Crystal Frost 4

by Alicia Rades

  I started by saying goodbye to Emma at our sleepover that night. I never actually said goodbye or breathed a word of the prophecy to her. I simply enjoyed her company, taking in every bit of joy I could from her laugh, focusing on the way she crinkled her nose and how that made her look like a chipmunk, and reveling in all the memories of our years of friendship.

  Emma snorted and threw her head back in laughter. We were both sitting on my bed and couldn’t stop laughing as we recounted stories from our past. “And remember that time when you fell face first into the mud on our first grade fieldtrip to that farm?” She giggled uncontrollably. “Oh, my gosh. Your face was covered in crap—literally.”

  “Hey,” I defended. “It was really wet that day, and I slipped in the mud. At least it’s not as bad as the time you peed your pants on our second grade field trip to that nature center.”

  Emma covered her face with her hands. “Oh, god. Don’t remind me!”

  I wanted to tell her about how much I would miss our sleepovers and our walks to school. I wanted her to know that I’d miss our volleyball practices and band performances. I wanted to tell her not to worry about me when I was gone, that I’d be with my dad on the other side. But I didn’t. I couldn’t risk telling anyone, or they’d try to get me to change my mind. I would save them no matter what.

  The following morning, Emma and I made chocolate chip pancakes, just one more thing I’d miss about our sleepovers. She didn’t stay long because it was her dad’s weekend, and she had to drive herself and her little sister, Kate, over to his house to visit.

  As soon as she left, I borrowed my mom’s car and drove to the city to visit Robin like I did almost every weekend. He hugged me tight when he came downstairs to meet me in his dorm’s common room.

  I squeezed him back and nuzzled into his shoulder, never wanting to let him go. I inhaled his fresh spring scent and went weak in the knees. I didn’t want to say goodbye.

  “Crystal.” Robin drew away and stared me in the eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  Apparently I’d been squeezing him too tight. “Wrong? Nothing. I just missed you.”

  He pulled me back into his body. “I missed you, too. Do you want to drop your purse off in my room, and then we can take a walk or something?”

  “Sure,” I agreed. I had put some thought into what I wanted to do with him on possibly one of my last days. I wanted our time to count for something, but I had yet to come up with a good idea.

  When we arrived in his room, his roommate was surprisingly gone.

  “Where’s Joe?” I asked.

  “Oh, he went home for the weekend. Said he needed to beg for some money from his parents. You know, the whole ‘poor college kid’ scenario?”

  I shrugged, but a moment later, I realized something. “So, that means we have this room all to ourselves?” I raised my eyebrows suggestively and closed the distance between us.

  Robin rested his forehead on mine, and his hot breath warmed my face. I couldn’t waste another second, not when I didn’t know how much time I had. I wrapped my arms around his neck and planted a kiss on his lips.

  He kissed me back and entwined his fingers in my hair. I pressed my body against his, wanting nothing more than to get closer to him, to melt right into him as if we could become one. I parted my mouth slightly, letting my tongue graze across his lower lip. He mimicked my movements in reply. When I was confident he was getting into it as much as I was, I pushed at his body until the back of his knees butted against the edge of the futon under his bunk, and we tumbled down. His hands moved down over my back and then settled on my hips. I ran my fingers through his hair and parted my lips even further. My heart hammered against my rib cage, and my skin grew hot in anticipation.

  Without warning, Robin tensed and gently pushed me away.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  He struggled to work his way to a seated position. Noticing his discomfort, I reluctantly pealed myself off of him, and we sat next to each other on the futon.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “We—we can’t do this.”

  My mouth hung open in disbelief. All I wanted was to say goodbye to him.

  He gripped onto the legs of his jeans and pulled them down to adjust them. “It just—it wouldn’t be right.”

  “What’s not right about it?” I demanded. A fire burned within me, one that longed desperately for him. “What do we have to lose?”

