Prayer (The Pagano Family Book 5)

by Susan Fanetti

  That was a wonderful explanation of Nick Pagano. Katrynn wondered what it was like for Nick to live in a world in which he was stronger than almost everyone else, more powerful than almost everyone else. How did he retain his soul?

  His family. When that had taken a hit with Bev’s struggle, Katrynn could understand why he’d reacted so strongly.

  She loved Nick, and she’d always wanted a love as deep and true as his for Bev, but she could never have been with someone like him.

  Now, she had something, someone, better. A love as deep and true as theirs, but with a man who wouldn’t roll over her, who was instead patient enough to stand and wait for her to catch up to him.

  In the weeks since Atticus Calhoun had died so ignobly, Katrynn had finally and completely settled in—to her love for John and his for her, to their little beach house, to their future. She believed in them.

  John was still having trouble with what had happened—dark moods and sleepless nights—but he turned to her for solace and to talk things through. His need of her had, she thought, helped her give up the last of her insecurities. They needed each other. They were stronger together. She had found her faith in that.

  Katrynn reached out and laid her hand on her friend’s arm. “I’m glad you can stand up again.”

  “It feels good. It feels so good to be happy again. God. I didn’t even see it slipping away from me until it was almost too late.” She sniffed and cleared her throat. “Anyway. I told Nick that with Elisa in school all day, and Lia in preschool, and Brenda and Wilma working full time, I could take some time for myself. And I stood up to him until he got it. So I signed on for a yoga class, and a scrapbooking group, and I want to come in here about eight or ten hours a week. Just to feel a part of things here. I miss it so much.”

  “I hope you’re not asking for permission from me, because this is your shop!”

  “I know. But you’ve been so great taking care of everything, and I don’t want to mess up your rhythm too much. I have no intention of coming back even half time. I think I found a balance that’s working. I just want to be here, too.”

  “I miss you being here, Bev. I think this is fantastic.”

  “Good!” She finished her tea and checked her watch. “You ready to find a wedding dress?”

  Lunch and wedding dress shopping with her mother and most of the Pagano women. Should be interesting. “Let’s do this thing!”

  ~oOo~

  Regina Bridal wasn’t in Quiet Cove, but it was close enough that the Pagano women were familiar to its owners, an older Italian couple. They were both cordial and welcoming as Adele and Sabina, then Katrynn and her mother, came in, but when Bev brought up the rear, the couple all but bowed. “Donna Pagano!” said the man. “Such an honor!”

  Bev smiled and shook his hand, then kissed the wife’s cheek. “Hi, Fulvio, Stella. Do you know my friend Katrynn?” She held her hand out to Katrynn, who came forward. “Katrynn, these are our friends Fulvio and Stella Bagni. Katrynn is marrying Don Pagano’s cousin John in about six weeks. I know it’s short notice, but is there anything you can do to help her find the perfect dress?”

  Knowing that their timeline was not friendly for big plans, Katrynn would have been happy to find simply a nice dress. This wasn’t an off-the-rack shop, really, but none of the Pagano women would tolerate for a second the thought that Katrynn would be married in ‘some old rag,’ in Adele’s words.

  Stella’s eyes widened, but her husband nodded. “For you, Donna, anything. Stella, take them back. I’ll lock up.”

  “Lock up?” Katrynn repeated. “You don’t have to lock up!”

  “Don’t be silly,” Stella replied. “We are yours as long as you need us. Let’s find you a dress.”

  ~oOo~

  After a kerfuffle in which everybody but Katrynn and her mother talked over each other, gesturing wildly, the group decided that each woman would pick a dress and Katrynn would try them all on. Stella and Fulvio reminded her about a hundred times each that they could alter anything, even if it meant deconstructing the dress she liked and remaking it in her image.

  She stood on a round platform in her underwear, in front of five mirrors, two tailors, and four family members, while Stella took her measurements. The women drank white wine and chatted happily.

  Finishing her hip measurement, the old woman pinched her ass. “You have a lovely body, sweetie. Meat in all the right places, and soft where you should be. Don’t go starving yourself for the wedding thinking skinny is pretty. You are a vision. Like a silver screen star.”

  Katrynn doubted that a round old Italian woman with dyed ebony hair and drawn-on eyebrows was a great judge of youthful beauty, but she smiled anyway.

  And then it was time to try on dresses. When Stella was a bit too hands-on helping her into the miles of satin and lace and silk and taffeta, Bev came in to help instead.

  Adele chose a dress full of ruffles and fluff, but even she agreed that Katrynn looked like a cake topper—and the cake—in it.

  Sabina chose a silk sheath dress sprinkled lightly with crystals and with a sleek, cathedral-length train. Katrynn had too much tits and ass to carry it off as a sheath and not enough of either to make it va-va-voom. But it sure was pretty.

  Stella brought a rack with a few dresses that she thought might be of interest, all on the current trend, she said. Katrynn, though, wasn’t all that interested in a dress too much like what everyone else was wearing. And she didn’t think she could pull off a strapless dress.

