Blood and Clay

by Dulcinea Norton-Smith

  When we got to the clearing Gabe led his borrowed horse to the far edge, away from the flowers and berries, where a patch of thick, bright grass covered the ground. He stroked the horse’s mane for a second until it started chewing at the grass then he came to sit to where I was standing and held his hand out to me. I took his hand and sat down.

  “What happened back there?”

  “I never knew that the murder in that clearing was my Pa’s. I never truly knew that he was murdered. I half thought it were just chunnering of my Mam and Gran cos they hated Old Chattox so much. Just another thing to blame on her. I can’t believe I never knew it was him what died in that clearing. I just thought it were someone from one of the villages or just a ghost story. No-one has ever told me proper what happened there. I’ve just heard whisperings when I’ve been in the villages. Whisperings of a murder but I never heard the full story. Now I find out it was my Pa. What happened Gabe? You know more ‘an me it seems.”

  “Aye Lizzie. It seems I do.”

  “Were it Mam what did it? Or Gran?”

  “I don’t rightly know Lizzie but that’s not what the gossips say. MR Nowell, Uncle Roger, he never hauled up anyone up to Lancaster Goal for it so I think it’s all just gossip. No-one knows the truth; just that they found your Pa dead in the clearing.”

  “How did he die?” I pictured the stone slab, Mam and Gran dancing round it making their figures of blood and clay. I was too scared to think that they might have done it, that I could’ve been living with my Pa’s murderers all this time.

  “You don’t need to know Lizzie. It ‘isn’t a picture you need in your head.” Gabe looked away from me, trying to avoid my eye but I moved so he had to look at me.

  “It can’t be no worse than what I’m imagining Gabe. Can’t be worse, no way.”

  I shook my head hard. Partly to show him that I meant it and partly to get rid of the picture in my head; Pa led dead on the stone slab, Mam and Gran stood over him with wicked smiles and knives, blood everywhere.

  “He were hung by the neck Lizzie. He was strung up with a rope hung over a tree branch. His neck were broken so his head lolled like a sack of wheat. I’m so sorry.”

  I gasped. How had everyone missed what seemed so obvious to me? How had they missed it all these years?

  “He killed himself!” I gasped. “He finally got sick of Mam and Gran chunnering and chattering at him like vicious crows and he did ‘himself in. My poor Pa. T’weren’t murder but it were their faults alright. Vicious bitches drove ‘im to ‘is death they did.”

  I was happy to know at last what had happened but didn’t know how to feel. Happy that I knew? Relieved that it wasn’t murder? Sad to think of the pain he must have been going through to get so bad as to kill himself? Furious at Mam and Gran for driving him to it? The feelings all fought in my gut. Each feeling surfacing for a moment just to be pushed back down by another emotion.

  “No Lizzie. It was murder an’ it weren’t your Mam and Gran. You need to let me finish the story. It weren’t just his neck damaged. His belly had been cut too. All his insides were gone. The rumours started that it were old Chattox cos of some argument about her thieving from your kin. Chattox didn’t deny it either. She bragged about it but everyone were too scared to tell Uncle Roger and without any witnesses there weren’t nowt he could do. The folk from the villages just left it to your two families to fight it out between themselves. There weren’t no-one wanting to get in the middle of a fight between two witch families. Sorry Lizzie but no-one cared enough about your Pa to put their own families at risk.”

  As Gabe spoke his voice got softer and he looked gently at me. I realised our hands were still touching and I pulled mine away. We sat in silence for a while, close enough to touch if we were to move but trying not to.

  “So what is this place anyway? It’s right pretty and no mistake.”

  “Oh.” I had forgotten that he had never been here, that the only other person who had was Nettie. Such a big moment but it had slipped by without me realising. I felt ashamed, like a traitor to the place that had been my refuge for so long and was now just an afterthought.

  “I found it a few years back. No-one knows about it. Just me and Nettie, and now you.”

  “It’s real nice Lizzie.”

