Baby on Board (Single Wide Female & Family #2)

by Lillianna Blake

  We both froze. Neither of us dared to move.

  After several seconds passed, she quieted down.

  All the pillow talk went out the window as we pounced on one another instead.

  Despite the pressure of knowing that at any moment we could be interrupted and our sensual tryst could come to a grinding halt, I didn’t feel desperate. I didn’t rush through the motions. I savored Max’s skin, the graze of his touch, and the heat of his body as he pulled me close.

  Between gasps of pleasure, I discovered a sense of admiration for the way he played my body as artfully as any instrument. I enjoyed him in ways I’d forgotten and was rewarded by the intensity of his moans.

  It wasn’t until we both collapsed, exhausted and elated, into one another’s arms, that I realized Abby hadn’t woken up.

  We’d enjoyed one another—without guilt, without fear—and nothing disastrous had occurred.

  As amazing as making love to Max was, curling up beside him in the afterglow was just as delicious. I closed my eyes and listened to the strong beat of his heart while my fingertips stroked along his chest.

  His hand drifted through my hair again and again, as he whispered words too quiet for me to hear.

  I didn’t need to hear them to know what he meant. I felt it too. We’d reconnected on a level that was even more intertwined than in the months before I’d become pregnant. We’d found one another in the midst of all the uncertainty, and to me, we’d become the rock that our relationship was built on.

  As I drifted off to sleep in his arms, I was certain that I’d never known such happiness in all my life.

  Chapter 21

  Weeks slipped into months and our days and nights became more of a routine.

  It fascinated me to watch Abby grow and develop before my eyes. She still woke in the middle of the night at times, but mostly just for comfort. Waking in the middle of the night with her had actually become one of my favorite times of day, as the hush of the late hour and the intimacy of rocking her back to sleep made it feel so sacred.

  As I patted her back and rocked her during one of these times, my mind wandered over the past few months. She was getting stronger every day, and in many ways, so was I.

  She cooed and stretched her fingers in the air as if she was trying to catch the sound of my singing.

  “Abby, you beautiful girl, are you going to teach me all the secrets of the world?”

  She giggled and kicked her foot high in the air.

  “Yes, I bet you will.” I picked her up and carried her over to the rocking chair.

  I wasn’t exhausted, I was fulfilled—and my daughter could sense it. She snuggled close and latched on as I rocked back and forth. The moment was as pure as any other we’d experienced together, but tonight it felt even more poetic.

  There was no longer a barrier between me and Abby—a need to prove myself as her mother. She’d always known who I was. It was me who’d sometimes doubted myself during those earlier days.

  We spent a few blissful hours singing songs and playing games. By the time the sun rose, Max was still asleep. I had some shopping to do, so I decided to leave him a note and head to the store. I made sure the note was where he would find it on the bedroom door—so that he wouldn’t worry.

  On our way out the door, I grabbed the diaper bag. I didn’t stress over what Abby wore or whether she needed socks or not. I didn’t question a million times whether I had forgotten anything. When I buckled her into her car seat, I only checked her buckles twice.

  Yes, I’d begun to relax into motherhood.

  The drive to the store was short and Abby cooed and chirped the entire time. She babbled the few words she knew—mama and dada—and seemed to be trying out other sounds. I tried to coax her into saying car, go, and vroom.

  She ignored my attempts and continued on with her own experimentation.

  When we pulled into the parking lot, I was sure I had the happiest baby on earth. I gathered her out of the car, left the diaper bag, and tucked her into a cart.

  I didn’t even scrub the metal clean.

  I brimmed with confidence as I rolled into the grocery store. I had a checklist of everything we needed in my head and Abby had the cutest little smile on her lips.

  As I paraded down the aisle, even the garishly bright cereal boxes looked beautiful to me. I picked up the first item on the list, dropped it in the cart, and started to roll away. That was when Abby opened her mouth and released a shriek so long and loud that I thought she might have transformed into a banshee.

  “Abby, what is it? Are you hurt?” I looked her over, but didn’t see any bumps or bruises. Had I looked away long enough for her to be injured?

  I plucked her out of the cart, sure that being in my arms would calm her. But she thrust her body backwards and shrieked even louder.

  The spectacle drew the attention of several other shoppers.

  I started to get nervous. Were they judging me? What kind of mother couldn’t calm her own baby?

  “It’s okay, Abby, whatever it is, it’s all okay.” I kissed her cheek.

  She squirmed in my grasp and kicked her feet into my stomach.

  I bounced her and rocked her. I tried to sing a little song in her ear. Everything I did only made the screaming worse. With only one item in my cart, I left it and fled the store.

  When I made it back to the car, Abby’s screaming turned into a slow steady whine that was just as ear-piercing. I tried to soothe her again but she didn’t want anything to do with me.

  Certain that she was somehow sick or hurt, I placed a frantic call to her pediatrician, who agreed to see her right away. I called Max next and told him to meet me at the office.

  As I drove, Abby continued to shriek and cry to the point that her face was beet red.

