Come Undone: Romance Stories Inspired by the Music of Duran Duran

by Kim Carmichael

  He turned to meet Gloria. "I can't seem to stay away."

  "The doctor said there's been no sign of life aside from the basic vitals, and they plan to disconnect life support tomorrow morning." The second the words left her mouth, Gloria started weeping. "I can't believe I'm going to lose her."

  While his arms embraced the woman, his brain refused to accept the verdict. "No. You won't lose her. Somehow, someway, and I'm not sure how I know this, but she will come back to you." To us, he added to himself. Rather than a platitude of sympathy, the words felt like truth in the depths of his bones.

  "It's nice of you to say, but I can't hold out hope, not now. I couldn't take it if I went on hoping for her to wake up and then lost her anyway." Gloria shook her head and backed away. "If you wouldn't mind, I'd sort of like to be alone with her now. Say my goodbyes."

  Every muscle in his body tensed. He had no right to be here, no right except that of a dream lover. No more right than a ghost might have in the world of the living. Without speaking, he left—he needed to get to sleep.

  Once back home, he took Quark on a quick walk, fed him and went to bed, probably the earliest bedtime he ever made as an adult not counting if he was ill. Maybe he was ill, crazy in the head at least. Only Quincy's words came back to him, keep the faith. They repeated in his mind like a mantra, and gave him conviction for the comfort he gave to Gloria. Doubt still twinged at the edges, no matter the mantra or anything else.

  His head hit the pillow and darkness settled over him, taking him immediately to another place, the reality of Tessa.

  She set dinner on his dining table. "Will you pour the wine?" The past hour she spent guiding him to slice and dice, while she boiled, sautéed, assembled and then baked. The final presentation was a lasagna that rivaled any he ever saw at a restaurant. A large salad with fresh made vinaigrette served as the only accompaniment.

  With a corkscrew, he opened a zinfandel, and poured their glasses full. He never saw the point in filling them half-full if you were going to drink all the wine anyway. Of course, wine connoisseurs would say it needed to breathe and how could you get the "nose" of the wine if you couldn't fit your nose in the glass? A lot of crap if you asked him.

  He handed her a glass. "To another day of existence. I cherish you."

  Her soft smile warmed him inside, and he had hardly sipped the wine.

  "Perfection." Whether she referred to the wine or the toast he wasn't sure until she added, "you give voice to my thoughts."

  "Your thoughts are perfection then. Thank you for the meal, it looks delicious."

  They ate in silence, enjoying both food and company with no need to fill the quiet with meaningless chatter. He reached over and grasped her hand, unable to be in close proximity without touching her.

  When they had taken their last bites, they both sat back in their chairs and gazed at one another. If he ever had been so engrossed in every minute detail of any other woman, he couldn't remember it. Every expression that flitted across her face intrigued him. He wanted to be inside her, not only physically, but mentally, to understand everything about her, know her and yet, he was happy to unravel the mystery that was Tessa.

  "So, I've been wondering, when do I get to see you at work?"

  Her question jolted him back to the reality of his conundrum at work and the uncertainty he held of her motivations, her previous actions. The euphoria of the moment vanished. His throat tightened, and he lifted his chin to alleviate the unpleasant sensation, but his teeth clamped together, keeping him from relaxing.

  "What?" Her eyes widened, then narrowed as she tried to puzzle out his attitude.

  "We're having a bit of an issue at work. I'm sure you're aware of it."

  "Is it the position you spoke to me about yesterday? The one you wanted filled as soon as possible?" A blush pinked her skin. "We sort of got interrupted before we finished that conversation."

  The reference to their office sexual escapade served to inflame his anger. "Was that your way of distracting me from asking too many questions?"

  "You're not making any sense. Why don't you tell me what's on your mind?" In a small movement, as if she didn't want to draw too much attention to her actions, she placed the napkin on the table. Her eyes never left him.

  "You. Always." His words came out through his gritted teeth.