  I looked around. It was nice. The grass was now a sparkling carpet of bright green and sitting on it had crushed the blades and made the fresh, sweet, nutty smell rise into the still warm air. Out of the direct rays of the sun the clearing was pleasantly warm but not dry. The abundance of plants and flowers sent clouds of scent into the air. The strong smell of lavender mixed with the sweet, powder smell of roses. From one of the trees cherries hung, from one small crab apples and from a third plums. They were almost ripe enough now to pick. Ripe for jams, wines and pies, if the pastry ingredients could be begged or found. Even with the misery of home, summer always brought flavours which made me glad to be alive.

  Where we sat grew a small patch of wild strawberries. Each one was a tiny red jewel, sweet and miniature like a feast for the pixies. Gabe pinched one from its stalk and crushed it between his fingers, squashing the red juice and tiny yellow seeds into his fingers. He sucked the juice from his fingers and as he pulled them out I saw that they were stained the colour of the berries. My eyes flitted back to his lips which were also slightly tinged with red. I couldn’t draw my eyes away and a new feeling tugged at my stomach making me tingle and mixing in to a dizzying stew with the other feelings fighting for attention.

  “I can’t do this. It’s all too much.” I tore my eyes from Gabe’s lips.

  “What? I’m sorry about your Pa Lizzie. It must be tough for you.”

  “It stopped hurting so much a long time ago. It’s just a surprise is all. Hearing that it was him in that clearing makes it seem more real.” I studied my hands, trying not to look at Gabe’s face. If possible the feelings that he was making bubble inside me were scarier than any feelings about Ma or Gran.

  “Look I brought us some food.”

  Gabe tipped out the contents of his bag. Cheese, bread and a flask of water tumbled out. I smiled at him, daring to meet his eye but quickly looking just to the side a bit as my stomach flipped. We ate and tried to chat normally for a while. The bread was good and moist, made by Gabe’s Ma, and the cheese was the best I’d ever tasted, salty, creamy and sour in equal measure. It crumbled as I bit into it and left greasy smears on my fingers which I wiped on my skirt. Once we'd finished I gathered us some of the fruit to eat. The crab apples we tried for fun, each of us pulling faces at the sour, hard flesh, daring each other to eat more. The cherries were strong and sweet, their taut, smooth skins giving way under our teeth to allow us access to their firm flesh underneath. We pushed the stones into the earth with our fingertips, wondering if any trees would grow from them. Hard to imagine a tree could stand where we had pushed tiny stones, years after we were dead and buried. Then we picked small bunches of sweet clover and chewed the thin, fragile petals, enjoying their delicate sweetness before spitting them onto the ground.

  “So what happened with Mr Law?”

  “I really don’t know. One minute he was shouting but then the next he was on the floor. He looked terrible and all twitchy.” I sighed. I had almost forgotten about the peddler after the talk of Pa and the strange feelings I was having about Gabe.

  “No that can’t be all Lizzie. Come on, this is me. Why would he say you’d done something?”

  “Maybe I did.”

  I lay back on the grass, dry now that that morning dew had given up its fight against the rising heat. I stared up at the leaves and the glittering shimmers of light which flitted into sight every time the leaves fluttered in the breeze. The light was blocked out when Gabe’s face came into focus as he lay down and leaned over me so that there was no escaping his eyes anymore.

  “What does that mean?” Gabe’s eyes weren’t challenging or even confused. The look was one of concern and it made me feel guilty for no
t deserving it.

  “Maybe there’s something of my Mam in me. There was a black dog there. Not a normal one though. It seemed to be guarding me and when the peddler pushed me it growled at him and made as if to bite him. Maybe it were that what made him fall down. Maybe I bewitched that dog and bewitched him and it is all my fault.”

