‘Red Hula Hoops and Coke is my foolproof hangover cure… here we’ll get Charlie to pick some up when he goes to the shop…’
‘Does that really work?’ Zara asked.
‘Totally… it’s a miracle cure, I discovered it by accident once in Uni… never looked back since.’ Penelope was convinced that it worked.
‘Ok, I’ll give it a go, one thing is for sure, I can’t feel any worse than I do now… how many more are there to see today?’ Zara enquired.
‘I’m afraid to ask him! And I bet he is flirting like mad with all the girls when he shows them around… they’ll run a mile!’ Penelope sighed.
‘I know, although that guy Gerard was gorgeous…’ Zara whispered to Penelope so that Charlie wouldn’t overhear her, they had been so hard on him for judging the girls for their looks… they didn’t want to be seen as hypocrites.
‘I know… I was undecided until he mentioned the snowboarding… I mean, can you imagine the body!’ Penelope looked dreamily into space as she said this.
‘Me too.’ Zara joined her in space.
‘But imagine what it would be like living with two bloody musicians… they could turn this place into a groupie den…’ Penelope snapped out of it pretty quickly, as her rational mind butted in.
‘I never really thought about that, but I think that you know Charlie well enough to stop that from happening… if we were all randomers that would probably happen, but because you two are such good friends he won’t want to piss you off…’ Zara assured Penelope.
‘That’s a good point. Did you like any of the others…?’ Penelope glanced down at the list again, ready to prompt Zara with it.
‘I thought the Swedish girl was lovely, she would fit right in.’ Zara offered.
‘Totally, I agree… but then three girls in one house, that’s kind of asking for trouble… I think we should try for a guy if possible, to balance things out. It’s very difficult to say in advance isn’t it? They can all seem really nice when you only meet them for a few minutes. The only one I didn’t like was the fourth guy, Paul, I think?’ He gave Penelope the creeps.
‘Yeah, I know the one you mean, it almost seemed like he was casing the joint.’ Zara had a bad feeling about him too, but she wasn’t too sure why.
‘Exactly, I didn’t want to say it, but that’s totally what it felt like. He had more of an eye on the furniture than on us, creepy!’ Penelope shuddered.
‘Let’s cross him off the list then.’ Zara added.
‘Other than that let’s not make any judgments until we see them all, oh and we’ll have to see what Charlie thinks too, I almost forgot about him, although I’m sure he’ll want Angelica to move in.’ Penelope smirked at Zara.
‘Hmm, I wonder why…’ Zara smirked back.
‘I think that’s him back now… ok, here Zara, one Hula Hoop at a time, and then tiny sips of Coke… slowly does it, you’ll be fine in no time.’ Penelope reassured Zara that she would feel human again in no time at all.
‘This is such a struggle, how long before I feel normal again?’ Zara did what she was told.
‘Once you have finished the whole pack and that can, you will feel a hundred times better.’
‘I hope you’re right.’ Zara considered the Hula Hoops and the can of Coke, she was not looking forward to consuming either of them…
‘Charlie, so what do you think so far? Angelica right?’ Penelope spun around to ask Charlie.
‘No actually…’ Charlie put on a tone of mock miffery…
‘No?!’ The two girls cried in unison.
‘I’ve already got her phone number don’t I, I don’t have to live with her!’ Charlie grinned at them both.
‘You are unbelievable! So anyone you think might fit in really well?’ Penelope looked up to heaven as she said this.
‘Definitely Gerry, he seems like a blast!’ Charlie gave Gerry the thumbs up.
‘Which one was he again…?’ Penelope checked her list.
‘You know the snow boarder, band guy.’ Charlie actually believed that Penelope didn’t remember Gerry.
‘Ah, yes I think I remember him, Zara do you remember which one was the snow boarder band guy?’ Penelope asked Zara in a mock serious tone, pretending that she didn’t know exactly who he was talking about.
‘No, nope doesn’t ring any bells.’ ‘I nearly choked on my Coke there…uh oh I think it’s going to come down my nose… eugh!’ Penelope made Zara laugh the way she said this.
‘What are you two laughing at?’ Charlie couldn’t follow at all.
