by Tamie Dearen
“At one point, she trusted you. She won’t talk to me. You may be the only person who can help her.”
“I have no idea how to get her to trust me again.”
“Well, the way I see it, you’ve got five weeks to figure it out. Once that dog is all hers, your time is up.”
“You’re assuming she’s going to win.”
Noelle looked up at the ceiling, showing him the whites of her eyes. “Of course she’s going to win. You would never be so cold-hearted as to take that dog away from her after she falls in love with it.”
He nodded, but his thoughts were well beyond the dog. Guilt flowed over him like an avalanche. What if one night of careless sex had pushed Shara over the edge again? Somehow, in the next six weeks, he had to undo the damage.
Chapter Two
Back at the office, Shara nibbled on her crackers to settle her stomach. At least she wouldn’t gain any weight from those buttered rolls she ate at lunch. Whenever her life started spiraling out of control, keeping her weight in check made her feel more secure.
The afternoon went by far too slowly for her liking. But finally, she checked out the last patient and locked the front door. The thought of bringing the puppy home put a smile on her face for the first time since she broke up with James. It was a great time to have a canine companion, as she’d never felt more alone and vulnerable.
She thought when she started going to church and Bible study, everything would be different. They told her, if she prayed, believing, she would be a changed person... a new creature in Christ. Yet when temptation came on that fateful Saturday night, she hadn’t been able to resist. It happened like every other time a guy told her he loved her. By now, she should know better. She should’ve learned that all guys lie, saying whatever it takes to get what they need. But James was supposed to be a new person too, so she allowed herself to hope his words were true.
Dragging herself to church that next morning, guilt hung around her neck like a lead weight. James, on the other hand, didn’t show up. Then the pastor quoted a scripture about cutting off your right hand if it makes you sin, because it’s better to lose part of your body than have your whole body to go to hell. That meant, he explained, if you are in a relationship with someone who causes you to sin, you should sever that relationship. As the heavy feeling built in her chest, Shara knew she was causing James to sin. To keep him from going to hell, she had to break up with him. In her heart, she knew it was only a matter of time before he tired of her. At least this way, James wouldn’t lose his salvation. As for her, she was quite certain she was unsalvageable. Her father had always told her she was going to hell, and she guessed he was right all along.
Avoiding James had proven easy. She dropped Bible study, stayed home on Sundays, and blocked his phone number. Of course, he knew where she lived, but he hadn’t come by, which only proved she wasn’t worth the effort. Everything was back to normal. Even the bulimia was back. Food was beginning to nauseate her, and she couldn’t afford to go back to the counselor.
But a puppy might be the answer to all her problems. She wouldn’t be lonely, and she’d have a much-needed distraction. An online search of Newfoundland puppies showed them to be as adorable as Noelle had described. Shara was ready to present her case for getting the first week with the new puppy, though she doubted James would argue. He’d already proven he enjoyed his bachelor life and his freedom. Chances were, when it was his turn, he would confess he wasn’t cut out to be a dog owner and let her win.
“Are you ready to go?” Noelle asked. “You can follow me out to Helping Paws in your car.”
“Sounds great.” Shara had never been to the private animal shelter where Noelle volunteered. Noelle claimed God had used the shelter to bring her and David together, so she was more faithful than ever to donate her time since her marriage. Shara wished she were as good as Noelle so God would do something like that for her, but she didn’t confess her thoughts to her friend. Undoubtedly, Noelle would say something meant to be encouraging about how God loves you unconditionally, like a father. Ha! Not my dad!
When they arrived, she followed Noelle inside and paced while waiting for Noelle to return from the back. When she emerged with an armful of writhing black fluff, Shara’s heart melted in a puddle, right there on the concrete floor. Wait, that wasn’t Shara’s heart—the puppy had a little accident.
“Oops!” Noelle giggled, holding him out away from her body. “He’s not potty trained. Do you still want him?”
“Do I want him? I’m in love with him!” Shara declared, grabbing him and folding him into her arms and sighing with pleasure as she buried her face in his soft fur. The puppy squirmed and wriggled, burying his head in the crook of her arm. Pleasing warmth grew in her chest, and she found herself prepared to pledge her eternal love and devotion to the fluffy black pup she’d only just met. Perhaps she should find a way to pay the adoption fee herself and forget her desire to see James. “What’s his name?”
“We call him Runt, but that’s a temporary name. You can name him whatever you like.”
“Hold on. Why should Shara get to name him?” asked James, as her heart skipped a beat. She hadn’t even seen him arrive.
“Because I’m the one who’s going to keep him.” Shara tightened her embrace on the squirming pup.
“This dog is going to be bigger than you, someday.” James’ crystal blue eyes scanned her up and down, sending tingles through her skin as if he’d brushed her with his fingertips. “Obviously, he needs someone stronger to handle him. I should probably be the one to name him, as well.”
“You could each give him a different name,” Noelle suggested.
“That would only confuse him,” Shara said. “We’ll have to agree on a name.”