  I parked in front of the doctor’s office and rushed her inside. The waiting room was filled with patients. Every face in the room turned toward me and my screaming baby as I ran inside. One of the nurses escorted me right back to a room.

  A few minutes later Max appeared at the door.

  “Sammy, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

  “She won’t stop screaming, Max. Something is really really wrong.” I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as I walked Abby back and forth across the room.

  She calmed just long enough to hiccup, then began to scream again.

  Max took her from me and attempted to soothe her, but she only screamed louder.

  The doctor opened the door and stepped inside.

  “What seems to be the problem?”

  “We were at the grocery store and she started screaming. I can’t find a mark on her, but she’s never behaved this way.”

  “Let’s take a look.” He took Abby from me and shifted her in his arms.

  An instant later she was silent and snuggled against him.

  “There, that’s better. What’s going on with you, Abby?”

  I stared with amazement as he carried her over to the examination table. She didn’t even fuss when he put her down on it. He pushed a little on her stomach, moved her arms and legs, and checked her eyes with a penlight.

  “She looks good to me.” He smiled at me, as if that was supposed to solve all my problems.

  “But why was she screaming? Something must have happened.”

  “She’s a little over eight months now. Is she saying more words yet?”

  “No. I mean, not much—just mama and dada.” I frowned. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “She has so much to say and no way to express it. Some babies develop a need for communication far earlier than they are able to express it. At this age, babies are just making sounds and may form a few words, but this can be frustrating to them because they have so much that they want to say. Abby’s frustration may have resulted in a tantrum.”

  “You’re saying that was a tantrum?” I stared at him. “It was like something out of a horror movie.”

  “Oh, yes, it is. But it
’s also perfectly normal. As Abby gets older she’s going to assert her independence a lot. She may have seen something in the store she wanted, but had no way to tell you, so this is how she tells you.”

  “That’s terrible.” I shook my head. “Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?”

  “Maybe we should get a second opinion.” Max folded his arms.

  “You are more than welcome to. But Abby shows no signs of injury or illness. She does, however, show signs of frustration.” He pointed out her tight fists and the furrow of her brow. “To me, she seems like a baby determined to get her point across.”

  “So what are we supposed to do, just let her scream?” Max narrowed his eyes. “That can’t be good for her.”

  “Talk to her as much as possible. Help her to point to things, ask her what she wants, and then show her how to explain that to you. Once she starts being more mobile, she’ll go after the things she wants, so that will make things a little easier as well.”

  “Do you think there’s a reason she’s not talking yet?” I took Abby from him. “Is there something I’m not doing?”

  “No. Babies do things on their own time and in their own way. You really don’t need to be concerned at this stage. She’s developing right on time as far as speech is concerned. But helping her to communicate should make a big difference in her frustration level.”

  Chapter 22

  I was still in a daze when Max and I walked back out to the parking lot. I tried not to notice the annoyed stares of the other parents in the waiting room. I’d delayed their appointment with my panic. What was I thinking?

  “I’m sorry, Max. I guess I overreacted.”

  “If you did, then I did too.” He brushed Abby’s hair back from her eyes. “I would have done the same thing if I heard her scream like that.”

  “It’s just so different from her usual demeanor.”

  “I feel bad for her. She must be really frustrated. I wish there was something we could do to help her.”

  “Me too.” I looked into her eyes and wished I could read her thoughts.

  As soon as we got back to the house, I started to research. The more I thought about Abby’s not being able to communicate her needs, the more I understood how she felt. Even with the ability to speak, I didn’t always know how to vocalize my feelings. I didn’t want her to have to deal with that kind of isolation. It wasn’t long before I came across what I thought was the perfect solution.

  “What are you looking at?” Max leaned over my shoulder to inspect the screen.

  “Well, since our little girl wants to be the silent type, I decided that we need to find a different way to communicate with her. I think she’s having these tantrums because she can’t tell us what she wants. I still have tantrums when I can’t figure out what I want.” I laughed. “Instead of trying to pressure her into talking, I think we should give her some physical signals to help her communicate. What do you think?”

  “I think it’s a great idea. I’ve heard about people using sign language with their babies and it really seems to work. Anything to stop the screaming, really.”

  “I know. You should have heard her at the grocery store. It was awful. Anyway, I’m going to do some work this afternoon and then there’s a class meeting tonight. Do you want to go with us?”

  “Actually, I’d love to. I don’t want you two to come up with some secret language that will leave me out.”

  “I would never do that.”

  He met my eyes. “Not even for fun?

  “Okay, I probably wouldn’t do it.” I hid a smile and tickled Abby’s belly. “We’re going to help you get your voice, sweetie.”

  “Do you want some time to work today?”

  “I’d love some. If I can get a few more chapters hammered out, we might just be back on track for finishing up close to my original deadline.”

  “Don’t stress. Just remember, you started writing because you love to do it. You should be enjoying it.”

  “I am. Actually I’m really enthusiastic about it. I finally feel a flow again and a connection to my character. It’s not like I’m forcing it anymore.”