‘The Coke nearly came down her nose, didn’t you see…?’ Penelope tried to distract him.
‘Yeah but it nearly came down her nose because she was laughing! What’s so funny?’ Charlie still didn’t get it.
‘We were just laughing at this mascara emergency one of the girls had in work the other day, you see, she came in and it was all over her…’ Penelope knew that this would shut Charlie up, he hated girly talk.
‘Enough! I’ve heard enough already!’ He put his hand up to stop them as he said this. ‘We have twelve more coming after 2 pm, so if you two can stop laughing I’m going to make myself a toastie and recover from walking up and down those three flights of stairs every ten minutes…’ Charlie headed into the kitchen.
‘That was so funny!’ Zara had regained composure, but was still clutching a bunch of Coke-stained tissues.
‘I know! I couldn’t believe he chose him, I was sure he was going to go for the Swedish girl…’ Penelope sounded incredulous…
‘Me too! Looks like Gerard, I mean Gerry might be the one!’ Zara hoped he was.
‘Shhh! Don’t’ say that, you’ll curse it.’ Penelope hissed at her.
‘Oh no, the doorbell, damn it, this one’s early. Zara… you are not going to believe this, it’s a set of twins!’ Penelope looked out the window and saw identical twin girls outside.
‘No way! Let’s have a look.’ Zara was beginning to feel human again and left the couch for the first time that morning, and peered over the window box.
‘Hi, we are, I mean I’m here about the room… I just brought my sister with me, I hope you don’t mind, I didn’t fancy calling into houses on my own.’ The two girls stood there staring at Penelope.
‘Of course that’s fine. I’m Penelope.’ Penelope plastered a big fake smile on her face, she didn’t fancy a twin living in the house, she just knew that it would be double trouble.
‘I’m Pamela and this is my sister Lucy.’ Pamela introduced them.
‘Lovely to meet you both. I’ll just get Charlie to show you the room.’ The fake smile was still stuck to Penelope’s face.
‘Zara! He’ll have a heart attack when he sees those two.’ Penelope whispered to Zara.
‘I know! This is all too much for a girl with a hangover, all this laughing is making my tummy hurt even more… actually I’m feeling much better now after the Hula Hoops and Coke… what a relief!’ The colour started to creep back to Zara’s ashen face.
‘Sorry, Pamela, now we just have a few questions…’ Penelope began as the first girl came into the living room.
‘No, I’m Lucy, Pam is in the loo!’ Lucy answered.
‘Oh right, ok, I’ll hold on until she comes back then…’ Penelope sighed, it was happening already! They were causing chaos.
‘Oh god how embarrassing!’ Penelope thought to herself.
‘Pamela, now we just have a few questions… you know there are no pets allowed here, and you need the deposit and a month’s rent in advance… … and we would need you to move in almost immediately, is that going to be a problem?…’ Penelope was on automatic pilot, she had made this speech so many times already today.
‘Well, I work in a design studio, I go out socialising a lot, and I like to go away at weekends a bit…’ Pamela began her monologue.
‘… lovely to meet you… both, Pamela, if we shortlist you we’ll call you by six today…’ Penelope ushered the twins out as soon as
they had rushed through the questions.
And the interviews went on and on and on…
‘… Peter… work as a lawyer in the city…’ Peter began.
‘Oh, do you work in the music business, my friend works in that industry, his name is Ah-Leeks… do you know him?’ The mere mention of lawyers had Penelope on the edge of her seat. Imagine if this guy knew Alyx!
‘No, I…?’ Peter barely had time to finish his sentence.
‘Are you sure you don’t know him!?’ Penelope shot back.
‘No I think I’d remember a name like that, I work in tax mainly… and I like to rock climb…’ Peter ignored Penelope’s fishing and went on with his monologue.
‘Dull, dull, dull, oh well it was worth a try, he might have known him… I’m not listening to a word this guys is saying… I’m distracted now, I wonder if he’ll call, I hope he does…’ Penelope’s mind was on other things.
‘… I’m Mandy, … I’m a beautician… I’m twenty-three…’ Mandy had implants! She was crossed off the list.
