She looks at me like I am an escaped psychiatric patient. 'Oh-kay. Just sit down. I'll be back.'
She returns with a drink of scotch. I drink it down.
'Better?'
'A little. Ronnie. Do you think we'll be okay?'
'Who knows Gabe. You love each other. That's what counts. Live for today. That's what I've started doing.'
'Who knew little Ronnie would get so wise.'
She laughs. 'Hold that thought for later. After my hen surprise.'
'You look happy Ronnie.'
'I am.'
'Stella and I worried about you for a while.'
'I worried about me for a while. But now it's all good.'
We hug. I feel better.
'Let's go get my fiancee and get this rehearsal dinner underway.'
We are seated around my Moms huge dining table, eating smoked salmon starters. The smell of lamb, the main course, permeates the room. Stella is looking greener by the second. She has made her excuses for the first course blaming nerves. In total there is myself, Stella, Ronnie, my mother, Mike, Sam and Chris. Nina is delayed due to bad weather in England and we are still yet to hear from Fran and Mitch.
'Just think,' says my Mom. 'The next meal we all eat together will be your Wedding dinner and you'll be Mr & Mrs Gregory. 'Lets raise a glass.'
A toast is made. Stella just takes a few sips. We all clink glasses.
'So,' says my Mom. 'I know you've kept everything secret, but when are you letting us know where we are going?'
I frown. 'You know where we are going? You booked it.'
'Yeah, I thought we'd get an invite at some point,' adds Ronnie.
'Oh crap. I forgot to post the invites. I ticked them off the spreadsheet when they arrived but I never added that I needed to post them. Sorry guys.'
I turn to my Mother, worrying for her sanity. 'But Mom, you know the venue. You booked The Plaza.'
'Gabriel. I cancelled The Plaza when you took over because we agreed that Stella wanted a small venue.'
My hands grasp my hair. I think it may fall out. 'Mom, you didn't tell me this.'
'Of course I did. We had a whole conversation about it. I told you they understood that you wanted something smaller.'
I start to feel really nauseous. If there's no venue, then there is no ceremony. I gulp the rest of my champagne down in one gulp.
'Stella. I -'
'Fucked up the venue?' Stella laughs. Why is she laughing? We can't get married now.
'Gabe. I had Maddie do something. For in case I didn't like the venue you chose. Because to be honest I kind of expected you might book the wedding on a speedboat or something ridiculous.'
'What? What did you have Mom do?' My voice sounds strangulated. I'm having trouble breathing again.
'I booked City Hall,' says my mother.
I feel my airways clear and the blood comes back into my cheeks.
'I hope the rest of our wedding is better organised.' My bride to be has her arms folded across her chest. Her eyes are narrowed.
'The rest of it is perfect,' I smile. 'Err. Mom. What time did you book the ceremony for?'
Later I settle down on my Mom's sofa with Chris. I wasn't going to drink but I need a couple of beers. Luckily Mom has the fridge stocked.
'You are a complete tool,' laughs Chris. 'How on earth do you fuck up booking the venue? The most important aspect of the wedding.'
'Oh what would you know. The nearest you come to a wedding is shagging women you meet on Bachelorette parties in clubs.'
'Best way my man. Cos I don't want to be you if you fuck up tomorrow. You know how Stella said she didn't care as long as you were married?'
'Yeah?'
'Don't fucking believe it Bro.'
I ask him to get me another beer. I'm so nervous now I reckon my bollocks have completely disappeared.
CHAPTER SIX
Stella
Shit gets real when Ronnie arrives. She teeters through the door in Ferragamo heels, with a lovestruck looking Cab driver behind her. She has two dress bags over one arm and a Birkin handbag in the other. The Cab driver has two suitcases and looks rather red around the face.
'Thanks sweetie,' she purrs at him and puts a tip in his jacket pocket. He can't even get his words out to reply. He just nods his head and goes back to his Cab.
'Stella,' she shrieks and her arms embrace me in a tight squeeze.
'Back up Veronica. Let's see that hair.'
I look at my best friend. Her long hair is no more. She now has a cute chin length bob. 'So what's with the new look?'
