Currawong Manor

by Josephine Pennicott

  ‘But I couldn’t say anything as the dollmaker had so much on me! If she opened her mouth to the police over what I’d done . . . I was terrified of Ma finding out I had fallen pregnant. I just wanted to get out of the Ruins. And Wanda and Kitty and the dollmaker were just trying to protect Rupert’s reputation with the photographs. We each cut a finger and dripped blood onto one of Miss Sharp’s dolls to make a sacred vow that we would never tell. At the time I couldn’t see the real harm in our silence. Rupert had run off and Doris was dead. I just didn’t think about Lois growing up without knowing the full truth of her parentage. I suppose I believed she was better off not knowing . . .’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell us about all of this sooner?’ Elizabeth said to Ginger. ‘How are we to know you’re telling the truth now? When did you fall pregnant to Rupert? You only came to Currawong Manor in April – is he even my grandfather?’

  Elizabeth fought to keep her emotions under control; everything she had believed about her life was being shifted upside down and shaken violently. Most of all, she felt a deep sorrow for her mother and an overriding feeling of betrayal that she had been deceived by Ginger and Holly. She glanced at Nick, wondering for a moment if he had been in on their hoax, but from the stunned expression on his face it was obvious the latest developments were a revelation to him.

  Ginger looked briefly at a loss for words and her face flushed. ‘I was afraid,’ she said. ‘Lois rebuffed all my attempts to contact her over the years. I feared you might do the same. I wanted to give you a chance to get to know me first, before you judged me.’

  ‘Tell her, Ginger,’ Holly urged.

  ‘Did you know as well, Holly?’ Elizabeth asked, shocked.

  ‘I confided in Holly and Bob when I was advised how aggressive my cancer was,’ Ginger said, with no note of self-pity. ‘When you’re told you might be dead in a few months, it changes your priorities. I needed counsel on what to do.’

  ‘I have to admit I didn’t fully believe her on the panther story,’ Holly said. ‘I thought that even if a couple of big cats had been set loose in the woods in the 1940s, they would’ve died off. But after Elizabeth’s experience, I’m wondering if it’s possible their offspring are out there.’

  ‘The woods aren’t safe,’ Ginger insisted. ‘People should be warned about what’s loose out there. The trouble is that most people are like you, Holly, and think it’s too outlandish to be true. As for Rupert, I was already three months pregnant when I arrived at Currawong Manor in 1945. That was something I edited out of my story earlier. I’m sorry for doing that, but I wasn’t quite ready to tell the secret I’d kept so long.’

  She paused, looking down at her hands, then sighed. ‘When I first met him at the art gallery, he followed me outside to give me his card. Some spark happened between us, and we went to an art studio belonging to a friend of his in The Rocks and made love. I hadn’t planned on any of it. “Are you up for an adventure?” he said. Those words of his, which I’ve never forgotten, and the manner in which he said them unlocked a passionate urge in me to live fully and deeply, to create. Well, I did create, although not in the way I had foreseen or wanted.’

  Sitting back in her chair, Ginger took Elizabeth’s hand gently into hers, her green eyes looking intensely into her granddaughter’s. ‘If anyone can understand me, Elizabeth, I know it will be you. You’re so much like Rupert, it’s difficult for me sometimes to be around you! You must believe me. I had a fella at the time I went to the art gallery, but it was only for laughs and I wasn’t going the full tram trip with him. It was Rupert, in a shabby studio while his friend waited in the courtyard outside for us to finish with his room – Rupert was my first ever lover. When I knew I had fallen, I was terrified. I wrote to him and received a letter back from Doris, which horrified me. She wanted the child, you see. As I discovered later, they’d been trying for years to have another one but she kept losing them as she came near to delivery. I’m sure they’re the children buried at the dollmaker’s cottage, the ones with the crosses. Doris and Rupert took me in, alright. Doris pretended to be pregnant and I barely showed until I was over six months, and I dressed in loose clothing to hide any sign. When Wanda became suspicious, Doris sent us all away from the house so she could rest. I was installed at the dollmaker’s to await the birth. The Partridges’ hospitality came at a price, and I was desperate enough to trust them.’

  ‘The price you paid? My mother’s been so distant to me all my life – she finds it impossible to show affection!’ Elizabeth cried. ‘I may as well have had no mother. Your choice in 1945 to make your life easier, has had repercussions on mine. I don’t understand you, Ginger! How could any woman give away her own child if they were blessed enough to have one?’

