Blue Heart Blessed

by Susan Meissner

  I press the off button and turn to Max. “You don’t have to stay, Max. You can take my car back and tell my mom and L’Raine how he is.”

  “How will you get home?”

  “I can call you later. You going to be around?”

  “I’ll be at the studio most of the day, but yeah, I’ll be around.”

  “I’ll call you, then.”

  “Okay. Let us know if anything changes.”

  “Yep.”

  He walks away and I turn to the nurses’ station to find out on which floor I can find the cath lab.

  Twenty-eight

  It is well after one o’clock before I’m allowed to see Father Laurent in his room on the third floor. I was told a while ago that the angioplasty procedure went well and that there had been no complications.

  The room is dimly lit. Father Laurent is tucked snugly into a half-raised bed, surrounded by humming machinery. He looks tired and pale.

  “I hope they’re done poking and prodding me for awhile,” he says good-naturedly when I step inside. His voice is weak.

  I smile at him. “Your nurse tells me you’re a squirmer around needles. I didn’t know that about you.”

  His grin is immediate but faint. “Needles are for hems and haystacks. Have you heard from Ramsey?”

  I pull up a chair by his bed. “He and Liam are on their way. They were in Grand Marais when I got a hold of them, so it will take awhile. They should be here soon.”

  “Where’s Max?”

  “I let him take my car back to uptown. He’s working at the studio today.”

  “But how are you going to get home?”

  “I can call him, Father Laurent. He said he’d come back to get me, I’m sure my mom or L’Raine could come for me, too.”

  He nods.

  “Grand Marais,” he says a moment later, frowning. “That’s such a long drive…You told Ramsey I was okay, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, yes. Don’t worry. I’m sure Ramsey will drive safely.”

  “Guess I’ve ruined their camping trip.”

  “Father.”

  “This was going to be such a great time for them to get away together.”

  “Father, don’t.”

  But Father Laurent doesn’t seem to hear me. He just keeps talking, whispering, like I’m not even in the room with him. “This last year has been… been so hard on them both. They’ve needed this time away for months. Ramsey’s been away so much, working, trying to find his way back. It’s been so hard… I used to counsel couples going through divorce. I knew it was a tough road, but I never really knew how much someone could suffer when their marriage ends until I saw someone I love go through it. And Liam was there, too, watching the whole thing. Watching his family get ripped in two.”

  He stops and I say nothing.

  Maybe he has forgotten I’m in the room with him.

  But then Father Laurent turns to me. “I didn’t mean to unload on you, Daisy.”

  “I do it to you all the time.” I match his soft tone.

  “You do, don’t you?”

  I reach into my skirt pocket and pull out the little blue heart that Father blessed and gave to me. I think I know now why he had it in his pocket that morning in the chapel. “Was this for Ramsey?”

  “Yes. Yes, it was.”

  “Want it back?”

  “That one’s yours. I know where to get more.”

  I fold my fingers around my little blue heart.

  “I think I’ll take a little snooze, Daisy. I believe they’ve got me doped me up.”

  I reach with my free hand and pat his arm. “Sleep tight.”

  He closes his eyes and in seconds his breathing is slow and measured. I look over at the machines monitoring his pulse and heart rate—just to make sure he is okay. The moving lines look calm and unhurried.

  I lean back in my chair and exhale for what seems like the first time in several hours. The little satin heart in my hand is warm from being in my pocket. I absently stroke its smooth contours, quietly picturing all the dresses in my boutique that have a heart like this one sewn into their backs. All blessed. All offering hope.

  The quiet warmth of the room, the steady rhythm of the monitors and the effects of two sleepless nights lull me into a stupor. I am not aware when I drift off. I only know that one minute I have the little heart in my palm and am looking at it and the next, a hand is on my shoulder and a man is saying my name.

  “Daisy?”

  I jerk my head up and my eyes fly open. Father Laurent is standing over me speaking my name.

  No, it isn’t Father Laurent. It is Ramsey.