‘… I’m Louise… sorry I’m late, I got completely lost, I hope you don’t mind me coming at another time…’ Louise was a vegan, hippy, nudist, she was swiftly crossed off the list.
‘… My name is Richard, nice house, room is a bit small though… no I couldn’t move in straight away, I need to give at least a month’s notice…’ Richard was off the list.
‘… Christian, … Model, travel a lot to Milan, Paris mainly… couture shows… I do smoke, will that be a problem…?’ Despite the smoking, Christian was still on the list, the girls absolutely loved him.
‘… Justin, accountant… staying in and watching TV, nature walks, reading… I have a pet budgie…’ Justin was too dull. Off the list!
‘… So excited about living around here! All my girls have moved in on this road! It’ll be exactly like Uni!… Soooo into parties every weekend… hope that’s cool, so when can I move in? I love London!… Sorry, forgot to say my name is Charlotte… but my friends call me Charlie! Oh hilarious! Two Charlies in one house!…’ Charlotte was a little too enthusiastic for the three of them. She was off the list.
‘Please tell me that was the last one? She was like a bloody cheerleader and she didn’t stop talking! I couldn’t get a word in edgeways and I’m not even listening to what they are saying at this stage… I’m so wrecked…’ Penelope looked shattered.
‘Me too! Charlie is getting off lightly not asking the questions… I bet we’ll end up picking one of the first ones we saw…’ Zara was exhausted too.
‘I know, but you just never know… that’s the thing really, it’s a numbers game… we had five no shows, one extra …’ Penelope surveyed the list.
‘The twin?’ Zara knew exactly where Penelope was coming from.
‘Yep, and then about six of them couldn’t move in straight away, so they are off the list immediately… That leaves about eight relatively normal people out of the rest of them, five ok girls and three ok guys… here’s the shortlist… what do you think?’ Penelope showed Zara the list.
‘I think I’ve made my feelings about Gerard, perfectly clear, I liked Angelica, and Christian… he was the model wasn’t he?’ Zara was going through the shortlist.
‘Yeah, he probably won’t actually be here that much, which would be ok wouldn’t it?’ Pen added.
‘Yeah, and the twin was quite nice, as long as it’s not her and her sister moving in. Pen, I agree with all of these as a first stab at the shortlist… let’s see what Charlie thinks. He might knock a few more off.’ Zara handed the list back to Penelope after cross-referencing it with her own.
‘Ok, ok, yeah, ok, fine, not sure about the model guy… Christian, bit of a wuss, he was going on to me about how I should use moisturiser! I’ll thank him when I’m fifty he said, what a muppet!’ Charlie was going through the list of names one by one.
‘You know that you should actually, it’s not just girls that…’ Penelope began extolling the benefits of using moisturiser.
‘Don’t you start, for fuck’s sake!’ Charlie was indignant.
‘Right, sorry… go on…’ Penelope admitted defeat.
‘The twin has to go?’ Charlie was emphatic.
‘Why did you not like her?’ Zara was surprised to hear this.
‘No, no I do… but not in a housemate kind of way, if you know what I mean.’ Charlie grinned at them both.
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, ok…’ Penelope sighed.
‘And Angelica will have to go, for the same reason, oh and the beautician … sorry!’ Charlie looked sheepish, it seemed like he had gone through the list for himself, not thinking of the housemate situation as his first priority.
‘Oh well, it’s better that you are being honest… did you actually ask them out or what?’ Penelope enquired.
‘No, just shameless flirting… keeping my options open of course. Oh and they will all be auditioning for the band…’ Charlie smirked at her.
‘What?! That’s ridiculous?! How did you manage that?…’ Penelope was incredulous.
‘I told them they had the right look for the band, that one never fails!’ Charlie had such a way with women, especially when it came to combining them with his first love… music!
‘Charlie! You’re terrible!’ Zara shrieked with laughter.
‘So that just leaves, two of the girls who we weren’t too sure about anyway… and then the two remaining guys…’ Charlie looked at the even shorter list.
‘I had a feeling that it should be a guy because three girls in a house might be a bit much…’ Penelope added.