  Ginger released Elizabeth’s hand. ‘Give me a chance,’ she pleaded. ‘You don’t have to understand me – but I am begging you for your forgiveness.’

  ‘It’s not my pardon you have to beg for,’ Elizabeth said, shaking her head. ‘You have to make your peace with my mother. If you don’t take this chance to connect with Lois your story is just words on a tape, with you recasting yourself in the starring role of this whole affair. Somewhere along the way, there has to be atonement for your choice.’

  30

  Dolly’s Story

  Two Days Later

  ‘I won’t say I’m sorry, as I’m not a hypocrite,’ said Dolly, sipping from her tea, looking around at the nine other people assembled in the manor’s library. Elizabeth, pale and with dark shadows under her eyes, sat next to Nick. In an oversized leather chair, resplendent in a red oriental-style maxi dress, Ginger, looking tense and irritable, fanned herself with a black lace fan. Her hair and make-up were as immaculate as ever, and there was no evidence in her large kohl-rimmed eyes of her recent emotional upheaval. Seated next to Ginger were Patrick and Pip Bishop, James, Holly and Bob and Stewart Hastings, Kitty’s son, sat upright on a wooden chair. Ginger had insisted Patrick be included in this meeting, due to his long-time interest in local history. When Patrick had arrived with his son, Elizabeth couldn’t help wondering if Ginger had also wanted an excuse to see Pip again.

  Elizabeth had tried to encourage her mother to attend, but she wasn’t surprised when Lois had refused. Ginger had tried telephoning a couple of times, but Lois hung up without a word. Lois now refused to speak to Elizabeth, blaming her for resurrecting old ghosts by returning to the Ruins. All Ginger said to Elizabeth was, ‘I knew it wouldn’t do a spit of good bringing up the past. She doesn’t want to know the whys and hows, and who could blame her? I’m a poor excuse for a mother – and Lord only knows there’s nothing at the Ruins for her. She had the good sense to keep away.’ Elizabeth had pleaded with Ginger to keep trying to communicate with Lois, but Ginger stubbornly refused.

  If there were deeper lines on Ginger’s face, revealing sleepless nights and a lifetime of guilt, she knew how to camouflage the physical evidence with cosmetics. As she’d repeatedly said to Elizabeth, she’d made her bed back in the forties and had learnt to lie in it, so everyone else would have to do the same. You just had to make the best of your own path and choices in life.

  At Nick’s urging, Dolly continued in her lifeless tone. ‘I bought a notebook from town especially to write it all down, because I knew this day was coming and I want my version of these events to be on the public record. It’s the clever dicks and the toffs who usually get to tell the tales.’ She flicked a glance at Patrick. ‘Nothing else of mine will be passed along, so I’d like the truth out there. I’ve no children whose feelings I need to worry about, thank heavens. The story stops with me.’ She looked directly at Elizabeth. ‘You can use it for your book, if you wish. I’ve always known the truth of Lois’s birth. One of the reasons she feared me.’ Dolly jerked her head at Ginger, who sighed heavily, rolling her eyes and fanning herself.

  ‘We’re all meant to sit here and lap up more of your codswallop?’ she asked, glaring at Dolly.

  ‘But that tale didn’t inte
rest me, as I don’t care to think overmuch of birth,’ Dolly went on, ignoring her. ‘My mother, as you’ve heard, was raped by old Mr Partridge, which was when I was conceived. My mother was very different back then. She was very beautiful when she was young, and some of the old-timers here will tell you the truth of that statement.’

  ‘Not when I knew her she wasn’t!’ Ginger said with a contemptuous laugh.

  ‘In the box of photos Ginger gave me there’s a pretty young blonde woman in a group shot with Ivy and Reg – the same photo that the American soldiers appear in,’ said Elizabeth gently, ignoring Ginger. ‘Is it possible that was your mother? I assumed she was a girlfriend of Christopher’s or a friend of the family. Because of Ginger’s description of Miss Sharp it never occurred to me it could be . . .’ She paused, hoping she hadn’t offended Dolly.

