Tayan handed her back the coins. “Ellie, these are yours.”
She eyed him suspiciously. “I’ll keep them for you, if you want.”
“Who is in that turret, you or me?” he asked.
“I am, because you want me to be.”
“The point is that you are the sighter. The money you get for being sighter belongs to you.”
She frowned at him. “Slaves can’t have money.”
Amber took her turn to explain. “Ellie, Tayan wants you to keep the money for yourself. You deserve it.”
Ellie looked at her then back to Tayan. “What am I going to do with money?”
“Right now, just hold on to it,” he said, putting the coins in her breast pocket. “When we get to someplace where you can spend them, Amber will take you shopping.”
She looked at him, blank-faced. “I am very confused.”
“You will understand in time,” Amber told her. “For now, just do what Tayan wants you to.”
Jacob, another gunner in the wagon crew, appeared over Ellie’s shoulder. “Hey, Ellie, the rest of us are sitting over at that table, why don‘t you join us?”
Ellie glanced at him. “I am supposed to sit by Tayan.”
Jacob was taken aback by her reply. He looked down his nose at her. “Too good to sit with your fellow crewmembers?”
“You can go sit with them,” Tayan told her quickly. Leaning towards her, he whispered, “Maybe you should.”
Amber had gotten up and was whispering in Jacob’s ear. He frowned at first then nodded in understanding. Ellie looked over at the other men. The look on her face made Tayan think she would rather be with them.
Tayan picked up her plate and handed it to Jacob. “Could you take this for her?”
“Sure,” he said then reached over and picked up her cup. “Come on, Ellie. Bart really misses you.”
Ellie got up hesitantly. Again, Amber said something quietly to her. She looked at Amber and gave her a grin then went over to the other table. Satisfied, Amber sat back down, sliding to her original place beside Tayan.
Tayan turned to see Ellie sit down with the others, all smiles. She was quickly caught up in the chatter as they ate.
“What did you tell her?”
Straightening up, Amber took a breath that made her chest swell as she looked at him with a twinkle in her eye. “I told Jacob what we’re trying to do, but not to let her know yet. I only told Ellie we wanted to be alone for the night.”
“Good, very good,” He refrained from telling her that it sounded like a wonderful idea. A chuckle came from the other side of him. General Cooper gave him a smirk and a wink.
“What?” he asked, a little too self-consciously.
General Cooper waved his fork over his plate as he shook his head. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”
He kept checking over his shoulder at how Ellie was faring. She seemed to be having a good time. He was quite pleased to hear her laugh. Hers wasn’t a smooth, clear sound--she laughed in snorts. The donkey-like noises she made soon got everyone else around her laughing. He couldn’t help himself, and neither could Amber. Ellie’s mirth spread quickly; and the more it spread, the louder she snorted.
He leaned toward Amber as he chuckled. Meeting eyes with her, he felt her gently squeeze the hand he hadn’t realized he was holding. He held hers a bit tighter, thankful for her presence. Their laughter subsided as they gazed into each other’s eyes.
Suddenly, the last thing he wanted to do was laugh. The soft look she was giving him and her closeness made his heart beat faster. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, to kiss her and never stop. The sounds around him faded and the only thing in his world was her. Her lips quivered, and a soft hand caressed his face. He reached out to touch her cheek, to let her know that he was one person who would never think of her as anything but beautiful.
General Cooper broke the moment by slapping him on the back. “That girl has a hell of a laugh!”
Acutely aware he was about to kiss a Sister of the Cloth in front of hundreds of people, he snapped his attention back to reality.
“Ah, yeah, sure does,” he said, getting his breath back.
Amber composed herself, or tried to. She was so flushed her ears were red. Like him, she was pretending that nothing had happened. Across the table, men had their heads down, avoiding their eyes. She took a few breaths, unable to speak. She tried to get a drink from her cup, but her hand shook so badly she put it down. Not looking at anyone, she stood up.
“Please excuse me,” she said in a whisper then all but ran away.
Tayan was ashamed of himself. Amber had to be embarrassed to tears by his actions. How dare he try something like that! He would apologize to her tomorrow--that was, if she ever spoke to him again.
“Didn’t interrupt anything, did I?” Cooper asked.
“Oh, no,” he replied quickly. The rest of the dinner he made small talk with those around him. The whole time the image of her horrified look stayed with him.
When he got up, he decided he couldn’t wait until tomorrow. He checked on Ellie; she was still with the wagon crew. Their plates were empty, but they were heavily engaged in conversation.
They had built a roughly oval fort with log and dirt walls. The area they dined in was towards the river side. When Amber ran off, she was headed for the priests’ tents, which were gathered in the back. He went that way, searching for her.
***
Amber sat at the base of the thick stump with her knees drawn up to her chest. This stump was used as an offering table. On it, the gold cup that signified Odin sat between two candles. The candles were not lit, for which Amber was thankful. She was able to pray then sit in hiding with no one to bother her.
She didn’t wipe away the tears that took jagged paths down her face as they paused in each depression. In a way, they felt cleansing, as if they were washing away the lust that she felt. At the table, she had been ready to give herself to him right then. Now, she didn’t know why she had felt like that. Maybe there was something about his laugh, or the way he looked at her. She had ignored the whole world and Leighna and would have given both up just to taste his lips on hers. Once again, she had disgraced herself.
