I realized that I must have looked quite pale again. She likely assumed that I was sick.
“Thank you.” I smiled at her, but only for a moment, before I clapped my hand over my mouth again.
Max caught sight of me and wrapped his arm around me. “That’s it. We’re going back to the hotel and you’re going to rest if I have to sit on you to make you do so.”
I opened my mouth to reply with a smart remark, but I was too tired. All I wanted was a bed to curl up in. All I wanted was some time to sit with my own swirling thoughts and emotions.
Chapter 29
The next morning I opened my eyes and smiled. I had one first thought before I’d let any others enter my mind. This was it. It was our one-year anniversary. Today would lead us into the next year, which I knew was going to be filled with excitement and change, regardless of the decisions we made.
It was also our last full day in Tokyo.
As I’d promised myself the day before, I sat up with the intention of meditating and clearing myself of all the stress that I’d been accumulating. But when I sat up, my desire to do anything faded fast. My stomach was a little off and my body felt like a sack of potatoes.
I stretched, hoping that it would stimulate my craving for spiritual and emotional balance. Instead, it made me topple back down on the bed with a quiet moan. I wanted nothing more than to stay right where I was.
How was I going to explain to Max that I simply couldn’t participate in our last day—in our anniversary dinner? How would I even fly home feeling like this?
I closed my eyes and willed myself to calm down. I didn’t have to be a certain place to meditate. I could do it just lying there in bed. But as I tried to focus, my mind scattered. I let go of the idea of focusing and instead attempted to follow a visual meditation I’d memorized. It usually eased my mind when there was too much chaos for me to truly let go.
In my mind, I walked through a garden. Beside me on either side of the path, flowers bloomed. Each one was a slightly different color, height, and shape. I considered them my thoughts, my dreams, my emotions. Each one was perfect—beautiful, but different.
I continued along the path toward a stream several feet ahead of me. It was my cleansing stream. The moment I put my feet into the water, I knew that I’d feel a shift in my mind, body, and emotions. Before I could get to that stream, however, my eyes flew open in reaction to the twist of my stomach. I knew then that meditation wasn’t going to fix my problem.
Max stirred beside me as I got up quietly to make my way to the bathroom. I hoped he wouldn’t hear me as I did what I needed to do. A few minutes later I stepped back out, still feeling out of sorts.
Max sat up and looked at me. “Are you alright?”
“Uh, yes.” I sat down beside him on the bed. “But I think we might need to rest today after all. At least until dinner. Is that alright with you?”
“Sure it is. Whatever you need to help you feel better. Why don’t you let me give you a bath?”
“Give me a bath?” I scrunched up my nose. “I think I can handle that.”
“Sure you can—or you can let me do it for you.”
“I’m certainly not going to turn it down.” I smiled.
As Max ran the hot water I closed my eyes. He was so sweet—so romantic. Would that survive during our transition back to real life? Would I be able to give him enough attention? Would he understand the changes that were sure to come?
“Ready, Sammy!”
I climbed out of bed and walked into the bathroom. He’d run me a full tub with a few candles lit around it. His expectant smile in the flicker of the light was possibly the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
He held my hand as I climbed into the tub. As he rubbed the warm water across my body, I closed my eyes again. His tender touch traversed every inch of my skin. He touched with reverence every problem area that I ever looked at with disgust. He murmured about my beauty as he rinsed the soap away.
“If something was wrong, you’d tell me, right, Sammy?” He met my eyes.
“Of course I would.”
“Because if anything I’m doing is stressing you out, I’d want to know.”
“It’s not that, Max.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do. Besides, there’s not a single thing you do that stresses me out.”
“Liar.”
“Okay, maybe one or two things, but nothing serious.” I kissed him. “I’m looking forward to dinner tonight.”
“Are you sure that you’re going to be up for it?”
“Absolutely. You’re never going to guess your gift.”
“I bet I could. But I like to be surprised.”
We spent the rest of the day between the bed and the balcony. We talked about our time in Japan, and then our conversation veered into what would happen when we returned home.
Max said, “I can’t wait to spend the next year with you—just relaxing, exploring, and planning. I think that’s exactly what we need, don’t you?”
“Hm. Yes. Planning is definitely going to be necessary.”
“But not so much that we’re stressed.”
“Right.” I smiled at him and felt my heart race.
He glanced at his watch. “We need to get ready for dinner.”
“Okay, but if I’m going to get dressed, you have to go out for a little while.”
“What? Why?”
“Just do as I ask. Have you learned nothing from a year of marriage?”
“Oh, feisty now, are you?” He scowled playfully at me. “Alright. I’ll make myself scarce for a little while. Just text me when you’re ready.”
“Will do.” I kissed him, then watched as he left the room.
Chapter 30
I pulled out the bag that Yuki had given me the night before and discovered the very outfit that my cardboard look-alike had been wearing. It wasn’t quite as skimpy, but close.
