by T A. McKay
I watch as he makes his way down the stairs, punching the air and bouncing from side to side. Women have taken all the chairs next to the aisle and they are currently fighting to get his attention but he's too focused. Nothing will get inside his head right now. He gets to the edge of the cage, stretching as he enters it and I can’t help but focus on his muscles. They’re defined and strong, and I want nothing more than to run my tongue over them. My cheeks flush as my body remembers what those muscles can do to me, the pleasure they can give when they’re focused on me. My body temperature heats up, and I pull the collar of my shirt away from my neck trying to get some sort of relief from my sudden bout of sweating. It’s difficult to get control when my eyes are stuck on Zeke bouncing around the cage. I have every part of his body memorized, so I'm a little surprised when he turns his back to me and I see a new tattoo on his back. I try to think back to when I saw him last. Did he have it then? I don’t remember seeing it, but I wasn’t exactly paying attention to his back that night. I scrunch my eyes and try to focus on the words that are written across both his shoulder blades. When I finally manage to read it, the meaning of them steals my breath. In beautiful black script, the large tattoo reads ‘My only regret is losing you’. I can’t help but wonder if it’s meant about me, but I try not to dwell on it.
Movement in front of me catches my eye. If I had been able to steal my eyes away from Zeke, I would have seen her before since she is standing waving her arms at me. I can’t help but smile as I watch Asha jump over seats in front of her to get to me, not caring about the people she is stepping on. She throws her arms around me when she finally reaches me.
“Oh my god, you came!” I nod my head, not knowing what to say to her. Zeke is in the cage working the crowd, causing the volume to get even louder. She hugs me again and when the crowd quiets down slightly she talks again.
“He will be so glad you came. He honestly thought you wouldn’t be here, he knows it’s not easy for you. Come sit down here with me, there’s plenty of room.” She tries to pull me towards the seats at the edge of the cage but I don’t budge. She turns back to look at me with confusion on her face.
“I’ll stay in this seat. I don’t want him to know I'm here. He needs to focus … and I will be leaving straight after the fight.” She tilts her head like she's trying to work out what I'm saying, and I wonder if maybe I suddenly starting speaking another language.
“What do you mean leaving?” I take a deep breath, not sure how much to tell her. I know she will tell Zeke everything I say, and I don’t want him to know where I'm going.
“I have a job in another state, I just came to see the fight before I catch my flight. I need to leave as soon as it finishes.” Her mouth drops open and I see a look of pain flash in her eyes. I don’t know why she looks upset, it’s not her I'm leaving behind. I know we have spoken a few times but I wouldn’t consider her a friend, more of an acquaintance.
“You're leaving him?” She grabs a hold of my hand, holding it between both of hers.
“I'm not leaving him, I have a new job. I can’t leave him when he isn’t with me. I can’t wait around for him to decide that he needs me to satisfy him, and then watch him leave again.” Anger replaces the pain and I want her to drop my hand but she has a tight grip on it.
“Is that what you honestly think? That he just wants you for sex? That he doesn’t want you? You are all he wants, Bryce. I was there the night he found out you’d left, I was the one who had to hold him as his heart broke. Do you know what it’s like to see Zeke Cry? It’s the most painful thing I've ever witnessed.” I look up to the strong man in the cage and I can’t imagine him breaking down in front of anyone. He is too closed off, too put together to let anything affect him that much.
“He might want me, Asha, but he's made it more than clear that he can’t be with me. I can’t spend the rest of my life watching him from a distance. I don’t think my heart could take it.” She bites her lip as she watches me, looking for something on my face but I don’t know what.
“Fine, but one last question. Do you love him?” I feel the tears I thought had dried up flood my eyes again. I try not to blink in case I send them rolling down my cheeks. I can’t cry again, especially not here.
“I love him. I don’t think I've loved anyone as much as him, but that just makes this harder. It hurts so fucking much Asha. I can’t stay here.” A single tear escapes and I angrily wipe it away, refusing to be weak any longer.