A shadow moved in front of her, kneeling down on one leg. His voice sounded sad.
“Amber, I am very sorry for what I did. Please forgive me.”
What he did? She tried to focus on him, but his form was backlit by the fire in front of the tents. Hugging herself tighter, she shook her head. “No need, it was my fault.”
“I don’t think it was your fault I tried to kiss you,” he said slowly.
She half-heard what he said. Her mind was on the prayer she had offered. “I wanted Leighna to forgive me,” she explained, “But even as I asked it, I knew what the answer was.” She looked up at the shape of his head, where his gorgeous eyes were. “To be forgiven, I first need to feel regret. I can’t regret wanting you.”
“I...” he started then lost the power of speech.
“Acting how I did in front of everyone, that I asked forgiveness for,” she went on, trying to grin. “I can’t help how I feel. Every time I look at you I have to think before I speak, or else I might burst out and tell you how much I love you, or that given the choice between Motherhood or being your wife, I would rather be your wife.”
Tayan sat down, holding a hand to his forehead. “Amber...I...”
“You still love Lucinthia,” she said, telling him what she knew he was thinking. “To me, that makes you the sweetest man alive. I’m glad you feel so deeply, it only makes me love you more,” She noted that now he held both hands to his head, as if to crush something inside. Blinking, she attempted to clear her vision of tears. “You must get on with your life some day, and when you do I’ll be waiting.”
She wished with all her heart he would say something, do something to let her know she had poured her soul out to him for a reason. She ached to have him tell her that he loved her at least half as
much as she loved him. He didn’t. He only sat holding his head as if it were about to explode.
Neither of them spoke for a while. The night air seemed to deepen the tension as she waited for him to react. After what had to be hours, he staggered up and turned away from her. His voice was thick.
“I’m...so...damn sorry,” he choked. He jogged away.
Amber had to bite down on her fist to keep from crying aloud. Her tears were not only for herself but for him. He would go on as he was, pining over his dead wife. Never would he know the joy and tenderness they could give each other.
Chapter 21
In the morning, Tayan was glad to have the column start moving. His job was easy. In the command shack, all he had to do was stare out the window unless they ran into trouble. The worn look on his face and the dark circles under his eyes spoke of the sleepless night before.
He ran it through his head a thousand times. What could he have said differently? If he let her think that some day he would be selfish enough to take her away from her vocation, it would mix her up even worse than she was. If he had stayed with her to explain it then he would have ended up hugging her and possibly causing her worse disgrace. Amber was a good friend; he had to do what was best for her.
The engine noise became louder as the door to the interior of the wagon opened. Jacob the gunner popped his head out. “Request to enter command.”
Captain Angler waved him out. “Come up.”
Jacob shut the door behind him, much to the relief of Tayan’s ears. He stood watching out the window and glancing at Tayan. After a couple minutes, he got up the nerve to speak.
“Lord Tayan, I want to talk about Ellie.”
He took in the nervous look on the man’s face. “What about her?”
“I want to buy her,” he said quickly.
Tayan returned to staring out the window. “I don’t sell people.”
Jacob dropped his eyes. “I really want her, but she said that only her Master can...”
He stopped as Tayan eyed him. The half-elf lord wasn‘t in the mood to discuss most subjects, and Ellie was at the top of the list.
“Do you want to own her or marry her?”
Jacob shrugged. “I want her, however I can get her.”
“Then be patient.”
Jacob waited a few seconds then asked, “That’s it? Just ‘be patient?’”
“That’s what I said.”
Jacob shifted like he wanted to resolve this right now. He noticed Captain Angler giving him the evil eye, so he decided to leave.
“Yes, M’Lord.” He swung the door open and disappeared into the wagon.
After the door shut again, Captain Angler walked over to Tayan. “It seems Ellie is becoming quite popular. Before we left this morning, it was Bart who claimed he had to have her. Sometimes I think these men spend too much time cooped up in this thing.”
The way he said it rubbed Tayan the wrong way. “What does that mean?”
Captain Angler shrugged. “Nothing, just that maybe my men need more time with normal women.”
“Normal women?”
“You know, ones who aren’t green,” he said with a smirk.
Tayan‘s voice became hard. “I suppose they should avoid elven women as well. And let‘s not even discuss the dark women of the south islands.”
Captain Angler opened his mouth then took a good look at Tayan’s ears. “I did not mean to offend you, M‘lord,” he said slowly.
“You’re right about one thing,” he replied evenly. “Ellie is not quite the same as most ‘normal’ women. I’d say she’s better.”
Captain Angler gave a slight nod and became very interested in getting reports.
The wagons moved at a brisk pace the whole day. Lunch was served in shifts, half the crew at a time. Although they didn’t travel at the blistering speed Tayan had heard about, they did move at a near horse-gallop, and they kept it up the entire day. By the time the sun was setting, they had gone from the river in the middle of the forest to the more lightly forested edge of the Jude.