  She stood. "Obviously this is something you don't wish to talk about, but if it's something I've done, I wish I knew what it was."

  "You know perfectly well what you did." His chair almost tipped over when he shot to his feet. "You're the perfect headhunter after all, aren't you? Bill was a perfect coup for you. He probably netted you a tidy finders' fee from Grissome Finch, didn't he?"

  Tessa took a step back. "Bill? You mean Bill Barton?"

  "My friend, and accountant. The Bill Barton who helped Trevor and me build Howard-Penn from the beginning." He kept his tone curt.

  "I know. Bill told me all about starting up the company." She had the audacity to smile. “You guys did some excellent work, always ahead of the curve, but kept it small, not getting too greedy."

  "Bill was a big part of it from the outset." At his sides, he clenched his fists. The woman practically stabbed him in the back before he even knew her.

  Her nod said everything. "It made Bill a great asset."

  "Exactly. One thing I don't understand." This had been bugging him for a while. "Why didn't you allow him to give proper notice? That doesn't seem very professional."

  "What do you mean?" If he didn't know better, he would swear she was genuinely confused.

  "I mean you called and he started work the next day over at GF." In frustration, he punched a fist into his palm. "Two weeks would have at least given us a heads up."

  "Something isn't adding up here. I didn't tell him to leave without notice. That was left up to him. I just called when I had a position he might be interested in."

  "Yeah, you just call someone out of the blue when you have a position open up? That seems unlikely. You had already talked to him." He flung the accusation at her and she jerked her head as if avoiding a blow.

  "Of course we talked when he came in for his initial interview." Her brows creased. "I explained to you how it all works when you were at the office."

  "When did he come in for his first interview?" he asked.

  "I'd have to check my files, but a couple months ago at least." She shrugged. "You know, I'm really not comfortable talking about this without his okay."

  "You contacted him that long ago?"

  While taking another step backward she held out her hands. "Wait a minute. I didn't initiate the contact, he did."

  It was a moment before her words sank in. "You didn't—"

  "Bill came to us and said he was looking to make a change. I interviewed him, and he passed all our preliminary assessments, so I put him on my list of candidates. He mentioned he wasn't in a hurry, but if the right position came available, he'd definitely jump on it. So when I called, he said it sounded perfect and confirmed he was ready to start immediately."

  Yancy ran a hand through his hair assimilating this new information.

  "I have no reason to lie, but I think I'd better go. If you think so little of me after everything, I'd best go. You obviously don't trust me. No relationship can exist without that essential element." Her gaze was intent, as if daring him to contradict her, but he could find no words to counteract her assumption.

  Simply put, she was right. He let his suspicions gain the upper hand and never gave her a chance to defend herself, just hurled accusations.

  Helpless, he watched her gather her things from around the apartment, even the little things she'd left behind from the bathroom drawer, lotions and cosmetics. Quark followed her from room to room, sensing something was wrong.

  At the door, she knelt. "It's okay, Quark. I'll always love you. Take care of him for me, will you?" She rose up and met his gaze for a moment. The sadness and disappointment he recognized there made hi
m wish he could take back the whole conversation, and just apologize, but the words wouldn't come. The trust had been broken. He was the one who broke it. If she was to stay, it would have to be her choice, not his. The door clicked softly behind her.

  The speed with which the evening took such a turnaround left his head spinning. What had he done? In this dream he attempted to wake, but remained trapped within the nightmare, staring at the door willing her to return. Certainly she knew they had a special connection, something he never experienced with anyone else. From everything she said and did, he thought she shared those feelings. In automatic mode, he cleaned up the table, loaded the dishwasher and went to bed. He tossed and turned, the bed too empty, the house too quiet. Her perfume faintly wafted to him from her pillow like a ghost of her presence.

  He punched the mattress. Why had he let her leave? She proved him wrong over and over again, first at the office and then this evening. Every time he’d attacked her unfairly, so sure he was in the right. In the darkness, understanding dawned. Was being right more important to him than facing the truth and accepting that amazing woman in his life?

