidents were caused by simple carelessness – to be precise, your carelessness. A common cause of falls is a littered play room, one with wires or ropes scattered about, or one with an ultra-shag carpet that acts as a trap for high heels.

  In any case, if there is serious damage, such as broken bones or torn ligaments, you need immediate medical assistance. If you suspect a break, immobilize the limb by tying a rolled-up magazine or ruler to it with a bandage or scarf, and get the person to a doctor.

  If the muscle is only strained, the treatment is exactly the opposite as with bruises. You should apply warmth. I tend to lean t
oward fluffy towels soaked in hot water, which should get the blood flowing again. Then you can wrap it with an Ace bandage and elevate it on a stool or a few pillows.

  If a muscle has a minor tear, you will see a large bruise where you should apply an ice pack. Over-the-counter painkillers will help. If the pain continues, go to a doctor.

  Dungeon first-aid kit

  A good dungeon first-aid kit includes many of the same items as a good home first-aid kit — with two additions. If you do handcuff or chain bondage, it should contain a pair of bolt cutters and an extra set of keys.

  I would recommend at a minimum:

  4x4 sterile dressings

  Ace Bandages

  Adhesive tape

  Aloe vera gel

  Anesthetic spray

  Antibiotic ointment

  Band-aids

  Betadine and/or rubbing alcohol

  Burn ointment

  EMT scissors

  Ice pack

  KY Jelly

  Sling bandage (triangular)

  Smelling salts

  Splint

  Sterile cotton

  Sterile bandage roll

  Tweezers

  A final note

  I’ve written several times, “go to a doctor” or “call 911.” In the middle of a scene, you, and probably your submissive, are going to be reluctant to climb out of the closet this way. First, medical professionals have seen it before. One of my friends, a lovely dominant and a New York City EMT, was confronted by a man who admitted sticking a gerbil in his wife, where it had, “passed to its reward,” and was now stuck. My friend, without looking up from her notepad, said, “Vagina or anus?” They have seen it all before. You probably won’t even make the top 100.

  Second, but more important, it is your responsibility to care for another individual. You have accepted responsibility for another. To allow, him or her to be put in danger simply because you are embarrassed is irresponsible. You have a duty in these cases to seek medical aid.

  To minimize embarrassment, if there is time, change into vanilla clothing. Medical people do tend to give a bit more respect to those who look “normal.” If there isn’t, grab something out of the closet. If the ER is anything like most, you will have long enough to make a complete outfit from bolt fabric before they get around to you. You can easily change clothes in the rest room. Another thing to bring along is a note pad. Keep track of those who have talked with you. You may want to hand out condemnations or compliments later. In any case, the sight of someone politely taking notes does tend to make people behave.

  You don’t have to tell the complete story of the scene. If, for example, your submissive fell from a suspension frame and broke her leg, a simple, “she fell,” should be sufficient. Male dominants are especially at risk in this area. In today’s political-medical environment, if there is a suspicion of “abuse,” the less on the chart the better. However, you should never withhold information that could be necessary to the treatment.

  Suggested Reading

  Toybag Guide to Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies, Jay Wiseman, Greenery Press

  Sex Disasters…And How To Survive Them, Charles Moser, Ph.D., M.D., and Janet W. Hardy, Greenery Press

  Appendix: Reading Resources

  2 1st Century Kinkycrafts, Janet W. Hardy (ed), Greenery Press

  Becoming a Slave, Jack Rinella

  The Compleat Spanker, Lady Green, Greenery Press

  Consensual Sadomasochism: How to talk about it and how to do it safely, William A. Henkin & Sybil Holiday, Daedalus

  Erotic Slavehood: a Miss Abernathy Omnibus, Christina Abernathy, Greenery Press

  The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures, Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy, Celestial Arts

  Exhibitionism for the Shy, Carol Queen, Down There Press

  Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment, Hardy Haberman, Greenery Press

  Fantasy Made Flesh: The Essential Guide to Erotic Roleplay, Deborah Addington, Greenery Press

  The Finer Points of Pain and Pleasure, FifthAngel, Self published [note: FifthAngel is the handsome devil on the front cover of this book — I’m the handsomer devil on the back cover]

  Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fire Play, David Walker & Robert J. Rubel, Power Exchange Books

  Flogging, Joseph Bean, Greenery Press

  A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting, Deborah Addington, Greenery Press

  How to Capture a Mistress, Karen Martin, Power Exchange Books

  The Human Pony, Rebecca Wilcox, Greenery Press

  Intimate Invasions: The Erotic Ins and Outs of Enema Play, M.R. Strict, Greenery Press