“I’m sure something will come to mind while I’m playing with him at my house tonight.” When James’ lips twitched in a half-smile, Shara put her hand up to her face and coughed, to hide her own grin. She knew he was teasing her. He always let her have her way if he thought something was truly important to her. He was such a sweet guy. Too bad she had to break up with him.
“I claim the first week,” she said, “because I got here first and he already loves me.”
“I’ll let you have the first week if I can come over and play with him for a while tonight. I want him to remember me when it’s my turn to take him home.”
“Come over? To my place?” Someone must’ve tied a cord around her neck, because she couldn’t get any air. “That’s not a good idea.”
“I think it’s an excellent idea,” said Noelle. “Runt, or whatever his name is going to be, really needs to bond with both of you.”
Shara’s heart rattled in her chest, fast as a machine gun. He would ask questions about things she didn’t want to discuss. Or worse, he might kiss her. If he did that, her self-control would dissolve away like cotton candy in boiling water.
Her face must have shown her distress, because Noelle added, “Your conversation will be restricted to matters concerning the dog, and James will promise not to touch you. Right, James?”
He looked like he’d taken a drink of spoiled milk. “Right,” he mumbled, his hand rising to jab at a strand of hair that fell on his forehead.
Noelle was right. He did look miserable, and Shara was to blame. If only she could explain she was protecting them both from worse pain. But she knew he wouldn’t understand. When James’ stubborn curl reappeared, Shara fought the urge to push his hair back with gentle fingers and kiss away his frown lines.
“This won’t work,” she said, in a firm voice to convince herself as well as the other two.
“Why not?” His sharp gaze peeled away her defenses, leaving her gasping in panic.
What can I say? Because I have the willpower of a worm, and I don’t trust myself with James?
Noelle came to the rescue. “Shara’s right. To be fair, this should happen in neutral territory. If neither of you have any plans, why don’t you bring Runt to our h
ouse tonight. You can stay for a couple of hours, play with the pup, and maybe agree on a name before Shara takes him home.”
Relief flooded her veins. As long as Noelle and David were there, she wouldn’t have to worry about losing control. “Sounds good to me. Thanks.”
“James?” Noelle gave him an expectant look.
“If you promise to keep David off my back,” he answered, with a sullen glower.
“I’ll keep him in line as much as he keeps me in line.” Noelle casually twirled a piece of hair in her fingers, her lips twitching at the corners.
James groaned. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
Chapter Three
“If one of you can tear yourself away from Runt, you could set the table for me,” Noelle said, standing over James and Shara as they rollicked on the floor with the pup.”
“I have to admit, he’s one cute puppy.” James stood, reluctant to leave Shara in charge of the playful dog. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I kind of wish I got the first week with him.”
“I know, right?” Noelle reached down to rub the pup’s head “I was tempted to adopt him myself, but we don’t need another dog with the baby coming. At least this way I’ll get to see him.”
“Abby’s really good with him,” Shara said of their Golden Retriever. “She didn’t even growl when he bit her ear.”
“She’s really good natured,” Noelle agreed. “And Runt has the same kind of temperament.”
“Runt.” James wrinkled his nose. “We’ve got to come up with a better name.”
“Maybe we’ll be inspired during dinner.” Noelle motioned for James to follow her into the kitchen, where she stacked plates, silverware and napkins in his hands. “Why don’t you take those into the dining room? I’ll ask the others what they want to drink.”
James used his elbow to flip on the light, and set his stack on the table. Before he finished distributing the plates and silverware, the door opened and David walked in. James braced himself for an inquisition. He already knew what his pious step-brother would say if he found out James had slept with Shara, and he was in no mood to hear it.
“Good to see you. It’s been so long.” David’s not-too-subtle implication wasn’t lost on James.
“What are you talking about?” he asked, lifting his eyebrows to show his innocence. “I see you almost every day at work.”
“You know exactly what I mean. You’ve been avoiding me for the last five weeks or so, ever since you and Shara broke up. And I know she’s the only reason you’re here tonight.”
“Did it occur to you I might not feel like talking? That I wouldn’t enjoy being grilled about what happened?”
When James looked up, his brother’s eyes were full of remorse. “I’m sorry, James. I know I have a tendency to put my nose in where it doesn’t belong. I promise to do better. You don’t have to tell me anything, if you don’t want to.” He put a hand on his shoulder. “But I’m here for you, if you ever want to talk.”
James picked his jaw up off the floor. “Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”
David gave a crooked half-smile. “I know. It’s unbelievable, isn’t it? I’ve been told I have a tendency to be a bit controlling, so I’m trying to do better.”
“Oh? Who told you that? I mean other than me, because I’ve been saying it for years.”
“I can’t say her name, but her initials are N. C.”
James joined him in a laugh. “Well, if you promise not to lecture me, I guess I could tell you a little bit.”
David’s lips stretched in a wide, toothy grin. “Awesome! Because I’m dying to know, and I really want to help. I thought the two of you were really good for each other. Noelle tells me Shara dropped Bible study, so I’m concerned, of course.”
“Yeah. I dropped out, too.”
“Why would you do that? You need to be in a small group—now, more than ever.”
