Cirque Du Minuit

by Annabel Joseph

  Great. Now Theo was picturing Kelsey letting Wayne into her room, inviting him to sit on the bed...

  “He’s such an asshole,” Theo hissed as soon as they were away. “Why do you talk to him?”

  “He’s my friend! And he’s not an asshole. Even if he was...talk about the pot calling the kettle black.”

  “What are you talking about? Pot? Kettle? What?”

  Kelsey waved a hand. “It’s a phrase, in English. It means, like--”

  “Whatever. Are you really going to go out with him?”

  “Why not? He says he wants to get to know me better, which is a lot more than I can say for you.”

  “Get to know you better? Ha. This is bullshit. He wants to sleep with you.”

  “He does not.”

  Theo pulled her to a halt and shook his head. “So naive. All men always want to sleep with all women. He, in particular,”--Theo pointed back in Wayne’s direction--“wants to sleep with you.” He darted a finger at her chest. “This friend nonsense is one of the many strategies men use. And gullible women like you, they believe.”

  Kelsey put her hands on her hips. “You’re so cynical. You don’t think there are any men out there who truly want to be friends with women? Who have no ulterior motive about sex?”

  Theo threw back his head and laughed. “No, there aren’t.”

  “You think you can speak for all men?” she asked. “Because I wouldn’t exactly call you typical.”

  He might have taken it as a compliment if her voice hadn’t sounded so cruel. “Come on,” he said, in an equally cruel tone. “We’ve wasted enough time today.”

  *** *** ***

  Kelsey sat in her room that night and stared at the sugar straws in her palm. She hadn’t eaten one in over twelve hours--a record for her. She didn’t need them, not really. She could live if she didn’t have them.

  The greater issue was, why did she feel the need to obey him? Even now, when he would never know? Well, knowing Theo, he could bust down her door and walk in any time. He could be erratic that way.

  Maybe he hadn’t even meant what he said.

  Maybe he only meant she couldn’t eat candy during practice times.

  Well, there was only one way to find out what he meant, and that was to go see him. Go to his room and…

  Who was she kidding? There was only one reason she wanted to seek him out. She walked down the hall to his room, feeling like a total slut, but he wasn’t there. Or didn’t want to answer his door. She looked in the kitchen and common room and was just about to give up when she saw the door to the back garden was ajar.

  They called it a garden, but it was just a poorly kept backyard with a broken stone patio. There was a raised spot in the corner that may have been a garden once, but it was overgrown with wildflowers now. In the middle of that spot, Theo Zamora sat alone on a blanket in the dark.

  “What are you doing out here?” asked Kelsey, crossing the yard.

  “Wishing for a cigarette.”

  Kelsey sighed. “I miss my candy too.”

  He turned a stem in his hand, ripping the petals off a wildflower. She had to step closer to see his face. “So...I have a question.”

  His face looked slightly pained. “I might answer, if it’s not too hard.”

  “What did you mean exactly, when you said I had to give up candy?”

  Theo threw the shredded stalk down. “No more candy, Kelsey. That’s what I meant.”

  “Well...okay. No more Licky Stix, or no more candy in general?”

  He lay back on the blanket, crossing his arms behind his head. “No candy, girl. You are sweet enough without it. And athletes like you should not have these things.”

  Yeah, Jason had told her that too, and her old coaches, and her parents, but... “That’s going to be really hard for me. I might not be able to do it,” she said.

  He turned and gave her a long, searching look. “If you want to be good, you’ll do it. If not--” He shrugged, his lips drawn down in a moue. “Good or bad girl. You decide.”

  Kelsey wondered if being a bad girl might result in more punishments like she’d gotten in the utility closet earlier in the day. If so, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to obey or not. She sighed in frustration, running a hand over one sore ass cheek.

  Theo chuckled. “I see you are weighing your options.”

  That’s what he always forced her to do--weigh options. Good or bad girl. You decide. “Is there enough room on your blanket for me?”

  He moved over and patted the comforter. “Come.” She lay down beside him and crossed her arms behind her head like he did. She looked up at the sky and her eyes went wide.