Tayan retired to his quarters as the crews chopped wood and fetched water for the next day. He made sure he didn’t go near the priests or the tents where crewmen who’d been burnt in their daily duties were being healed. It was best if he stayed away from Amber for a few days, if not the entire trip.
Sitting down, he leaned back to the sounds of axes and saws. He’d learned by now it took full water tanks and many trees to keep these things going all day long. That thought led to another one--where would they find the wood or water once they hit the plains?
He got up and went to find General Cooper. It happened that Cooper was on his way to see him. He no more than opened the door and stepped out when he saw the General approaching with a small entourage. All five battlewagon captains were with him, as were Sir Parson and Amber. Seeing him, Amber dropped her gaze and slid behind the knight.
He tried to pretend he didn’t see her at all. Keeping his attention on General Cooper, he put on his best smile. “General, I was just coming to find you.”
“As we were coming to discuss matters with you, M’lord.” Waving a hand, he added, “You first, please.”
Tayan nodded towards the logs being cut up. “Your wagons use quite a bit of wood. Do you have another source of fuel?”
“Coal, M’lord, but we are very far from the mountains. It seems we were thinking along the same lines. My captains agree--we must slow our progress. Traveling so quickly is burning up all our reserves; and if we’re going on the plains, wood will be hard to come by.”
“My thoughts exactly,” he agreed. “What will happen after we’re on the plains for a week or two?”
The captains looked at Cooper and shook their heads. Planting his hands on his hips, Cooper said, “There is no way we can operate that long without some kind of fuel. Even if we are fully stocked, the longest we can go without resupplying is three days, and that's at an easy pace.”
Tayan folded his arms across his chest as he thought. “We've been traveling at a pace of a week’s worth of normal travel, every day. I’ve crossed the lower part of the plains before--it’s two months of grasslands. Let’s say we use every corner of every wagon to store wood. How much farther would that get us?”
“Fuel is not the only issue,” Cooper said. “Water is also needed, and lots of it. We can stuff wood just about anywhere, but that will do no good when the water runs out. We get into one fight and use the cannons, we'll deplete our water in a single day.”
“I’m supposed to meet Zodiac at a lake in the middle of the plains,” Tayan reminded him. “If we make it to there, we can get everything we need before we go on.”
“How far is this lake?”
“At the speed we’ve been going, about four days.”
Cooper sighed. “That would be eight days if we travel at the most efficient rate. M’lord, that is out of our range.”
“We have to make it within range,” he replied heavily. “Get rid of anything we don’t need and pack as much wood as we can into these wagons. We’ll hang canvas to catch rainwater if we need to.” Pointing back at his quarters, he said, “That’s first. Gut it and start filling it with wood. Do you have coopers?”
“Three, but it will take a thousand barrels to hold enough water for even two days of travel.”
“Then they better get started.”
Tayan helped strip his quarters, keeping only the bed. The only reason he kept that was night fell before they could fill up both rooms with the four-foot-long chunks of log. As his and other sleeper wagons were turned into woodbins, the engineers got together and devised inverted tent roofs. Instead of coming to a point on top, supports were positioned so the canvas caught rain and funneled it down into the center. Many complained about this, since they had a wide stream not too far from where they stopped. Changing the design of the tents had only begun, though, before the camp settled in for the night.
Morning brought Ellie stumbling in
to Tayan’s quarters. He awoke to find her in the doorway holding her hand out to Jacob, who gave her a large bowl.
“You got it?” the man asked, holding his hands out as if expecting her to drop it.
“Yes, thank you, I’ll be back in a while.”
Ellie came in and smiled. “Tayan, I brought your breakfast. We are in a hurry to get our wagon started, I hope you don’t mind that I can’t serve you as I should.”
“It’s okay,” he said with a yawn. He took the bowl then eyed her as she knelt in front of him. “Ellie, you don’t need to do that.”
“It’s comfortable. I’ll be sitting all day in the turret,” she said cheerily. “It’s hot in there.” Quickly, she added, “But not too bad.”
He noticed she still wore her gray clothes under her coveralls. “Why don’t you take off a set of clothes?”
“I can’t--I have to wear the coveralls.”
“You can take the gray stuff off.”
She frowned at him. “I am a slave, I can’t take those off.”
He had been wondering when a good time to tell her would arrive, and now seemed to be as good as any. “Ellie, the day you climbed up into that turret, you stopped being a slave.”
“What?”
“You are a cannon sighter now.”
She stood up, a pained look on her face. “I don‘t understand.”
He took her hand and pulled her gently to sit on the bed. “I want you to listen closely.” He waited until she gave a slight nod then he said, “Don’t get upset. You're worried that I freed you, right?”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t have to. Ellie, you freed yourself,” She started to pull away, and he tightened his grip to make her stay put. “We both know you were a good slave, a damn good one. Now, you're a damn good cannon sighter. The other men in that wagon depend on you.”
“I...did that for you,” she said. A tear rolled down her cheek.
“And you did well. Captain Angler is paying you, just as he pays the other crewmen. The money you get you can spend on food for yourself, clothes, a place to live of your own.” He watched her closely. She had a lost look on her face, but at least she wasn’t carrying on. “How do you feel?”
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