  I can feel blood rushing to my cheeks. Ramsey moves his hand off my shoulder.

  Liam is standing next to him. They are both in shorts and khaki shirts and Ramsey is unshaven. I look over at Father Laurent. He is still asleep.

  “What time is it?” I mumble, trying to focus on my watch.

  “A few minutes before three.”

  “I can’t believe I nodded off like that. Hey, Liam.”

  “Hi, Daisy.”

  I stand and try to shake the sleep from my head. “Did you just get here?”

  “Yes. I was just talking with my dad’s doctor out in the hall. We’ve only been here a few minutes, though. Thanks for staying, Daisy. You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I wanted to.”

  Liam walks over to his grandfather and stares at the assortment of equipment at his bedside. “What’s all this stuff?”

  “Just different ways to show that Grandpa’s doing okay,” Ramsey turns back to me. “Thanks again for coming.”

  I feel like I’m being dismissed. It stings a little. “It wasn’t any trouble.” As I move to get my purse on the table behind me, Ramsey bends down to the floor. I see him close his fingers around a little blue heart resting by my feet.

  “Is this yours?” He is standing now, holding it out to me.

  Again, I feel my cheeks flood with color. “Yes. I guess I dropped it.” I reach out my hand and take it.

  From behind us I hear Liam say his grandfather’s name.

  We turn toward the bed and I can see that Father’s eyes are open. He turns his head toward Ramsey. “Sorry about messing up your camping trip.” His voice sounds a little groggy.

  “Don’t be silly, Dad.” Ramsey moves towards his father.

  “I’m not being silly. I really feel bad about it.”

  “Liam and I have the whole summer to go on a camping trip. We’ll just go another time.”

  Father Laurent turns his head back toward Liam, who is still scrutinizing the machinery. “Well, I’ll try and find a way to make it up to you both.”

  “We’ll be fine, Dad. You have everything you need? Are they treating you all right?”

  “Like a celebrity.”

  “Okay. I’m just going to go out in the hallway for a minute and make some hotel reservations. I’ll be right back.”

  “Hotel reservations?” Father asks.

  “So I can stay here in Minneapolis while you’re in the hospital.”

  “You don’t have to stay in a hotel, Ramsey. Just stay at my place. Liam knows where everything is. Daisy, you can give him an extra key, right?”

  “Sure.”

  Ramsey looks deep in thought. “Well, I suppose I could. You don’t want to go back to your mom’s for a few days, do you, Liam?”

  “No,” Liam answers quickly.

  “All right, then. I guess that will work.”

  “Good. Why don’t you go and get cleaned up and settled in. You look a little organic, Ramsey. Besides,” Father turns his head toward me. “This lovely young lady needs a ride home.”

  The drive to The Finland is blissfully short, thank goodness, because I don’t know how to fill the silence other than by asking Liam a million little questions about the camping trip he and his dad almost went on. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ramsey glancing at me. I can’t tell if he’s wishing I would just shut up or if he’s won
dering if he’s allowed to answer any of the questions.

  When we arrive, I take Ramsey and Liam through Something Blue to meet my mother and L’Raine and to let them know that Ramsey and Liam will be staying at Father Laurent’s place. I step inside my office to find the spare keys to the apartments and when I come out with them, Ramsey is standing at the front counter, looking at one of the brochures for my store. He is reading about the little blue heart. My trademark. Liam is standing next to him looking bored.

  Ramsey looks up at me as I walk toward him. “You really sew a heart into each dress?” His tone almost hints at mockery. Almost.

  “Yes.”

  “For luck?”

  “For something better than luck.”

  “And my dad is the one who blesses them?”

  Apparently Father Laurent has told his son what he does in his spare time. I wonder what else he has told Ramsey. “Yes, he is.”

  Ramsey folds the brochure back into place and lays it on the counter with the others.

  “He doesn’t mind doing it you know.”