  “You’re stargazing.”

  “Mmm.”

  It surprised her he would admit it. He didn’t seem the whimsical stargazing type. But then, he was full of surprises.

  She settled back and took in the bowl of the night above her. The sky was black-dark and cloudless. The stars were brighter than she could ever remember seeing in Laguna Hills.

  “Why do the stars look different here? Because I’m on a different continent?”

  Theo snorted. “There are the same stars everywhere.”

  “That’s not what I meant. I know they’re the same stars. But they look different here.”

  He paused a moment before he answered. “Maybe it’s because you’re different. Different than you were.”

  He had a way of speaking that cut through all the bullshit that cushioned her life. She was different now. She was struggling, coming to terms with it. For him, it was just a fact. She wrapped her arms around her waist and shivered.

  “Are you cold?” he asked.

  “No.” It wasn’t a cold night. The temperature was perfect. The stars were beautiful. Theo sprawled lazy and relaxed beside her, but she was agitated and confused. “Theo, why did I enjoy what you did to me in the closet today? What’s wrong with me?”

  “Nothing’s wrong with you. You’re a sex freak, like a lot of people.”

  She turned on her side and propped her head on her arm. “So how did you know I was a sex freak? You knew, didn’t you? What is it about me that gave it away?”

  His expression tightened for a moment, although he still gazed skyward. “You remember, I saw your face that day in the storage room. Your interest was clear as day. Then you came to my house, and when I tried to frighten you away, I turned you on instead. Then I knew, beyond a doubt.” He laughed softly. “It’s so intense in you, I don’t believe you didn’t know all your life.”

  “I didn’t know until you showed me.”

  She turned onto her back, picking out the brightest stars, and then searching out the dimmest ones, the ones you could barely see. Maybe she only imagined them there.

  “Do you know the constellations?” Theo asked abruptly. “Ursa Major. Ursa Minor. Centaurus.” He pointed them out, his strong hand raised up to the sky. She was torn between staring at his hand and the formations he was showing her. “And there, Cassiopeia.” He chuckled, lowering his arm. “When I was little, I couldn’t remember the names, so I made up my own names. Snake. Ladybug. Kitty with a long tail. My grand-mère would make up stories for all the animals I saw in the sky. She told me a story once about a ladybug who was black with red spots, instead of red with black spots. All the other ladybugs made fun of her and the children wouldn’t catch her on their fingertips because they said she was bad luck.”

  It was the most he’d ever said to her at one time. “Mean old ladybugs,” she murmured. “Mean kids.”

  “But you see, the black ladybug knew there was nothing wrong with her. That she was just different.” The corner of his lips turned up in a smile. “I don’t know why my grandmother would have told me that story.”

  “Or why you’re telling it to me now,” replied Kelsey with her own grin. “Are we just a couple of black ladybugs, you and me?”

  “You are, anyway.”

  “Hey!” Kelsey nudged him and Theo caught her hand. He t
ickled her side until she squealed and rolled up against him. He put a finger to her lips.

  “Shh. This is a quiet, peaceful night. No shrieking witch.”

  “I’m not a shrieking witch, you ass.” She subsided, resting her head against Theo’s shoulder, looking back up at the stars.

  “Do you know about it, Kelsey?” he asked after a while. “Dominance and submission? This thing we’re doing? I don’t know so good how to explain it. Only how to do it.”

  Kelsey couldn’t explain it either. But she knew. “There’s just a dominant person, right? And a submissive one?”

  “Yes, that’s you. You like submitting to me, yes? Doing the things I make you do?”

  Kelsey was silent a moment. “If I didn’t like them, could I make you stop?”

  “If you wanted to. You can always make me stop just by going away. It may not seem so, but I only have as much power as you give me. What I take is only what you give. Nothing more. You understand?”

  She nodded against the curve of his shoulder. “Yes. But even then...sometimes it feels scary to me. Like I’m not in control, even though you say I am.”

  Theo shot her a wicked grin. “That means I’m doing it right. You feel me, yes? In your mind and your body.” His hand slid between her legs to rest against her center. “You feel me here every time I’m near, even if I don’t touch you.”