“Oh, honey.” It’s the only warning I get before she pulls me into her arms, wrapping them around me and hugging me tight. I return her embrace, happy to finally have someone to hold. For a few moments I don’t feel so alone, but it doesn’t last long enough.
Zeke
I hear Dwayne’s music come over the speakers and I bounce in place to keep from storming up the steps to meet him as he exits his tunnel. I want to get this fight started, I want to just stomp him in to the mat and walk away the winner. Coach is shouting at me to not use all my energy in the first round and to save something for the second. If I have my way there won’t be a second round.
I see Dwayne appear at the door of the tunnel, that cocky as fuck look on his face makes me want to just punch him even more. I can hear sections of the crowd booing him and I can’t help but smile. Apparently I'm not the only person who thinks he's a fucking asshole. I’m going to beat his ass into a bloody mess, and not just because he's the only thing standing between me and the winner’s belt. I also blame him for me losing Bryce. If he hadn’t have made his smartass jokes I might not have panicked and run. I know it’s wrong to blame him, it was all my own fault but I'm finding it easier to put it all on him. I know the reality is anyone could have made a comment and I would have panicked. I lost the only good thing I've ever had in my life, and there’s no one blame but me.
I look over to where Asha’s sitting. She came today as my support, no one knows we’ve split up so it’s not strange for her to be in my family seats. She's the only person I want here, well apart from one man, but there’s no way he would come. When I see that her seat is empty I look around the area and my whole body stills when I see her. She's not alone, and the person she's talking to is the one that has been haunting my dreams for months now. She’s having a very intense looking conversation with Bryce, and he doesn’t look happy about what’s being said. My eyes are stuck on his face, just drinking in how fucking amazing he looks. I didn’t think I would see him today, especially not in the arena. I know how uncomfortable being here will make him, so to think he came to watch my championship fight has a strange feeling working through my chest. I don’t think anyone has ever put me first, not my parents, not any of my friends, but there he is doing just that.
He must feel my stare because he turns to look at me. When our eyes meet, I'm lost. I don’t even notice when Dwayne enters the cage, I don’t notice when Coach tries to get my attention, and I don’t notice when the referee calls my name over and over. I'm stuck to the spot, scared that if I take my eyes off of Bryce then he’ll disappear. I don’t pay attention to anything until Bryce smiles and mouths the word ‘focus’ at me before pointing behind me. With a smile on my face, I turn to face the man I need to beat into the mat. I will do this, I will win this fight. As I say the words in my head, I wonder what fight I'm talking about.
Chapter Twenty Four
Zeke
I'm pretty sure this guy is on something, no one fights like this. Every single time I've hit him he hasn’t faltered. I step back to my corner as the bell rings and grab my water bottle.
“What the fuck are you doing out there?” Coach’s harsh tone has me biting the inside of my cheek. I know I haven’t exactly got control over the fight yet, but I'm doing everything I can think of.
“Feel free to grab some wraps and show me how it’s done.” He mutters under his breath as he walks away, leaving me holding onto the side of the cage. Just when I'm about to turn around to face Dwayne, knowing I need to start gain
ing some points, I see someone coming towards me. I focus on the figure to see Bryce trying to get passed security who stop him because no spectators are allowed near the ring. I shout at them but my voice is lost in the noise of the crowd. Bryce hears me though and looks at me with a pleading look on his face. I get Coach’s attention and point towards Bryce, hoping that he gets the message. Thankfully he does and gets the security to let Bryce through without any hassle. Bryce reaches me just as the bell goes. He jumps onto the ledge surrounding the cage, holding onto the ropes, his fingers mere inches from mine. Bryce talks quickly, so I focus on what he's telling me.