  ‘She was beautiful until Reg, taking advantage of her lowly status in his household, raped her and Christopher, her true love, was killed overseas. I think Mother thought it safer if she disguised her looks to protect herself and keep her power intact. I’m only guessing, as Mother rarely spoke about that day. I hated Reg for many years for what he did to her. But that sort of emotion just makes you crook. Revenge is a lit match in a summer bush – you destroy everything around you as well as yourself.’

  Elizabeth saw that the elderly woman’s hands were shaking, and wondered again if Dolly drank in the privacy of her Nest. Her own mother flashed into her mind and she recalled how traumatised Lois had been to discover that Ginger was her real mother, a discovery that had brought to the fore the years of sadness and abuse she’d suffered with a series of foster parents.

  Elizabeth scrutinised Dolly as the woman cleared her throat and shakily poured herself a glass of water, looking around as if ready to flee the room at any moment. Despite her wary stance, however, Elizabeth saw that there was a spark in her eye, as if she enjoyed being the centre of attention. Something inside the old woman was starving for recognition and human company.

  After taking a sip of water, Dolly continued, ‘Ivy and Reg turned a blind eye to her trade in Owlbone Woods for several reasons. Shortly before the Partridge boys went away in the war, the family hosted the two American soldiers at the manor. As I’ve already explained to some of you, the Americans had two real panther cubs they paraded around the grounds on leashes.’

  ‘I wrote about the panthers in my book,’ Patrick said, his eyes bright. ‘I was ridiculed for my theory that servicemen let their mascots loose in the bush when they were called home. People thought I’d made it up, but I was convinced those panthers never left the mountains. There are numerous stories, if you look into it, of Americans disposing of wartime mascots in the bush in other Australian states.’

  ‘Dad had said about big cats being loose out in the bush, but I just assumed it was a tall story,’ James said.

  ‘You’re right, Patrick, the Americans couldn’t bring themselves to shoot their cute cubs when they were called back, so they just let them loose in the woods. They were tame, although at first there was no way Mother was going to trust them. But the cubs stuck around Mother and kept returning to the cottage no matter how hard she tried to chase them off. Mother never liked to kill wild beasts. She wouldn’t have harmed a spider. Unwanted babies she had no problem with, but she believed Owlbone Woods would turn against her if she shed the blood of any creature living within it.’

  ‘And they grew and bred, and that’s when your troubles began,’ Nick guessed. ‘Reports of big cat sightings around Mount Bellwood probably made her nervous that the sightings would be traced back to Owlbone Woods and her illegal abortion trade discovered, plus the increasing risk of a person being attacked by them.’

  Dolly was silent for a moment, reflecting. ‘It was a mistake for Mother to feed them the few times she did. She was fond of them as cubs, but as they grew she became more afraid of discovery. They would return to her time and time again over the years, and she’d leave treats for them despite her promise to herself that she would have nothing to do with them. But ever since Reg had done what he did to my poor mother, she wasn’t quite right in the heart and head. No good came from any of it. The whole thing was a tangled web from start to finish, and the spider that wove the dirty thread was Reg Partridge. The sadistic way he treated his family was shocking – particularly Rupert, because of his artistic ways. Mother said how Reg would dress up in strange clothes, hide under Rupert’s bed and in his wardrobe, then jump out at him at night to try to force him to develop a backbone. He was a strange, loathsome man. I can’t bear to think his rotten spider blood is in me. Rupert was shouting something about him at the glen that day. He blamed me for leading Shalimar there, as if I was like his father!’

  ‘I disagree, Dolly,’ Elizabeth said gently. ‘Something good did come from Reg’s horrendous act – you.’

  Dolly stared blankly at Elizabeth. ‘Doris wouldn’t agree with you there,’ she said. ‘She wouldn’t agree I was a good person. I ruined her family with my silence. She haunts me, you know – I have heard her voice in my ear day and night ever since that day, ordering me to confess. I’m sure Doris would think it would have been better if I had never been born. I couldn’t have led Shalimar into the woods and her daughter would still have been alive today.’ Dolly set down her cup. ‘There’s nothing else I can say for now. I’m tired and I need to rest.’ Her face did look grey and her shaking had worsened.

  Elizabeth felt concern and pity for the old woman. ‘It’s alright, Dolly,’ she said. ‘You rest and we’ll talk more another time.’ She stood up to walk with her to the door.