As I pulled it on, I wondered if it would actually fit. My hands passed gently over my stomach. For so many years I’d smoothed my palms across it and willed it to be flatter, thinner, smoother. As I looked at my reflection in the mirror now, I didn’t criticize its size or shape.
Before I could lose my nerve, I sent a text to Max.
When he opened the door to the hotel room a few minutes later, I greeted him with a warm smile.
“Wow!” Max dropped his phone out of his hand and stared at me. “Wow! I didn’t think that it was possible.”
“What?” I gritted my teeth.
“For you to look even better. Sammy, how are we supposed to make our reservation now? There’s no way I’m waiting until after dinner to admire you up close and personal in that outfit.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I had to laugh at his expression.
“Wait—I thought we were having dinner here.”
“No, I just said that to throw you off.” He smiled. “Are you going to wear that to dinner? Please say yes.”
“No! No way! I’m never going outside in this.” I laughed. “I thought we were eating here. I’m sorry, let me go change.”
“No—nope, that’s not happening.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me close. “The plans just changed, my darling. We’ll be staying in for dinner. This is the best present ever.”
“I’m so glad you like it.” My heart began to race as I looked him in the eyes. “Plans do change sometimes, Max, you know.”
“I know.” He gazed back into my eyes. “I’m glad.”
“Are you?”
“Of course.” He kissed me, then picked up his phone. “I’ll order us some room service. Sushi?”
I gulped.
Max stared at me. “You’re not better, are you? I told you not to put on a show for me. If you don’t feel good, I want to know.”
“I do feel good.” I sat down on the edge of the bed and bit into my bottom lip. I couldn’t wait any longer to tell Max the truth. He deserved to know. But how would he react? Would his entire world get turned
upside down?
“Sammy.” Max sat down on the bed beside me and took my hand in his. “I love you so much. Do you know that?”
“Yes, I do.” I smiled as tears formed in my eyes.
“Then don’t try to be anyone or anything for me. Don’t try to safeguard our relationship. It’s strong enough to handle anything.”
“Anything? Are you sure?”
“Yes, anything. Absolutely anything.”
I took a deep breath and squeezed his hand. “I got you this too.” I handed him a small ring box.
“Oh? But I already said yes—and I do.” He laughed.
“Just open it.” I grinned. My heart jumped up into my throat. This was it. This was the moment when our entire lives would change. Would he be as open to it as he claimed?
Max opened the ring box. He pulled out the ring with the phoenix on it.
“It’s great. And it matches your bracelet. I love it.”
“Our relationship can survive anything, Max. I do believe that. I trust that whatever changes we face, we will come out stronger from them. I hope you feel the same way.”
“I do.”
“Then look under the cushion.”
“Under?” He raised an eyebrow. With a light tug he pulled out the black cushion. Beneath it, I’d written a confession.
I braced myself as he read it.
The ring box tumbled out of his hand. He looked at me with ever-widening eyes.
“Sammy?”
“I’m not sick, Max.” I blinked back tears as I brushed a hand across my stomach.
He caught my hand and pressed his over mine. “I can’t believe it.” His mouth opened almost as wide as his eyes.
“I know it’s not what you were expecting, but we’re expecting.” I tried to make a joke, but tears slipped down my cheeks. “I’m sorry that it’s not happening the way we planned.”
“Are you kidding me?” He rubbed his hand across mine and leaned close to kiss me. When he pulled away he looked into my eyes with that familiar shine that told me he was the happiest he could be.
“When I went to the pharmacy, I realized that I wasn’t paying attention to my cycle. I was late. Instead of waiting forever in the line I picked up a pregnancy test. I did the test and found out it was positive. I wasn’t sure how to tell you.”
Max leaned over to kiss me gently on the lips before he took both of my hands in his. “This is the best present I’ve ever received. It may not be what we planned, but it’s absolutely perfect.” He grinned. “I’m going to rub your feet and your back—oh, and feed you pickles. Wait, do you need a pickle right now? I should go get some.” He jumped up.
“Stop.” I laughed and pulled him back down beside me. “I think pickles come later.”
“Oh, okay. Then I have time to find the best in the world.”
“I don’t need the best of anything in the world, Max. All I need is you.”
He smiled and rubbed his hand across my stomach again. “You have me, love.”
“And we have quite an adventure to look forward to, don’t we, Max?” Sharing the news with Max had eased the sheer terror I’d been feeling about the news. Yes, it was all still a little terrifying to me, but I knew that he would ease my fears and set my world back to normal once again.
“Yes, we do.” He kissed my forehead. “Thank you, Sammy.”
As he held me close, all the terror I’d been feeling about how I’d handle the transition to parenthood disappeared.
Max was right. As long as we were together we could handle anything.
Dear Reader,
The Single Wide Female and B.I.G. Girls Club books are written for every woman out there who has struggled with their weight, self-esteem and any number of issues that we all face as we work to become the best versions of ourselves that we can be.
They are meant to be light-hearted and fun, but I do hope that they will inspire you—to REALLY live your life to the fullest, loving yourself completely as you do so.