“He's favoring his right side, I think he has hurt his ribs on the left. Get some good shots there and it will send his balance off. Stop dropping your fucking shoulder or you’re gonna end up injured, and it makes it easy for him to read your next move. Go in hard, he's on something so he has more energy than normal, but it’s making him do dumb shit. Don’t try and outpace him this time, use what I told you and go kill the fucker.” He pulls back and he winks at me and it sends my heart racing. After everything I've done to him, every ounce of pain I've caused, he's here helping me win this. I step away from him and it takes all my will power to tear my eyes from his, he looks amazing standing there. It’s the view I want to see at all my fights.
When I turn I see Dwayne standing there with a shit-eating grin on his face as he watches my interaction with Bryce.
“How’s the boyfriend? I hear that he left you for another guy … maybe you don’t give good head.” I feel emotions boiling up inside me, but I'm shocked to find that shame or embarrassment isn’t any of them. Oh no, I'm pissed off. How dare he talk about Bryce like that? My anger fuels my ever-present hatred of Dwayne and I don’t waste any time attacking the fucker. I keep in mind what Bryce told me as I concentrate my punches and kicks to the left side of his body. After the fifth or sixth kick to his ribs I can see that he's losing the easiness in his movements and he's trying to turn his body away from me, which makes him sloppy. At one point I get cocky, moving too close to him and I end up with a split lip, but I don’t let it deter me. I wipe off the blood and go back into attack mode.
It takes a full two minutes of kicks and punches to get him on the ground and I make sure to give him an elbow to the ribs as I collapse on top of him. I hear his intake of breath and I know I have him. He can’t focus on what I'm doing because he's trying to keep his body protected. I go to do a choke hold on him, determined to finish this fight, but he has to go and open his big mouth again.
“Do you think Bryce will give me a blowjob tonight? He must be good with his mouth, it’s the only thing I could imagine that would turn a guy like you.” I don’t even register the first time my fist connects with his face, it’s instinctive. The second and third punches I’m aware of and mean them with all the hate inside me. I keep going, unable to stop myself even when I can feel his blood dripping from my fist. The bell rings and I still don’t stop, the need to make him stop breathing has taken ahold of me. My body is pulled off him by a pair of strong arms and then everything else is a blur.
My arm is held up above my head and I’m declared the winner. I blink a few times, trying to clear my head. I won. Holy shit, I won! I turn to see Coach with a huge grin on his face, which is about as excited as he gets. My arm is dropped and the crowd goes crazy as I’m announced at the new belt holder. I can’t believe it, I'm number one. A body comes flying at me across the ring and I grab it as it jumps into my arms. Asha attacks my face with kisses causing me to laugh. I look behind her for Bryce. I need to see him, he helped me get here, this is his win as much as it is mine. When I don’t see him I look at Asha and see that she has a sad look on her face.
“He’s gone.” My ears block all over noise and zero in on just what’s she's saying.
“What do you mean he's gone?” She grabs my hand and gives me a very serious look.
“He's leaving the state. Trey left him after Bryce told him he had been with you.” She slaps me across the head as she mentions us being together, and I know it’s because I’ve been so fucking stupid.
“So he took a job at some guy’s gym. He's on his way to the airport right now. You need to decide now Zeke. Is he the one? Is he worth the fight?” I look at her, realizing for the first time that he is. He's worth risking everything for, I don’t have anything if he leaves. He's my friend, my heart, he's my everything.
“Yes he is.” She claps her hands as I give her my answer, but she quickly starts pushing me towards the open side of the cage.
“Then go, he only just left. You can catch him.” I pause, only quick enough to kiss her on the cheek, before taking off. I run over to the door and jump, not taking the time to walk down the steps. As soon as I land on the main floor I take off, running for the exit. I can hear the people around me shouting their congratulations but I can’t pay attention to them, the only thing I'm thinking of is Bryce. As if by magic I think his name in my head and he appears in the aisle in front of me.
“Bryce!” Thankfully he hears me and turns with a gentle smile on his lips. Fuck, he's so beautiful. I slow to a stop in front of him, suddenly doubting myself. Why would he want me after everything I've done to him how could he forgive me?