  “I’m sure he doesn’t.” Ramsey leans down to pick up a duffel bag at his feet and Liam does the same. “Is that why you had one at the hospital today?” Ramsey’s tone reveals nothing. I can’t tell if he finds that notion mercenary or quirky. “So my father could bless it?”

  I stiffen just a tad. I hope he doesn’t notice. “No.”

  “No?”

  I start to walk away and he and Liam follow. “No. Your father has already blessed that one.”

  We take the stairs to the third floor in silence.

  Twenty-nine

  Dear Harriet,

  Father Laurent nearly died in my arms today.

  Well, maybe he didn’t see that great white light and all, but he did have a heart attack on the floor of the store this morning and I really did think he was gone—that as he lay there against me, struggling to breathe, he was slipping away to heaven.

  I was scared to death, no pun intended. And he thought he was dying, too. He kept whispering to me not to forget what he had told me this morning. He had found me in the chapel waiting for wisdom on high and had told me something I probably should’ve known all along. He used what might have been his last breath to remind me of a rather amazing thing, that it’s the love of God in me and for me and through me that is my gravity, my oxygen. My light in a dark place. I don’t know that I’ve ever really considered that it’s the love I give away—not the love that I receive—that truly defines me. I’m still not quite sure what to make of it.

  The whole time I was waiting at the hospital I kept thinking how different this was from Dad’s heart attack. I never had the chance to say goodbye to Dad. I had no opportunity to get used to the idea that he was leaving me. One moment Dad was mowing the lawn and the next he was meeting Jesus. And he did it alone. No one held his hand when he went, or kissed his brow or begged him to stay. I think that is why I still miss him so much, because he left without saying goodbye.

  I don’t think Father Laurent is in danger tonight, meaning I don’t think he’s going to leave this world, my world. I confess I fretted all day about what I would do if Father Laurent disappeared from my life. Ramsey made some comment today that made me consider if the only reason I dread life without Father Laurent is because no one would bless my little blue hearts. That sounds so selfish. It looks even worse when I actually write it on paper. But I can’t escape the fact that it’s true. From the beginning of this journey those little blue hearts have been emblems of hope to me. Every time I sew one inside a dress I think of the words Father Laurent has prayed over it. The words are a little different for each one, but the hope is the same. Without the blessing, those hearts are just bits of blue fabric. It’s the expectation I attach to them that give them meaning. To me and to everyone else.

  And yes, I need hope in my life right now. And yes, I have indeed made Father Laurent my personification of hope, just as you are my personification of reason. So argue with me on this to your own peril.

  Dear Daisy,

  Don’t worry; I’m in no mood for arguments tonight. Am too busy contemplating Father Laurent’s whispered words of wisdom. The Voice of Reason doesn’t often get a chance to ponder the all-encompassing, uber-mysterious love of God.

  Harriet

  Thirty

  The knock at my door is light and tentative. I grab my coffee mug for one last swig before heading downstairs to the boutique and I swing the door open. Wendy is standing there looking flustered.

  “Daisy, I’m hearing that funny noise again in the bathroom. It’s coming through the heating vent. It’s like, I don’t know, a scratching, grating sound. I don’t know what it is. Philip doesn’t either. Should I tell Mario?”

  She looks like she’s in a hurry. “I’ll tell him, Wendy,” I offer.

  “Maybe you should go up there and listen to it yourself. It’s the weirdest sound. Mario didn’t hear anything last time I called him about it. It had stopped when he got there. I’d take you up right now but I’m late for work already.”

  I grab my keys on a hook by the front door. “I can go check it out. I’m just on my way downstairs anyway.”

  “Okay. Philip’s long gone so you don’t need to worry about walking in on him in the buff or anything.” Wendy turns and heads toward the stairs. “If you don’t hear anything, just flush the toilet or run the sink. Sometimes that’s when I hear it.”