  "Damn it. Maybe I'll never learn. But couldn't she have understood? Once she told me the truth, she should have known things were all right."

  Quark stared at him, his eyes catching the faint moonlight shining through the bedroom window. His head moved. If he didn't know better, Yancy would swear the dog shook his head in disgust.

  "Yeah, I know. I blew it. She left. After tonight, I don't think anything I could say would make a difference." The last tendrils of hope left him. She was gone.

  "We'll be okay."

  The dog jumped off the bed and padded out of the room, obviously not interested in listening to him any longer. No doubt Quark didn't believe him any more than he did.

  Sleep proved elusive and when he did doze his dreams replayed the accusations, each time he hoped for the words to make her stay, but they didn't come.

  In the dream, he awoke with a start, rolled toward Tessa's side of the bed and was swamped again with her absence.

  The sadness of missing her carried out of the dream as he opened his eyes, early morning sunlight streaming through the window. She left him. The dream settled over him, the desolation complete. Did her leaving in the dream mean she was never going to wake up?

  If that were the case, all the faith in the world wouldn't help. Whether he was there to watch them disconnect her life support or not would never matter. He refused to watch her leave him again, even if the first time had been in a dream.

  Quark jumped onto the bed and put his head on Yancy's belly. He scratched his head. "She's left, boy. Or will be gone soon."

  He glanced at the clock. Only one more hour until they turned the machines off. What was the point? She wouldn't miss him, didn't even really know him.

  Keep the faith, cherish all existence in the now. The words echoed in his mind drowning out any other thoughts. He had his answer.

  Chapter Ten

  GLORIA STOOD OUTSIDE Tessa's room, her hand on the door jam.

  Yancy tapped her on the shoulder. "How are things?"

  "Nothing has changed. They're going to switch the machines off in a few minutes. God forgive me, but I can't watch it. I thought I could, but it's too much. Too hard." Her words came out a whisper.

  "I'm sure she understands." With great effort, he took a step into the room. "Do you mind if I watch? I'd like to at least hold her hand so she's not alone."

  "Please? It would make me feel so much better. You're a good man. She would have loved you." The trembling smile in her tear blotched face sent a pang of guilt through him.

  "I'm not so sure she would." The knot building up in his chest made it hard to breathe. "You know, when I promised you last night she would come back to you? I'm not so sure any more. I wish I had more hope, something for you to hang on to, but there's nothing more I can say. I will hold her hand so she's not alone. That much I can do."

  The most difficult thing he had ever done was make his feet step into the hospital room. The doctor looked up from the machine he was near, and a nurse stood by the I.V. drip. The walls closed in on him, but he approached the bed and took her hand, enclosing it in his. "I'm sorry, for everything."

  The doctor spoke in an expressionless tone, telling him what to expect. "I'll ask you to leave the room while we disconnect everything. When we're finished, you can return and sit with her. She may continue breathing spontaneously, or she may not since she's been receiving respiratory assistance. We're ready. Based on the do not resuscitate request Ms. Sanchez presented, we are going to turn off the machines. It will be a few minutes, Mr. Howard."

  He squeezed Tessa's hand and walked out of the room.

  Gloria hadn't moved. "That was fast. Is it over?"

  "Not yet. They're disconnecting the machines and then I’ll sit with her. You can too, I'm sure." Needing contact, he rubbed her back.

  "No. I can't." She shook her head so hard her hair whipped against his cheek. "At work, I keep dialing her extension only to remember she's not there, and won't ever be again."

  At the door, the doctor appeared. "You can come in now. She's breathing at the moment, but we don't expect it to be long."

  After a quick hug to Gloria, he entered the room once more. Without the breathing machine he caught a glimpse of her whole face, the first real look since the accident aside from the dreams. She seemed so delicate. Next to the bed, he sat in the chair and reached for her hand, still warm to his touch. How long before the heat of life left her?