'This is pretty funny actually,' she says, walking into the lounge and throwing the dress bag over the back of the sofa. 'You know my famous vagina?'
'Really? We're back with that one again? Have you been talking about your ladygarden on TV again?'
'Noooo. But my husband; I fucking love saying that, told me about an actress who'd shown her minge off in a film a few years back. Sharon Stone? So I watched the film. Basic Instinct they called it. Anyway I thought the film was shit, but then I googled the actress and found this great bob hair style she had in another film. I'd been thinking of cutting it because it's a nuisance when I'm gardening.'
Gabe walks in the room. He gives Ronnie a hug, asks her about her hair and then beats a hasty retreat. I note he takes the dress bags with him.
'So are we having a drink then? Oh well you won't be having one, so I'll just have to have one all by myself won't I?'
'I'll get you some water. You're bloody manic as it is.'
'Well I've just travelled for hours to be at my friend's wedding.' She squeals out the word wedding so loud, I don't know how Athena remains asleep.'Okay, so do you have any gossip about the wedding? Any clue from Gabe at all?'
'Not a thing. Oh, other than a large bill for racing. I think he was supposed to be looking for wedding cars but spent all day trying out fast cars instead.'
Ronnie laughs, 'Boys. You have to let them off the leash sometime don't you?'
'So how's married life?'
'Adorable. But anyway we're focusing on your wedding now. I'm sorry I kind of jumped in with mine.'
'Don't be silly. I'm happy for you.'
Ronnie beams. 'So,' She curls her feet under herself on the sofa. Luckily they are now bare of the Ferragamos. 'Your husband to be did really well with the hen do stuff. Unfortunately, you,' she points to my stomach, 'have fucked it all up. However I came to the rescue.'
'Oh dear. I hope he hadn't gone to too much trouble.'
'It'll all work out I'm sure. Just had to make a few changes. I think you'll like my surprise anyway. I wasn't all that happy about Gabe arranging the hen night. I think he should have just stuck to the wedding plans. Anyway, I have the Bridal Shower sorted.'
'Ronnie. There's only myself, you and Maddie. No-one else has arrived yet.'
'It's just you and me honey. I squared it with Mads. We're going to have a lovely girlie evening.'
'Oooh really? Just us two like the old days? So I can expect to get kidnapped? Or maybe you'll get another restraining order? Are we getting admitted to rehab?'
She tilts her head at me and gives me a filthy look.'Har har. I was thinking more of movies and hot chocolate. I don't want Gabe having a shit fit.'
'I hope there will be peni on my hen night. It's tradition.'
'Change of plan there. Your lovely fiance had organised a little something, but it all needed to be changed in light of the,' she makes retching noises and feigns being sick, 'so it's happening at the bridal shower instead.'
I shake my head. 'I don't know what's more worrying. Finding out what all these secrets are, or the fact that you and Gabe are in cahoots about it all.'
'Right. Are you going to get me that water then? Flights are dehydrating you know. I'm off to Athena's room to look at her sleeping.'
'Yes Miss.' Some things never change.
'That's Mrs to you now,' she winks.
How I love my best mate and her boss
y ways.
On the evening of the bridal shower Ronnie throws myself and Gabe out of the lounge. Our bedroom is way down the corridor from there so she won't hear anything. Not that Ronnie would give a stuff anyway. I wouldn't usually shag Gabe with Ronnie in the house but my hormones have gone haywire. I just want to eat him all up. Yup. You get me. My breasts have grown. I'm so aroused I can feel them straining against the cotton of my bra.
'Get your clothes off. Fast.' I tell him, stripping down to my underwear.
'Ooh, in a dominant mood are we?' He steps out of his trousers. I help him remove his top.
'Yup.' I push him onto the bed. He lays back but I shake my head. 'Sit up and at the edge of the bed.'
He does as instructed. He lifts his hips up while my hands stroke down his fine ass. I help him out of his pants.
Positioning myself between his legs, I move his thighs wider apart. My hands trail down his stomach and the hair there. I'm salivating. My hand moves down to his cock and I run my fingers over it.
Gabe groans.
I move closer, bring him up to my mouth and put my lips around him.