  He eyed me sideways before averting his gaze. “A lot, actually.”

  “Robin.” I scooted closer to him and kissed his cheek. “It’s just us. Right here, right now. All I want is to show you how much I love you.”

  “There are other ways to do it than this.” He still wouldn’t look at me.

  I blinked a few times. He was turning me down? Did he understand what I was offering him? “Robin . . .” I couldn’t find the words to finish my thought. “Why not?” I finally asked in a whisper.

  “It’s just . . .” He scratched the side of his face. Apparently he couldn’t come up with the right words, either. “You’re too young,” he finally said.

  “I am not. The age of consent is 16 in our state.”

  Robin sighed. “Well, it’s just . . . there are other reasons that it wouldn’t be right.”

  “It’s your leg, isn’t it?” I asked. I knew he was self-conscious of it, but this badly?

  He finally looked at me. “No. Well, uh, yeah. You’re right. It is my leg, and I’m just not ready.”

  I kissed the side of his face again. “Robin, you don’t have to worry about that. I’m not bothered by it at all. I love you. And that’s all that matters.”

  “I love you, too, Crystal, but there are other ways to show it.”

  “Not compared to this, Robin.” I reached up to place my hand on his cheek and pulled his lips to mine. He almost gave into it, but he caught himself before he could fully surrender to my kiss.

  “Crystal!” His voice filled the room as his arms came up to shove me away from him.

  I fell back into the bunk bed’s metal bars. Tears welled in my eyes, but I didn’t make a noise. He still wasn’t looking at me.

  “Just stop pressuring me,” he demanded.

  I held my breath to keep from crying. I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling at the moment. Guilt because I’d been pushing it? Hurt because he’d shoved me into the bars? Anger because I knew I’d die without ever showing him how much I truly loved him?

  “I should go.” My voice cracked, but I kept my face turned away from him as I reached into my purse for my keys and situated the strap on my shoulder.

  “Wait, Crystal,” he insisted, but I was already out the door. “Crystal!” he called down the hall. His voice barely reached my ears as I raced away from him.

  In the car, I let go, and the waterfall of tears struck almost immediately. I drove out of the parking lot and headed straight for home. I didn’t stop crying the entire way, thinking about how that was the worst possible way to say goodbye to him. I bawled even harder when I realized it may be the last time I saw him.

  When I arrived home, I thought about hopping right back in the car and driving to Robin’s dorm to apologize, but a little voice in the back of my head kept telling me he wouldn’t appreciate that, that he didn’t want to see me. And as much as I didn’t want to listen to that voice, I let it consume me.

  Chapter 15

  Although my farewell to Robin hadn’t ended the way I would have hoped, I knew there were more people I had to say goodbye to. On Monday after school, I walked the short distance to the elementary school. I spotted Hope as soon as she exited the building. She ran over to a girl I recognized from school. She was a freshman named Bethany and was Hope’s temporary babysitter while I was in volleyball.

  I caught up to them quickly. “Hope,” I called from behind her.

  She turned and smiled at me, her big chocolate eyes bright. “Crystal!” She released her babysitter’s hand and ran to me. The impact of her body startled
me as she smashed into my middle and squeezed me tight. “I missed you,” she said into my belly.

  I laughed. “I missed you, too.”

  Bethany eyed me.

  “Hi,” I greeted her. “I’m Hope’s other babysitter. Do you mind if I talk to her for a couple of minutes?”

  “Uh.” Bethany looked between the two of us. Apparently she figured I wasn’t a threat because a moment later, she agreed.

  I led Hope to the stairs in front of the school and sat her down. We were far enough out of Bethany’s earshot, and the other students had already fled to the busses or their parents’ cars.

  “What are you doing here?” Hope asked me.

  “I just wanted to see you.” And say goodbye.

  “Are you going to be my babysitter again?” she asked hopefully.

  “I—” I glanced toward Bethany. I’m not sure why, maybe so I wouldn’t have to look Hope in the eyes. “I really want to.”