  I’m grateful Mom and L’Raine are punctual people as I make my way to the third floor. They are both likely already downstairs at Something Blue and have been for twenty minutes. It’s not often I have to handle building concerns. Mario is as capable as they come. But this shouldn’t take long. I will either hear Wendy’s strange noise or I won’t. And I won’t be able to do a thing about it if I do. I’m wearing a linen suit and pumps; I’m not exactly dressed for bathroom trouble.

  When I reach the third floor, I see that Liam and Maria Andréa are sitting outside Max’s open door. Liam has a deck of cards spread out before Andréa.

  “Is that your card?” Liam turns over a two of spades.

  “No.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure. That’s not my card.”

  Liam looks up at me.

  “One of Max’s tricks?” I ask.

  “It doesn’t work.”

  “Maybe you didn’t do it right,” Andréa says.

  “Maybe it doesn’t work.” Liam again.

  As I start to walk past them to Wendy and Philip’s apartment, Max emerges from his open doorway. A camera bag is slung over his shoulder. He hands a tripod to Liam.

  “You guys ready?”

  Liam slides the cards into a pile and Andréa rises to her feet.

  “Where are you guys off to?” It appears the three of them are going somewhere to together.

  “Max is taking pictures of tigers. He said we could come.” Liam is now on his feet, too.

  “The zoo?”

  Max shakes his head. “Nope. A big cat sanctuary south of here. On the way to Iowa. They’ve got lions, too.”

  “I’m sure they’re in cages?” It doesn’t surprise me that Max is taking pictures of un-zooed tigers, but inviting Liam and Maria Andréa to come along unnerves me just a bit. I can just see him asking Liam to make a lot of noise so the tiger will look at him . . .

  “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

  A Max answer to the T.

  Father Laurent’s door opens and Ramsey steps out. His eyes linger on me for just a second.

  At least I think they do. Then he turns to his son.

  “Hey, Liam, don’t forget to call me at the hospital when you get back and I’ll come back for you.”

  Before I can stop myself and think it through, I open my mouth. “I can bring him down to the hospital when he gets back.”

  Ramsey swivels his head to look at me.

  “Cool,” Max says, as
if that‘s that. “Let’s go then. Andréa, better get your screams out now, before we get there.” Max starts to walk away.

  “I’m not scared,” Andréa replies and follows him.

  “Bye, Dad.” Liam stuffs the playing cards in his pocket and takes off after them.

  For a second Ramsey and I just stand there watching them go, listening as Max tells Liam and Maria Andréa that a tiger’s stripes are like a human’s fingerprints. No two tigers have the same pattern.

  Then Ramsey turns to me. “So you have a car? I thought maybe you didn‘t.”

  What an odd thing to say. “I have a car. It‘s no trouble to bring Liam down. Really.”

  “I just thought… Because yesterday at the hospital you needed a ride home so I thought maybe you didn‘t have a car.”

  Of course I have a car. What amazing, smart professional who owns her own business doesn’t have a car? “Max came with me to the hospital. In my car. I let him take it after we knew your dad was going to be okay. He had to work.”

  Ramsey looks past me to Max’s front door. His gaze then settles back on me. “You don’t have to bring Liam down to the hospital if you have better things to do. I don’t mind coming back for him.”

  “But I don’t.”

  He stares at me.

  “I mean I don’t have better things to do. I’d like to see Father Laurent today. If… if that’s okay.”

  He blinks. “Ah, sure. That’d be fine.”

  “Okay.”

  Silence.

  “Did you find everything you need in the apartment? Can I get you anything?” I ask.

  “Everything’s fine. Unless you have access to a fax machine?”

  “I have one in the office downstairs. Feel free to use it anytime.”

  “Okay. Thanks. I should only need to send a few pages. Something I should’ve taken care of before the camping trip. May as well do it now.”

  Does he mean at this precise moment? “Now?”

  “What?”

  “Now? You want to do it now?”

  “I guess I could. Just a sec.”

  He disappears back inside Father Laurent’s apartment. He didn’t mean now in the literal sense. He meant it in the general sense. I’m a dope. A second later he is back with papers in his hand. “Okay,” he says.