As I start to move my mouth around him, his cock goes further in and out of my mouth. He places his hand on the back of my head and guides me closer. His dick hits the back of my throat.
A huge wave of nausea hits. Oh no.
I back off letting him fall out of my mouth and I vomit. Some of it hits his feet.
'Oh my -. Oh my fucking God. Eww. That stinks. Oh it's on my feet.' He looks at me, shaking his head and hops to the en-suite.
I get up and follow him, rinsing out my mouth.
'Gabe. I am so -'
'Stop.' He holds a hand up. 'I know you can't help stuff. It's the baby. But -' He carries on shaking his head. 'I'm going to need therapy.'
I bite my lip.
'You put my cock in your mouth and then you puked. All over my feet. That smell will never leave my nostrils.' He gips.
'Do you want me to give you a hand job or anything? I'm so, so sorry.'
'Stella. I may never want sex again. I think you've broken me.'
'I'll just go and get a cloth then and clean the room up.'
'I'm going to get ready and head for Chris'. Have a great time with Ronnie later. Please do not tell her what happened.'
'Of course not. It's private.' I tell him. Now what can I have to eat?
Gabe has left for Christopher's. It's probably for the best as I don't know what to say to him. There's just myself and Ronnie. Athena is at Maddie's for the night. Ronnie has forced me to change into a tee-shirt with an L plate on the front and placed a pair of willy deeley boppers on my head. Apparently I get to wear these on my Hen do as well. Lucky me.
I sit on my sofa and Ronnie brings in a selection of wrapped gifts. 'Usually there'd be a few people at your shower. I know there's only me, so I thought I'd bring a few things with me.'
'You didn't need to get me anything.'
'I know, but you know me. Any excuse to shop.'
I open the first box. Inside is a monogrammed towelling robe. I trail my fingers across the back where the words Mrs Gregory are embroidered.
'That's for wearing as you get ready.'
'Thank you. It's beautiful and so snugly.'
The next box contains Jo Malone candles. The gift tag reads 'with love from Sharon Stone.'
'Ooh. Celebrities buying me gifts?'
'Looks like it.'
The next unwrapping reveals a packet of Tenalady, 'because you'll have had two children, love Penny from Big Bang Theory.'
'You're funny, you are.'
The last gift is actually really thoughtful. I uncover a large box. Inside is a breakfast tray, two champagne flutes and two monogrammed napkins. This one says, 'from your best friend R xxx'.
'It's for your wedding breakfast, with you not going on honeymoon.'
I'd vetoed any going away. With it being Christmas I'd said we'd do something the following year. Now I was pregnant again, thoughts of a holiday were on hold.
I reach over and hug her, rubbing a tear away from under my eye.
'That is so lovely Ronnie. I really don't know what I'd do without you. I miss you.'
'I know. We'll figure something out.'
We spend a lovely evening watching Bride Wars and drinking Hot Chocolate.
Then she makes me play a game, pin the tail on the male, where she sticks a cardboard male torso on my wall and we have to take it in turns to be blindfolded and stick different sized peni on it. (By the way Ronnie named plural penises peni a while back. It's stuck ever since.)
At eleven, I'm just considering going to bed when there's a knock at the door.
'Fuck I forgot about this and we have our pjs on.' Ronnie is wide eyed and giggling. She tells me to sit down and then rushes to the door.
When she comes back a few minutes later she is emitting death rays. 'Your fiance is going to pay,' she whispers. She takes a seat on the sofa alongside me and shouts, 'Right. You can come in now.'
In walks a short man who must have a thyroid problem or be especially unlucky because his eyes kind of bug out of his head. He has an unfortunate overbite and so as he says, 'Hello,' I spot drool run down his chin. It's only the fact that he is dressed as a Police Officer with no shirt that I recognise that he's obviously a stripper.
'Are you ready for this?' he says and puts his hand on his cock, which is stretching against his trousers and must indeed be the only large thing about him. I look towards Ronnie in horror.
'Forget it mate. She's pregnant. Her hubby to be should have cancelled you.'