  She didn’t answer. She didn’t need to. It took all her willpower not to arch her pussy against his palm. “You’ve turned me into a bad girl, Theo,” she whispered.

  He looked down at her lips and kissed her softly once. Twice. He drew back and looked at her while one slow finger slid up her cleft, over her clothes, to come to rest on one throbbing spot. “No, I just let the bad girl who was always inside you come out into the light. Little black ladybug,” he murmured, breathing soft against her lips.

  Oh, Theo. She was so enamored of him. It was true. She felt him everywhere. Felt his teasing, probing finger, felt the pulse of his heartbeat in his shoulder where her head still rested. Felt his hard stomach and strong thigh sliding against hers. He pulled away and looked down at her.

  “Michel asked for permission to play with you.”

  Kelsey’s mind reeled, jolted from sensual relaxation to alarm. “What-- Really? Uh. Why would he ask you and not me?”

  Theo shrugged. “Because you are mine. In this, you are. Until you leave me for another, or leave the life.”

  “The life?”

  “All this. The dominance and submission. The power exchange.”

  “Until I leave the circus?”

  “The Citadel. And the circus, yes.”

  “Or until you let me go.”

  “I’ll never let go of you, Kelsey.”

  He said it so easily, so matter of factly, that her breath caught. She stared at him. He stared back, as if he’d said nothing out of the ordinary.

  “Um. Okay. Well, what did you tell him?”

  “That you weren’t ready yet. You aren’t. But I think you would find it an interesting experience.”

  “What would he do to me?” Kelsey asked.

  “Ah, that’s the joy of playing with Le Maître. You never know. Nothing dangerous. He would do what I do. Take power from you. Stoke desires you never knew you had. It’s what he lives for. This circus, these shows, they are his never-ending fantasy. His compulsion to confront people and make people feel. Yes, he is dangerous...but not dangerous.”

  Kelsey digested that information. “So when will you-- What will you tell him-- When will you tell him my answer?”

  “I’ve already told him your answer is yes, because I knew it would be. As for when you’ll be ready, well... We’ll see. You have a few more things to learn.”

  With those words, he rolled over to look back up at the sky. Kelsey felt alarm, yes, but more curiosity.

  “Did you take Minya to play with him?”

  “You are not Minya,” Theo said sharply.

  “I know. But did you?”

  A muscle ticked in his jaw. “A few times.” Then he clamped his mouth shut, and Kelsey sensed that was the end of the conversation. She lay back too, beside her dominant, and studied the constellations. Snake. Ladybug. No. She saw a wolf instead, a dragon, and a falcon that could be Theo, swooping down and carrying her away in his grasp. Sailing around the sky in circles with her, as they did on the silks. It was maybe ten minutes or more before he spoke to her again.

  “Stay away from Wayne. Your gymnast friend.”

  Kelsey didn’t understand Theo’s animosity for Wayne, not for a moment. She’d never known a nicer guy in her life. “Why are you going to put me in the path of a ‘dangerous’ person like Lemaitre, and warn me away from someone harmless like Wayne?”

  “He’s not harmless. He’s dishonest.”

  “Oh, and you’ve never lied to me?”

  “No. Not once. I don’t lie.” His lip curled in derision. “I’d rather not say anything than lie and deceive.”

  “Wayne doesn’t lie either. He’s never lied to me.”

  Theo looked over at her, a hard gaze. Her gypsy king, eyes blazing dark. “Every time he looks at you, he lies. His voice when he speaks to you. Lies. Deception. You think he is a better man than me, I know. In some ways, maybe he is. But with me, you know--”

  “Know what?” Kelsey prompted when he fell silent.

  “With me, you know--” He stopped again, his face screwed up in frustration. “Just watch out for the red ladybugs,” he said, and then flopped on his other side, giving her his back.

  Chapter Ten: Control

  “So, what’s going on with you and Theo Zamora?”

  Kelsey looked at Wayne over the top of her menu.

  “What do you mean?”