  “I think that’s fantastic.” He smiled and kissed my cheek. “Everything’s falling into place. Let me know if you need anything.”

  “Thanks, Max.” I kissed Abby on the top of the head, then disappeared into my room.

  It was hard to believe that Abby had gotten so big. It seemed to me that I’d just left the hospital a few days ago.

  I settled in front of the computer and even slid my headphones on without worry. As I began to slip into the imaginary world I’d created, I felt at home.

  After two chapters I decided to take a break to check my blog. I noticed that there were quite a few new readers and took the time to write them each a welcome e-mail. It felt good to balance my time.

  When I stepped out of the office Max had Abby dressed.

  “She just needs dinner and we can leave for class.”

  “Great. I need dinner too. Did you eat?”

  “I’ve been snacking. I can fix you a sandwich while you nurse if you want.”

  “That would be perfect. Thanks, Max.”

  Abby smiled at me as I picked her up from the floor. She had all her toys around her, but was fixated on a measuring cup.

  I sat on the couch with her and while she ate I told her about my progress on the book. I spoke to her as I would speak to another adult, sharing my excitement about where the story was headed.

  She gazed at me with curious eyes as if she understood every word.

  “I love that plot twist.” Max grinned as he handed me a sandwich and sat down beside me. “I’m glad you decided to spin it that way.”

  “I just needed something new—something fun. Something to make sure my readers are still awake.” I laughed.

  “I think that will work.”

  “So tell me about what’s going on in your world, Max. Anything new?”

  He grimaced a little and shifted on the couch.

  I noticed between bites of my sandwich. “Is something wrong, Max?”

  “Not wrong exactly.”

  “What is it?” I finished my sandwich and met his eyes.

  “We have to get going now. We can talk about it after class, okay?”

  “Sure.” I studied him. Normally my mind would spring to life with all the things that could be bothering him, but for once I was calm.

  I trusted that whatever was on Max’s mind was something we could handle.

  Chapter 23

  A half hour later, we walked into a small classroom in a local elementary school and found two other sets of parents already there with their babies. I noticed that their babies seemed to be a little younger. The teacher was at the front of a small circle of cushions and stools. She sat down on one of the stools and waved to us.

  “Welcome! Everyone find a comfortable spot. Tonight we’re going to have some fun.”

  Max attempted to sit down on one of the low stools, but he couldn’t quite bend down the right way. He ended up on the floor instead with his legs over the stool.

  I sat down on the cushion next to him. There was no reason to risk the stool.

  Once everyone was gathered in the circle, the teacher began to gesture with her hands.

  I didn’t know what any of the movements meant, but the other two babies in the class seemed to. They made gestures back at the teacher.

  Abby looked up at me with wide eyes. I tried to mimic the gesture that the teacher made. As we went through several different signs—everything from “hungry” to the sign for “mine”—Abby started to get more engaged.

  “Now I know we’re nowhere near potty training age with our littles, but I’d like to review some of the potty signs with you, as going over them now will help to solidify them in your babies’ minds for when they are toddlers.” She demonstrated the gesture for potty. “This sign will let you know that your baby needs to use the potty. Now if you want to get a little more
specific, this sign is for pee-pee and this sign is for poo-poo.”

  When she made the sign for poo-poo, Abby shrieked with laughter. She hadn’t even so much as waved her hands for the entire class, but she mimicked the poo-poo sign perfectly.

  I praised her and laughed right along with her.

  For the rest of the class, Max and I reviewed the signs we’d learned with her. I tried hard with the “I love you” sign, and Max tried to get her to respond to a sign for “happy.”

  She stared at us as we made the motions with our hands, but didn’t make the slightest gesture in return.

  As we got ready to leave the class, I waved goodbye to the teacher and the other parents.

  “Abby, wave bye-bye.” I beamed at her.

  Abby lifted her hand and made the gesture for poo-poo.

  The other parents laughed, as did the teacher. I laughed too and noticed that their babies had no problem waving bye-bye.

  In the car on the drive home I looked over at Max. “I know you’re going to say I’m paranoid, but it seems like Abby has a hard time learning things.”

  “You’re being paranoid.” He winked at me. “No comparing, remember?”

  “I’m not comparing. I’m just a little concerned. I mean, if there’s something we can do to make things easier for her now, we should, right?”

  “I suppose. But I still think it’s a little early to be concerned.”

  “I’m going to work with her on the signs twice a day every day. Hopefully, she’ll pick up on some.”

  “She’s already got poo-poo down.” He grinned. “My little genius.”

  “Yes, she does seem to have that one down. Maybe she wants to potty train early.” I smiled. “I wouldn’t mind that.”

  “I don’t know. I don’t want my little girl growing up so fast. It already seems to be going fast, doesn’t it?”

  I swallowed. “I know what you mean. She does seem to be growing up fast.” Part of me wished we could just slow everything down—have a do-over of sorts.

  Max turned into the driveway, parked, and pulled the keys out of the ignition.