  Jay Wiseman’s Erotic Bondage Handbook, Jay Wiseman, Greenery Press

  Leatherfolk, Mark Thompson (ed), Alyson Press

  The Leatherman’s Handbook: Silver Jubilee Edition, Larry Townsend, L. T. Publications

  Leathersex: A Guide for the Curious Outsider and the Serious Player, Joseph W. Bean, Daedalus Press

  Master/Slave Relations, Bob Rubel, Power Exchange Books

  The Mistress Manual, Mistress Lorelei Powers, Greenery Press

  The New Bottoming Book, Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy, Greenery Press

  The New Topping Book, Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy, Greenery Press

  Partners in Power: Living In Kinky Relationships, Jack Rinella, Greenery Press

  Photography for Perverts, Charles Gatewood, Greenery Press

  Play Piercing , Deborah Addington, Greenery Press

  Protocols for the Leather Slave, Power Exchange Books

  Radical Ecstasy: SM Journeys to Transcendence, Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy, Greenery Press

  The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, Midori, Greenery Press

  Sex Disasters... And How To Survive Them, Charles Moser, Ph.D., M.D., and Janet W. Hardy, Greenery Press

  The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners, Lady Green, Greenery Press

  Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude, Guy Baldwin

  SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, Jay Wiseman, Greenery Press

  Ties That Bind, Guy Baldwin

  Toybag Guide to Canes and Caning, Janet Hardy, Greenery Press

  Toybag Guide to Clips and Clamps, Jack Rinella, Greenery Press

  Toybag Guide to Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies, Jay Wiseman, Greenery Press

  Toybag Guide to Erotic Knifeplay, Miranda Austin & Sam Atwood, Greenery Press

  Toybag Guide to Foot and Shoe Worship, Midori, Greenery Press Toybag Guide to High-Tech Toys, John Warren, Greenery Press

  Toybag Guide to Hot Wax and Temperature Play, Spectrum, Greenery Press

  Toybag Guide to Medical Play, Tempest, Greenery Press

  Trust, the Hand Book: A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing, Bert Herrman, Alamo Square Distributors

  When Someone You Love Is Kinky, Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt, Greenery Press

  Appendix: Scrubbing Up Afterwards

  Cleaning up after a scene can present some interesting problems that are often not completely covered in Good Housekeeping books. While you may delegate the actual clean-up to your submissive, it is, after all, your property, and you will probably want to supervise, with or without a riding crop.

  When speaking about cleaning, in most cases, the goal is disinfection rather than sterility. Disinfection is the removal or killing of pathogenic (sickness-causing) organisms. Sterility means there is no life. While sterility is the aim with toys like needles which break the skin, it is difficult to obtain and even more difficult to maintain. With most toys, our aim is purely not to transfer any “bad stuff” from one submissive to another.

  Cooled wax from your submissive’s skin can easily be vacuumed up if this is done before it is ground into a carpet or into the cracks in a wood floor. Hot wax that falls on fabric is more difficult to remove. However, if you put a soft, absorbent cloth over the cooled wax and then heat the c
loth with an iron, the wax will melt and be absorbed into the cloth. I have had particularly good luck with using this technique on a black, velvet-covered chair I occasionally use for waxing.

  Leather hoods, straps and clothing can be cleaned with commercial leather cleaner. In the previous edition I recommended saddle soap, but so many expert leather workers have told me I was wrong that I’ll concede error and go with their recommendation. Every six months or so, leather articles should be treated with neat’s foot oil. You should use several light coats and finish by polishing with a soft cloth, while being careful not to use too much. You want to oil it, not drown it. If leather has to be stored, simply hang it up. Do not seal it in plastic, because it needs air.

  Because leather whips come in such intimate, and forceful, contact with the submissive’s skin, there is a chance that they could pick up a bit of blood. For this reason, first, wipe them with a rag soaked in hot, soapy water; then, with an alcohol-dampened rag and, finally, with a rag soaked in hot clean water. After the whips have been allowed to dry, they should be lubricated to prevent them from becoming stiff.

  I use a thin layer of butter to soften whip tails. It is a natural lubricant that contains little to irritate or inflame sensitive or broken skin. I just stroke it on and rub the surface dry. Some other dominants use mink oil for the softening agent. Saddle soap can also be used, but because it contains chemicals that could cause an allergic reaction, I tend to avoid it.

  Toys like dildos, douche nozzles, or knives should be washed in hot, soapy water wiped with a mixture of one part household bleach and nine parts water. I strongly recommend that you not use the same toy on different submissives. Dildos can be made easier to clean by covering them before use with a condom.