  She and Wayne were having dinner at a local corner bistro, the best they could seem to do between rehearsals, workouts, and their other social obligations. Like her ongoing obligations to the topic of the conversation.

  Wayne gave her a piercing look. “I don’t know, Kelsey. He acts like he’s in charge of you. Is he?”

  Kelsey closed the menu and put it down, choosing her words carefully. “Well, he’s my coach now. He’s in charge of my act. So he’s kind of in charge of me, yeah.”

  “You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

  Thankfully, the waitress came at that moment to take their orders. They bumbled through the process with their terrible, hatchet-job French and Kelsey missed Theo’s smooth fluency when he took her out. But Theo was Theo, and this was Wayne from Cali, and they were just friends. Or was it her and Theo who were just friends? Wayne was staring at her again.

  “What was your question?”

  “I’m just wondering if Theo is your official dominant. To speak plainly.”

  “Well, then, yes. To speak plainly. He is.”

  Wayne seemed perturbed to hear it. “Is he anything more? I mean, do you just play at the club together? Or are you two in an actual relationship?”

  Great question. Who the fuck knows? “We’re very close, but not in a formal relationship. That’s the best answer I can give you.”

  Wayne made a face. “I’m surprised you trust him. I mean, far enough to do power exchange with him, much less the rest.”

  “We do an act together sixty feet off the ground. Of course I trust him.” Wayne made another face and Kelsey wondered what the hell was going on. “What’s so wrong with him? Why shouldn’t I trust him?”

  Wayne took a drink and leaned closer. “To begin with, he dropped his partner. She died, Kelsey.”

  “Duh. That was an accident. Not his fault.”

  “But was it an accident? You haven’t been in Paris, so you don’t know this, but they’ve opened an investigation. Minya’s parents wanted to know why the safety line didn’t catch. But when the police came to confiscate the equipment, it had been destroyed. Lemaitre wouldn’t produce it. He said they destroyed it because of--get this--superstition. He told the police the safety cables were
tainted and he couldn’t risk them being used again.”

  “And the police accepted that?”

  “What else could they do?” Wayne’s eyes scanned the restaurant before returning to her. “Although, if we’re going to talk about tainted...your partner...”

  “He’s not tainted.”

  “Are you sure of that? Those safety cables don’t break, so you connect the dots.”

  “You think someone cut them? But who would do that? Not Theo.”

  Wayne shrugged. “We’ll never know now. But the Chinese government is involved and everything. Minya and her family are national treasures. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Chinese authorities showed up in Marseille to talk to Theo.”

  Kelsey felt unsettled. She hadn’t heard about any of this. “So they thought--they suspect--”

  “I don’t know if you realize how tight your partner and Lemaitre are. Funny, for those cables to go missing.”

  Kelsey knew there was no way Theo had cut the safety line. It was inconceivable. But one tiny niggling doubt weasled its way into her chest and made it just a little bit harder to breathe for a moment. She remembered the cool way he’d treated Minya the night of that show, his apparently troubled mood. In hindsight...

  “No,” Kelsey said. “I don’t believe it. He’s a really cautious partner. He’s really a stickler for safety,” she added, remembering the time he’d slapped her for letting go too early.

  “Maybe so,” said Wayne. “But I heard he and Minya were on the outs for a few weeks before it happened. That Theo was looking into finding a new partner, a new act.” He arched a brow at her. “Maybe he’d already found the one he wanted. Maybe he ‘dropped’ Minya so he could create an act with you.”

  Kelsey threw up her hands. “Ridiculous. If he wanted a new act, he could have just said so. He didn’t have to kill off his partner. And I guarantee he wasn’t angling to do an act with me. Not by a long shot.”

  Wayne shrugged. “Okay, sure. Maybe you’re right.”

  “Anyway, you seem to be ‘hearing’ a lot of things a lot of places. What are you, the Cirque du Monde hearsay pipeline?”

  Wayne looked annoyed for a moment before his face relaxed into more jovial lines. “Whatever. Don’t let me freak you out. If he’s a good partner to you--in both arenas--I’m happy for you.”