  They paused at the door, and Dolly looked at her warily as Elizabeth lightly touched her wrinkled, freckled old hand. ‘I’m sure it’s not true that Doris would blame you,’ Elizabeth said. ‘You were only a child; nothing that happened was your fault. You didn’t make the decision to keep quiet about the panthers. Your ghosts are the torments of your own mind haunting you. You have to forgive yourself.’

  Dolly looked into Elizabeth’s eyes. ‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘Doris is a vengeful woman and she’s not satisfied yet. But I know what the next step is for me.’ She opened the door and looked out at the garden where trees, large ferns and bushes shimmered in the winter light. ‘I loved playing in the gardens here as a kid,’ she said wistfully. ‘I loved spying on Rupert in his studio, and Doris would often leave bags of food or discarded clothes and toys of Shalimar’s under the large gum tree. Mother would cut up the clothes for her dolls and sell the toys in town for money. She’d never let me have the toys or pretty clothes, and I never fully understood why. I thought the Flowers were so sophisticated – they were like movie stars to me, or princesses, parading around the garden with their brightly painted faces, colourful costumes and parasols. And Shalimar was a fairy princess with the entire kingdom at her beck and call. I envied her for all the love, comfort and beauty that surrounded her and that she took so much for granted. All that time she was my blood relative, but she had everything I hungered for! My playground was the bush. I learnt how to watch the moon, sow the herbs and vegetables and fertilise the garden with tiny, bloody bodies to make the flowers grow. My night lullabies were the screams of women as my mother worked. I should have been one of those bodies fertilising our garden – then the Partridges would have been safe. And Shalimar would be alive today.’

  Dolly continued to stare out at the garden, her eyes glazed slightly as if witnessing scenes from the past. ‘They were happy here then,’ she said. ‘Rupert, Doris and Shalimar in the garden. I would watch them from the woods, the three of them laughing together, acting as I imagined a real family would. But they weren’t as joyful as they appeared to be. The more I spied on them, the more I came to realise how deeply rotten that seemingly perfect family was at the core. Now they’re together forever – but Doris won’t rest. I’ve always believed my account belonged with the trees, sky, and the wild creatures in the bush. But if I do tell it to human folk – if I write it in
the notebook – will she leave me alone then?’

  Without waiting for Elizabeth to reply, Dolly slowly made her way out into the garden, walking past the birdcages and vegetable patch on her way back to her Nest.

  Elizabeth went back to her seat in the hushed room. Ginger shook her head. ‘It’s haunted me over the years about the big cat. How they could have been allowed to run wild in the woods. Shalimar so panicked that she ran into the glen to escape a beast that should never have been in the Australian bush in the first place!’ Ginger bowed her head for a moment. Elizabeth saw that she was trembling.

  ‘And Kitty saw it as well,’ Ginger continued, once she had mastered herself. ‘I’m convinced by her attempts to meet Elizabeth that she had decided to break her vow of secrecy. I believe they must still be out there, descendants of the original panthers. It could have been a big cat stalking Elizabeth in Owlbone Woods when she thought she was being followed. The cats like to hang their prey from trees; we saw the intestines dangling there. And the description of the mauled body that Fleur’s children found in the woods reminded me of poor old Buster, Miss Sharp’s kangaroo. It would explain why Dolly kept telling everyone to keep out of the woods.’

  Pip reached over and rubbed Ginger’s hand comfortingly, and Elizabeth wondered if they were having an affair. Nothing would surprise her with Ginger.

  ‘Well, there can’t be too many of them, as the police, television crews and half the mountain folk have scoured the bush and found nothing,’ said Patrick, sensibly. ‘If there are any left, perhaps all the activity has forced them further down to Leura, or even Penrith? If you had bothered to read my book, you would see that there’s been plenty of other documented evidence of big cat sightings by various reliable sources in the mountains.’

  ‘Dad, it’s still a ghastly business,’ Pip said. ‘Those mad Sharp women encouraging panthers!’

  ‘Some people believe the big cat sightings in the mountains to be feral cats grown abnormally large. I can imagine others might think this story has been made up or elaborated wildly by Dolly,’ Patrick said. ‘They may have been jaguars and not panthers. But if Ginger swears she saw a panther in the forties, I don’t think she’s making that up. She definitely saw something. And there’s been so many other documented sightings that we do know for sure that some form of big cat is out there.’