  Dana wouldn’t choose a dress. She sat at the end of a white sofa, a gentle smile on her face, and sipped wine and watched the goings-on. She seemed to be enjoying herself, and she chatted easily with everyone, but she wasn’t participating. She checked her phone a lot. Katrynn knew why.

  Her father was still home. Almost two months now, he’d been home. A.J. was gone, and her parents were living alone together. Katrynn knew that Dana was beginning to expect him to leave again at any time. Every time she left the house, she could come home to emptiness. Usually, he let her know he was going, but the last time, he’d left in the middle of the night, with no word at all for days.

  How her mother had lived almost forty years in a life like that, Katrynn couldn’t fathom.

  Bev found her dress. While it was still on the form, Katrynn knew it was hers. It was plainer than any the others had brought forward. Winter white taffeta, with a smooth, wide skirt and only the barest hint of a train. An off-the-shoulder shawl collar in the same plain taffeta. The bodice was silk lace, with three-quarter sleeves.

  “Oh, my God,” she whispered, running her fingertips over the bodice. “Oh, my God.”

  “This is you,” her friend said. “Let’s see.”

  Adele broke into tears when Katrynn stepped out of the dressing room. Sabina clapped. Her mother smiled and gave her a nod.

  Stella stood on the platform with her and fussed about the bodice, jerking the dress to and fro on Katrynn’s body with surprising force. She took a bunch of notes in a spiral notebook, then she stood upright and grabbed Katrynn’s ponytail. She wounded it tight and pulled her pencil from her ear and stuck it in the roll of hair. “There. What did I say—a silver screen star. You are Grace Kelly, sweetie. Look at you.”

  Look at her, indeed. She met Bev’s eyes in the mirror. Her friend grinned. And then Katrynn started to cry.

  ~oOo~

  By the time they left Fulvio and Stella, Katrynn had her dress, her shoes and all her accessories; Bev had her matron of honor dress; Adele had her mother of the groom dress; and they had chosen dark blue suits for the men to wear. The colors she’d picked were blue and silver, which she had been assured were excellent classic colors for a December evening wedding. She had only known that she liked them, and that she wanted to steer far clear of any take on red and green.

  Her mother wouldn’t choose a dress for herself, either. She wasn’t comfortable with the expense—not that she knew how much anything cost. The Paganos were p
icking up the tab, and with a word, Bev had taken numbers out of the conversation today.

  Katrynn had a strong suspicion that Nick and Bev were paying for the wedding, but she didn’t know, and Bev wouldn’t say. But she had certainly been in charge on this day.

  Even so, Dana had insisted that she would take care of her own dress, and a suit for Katrynn’s father.

  Katrynn thought it highly unlikely that her father would still be around in six weeks.

  After the boutique, they had a late lunch at a nearby tea room, and the women dispersed after that. Katrynn walked her mother to her car.

  Before Dana opened the door, she turned and leaned back on it. “You’re happy now? This—the glitz and commotion, becoming Catholic—it’s what you want?”

  Katrynn nodded. “I’m happy. I don’t care about the glitz. But the commotion, the church, so many people who care, yeah. It’s what I want.”

  “I’m sorry your own family isn’t what you want.”

  “Mom, please. I love you. That’s not what I meant.”

  “Yes, darling, it is. But I don’t mean to be passive-aggressive. I am truly sorry. I know you love your family. And we love you. But your dad and I never could have given you anything like this. And I don’t mean the money.”

  “Mom, do you ever think that maybe there’s…something wrong with Dad? Something that could be fixed?”

  Dana’s eyes narrowed. “Your father is who he is. I love him as he is. Why would I want him to be fixed? Because he isn’t like everybody else?”

  “Because he hurts people who love him.”

  “People who love him should accept him as he is.” She squeezed Katrynn’s arm. “I’m going to go, Katrynn. I love you. You are going to be a beautiful bride. I’ll see you soon.”

  She got into her car and drove away. Katrynn stood where she was and watched until the car was out of sight. When she turned toward Bev’s SUV, her friend was leaning against the hatch.

  “You okay?”

  “My family parts don’t fit together,” Katrynn sighed.

  “Do they need to?”

  Katrynn thought about that. “I guess they don’t. I fit here.”

  “Yes, you do. You ready to go home? We can stop at the florist on the way. We’re going to get this wedding done, and it will be beautiful.”

  Katrynn had every faith that it would.

  ~ 23 ~

  John had woken up hung over as fuck, but he’d run it off. He’d puked twice on the road, but by the time he and Theo had split up and he’d headed back to the beach house, he’d felt human again.

  He was pleased, when he got to the church, to see that his brothers looked a lot worse than he did. Luca, in fact, was slumped in the corridor just outside the door, his sunglasses on and his mouth hanging open.

  “Fuck,” Joey muttered, and John turned to see his little brother struggling with the boutonniere.