  Hope hugged me again.

  I squeezed her back. “I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed being your babysitter.”

  “Uh oh.” Hope pulled away from me. “Is something wrong?”

  She had always been pretty smart for her age, and I mentally kicked myself for forgetting how quickly she caught on to my emotions.

  “Wrong?” I asked. “No, of course not. Why would you say that?”

  Hope shrugged. “You’re acting like you aren’t going to be my babysitter anymore.” Suddenly, her expression shifted, and her lower lip quivered. “You are still going to be my babysitter, aren’t you? You said you’d come back in November.”

  I pressed my lips together in thought. How was it that she could always pick up on what I was feeling? “Hope?” I locked eyes with her in a serious gaze. “Can you feel me?”

  “What—what do you mean?”

  “Can you feel my emotions? The way we used to connect when—when you were with Lauren?”

  She shook her head. “No. I don’t see you in my dreams anymore.”

  Why were we ever connected in the first place? I wondered. “You don’t feel what I’m feeling right now?”

  “Not since you saved me,” she admitted.

  I hadn’t felt her either, but then again, she was the only person whose emotions I’d ever felt when I wasn’t touching them. “Why are we connected?” I wondered aloud. I narrowed my eyes into the distance like there was someone out there who could give me the answer. I didn’t expect Hope to respond.

  “Connected?” Hope asked and then shrugged. “At first, I thought you were an angel or something. I prayed for someone to help me, and then there you were in my dreams, telling me everything was going to be alright.”

  And then it clicked. Just like that, it made complete sense. Hope had asked the other side for my help, and they’d answered her prayers. That’s why I could feel her when I was searching for her last November. I’d never felt anyone else like that because they’d never asked for help. When I rescued Kelli, she didn’t want help. It was Olivia and Justine who’d asked me to help her. When I saved Sage from her suicide attempt, it was her sister Melissa who had asked me to help her. Sage never prayed for my help.

  The tension in my heart eased. “I get it now,” I said aloud. I looked back down at Hope again. “I guess in some sense, I really was your guardian angel. I will always watch over you,” I promised. “I love you, Hope.”

  She hugged me for one last time before I said goodbye. “I love you, too, Crystal.”

  As I watched her walk away with Bethany, a comforting sensation overcame me when I realized this wouldn’t be the last time I saw her. When I moved on, I’d still be watching over her.

  On Tuesday, I drove to the city again after school. I didn’t come to see Robin. I had another friend to say goodbye to. I nervously walked into a room full of chairs and music stands with my clarinet case in my hand. Several kids about my age were milling around before practice. Some were blowing into their horns while others were goofing off in the back near the percussion instruments.

  The director stood at the front of the room next to a red-headed girl with freckles across her nose. She wore a flattering white short sleeved shirt, something I would have never caught her in just a few months ago. I forced myself not to look at the scars that ran along the inner side of her forearm. The two had their eyes locked on the director’s score on his stand.

  “I think we should run through this part,” the girl said, pointing to the sheet music. “The percussion said they were having trouble with it.”

  I cleared my throat lightly, and the red-headed girl looked up. Her eyes brightened as soon as she saw me.

  “Oh, my gosh! Crystal!” She rushed over to me and pulled me into a hug.

  I smiled but wanted to cry at the same time. I hadn’t seen her in so long. “Sage.”

  She pulled back and looked me up and down with a smile on her face. “What are you doing here?”

  I gestured to the clarinet case in my hand. “I thought I would join your therapy group for the night, if that’s okay.”

  “That’s totally fine. You aren’t looking to play in our next concert, are you? Because we could use the extra musicians.”

  I shook my head, but I couldn’t tell her that I probably wouldn’t be around to make it. “No. I just wanted to visit you.”

  “Well, I’m glad you did.”

