by Bob Burke
To my surprise (and embarrassment) Basili stood up, walked around the desk to me and gave me a big hug. It was the kind of hug that large bears used to crush their prey but he managed to break off before any major organs were ruptured. Struggling for breath, I dropped back into my chair.
‘It is not so big a problem, Mr Harry.’ His smile was even broader. I suspected that both ends met at the back of his head. ‘While I waited in my lamp for all those years, I also used my computer to play the market. I have been very successful and have built up a most valuable and highly diverse portfolio. Perhaps I can recompense you somewhat for your efforts in this matter.’
If this had been a cartoon, my jaw would have bounced off the ground in surprise. I struggled to get words out. ‘You mean, you’re rich?’ I gasped.
‘But of course,’ Basili replied. ‘How else would I have been able to help Benny with his most audacious plans for the theme park? I insist that you be paid for the most successful resolution of this case.’ He thought for a moment. ‘Hey, maybe I can become your backer–like Charlie in Charlie’s Angels.’
I was about to point out that I looked nothing like any of Charlie’s Angels when I became aware of a commotion from reception. Two voices were raised in argument. One was clearly Gloria’s but the other was unfamiliar and very loud, very female and very commanding. For one awful minute I thought Edna or one of her sisters had come to ‘pay me a visit’, but the voice sounded a little more cultured than those of the Wicked Witch sisters so I relaxed a little–but not too much.
‘But you don’t have an appointment,’ I could hear Gloria say.
‘Nevertheless, I must see him,’ said the other voice, in a tone that suggested she wasn’t used to being obstructed. She didn’t realise that she was being obstructed by the best. If she managed to get past Gloria, she deserved an appointment.
‘No appointment, no meeting,’ said Gloria emphatically. ‘Mr Pigg is a very busy detective and can’t afford to have his time wasted. If you care to make an appointment, I can organise a suitable time.’
‘No way, lady,’ came the reply. ‘I know he’s in that office and I am going in to see him now. Please do not get in my way.’
Now I was starting to get scared. What kind of monster was in my reception area and why did she want to see me? More to the point, did I really want to see her?
I could see that Jack and Basili were giving me anxious looks as well. We all started to back away from the door slowly and quietly. In hindsight there wasn’t really any point. The only thing behind us was the window; we were on the third floor and there was no fire escape.
Note to self: speak to new landlord about fire safety regulations.
Through the frosted glass I could see a large red shape move towards the door.
‘Do not go in there,’ shouted Gloria.
‘Try and stop me, lady.’ There was a sound of scuffling and then the door burst open, banging off the wall with a loud crash.
A very large lady dressed in black boots, bright red trousers and a hooded red jacket stood there. Gloria was clinging on to one of her legs. She had clearly been dragged across the room in her efforts to keep this person out.
‘Sorry, Harry,’ she gasped. ‘She got by me when I wasn’t looking.’
‘It’s OK, Gloria,’ I said and walked over to her to help her up. ‘Let’s see what this lady wants that’s so urgent.’
I looked at the new arrival. Her face was as red as the clothing she was wearing–presumably from her altercation with Gloria. White fur lined the cuffs of her jacket and rimmed her hood. For some reason her appearance suggested Christmas.
I indicated one of the seats recently vacated by my colleagues.
‘Ma’am,’ I said, turning on the charm, ‘if you’d care to sit down.’
As she sat I turned to the others. ‘If I could perhaps speak to this fine lady alone,’ I suggested. Gloria nodded and, grabbing the other two by the arm, dragged them both out of the office before they could protest.
I nodded towards the door as they left. ‘My partners. They may not look like much but they’ve got it where it counts.’
As I spoke, I realised that they had indeed become partners, either by virtue of the help one had given or the financial backing the other was offering. Looked like the Third Pig Detective Agency was expanding.
I turned to my newest prospective client.
‘Now then,’ I said. ‘How may the Third Pig Detective Agency be of help, Miss, Mrs, Ms…?’
‘Claus. It’s Mrs Claus and I need you to find my husband. He’s been kidnapped and it’s only two days to 25th December. If he’s not found soon we may have to cancel Christmas.’
The End
The Third Pig Detective Agency will return
in
The Ho Ho Ho Mystery
Acknowledgements
This book’s formative years were spent on the web so huge thanks go to all at Writelink for the initial encouragement and those at YouWriteOn–especially Edward Smith and Michael Legat–whose critiques (good, bad and otherwise–but always constructive) helped shape the opening chapters into something approaching legibility.
I owe a lot to the good people at the Friday Project: especially Scott, whose unflagging belief in Harry’s adventures and championing of the cause kept the book alive when things didn’t look so good.
Thanks to Dooradoyle and Adare Libraries for providing a quiet corner to write in and to Carol Anderson for a wonderful copy-edit.
I also owe a debt of gratitude to my parents who instilled a love of reading in me at a very young age. This is all your fault!
Above all, huge thanks go to my wife Gemma and my three boys, Ian, Adam and Stephen, whose support, belief, encouragement and the occasional ‘get back in there and write another chapter now’ made all this worthwhile.
No, Ian, we won’t be getting a Gulfstream jet with the proceeds. Yes, Adam, the book will be in the shops. No, Stephen, you can’t have your tea–you only had your dinner an hour ago.
Harry would like to thank the Big Bad Wolf, for giving him that first big break; Little Red Riding Hood, for not appearing in this book and making a show of herself; Jack Horner, for the pizza (you know what I’m talking about!) and his legions of fans–he knows you’re out there somewhere, you just haven’t made yourself known to him yet.
Copyright
The Friday Project
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers
77-85 Fulham Palace Road, Hammersmith, London W6 8JB
www.thefridayproject.co.uk
www.harpercollins.co.uk
First published by The Friday Project in 2009
Copyright © Bob Burke 2009
1
Bob Burke asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978-1-906321-75-8
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins ebooks.
EPub Edition © 2009 ISBN: 9780007333141
About the Publisher
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Table of Contents
Chapter 1 - A New Client
Chapter 2 - Come Blow Your Horn
Chapter 3 - On the Case
Chapter 4 - It’s Off to Work We Go!
Chapter 5 - If You Go Down to the Woods Today
Chapter 6 - The Gift of the Gab
Chapter 7 - In the White Room
Chapter 8 - A Brief Interlude in which Harry Doesn’t Get Threatened or Beaten up by Anyone
Chapter 9 - Flushed with Success
Chapter 10 - Anyone for Pizza?
Chapter 11 - I Have a Cunning Plan!
Chapter 12 - A Gripping Finale
Chapter 13 - Exposition, Basili
Acknowledgements
Copyright
About the Publisher
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 - A New Client
Chapter 2 - Come Blow Your Horn
Chapter 3 - On the Case
Chapter 4 - It’s Off to Work We Go!
Chapter 5 - If You Go Down to the Woods Today
Chapter 6 - The Gift of the Gab
Chapter 7 - In the White Room
Chapter 8 - A Brief Interlude in which Harry Doesn’t Get Threatened or Beaten up by Anyone
Chapter 9 - Flushed with Success
Chapter 10 - Anyone for Pizza?
Chapter 11 - I Have a Cunning Plan!
Chapter 12 - A Gripping Finale
Chapter 13 - Exposition, Basili
Acknowledgements
Copyright
About the Publisher