“Congratulations, Zeke. Now you have everything you ever dreamed of.” I can see flashes from cameras going off around us and I suddenly wish we were alone. He deserves better than me laying all this out to him in front of a big crowd.
“No I don’t. There is something very important missing.” If he leaves after I speak my heart then so be it, but I can’t live with him not knowing how much I love him.
“Zeke, please don’t. I can’t do this with you. I have a plane to catch.” He turns to leave but I grab him, making him turn back to face me. I step into his personal space until we are chest to chest, our lips so close that I can feel his warm breath across my face. I wrap my arms around his waist, fully expecting him to pull away from me but he doesn’t. There is a look of shock on his face but I ignore it as I speak.
"I'm so fucking sorry. I know I have no right to touch you, no right to think you would want anything to do with me but please hear me out." When he doesn't move from my embrace I brave continuing, not sure where the hell in going with this. All I know is that I need to get him to understand and try to forgive me. "I spent my whole life being told my feelings were wrong, that I needed to find a nice woman to settle down with and I tried. Well not the settling down part, but I tried women, lots of them but there was something missing and I didn't know what it was. I didn't realize I was hiding who I really was. I fucking love you Bryce, and now I know the thing that was missing was your dick." His fingers cover my mouth as a laugh escapes him.
"You were doing so well there. I suppose no one could ever accuse you of being a romantic." He drops his head, and I can feel a heavy sigh leave him. I just want to make everything right, I want to show everyone that he's mine.
“I can’t be a secret, Zeke. I can’t be someone you hide away to protect yourself. I love you … fuck, I love you so damn much … but I love myself more.” When he looks up at me, I can see the pain in his eyes, the doubt, and I hate that I'm the reason it’s there. I lean down and kiss his lips gently, trying not to show my passion, this time I need to show my love. It takes a few heartbeats, and just as I'm about to give up and move back, his lips move against mine. In that single moment I think I'm happier than I've ever fucking been. He's letting me in, he's thinking about giving me another chance.
“Look around, baby. I think this whole arena has a camera pointed in our direction right now. I give it roughly five minutes until the videos are on YouTube with the title, ‘Zeke ‘The Strom’ Raine kisses his onetime coach’. There’s no way in hell you could ever be a secret now. The funny thing is couldn’t give a damn. I don’t know if I'm gay, or bi, or what the fuck ever, all I know is I fucking love you. The type of love that means I can’t breathe when you're not next to me, the kind of love that
makes me think about us when we’re old and grey. Well that will be you, I’ll never be old.” I kiss his nose as I feel his chest move against mine as he laughs. “I love you, Bryce. I fucking love Bryce Tanner!” I shout the last part loudly and get a thrill as I feel Bryce burrowing his face into my neck. It feels real, so fucking right.
“You know you're crazy, right?” I capture his lips in a passionate kiss this time, breaking apart only to whisper against them.
“Crazy about you, baby.” A groan comes from Bryce before he pulls back from me laughing.
“Seriously, you're going there? You are using a lame arse, cheesy movie line on me?” I can’t help but laugh along with him.
“I never claimed to be good at this shit, and it usually works on the ladies.” Bryce gets an annoyed look on his face, before he smacks me on the back of my head.
“Let’s not go there shall we? The last thing I need to hear about is all the women you’ve seduced Mr. Raine.” I grab his face and pull him to me, attacking his lips until we are both gasping for breath and I'm as hard as fucking stone. I hear my name over the speaker again and Bryce pushes me towards the cage.
“Go get your belt, you won it.” I grab his hand, pulling him behind me. There is no way I'm letting him out of my sight, and there is no chance he is getting on that fucking flight. As we walk down the aisle I see that everyone is watching us and a slight hush has come over the audience. I don’t know if it’s the shock of me kissing someone, or the fact it’s a man. Fuck them. The only thing that’s important to me today is Bryce, there is nothing else I need in my life.