  With that I couldn’t hold my tears back any more. Saying it out loud for the first time brought my fears and guilt crashing in. I was going to be just like my Mam and there weren’t nowt I could do about it. I would go to Hell, God wouldn’t want to know about me now and that poor peddler and many other folk after him would suffer because of me, because I was born evil. The tears spilled out of my eyes and slid down my cheeks. My belly crunched and heaved as my tears turned to full blown sobs. Gabe scooped me up into a sitting position and hugged me tight. His arms and chest felt wide and hard but warm with it and I let myself relax into them as I cried. After what seemed to be a lifetime I stopped crying but I felt so empty and tired. All I wanted to do was sleep.

  As I flopped against Gabe he lay back down, taking me with him. He kept one arm tight around me as I kept my head on his chest. He stroked my hair and I felt myself drift off to sleep. I couldn’t fight the exhaustion anymore. When I woke up the clearing was just a bit darker.

  “How long was I asleep?” I asked, sitting up and rubbing at my sore eyes.

  “Not so long, an hour maybe. How do you feel?”

  Gabe sat up too, taking my face in one hand and using the other to move strands of hair off my face. Once the hair was gone he kept his hand on my face, stroking my cheek and looking at the skin as he stroked it before moving his eyes to look into mine. Our faces were close now. So close that our breath mingled. His eyes were so close that they were all I could see. We stayed that way for an eternity, seeming to inch closer with each breath, each breath getting shorter and shorter. When we were so close that trying to look into Gabe’s eyes made my head hurt, I closed my eyes. I could still feel his hand on my cheek, warm, hot even. Then his lips touched mine. My first kiss. It was long and soft and sweet then he pulled back and I opened my eyes. He was staring straight at me. Before I knew it he kissed me again. Harder this time so that my lips pressed hard against my teeth until I opened my mouth, not knowing why, just feeling it was the right thing to do. My nerves tingled all over my body. My heart beat too fast and not in its usual pattern, making me feel delirious and sick. Then it was over and Gabe pulled away from me.

  “Sorry Lizzie.” He gasped. “Dear God I’m sorry.”

  My heart dropped again. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. Of course it was all a mistake.

  “No, I’m sorry, I won’t tell anyone. Your girl won’t find out, the one that you are courting. I’m so sorry Gabe. I’m dragging you into this whole jumbled mess. Just get off back to the village. I’m sorry.”

  “What? What are you talking about?” Gabe looked puzzled and amused at my speech. “Are you so befuddled by your damned family that you can’t see past the end of your nose? Lizzie, the girl I have been courting is you. Am I so bad at it that you don’t even realise?”

  “Don’t tease Gabe. I’m not tough enough to be teased today.”

  Gabe laughed a big guffaw. “Lizzie I’m not teasing. I’m not sorry I kissed you, you fool. I am just sorry that I did it when you were so sad. The last thing I wanted was to take advantage of you.”

  As if to prove it Gabe kissed me again and this time it lasted a lot longer. When we finally stopped I knew that he wasn’t teasing.

  We stayed in the clearing for the rest of the afternoon, kissing and talking, talking and kissing, until the midges started to bite then we packed our food away, ready to leave.

  “What am I going to do about Mr Law?” We were walking back to the river, the horse following behind, and I was snuggled into the crook of Gabe’s arm. It felt so normal and natural, not something new but something that was meant to be.

  “It weren’t your fault. You can’t think it was, but he does so I suppose you had better apologise. Maybe then you can forget about it.”

  “Will you come with me?”

  “Aye my Lizzie, I will. I am free from the farm for a day at week end. I will meet with you at Beggar’s Bend and we will go from there.”

  We had reached the point of the river where we had met just that morning, though it seemed an age ago. Gabe kissed me then made his way back across the river. I looked back to Malkin Tower to check that no-one had seen us. The barn was dark and no-one was in sight. By the time I looked back Gabe had mounted the horse and was riding into the distance.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Lizzie get yourself in here!”