James gritted his teeth. “Listen, I’m willing to talk, but only if you promise not to judge us. It sounds like you already are.”
David shook his head, his expression solemn. “I’m not worthy to judge you, James. Not only does the scripture forbid it, but there’s nothing like living with someone 24/7 to remind you how many faults you have. I’m a much more humble man than I was six months ago.” He idly repositioned a plate, centering it in front of the corresponding chair. “Dropping your small group means you’re both trying to handle this alone, and that’s not good for anyone. That’s why I said it—not because I’m judging you.”
“You’re right.” James swallowed a lump. “It hasn’t been easy. I want to tell you what happened, but I feel like I would be betraying a confidence with Shara.”
David closed his eyes and lowered his voice to a soft murmur. “You slept with her?”
James struggled with his conscience. He’d already hurt Shara enough without making his brother think less of her. “We went farther than we should have, according to God’s stupid rules.”
David picked up a paper napkin and folded it, laying it down on the table and pressing a crease with his fingers. “I’m not condoning anything, but I have to say you’ve come a long way from where you were last December. At least you’re making an effort to stay pure with Shara. You don’t think God’s going to condemn you the first time you screw up, do you?
“You think I was trying to be pure? I’m a long way from being pure.” He let out a bitter laugh. “But so is most everyone else in the Bible study. The only people in that small group who aren’t having sex outside marriage are the ones who are already married.”
David squinted his eyes, rubbing his temples. “I’m sorry to hear that, but in a way, it doesn’t surprise me.”
“Honestly, I don’t know why God made up that rule. All it does is make us feel guilty for doing something perfectly natural.”
“When you get to know God better, you’ll realize He’s not like that, at all. His so-called rules are there to protect us, not to oppress us. It’s like a parent telling his child not to touch a hot stove.”
David was getting worked up, now, but James understood why. He seemed more emotional about parenting since learning he was going to be a father.
“He loves us and doesn’t want us to get hurt,” David went on. “So when you break His rules and burn yourself, He doesn’t stand around looking down His nose at you, while you lie blistered and crying. He picks you up and takes you to the hospital and comforts you while you heal. And then He begs you not to make the same mistake again.”
James held up his hand. “I get what you’re saying, but sex between two people who love each other doesn’t hurt anyone.”
“Are you sure about that?” David pressed his lips in a flat line. “Are you positive it didn’t hurt Shara? Did you promise to love her and be with her forever, in sickness and health, poverty and wealth, until death do you part?”
“Of course we didn’t say any wedding vows, but we might have gotten married in the future.” He knew he sounded irritated, but he was too frustrated to care. “We still could have, if she hadn’t broken up with me.”
“James, it’s way too much for me to explain right now, but I’m telling you, a woman needs the security of a commitment.” David folded another napkin and arranged it beside the plate. “Without it, she’s bound to get hurt.”
“I know you and Noelle waited until you got married. But come on, David! You only had to wait from Christmas Eve to the end of April. Shara and I made it almost ten months before we slipped, so we did way better than you guys.”
“This isn’t me saying I’m better than you, James. I’m not. I make mistakes every day, like every human in the world. I’m only trying to help you see how it could’ve hurt Shara, so you’d understand why God asked you to keep sex within the confines of marriage.”
“Fine.” James attempted to fold a napkin, running his finger along the crease with so much pressure he tore it. He mumbled an expletive as he tucked it under the ed
ge of a plate. “This can be mine.”
“Anyway,” David continued. “You and Shara could’ve gotten married, as well. What was stopping you?”
“You’re starting to sound judgmental,” James complained, mostly because David’s words made more sense than he cared to admit. “The truth is I care about Shara, and all I need from you is to make her listen to me.”
The girls’ voices echoed from the kitchen, growing louder as they approached.
“We’ll talk later,” David whispered. “I’ll do everything I can to help you.”
His encouraging words instilled a spark of hope. Until the door opened and Shara strode in, her suspicious glare attaching to James like a barbed hook.
THE DINING ROOM WENT silent when Shara opened the door, the two brothers rushing to rearrange the dinnerware, even though it was already in place. Heat suffused her face as she imagined their topic of conversation. She marched to James and tapped him on the shoulder, forcing him to face her.
“Can I speak to you alone for a moment?”
The blood seemed to drain from his face, a sure sign of guilt. “Okay.”
She led the way to the kitchen and swirled to confront him, hands on hips to stop them from trembling. “What did you tell David?”
“Nothing.” His throat convulsed in a gulp. He was lying.
“Did you tell him we slept together?”
“Not exactly...”
A sick feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. “How could you? Why not hang a big red A around my neck?”
“It’s not a big deal, Shara.”
“It’s a huge deal to me. I didn’t want them to know. Don’t you understand? I was trying to be a Christian.” She felt tears stinging her eyes. “But I guess it doesn’t matter now. I don’t know why I ever thought I could be someone I’m not.”
“Shara, I wanted to talk about this a long time ago... to apologize. I’m sorry about what happened, okay? I should’ve had more self-control. But one mistake is no reason to cut off our entire relationship.”