  “Let me see. I thought Adele did yours.”

  “She did. But her hands were sh-shaking, and it’s all…” He gave up the word and simply shook his lapel back and forth, demonstrating that the flower was too loose.

  John repinned it more firmly. “You look good, Joe.” He punched him lightly in the gut. “Fat, but good.”

  “Fuck off…p-pretty boy.” He said it with a smile.

  The door opened, and Carlo looked in. “Pop wants to talk to you, bro.”

  At John’s nod, Carlo pushed the door wide and helped their father into the room.

  For the first few months after Pop’s announcement that he was dying, he’d seemed pretty healthy—in some ways, he’d seemed healthier than he’d been in a while. His mood was better, and he put on a little bit of weight. Not much, but enough that he’d begun to look more like the Pop they’d all grown up with. It had quickly become possible to forget that they were going to lose him, and soon.

  At some point in the fall, though, he’d begun to show weakness. He carried an oxygen tank with him now, just like the one Joey had once needed all the time. Joey had gotten strong enough that he could get by on normal days with an inhaler, and he only needed to hit oxygen when he was sick or overly stressed. Pop would only be getting weaker.

  He had hold of Carlo’s arm as he came into the room, and he didn’t let go until Carlo led him to a chair. “You good, Pop?”

  “Yeah, Junior. Get out, will ya?”

  Carlo laughed. “Okay. Joe, c’mon. Let’s give ‘em the room.”

  Once they were alone, John sat in a chair at his father’s side. “You feel okay, Pop?”

  His father reached over and laid his broad, workman’s hand on John’s leg. “You’re a good man, John. You’re a good son. Of all my children, you’re the only one who’s never disappointed me.”

  “Pop…”

  “Be quiet and let me talk. It ain’t so easy for me these days.”

  John shut up and laid his hand over his father’s.

  “Even when you were little, you were the one staying around to help your mother clear the table or bring the washing in. Your brothers, I always had to yell, but you were there, helping her because she needed it. You take care of your family.”

  “We all do, Pop.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’m proud of you all. Teresa and me, we made a great family. But I’m saying that you see what people need and you do it. You see it right off. That’s your mother in you. She was patient. She paid attention. She never thought of herself first. You’re gonna be a good husband. I’m not gonna get to see it, but you’re gonna be a good father someday, too.”

  In all John’s life, his father had never before indicated that John’s way of being was anything more than simply expected. He was ‘the good son,’ and he’d usually felt taken for granted. The kid who didn’t get much attention because he didn’t demand it. He knew his father loved him, but he’d never before seen that he’d been appreciated. Now he saw it, but it came with the shadow of Pop’s looming death.

  John’s hand clenched over his father’s. “Jesus, Pop, please.”

  Pop reached over with his other hand and patted John’s shoulder. “It’s the truth, son. Let’s face it like men. I’ll be dead by summer. I’m slowing down like an unwound clock. But I don’t want to talk about that. I need you to do something for me. You’re the one I trust to do it right.”

  John nodded. “You don’t have to worry about Adele, Pop. We’ll all take care of her.” The siblings had already talked about it. Adele and Pop had been married for several years, she’d been their next-door neighbor for most of their lives, and she had no children of her own. She had no other family but them, and she’d be their stepmother even after Pop was gone.

  “I know, and I’m glad. But I want you to see to Joey. That boy is lost, and Adele’ll just coddle him and make him more lost. He needs to build his life.”

  Joey had moved in with Pop and Adele in the summer. Except for keeping his job in the company, he had regressed almost completely to adolescence. He was thirty-five years old.

  Pop went on. “Joe’s worst problem isn’t trouble with words or breath. His worst problem is his will. He lost his will. He just gave up. All we do is fight, so I can’t make headway with him, and I’m almost out of time. I need you to do it.”

  John believed that to be true. For a few years, Joey had been doing okay—his speech had improved, and he was almost totally off the oxygen; he’d had his own apartment, and he was doing well at work. And then, a few years back, he’d slowly started to give up. He’d stopped therapy, and he’d lost ground with his aphasia. He’d gained weight and needed oxygen more often. And finally, he’d given up his apartment.

  His answer, when asked, was always, ‘No point,’ and a refusal to continue a discussion on the matter.

  “I don’t know what I can do, Pop.”

  “You’ll figure it out. But I need it to be you.”

  “Okay. I will.”

  Pop smiled and made to stand. John jumped up and helped him, then found himself nearly tackled
into arms that weren’t half as strong as they’d once been.

  “I love you, Pop. I won’t let you down.”

  “I know it. You do me proud.”

  ~oOo~

  The church looked like it always did during Advent, with natural pine boughs and ropes and white and silver bows and bells. Understated but lovely and still festive. John had not been involved at all in the wedding planning, but as he stood at the altar in his blue three-piece suit and white shirt and tie, with Joey at his side, he felt some pride in the look of everything.