  It wasn’t often that Gran raised her voice. She didn’t usually need to; her malicious tones caused a far greater fear in those that heard it than the loudest shout ever could. The very fact that Gran had raised her voice made my blood run cold and I shot a nervous look at Nettie before leaving the bedroom to go to the living area of Malkin Tower.

  “Ah Lizzie” said Gran as I entered. Gran and Mam were sitting by the smouldering fire with matching grins. The familiar feeling of dread built in my stomach.

  “Welcome to the coven daughter” said Mam.”You’ve come good after all. You're one of us now.”

  “Aye and the power we will have now; the power of three. Old Chattox won’t be nothing compared to us. Pendle will be ours.” said Gran as she rubbed her hands greedily.

  “No more healing of animals and sick kiddies eh Mam? Real power now, real power. Better than that Chattox and her bitch daughter with her barren womb. There'll be no power of three ever settling there.” Said Mam, her eyes swivelling in their sockets.

  I stood quietly as I wondered what they were talking about, then my confusion turned into of terror and I began to shake my head as realization dawned on me. As my feelings registered on my face Gran sneered, her wrinkled old face taking on a look of malicious glee.

  “Don’t shake your head at us lass. For all your prissy ways your blood’s won the battle. You’re a witch through an’ through girl and you’ve proved your powers now. Couldn’t hide ‘em forever could you? Struck that fella down you did. Whole of Pendle’s talking about it. More ‘n likely you’ll hang for it but not if we gather the power of three first. Won’t be no-one in the County who’ll go up against us when they hear how powerful we are.”

  “No.” said I quietly.

  The fate I’d prayed against for all these years had finally caught me up. Could God really be so cruel to let me fall to witchcraft when my whole heart screamed out to Him to let me be good? Was this no more than I deserved? A third generation witch and maybe evil did lurk in my heart; maybe there was no escape.

  “Where’s your familiar girl?” asked Mam. “A daughter of mine is bound to have a good familiar.”

  “What’s a familiar?” I asked.

  The veiled compliment made me blink a few times; the first compliment that Mam had ever paid me and I didn’t even understand what it meant. I was still half in a daze and conscious that I was being swept away by the conversation; not sure where I was being swept to but knowing that I didn’t want to go there.

  “Your familiar girl” said Gran. “All got ‘em we have. Your mother’s is Ball. He comes to us in the form of a brown dog. Mine... ahhh well mine, child, is the most powerful familiar you will ever meet. The spawn of Devil himself he is. He can be whatever he wants to be. Most powerful demon that does the bidding of the most powerful witch. Could’ a been Chattox’s familiar but he chose me. Knew power where he saw it he did.”

  “Is he a dog too?” I whispered, half terrified to find out but needing to know if the dog I had seen could be a familiar.

  “Don’t you listen girl? He is whatever he wants to be. First came to me as a boy nigh on twenty years ago. Beautiful he was, just beautiful.”

  As Gran leant backwards in her rocking chair and heaved a wistful sign I finally felt my knees give way as all the hope a
nd strength left me. I sat on the floor and tried to concentrate as Gran continued with her tale.

  “Was on my way home. Your mam was just a babe at breast. I’d left her with a neighbour. We still had neighbours back then, ones who didn’t fear us. Ones who had no reason to fear us; we were weak back then, without purpose. Not for long”

  I started as Mam surprised me with a manic giggle. She was angled forward, hanging onto every work of Gran’s story; a story she must have heard a hundred times over.

  “I’d just reached the stone pit at Goldshey when I saw him. He looked about your age Lizzie but not the scrawny wretch you are. His skin shone in the moonlight, white as bone and almost shimmering. His eyes were the colour of bluebells and he had the face of an angel. He was dressed to the nines an’ all. He wore a gorgeous coat; half brown, half black. I could see back then. Perfect eyesight I had when I were younger.”

  In spite of myself I found that I was just as caught up by the story as Mam was. I’d always thought that my family were the way that they were just because they didn’t do right by God. I’d never thought that there was a story behind it; that my family had a history that might explain it all.