If you enjoy Sammy in Japan, I’d appreciate it if you would take a moment to leave an honest review.
And…
** I have a FREE book for you! **
Wanna know what inspired Sammy to write her bucket list? Visit my website below and get your complimentary copy of “Sammy’s Big Plan!”
LilliannaBlake.com
Enjoy!
Sincerely,
Lillianna
P.S. Also be sure to see the previews following this page for introductions to additional series by Lillianna Blake.
Coming Soon!
Eating for Two (Single Wide Female & Family, Book 1)
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- Signing up for the free book there puts you on the mailing list.
Please enjoy the following preview for
To Love Again (Forty and Free, Book 1)
Chapter 1
Every wrinkle met its match with the firm pressure and glide of her palm. Even though there were very few wrinkles in the shirt, Nicole was determined to make sure that there were none. Her hand trembled as she swept it over the next wrinkle.
How was she ever going to accept the idea that her children now had another mother in their lives?
She glanced over at the suitcase beside her. It was piled up with more clothes than any ten-year-old girl could possibly need for a two-week trip. But Nicole needed for everything to be there. In the back of her mind, she recognized her attempt to prove that she was, and had always been, a good mother—but that didn’t stop her from smoothing out the last wrinkle.
She set the folded shirt into the top of the suitcase and stood up from her daughter’s bed.
So much had changed in the last year in unexpected ways. Perhaps—as some of her friends claimed—she should have seen it coming, but she didn’t. Divorce had hit her like a freight train and plowed right through her happily ever after.
Only—if she was being honest with herself—it hadn’t been exactly happy, not towards the end, anyway.
She walked out of her daughter’s room and picked up a pile of laundry that sat outside her twelve-year-old son’s door. She wanted to make sure that it was clean before she packed it. Since he seemed incapable of actually putting his clothes in his drawers these days, she just gathered all of the clothes from the floor to wash them.
As she walked down the hall to the laundry room, framed photographs—hung exactly two inches apart—stared back at her. There was the photograph of her ex-husband, Jack, as he cradled Jordan the day he was born. Beside it, another photograph of Jack, with Melody in his arms.
Once they were happy—she was sure of it.
At the very top of the rows of photos was the wedding portrait. With eager smiles and much smaller waistlines, the shiny faces in the photograph looked foreign to her, as if they were people she’d never met.
She reached up and loosened the frame from the hook on the wall. It wasn’t right to have it there—not when he was so obviously moving on.
She dropped the laundry off and carried the photograph into her room—what used to be their room.
The moment she sat down and sunk into the familiar give of the mattress, tears stung her eyes. She looked at the picture for a long moment. It was really over now. There was no special cement to put together what had broken many years before, and the fantasy that there might be was gone too.
While Jack had been falling in love, she’d been struggling to deal with the notion of being forty-two and alone. While he was considering adding new babies to his life with his young bride, Nicole was thinking about menopause and whether or not to dye her blonde hair, which had began to sprout silver streaks of reality.
Time marched on, and she didn’t know how to catch up.
Before the tears could begin to flow down her cheeks, she took a deep breath and grabbed her cell phone from the charger on her bedside table. She logged into her new favorite website. It was a support group of sorts, but i
n reality it was a place for women to be honest—to talk about their fears and their joys, and, most of all, vent about life.
Forty and Free was a website that she’d stumbled upon while attempting to figure out how to react to her divorce. She enjoyed the sisterhood that she felt there and the lively debates. As her heart ached, she typed out a message to post. It detailed her ex-husband’s destination wedding, how excited her kids were to be part of it, and how alone she felt because of it.
When she posted it, she prepared herself for whatever responses she’d get. Within seconds she had messages of support from an assortment of women. What heartened her was the fact that these women weren’t all moms or all newly divorced. Some had been divorced more than once, some had been with their husbands from the time they were in high school and some had never been married. Everyone had their own view of what a relationship should be and no one was shy about sharing it.
As Nicole sorted through the responses, she received an alert about a private message from one of the women she’d became close friends with, Ella.
Cielo Spa & Resort! Trust me. Book yourself a room and have some fun. You owe it to yourself to get out of this rut, and see what the world has to offer. It’s the perfect time—with the kids away—to get to know yourself again.
Ella’s words impacted Nicole more than she would have expected. She typed a quick response to thank her friend and let her know that she would consider it, then she logged out.
Each message of support reminded her that her life was not over.
Just like Jack, she needed to find a way to move forward. She picked up the wedding photograph and carried it over to her dresser. With one last look she shoved it into the bottom drawer.
“That’s enough—enough tears, enough questions—just enough.” She closed the drawer and returned to the laundry room to get the load started.
No, it wouldn’t be easy, but she was ready to live again.
There had once been a time in her life when there were more important things than laundry and a broken dishwasher. A spark of eagerness drew a smile to her lips. Like an old but treasured friend, her desire began to resurface.
Sammy in Japan (Single Wide Female Travels #8) Page 10