‘I agree,’ Zara agreed,
‘Me too, I couldn’t cope with three of you nagging me!’ Charlie ducked as Penelope aimed a cushion at him.
‘Right… so between the two guys…?’ Zara asked.
‘Gerry!’ Charlie said.
‘I say, Gerard, or Gerry or whatever you want to call him,’ Penelope agreed with him.
‘Ok, let’s call him and see if he can move in, and if not we can ring the other guy. I’ve forgotten his name already… Charlie will you do the honours?’ Penelope handed him the phone.
‘Cool, give me his number… I’ll sort it.’ Charlie was delighted with himself, he couldn’t wait to live with another guy.
‘Fingers crossed he’ll take it. How are you feeling now Zara?’ Penelope was glad to see Zara looking a bit better.
‘A million times better, that was a complete miracle cure. I could still do with a little nap… do you think he’ll take the room.’ Zara curled up on the couch, hugging a cushion.
‘I’d say so, Charlie seems to think that they got on like a house on fire… and we were quite taken with his… erm… finer qualities…’ Penelope smirked at Zara.
‘I know, I hope he moves in. We’re terrible, we slag Charlie off for going for looks and the two of us are no better,’ Zara whispered to Penelope.
Charlie came back into the room beaming.
‘Well, Charlie… what did he say?’ Penelope asked him.
‘Moving in tomorrow!’ Charlie gave them a huge smile.
‘Cool!’ Penelope nodded.
‘Yay!’ Zara said.
‘That’s a relief, good to get the whole thing sorted in a day… it means we can split all the bills from now on. I really hope this guy works out, it’s very hard to tell after only meeting him for twenty minutes… oh hello… text message!’ Penelope was deep in thought when she was rudely interrupted by a text message.
Hi Penelope,
A S B here,
hope u r well.
R u free for dinner,
wed. night?
‘What a weird text. What the hell is ASB who is that? Hmm, oh another one!’ Penelope stared in disbelief as another text message buzzed into her phone and it vibrated as she read the first one.
P.S. we met in Floridita
on Thursday, in case
you have forgotten…
‘Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…
it’s him! It’s Alyx! How could I have forgotten, oh yes! Right I’ll text him back but… not … just … yet. Butterflies in my tummy… I haven’t been this excited about a date in ages! Things are definitely looking up… I can’t wait to tell George!’ Penelope’s heart rate shot right up and her stomach started doing cartwheels.
Meanwhile Zara sat on the couch… miles away. Every second day in London something completely out of the ordinary happened to her. She was used to a relatively quiet, and relatively unglamorous life, and in the past few hours, she had met models, musicians and all sorts of people… who were trying to impress her. It was a lot to take in. None of her friends back home would even believe all of this!
‘I can’t wait for Gerry to move in. He’s gorgeous… and I know of course he is strictly off-limits because he is my housemate, but still. Penelope was great to organise the lists and all of that. I suppose there will be a backup if things with Gerry don’t work out. I still feel pretty rough, although the miracle cure did bring me back from the brink… I swear I’ll never be able to drink B52s again. Charlie is delighted with himself, bless him. I think he thinks he’s got a new friend to play with. Penelope looks very happy, I hope it’s not just about Gerry, must be a man involved, she’s got that walking on air thing about her all of a sudden again… hmm… good for her, hopefully it’s contagious.’ Zara was delighted to be feeling human, and happy, again.
‘Excellent that Gerry is moving in, too many women around here definitely. We are looking for a new bass player in the band, he might just fit in to that. Shiiiit I’m late for rehearsal…’ Charlie was delighted to be getting a guy to move in.
‘Ok, I’ll text him back… oh my god, oh my god, oh my god… what will I say… I am freaking out! Only one thing to do…’ She dialled George’s number immediately.
‘Hi it’s me,’ Penelope sounded so excited.
‘Penny, how are you?’ George was delighted to hear from her.
‘Fine, fine, but George… he texted me!’ Penelope gushed, she could barely get the words out she was speaking so fast.
‘Calm down, calm down, who texted you?’ George sat up so that she could try to figure out what Penelope was talking about.
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