The stripper looks like he's about to cry.'It's okay. You don't have to make excuses. I know I'm not what you were expecting. I had a road accident. It's messed up my looks. I should never have come back to stripping. It's just I need to pay off the medical bills.'
'Oh my. I am so sorry,' says Ronnie. 'Look, let me give you some money for the inconvenience.' She goes to her purse and hands him a wad of cash.
'Thanks. That'll help so much.'
She escorts him to the door. I feel really sorry for him, but I could do without another penis making me barf.
I hear a scream. 'You fucking sleazeball.'
Ronnie returns holding her fist.
I shoot up on the sofa. 'What just happened?'
'He felt me up and gave me some line about not getting any sex because of the accident. I reckon the only reason his mouth is out of alignment is because women like me keep punching him in it. What a fucker.'
I burst out laughing. The sort of hysterical laughter that you can't contain. Soon Ronnie has joined me and we are clutching our jaws that hurt from laughing.
'Ronnie?'
'Yeah?'
'I might need one of those pads after all.'
We collapse into giggles again.
The following day is my Hen Day. Busy, busy. Gabe picks up Athena from his mothers so that Maddie can come and meet us. We head to the spa where we all enjoy our treatments. I've not been able to use the spa because of my pregnancy. Maddie just thinks I'm on my period and didn't want to risk it. Though now she's worrying about my wearing a white dress.
'Oh I'm sure it will be over by then.'
'I'm looking forward to you all coming to mine tomorrow evening for the rehearsal dinner.'
'Yeah,' Ronnie yawns. She's so chilled she looks like she's going to fall asleep any moment. 'I'm looking forward to catching up with Mike and Sam.' She yawns again. 'Goodness me. This won't do. We need to be awake for what I have arranged next.'
We enjoy a lovely lunch and I allow myself a few sips of champagne. Then it's off to the East Side for whatever Ronnie has planned.
I should have known.
The three of us are escorted to a room with another group of women. We are asked to take a place each at an easel. Wow. Ronnie has obviously considered that we have Maddie with us and has gone sophisticated.
A tall dark haired woman comes in.
'Thank you all
for joining us. There's a few celebrations today. We'll go around and introduce ourselves in a moment. First however I'd like to introduce you all to Jason.'
The door opens and a tall, fair haired man comes in. He's wearing a robe, but with the way it's struggling to fit the whole way over his chest, I'm guessing he's built like a rugby player.
I look at Ronnie. She turns and winks, 'Hubba hubba. Happy Hen do.'
We introduce ourselves. I turn to Maddie. 'I am so sorry Maddie. I don't know what she was thinking.'
'Are you kidding? I can't wait.' Maddie gets a pair of spectacles out and puts them on just as Jason disrobes.
'Hubba, hubba,' says Maddie to Ronnie.
I pick up a pencil. Believe me we're going to need plenty of lead to draw this.
CHAPTER SEVEN - S TO Z
S is for snow and sick
I wake with a dry mouth. I'm so nervous I want to puke. Chris hands me a beer. It may be nine am but I drink it.
'Happy Wedding Day Bro.'
'Oh Man. I'm so nervous. Can't wait for that ride though.'
'You talking about Stella or the car?'
'Funny. We'd better get Sam up.'
I walk across my mother's landing and hear awful crying sounds.
'Sam?' I dash into his room.
Sam is curled up in his bed. His face clenched tightly.
I nudge him with my hand, 'Hey Sam mate. Wake up.'
Sam turns over and groans. Then he clutches his stomach and lets out a sharp cry.
Then he shoots up and pukes. All over my feet.
'Fuck no. Not again.'
Sam starts to cry. 'I don't feel very well.'
I feel his head. He is sweating buckets.
My mother comes running in. 'Oh my God, Sam. What's happened? He was okay an hour ago, I checked on him.'
'You better ring Mike Mom.' I say. This dude is ill and going nowhere.
Sam cries between episodes of puking. Alternating between crying about wanting to be at the wedding and then crying as he feels so ill.
'Don't worry about the wedding little Dude. Just concentrate on feeling better.'
Mike picks him up, along with a bucket.
The Alphabet Wedding (The Alpha Series) Page 5