  As with every other visit, he began talking. Usually he kept it light, a rambling narrative, but this time differed. He needed her to know.

  "Tessa, I'm so sorry. I guess I've never known anyone like you. My accusations had no basis in fact except that I know how persuasive you can be. The assumption you approached Bill was out of line and I was wrong. There are no words to express the desolation I felt when you walked out of the house."

  Her breathing continued quietly. For how long though? He gripped her hand, willing it to be peaceful for her, no matter what. "You deserve the very best, to barnstorm the unknown."

  Minutes passed, then he lost track of the time. He spoke of little things, how Quincy met him and Quark at the park. "You'd like her a lot, I know. She reminds me of someone, but I'm not sure who."

  When he glanced at the clock he was surprised to see that more than an hour had passed. How was Gloria doing? "I'm going to check on her. She feels bad she couldn't be here, but I think you'd understand. She loves you a lot. I'll be right back."

  Once more, he ducked into the hallway.

  Gloria sat in a chair near the nurses' station. Her eyes filled with tears at catching sight of him. "It's done?"

  "No," he said. "She's still breathing. I've been holding her hand, talking to her, but she hasn't stopped breathing."

  "God, I can't take this." She buried her face in her hands, her dark curls shaking with her sobs.

  Her tears unlocked something inside him. A rage he didn't know he possessed surged through him. "It's so unfair." With great effort he didn't scream the words into the antiseptic hospital. "I need to get back to her. She shouldn't be alone when it happens."

  "You're right. Thanks again for being here, but I have to ask. You're acting like you know her, and more than a chance meeting."

  Unable to find the words to explain, he headed for the third time that morning to Tessa's hospital bed. Was she still breathing? Had she waited until he left before slipping away? For a long moment he watched her, waiting for the sheet to move on her chest. When it rose almost imperceptibly he lost it. The emotions he held at bay all morning broke loose. Tears blurred his vision. Finally, he knew the words he had to say to help her. Wishing for any other outcome was selfish and wouldn't change events anyway. He must tell her.

  "Tessa, I love you. It's the strangest, most wonderful thing I've ever felt but for these last days in my dreams I held you, made love to you and
laughed with you. Thank you for that." He refused to believe his dreams were just flights of his imagination. "Thank you for everything we shared." His voice broke. "But now, I realize it's time to let you go. Know I'll always remember you, forever. You obviously don't want to go, and that's okay, but you have to do what is right for you, to cherish all existence in the now. Part of that existence we both know is to take the next step in our journey. Remember, the Quarkanians believe we never end—the energy that is life never dies. This isn't the end, but the next part of your journey to the next adventure."

  He ran his fingers over her cheek, committing every feature to memory. "Love, it's okay. Gloria and I will remember you and keep you with us in our hearts, but I know it's time for you to leave." He bent his forehead to hers in a last goodbye.

  "Where am I going?" The soft, whispered words drifted to his ears so quietly he wasn't sure if he imagined them.

  He drew back, sure his imagination had taken over.

  Her eyes fluttered open, those beautiful eyes he stared at in his dreams widened. "I know you. I spilled your coffee."

  After waiting for the worst, for her last breath, hearing her speak sent his heart skittering in a different direction altogether. "You woke up, came back to us? They said you—" He couldn't finish. "I need to get—" His mind couldn't complete a thought. He stopped and turned around, unable to believe his senses. "Stay right here. Don't go anywhere. Promise?"

  She smiled that familiar impish smile. Though she remained pale, he saw life in her—not a figment of imagination, but the vitality of the living breathing woman who had captured his heart. His Tessa.

  Then he saluted her, fist to his ear.

  Her laughter bubbled and she returned the salute with a tug of her nose.

  "I'll be right back." He sprinted to Gloria, who sat with her head back against the wall and her eyes closed. "She's awake. Tessa, she opened her eyes and she's talking."

  Gloria's brow creased. "No."

  "Seriously. She's really alive and awake."

  The nurse at the station came up to them. "What did you say?"