  Sage turned to her friends and introduced us. Most of them were younger than her, in the middle to high school range. They were all a part of her weekly music therapy group she’d started with the help of her therapist a few months back. They practiced after school in one of the local high school’s band room, where the school’s music teacher had agreed to be their director. It was supposed to help people like her cope with their emotions. The group wasn’t huge, but so far she’d helped at least half a dozen kids recover from cutting, anorexia, bulimia, drug abuse, and similar issues. They’d held a concert a few weeks back, which Sage dedicated to me after I helped save her life.

  “You can sit by Kristie,” Sage told me, guiding me into a chair next to another clarinet player. I guessed the girl to be about 14, but her tiny frame made her look younger.

  “I’m Crystal,” I introduced.

  “Oh, cool,” she said sincerely. “Kind of like my name. Kristie. So, what are you in for?”

  I furrowed my brow. “In for?”

  “They say I have an eating disorder.” She pushed brown stick-straight bangs out of her face and tucked them behind her headband. “My foster parents put me in the program.”

  I was momentarily dumbstruck by her willingness to share. I was about to tell her nothing was wrong with me, that I was just friends with Sage, but the truth was, there was so much wrong right now. My ability had faded to the point where I hardly felt like myself these past few weeks, and now I was here because I needed one last moment with a friend before I died—something my own deceased father warned me about. It sounded crazy. Maybe it was. Maybe the entire last year of my life had just been one big dream that I’d finally wake up from soon.

  I swallowed. “You’d think I was crazy.”

  One of her dark brows shot up. “Crazier than compulsively starving yourself for no good reason?”

  I went silent.

  “Hey,” Kristie said. “If you don’t wanna tell, you don’t have to. We all have our secrets.” For some reason, her words comforted me.

  I stayed after the practice for at least an hour with Sage. We sight read music together. The beautiful tone of her saxophone filled the room, sending shivers down my spine.

  “You okay?” Sage asked, dropping her saxophone to her lap.

  “Yeah. It’s just your music. It gives me shivers.”

  She blushed. “Oh, stop.”

  “I mean it. You should do it professionally.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I like helping out the kids. When I’m finished with my degree in music, I think I just want to keep up the therapy thing. It’s been really go
od for them.”

  Sage was currently living with her aunt and uncle and working at a bridal shop while she went to school. A couple of months ago, all she wanted was to get away, but after what she went through, she’d settled into her life and devoted it to helping others.

  “I’m glad you’ve found your calling,” I told her.

  “You haven’t found yours yet?” she asked.

  I’d once told Sage I was psychic, but after she’d rejected my abilities, I hadn’t spoke of it again to her. I wasn’t sure what she thought about that part of me. Ever since I discovered my abilities, I knew I wanted to use them to help people. Now I wouldn’t have any more chances to do that.

  In that moment, I realized I had found my calling. My abilities had given me the warning I needed to save my loved ones—and I would. That’s what my fate was.

  “You know, I think I have found it,” I told her, answering her question.

  “Oh?” she asked curiously.

  “It’s . . . something I’m preparing for.”

  She didn’t prod. It was like she’d worked with enough reserved kids to know when to let people and their secrets be. She began disassembling her horn. “Well, it’s really time to lock up the band room. It was great seeing you. When do you think we can hang out again?”

  I tensed for a moment. I didn’t want to answer that question, not when I couldn’t follow through with any promises I made. I wasn’t sure how much time I had left.

  “We could meet up for Halloween or something,” she suggested.

  “The Peyton Springs Halloween Festival is this weekend,” I told her, though I wasn’t sure I’d last that long.

  “Oh, awesome.” She stood with her saxophone case in her hand. “I’ll see what kind of costume I can come up with, and I’ll try to make it.”

  I gave her a friendly smile, never once promising that I’d be there.

  After visiting Sage, I swung by Robin’s dorm. We had made up over text the past few days, but it just wasn’t the same as apologizing in person. He gave me the biggest hug when I arrived in the common room.