Making Her Wait

by Brianna Cash

“Genny!” Zeke pushes past the desk and throws himself into my arms. God, I miss this little boy. Hugging him tight, I put on a semi-real happy face and ask him how he’s doing.

  “I start school next week,” he complains, frowning and crossing his arms like he has real, adult-size problems.

  “That’s awesome! Are you excited?”

  Wiggling his little body around, he shrugs his shoulders the way Walker always did, and I scream at my heart for twisting the way it does whenever something reminds me of him. “I dunno.”

  “It’s gonna be so much fun, Bud. You wait and see. You’re probably going to be the smartest kid in class. Definitely the most fun.”

  Reese has been simply watching me this whole time. The last time she was here, she came alone, and she yelled at me in front of the entire department. Hopefully with Zeke here, she won’t do that again. Finn isn’t with her and I wonder how he’s doing. He has to be walking by now. Probably starting to talk, too. He’s probably grown to half Zeke’s size. I watch the park every Thursday night on my way home, hoping to catch a glimpse of them. It’s only happened once.

  “How did you do it?”

  Reese’s voice cuts through my daydreaming, forcing my neutral expression back into place as I answer her question as to how I could cheat on her brother.

  “I don’t know, Reese. I’m just some girl who can’t keep her legs closed.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing,” I mumble, knowing there’s no way Walker would have told her what he said to me that night. Zeke is hanging on my arm, chattering his little mouth off about his summer adventures. The last thing I want right now is for him to leave, but I can’t take Reese watching me the way she is. “Do you have paperwork? I’ll get you registered so you don’t have to be here all day.”

  “How did you get Chad to sign the papers?”

  That catches my attention. I was almost ready to give up. I’ve been going to the bar less and less, because I thought he was never going to give in. I didn’t go last weekend at all. My eyes eagerly meet her this time. “He did? He finally signed them?”

  “Yes. I don’t know how you got him to do it but thank you. You have no idea what it means to me. To Steve. It’s a dream come true… I don’t need labs, I just wanted to thank you.” She wipes away her own tears as she gives me a genuine smile. I never thought I’d see that directed my way ever again. Breathing a sigh of relief, I give her a real smile back. It feels pretty strange on my face after the week I’ve had, but it feels good.

  “I’m really happy for you. You guys deserve it. This little guy deserves it.”

  I pull Zeke in again for another crushing hug. He still hasn’t let go of my arm and I give him a little tickle to make him let me go. He comes right back, though, proving he misses me just as much as I miss him.

  “When can I come play at your house again, Genny?”

  Oh shit... I was doing so good at not crying.

  I haven’t cried all week, not since Saturday when Kane saved me from having to talk to Walker. Blinking hard, I try to not crack now. “Probably never, Bud. I’m selling my house. And your mommy probably wants you all to herself. She kinda likes you, ya know.”

  He giggles at my words, rolling his eyes dramatically. “Mommy loves me.”

  “Of course, she does. You’re impossible not to love!”

  Reese hands me a slip of paper. It’s a card with a phone number on it. “I’d love for you to watch Zeke sometime. He misses you like crazy, and it’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done for us.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea-” I start, but she cuts me off quickly.

  “Maybe this weekend for a couple hours? Saturday, around two, so you don’t have to worry about feeding him? It doesn’t need to be at your place, you can just take him to the park. Please?”

  “Yeah, please?” Zeke begs, his little eyes on mine.

  Realizing she probably doesn’t have a regular sitter anymore since Walker started seeing someone new, I try to ignore the way my chest suddenly feels heavy and gapingly empty at the same time. I would love to see Zeke for a while, no matter what the reason. “Ok,” I reluctantly agree. It’s going to be hard as hell, but I’ll do it for Zeke.

  “You didn’t cheat on my brother, did you?”

  I stay silent, refusing to answer her. It’s none of her business and she doesn’t need to doubt his story. He stopped talking to his friends when they found out what I really did and said to Chad in the parking lot that night. Walker felt betrayed enough by them that he wouldn’t go out with them anymore. He needs to have someone hate me like he does.

  The fact that Kane was with me on Saturday didn’t exactly help things.

  “It was great to see you, Reese. And you, too, Zeke. Will it be ok if I see you in two days? Can you handle hanging out with boring, old Genny for a little bit this weekend?”

  “Yes!” he yells excitedly, pumping his fist in the air just like I remember, pulling a second real smile from me today. Maybe it won’t be such a bad idea to see him sometimes. Lord knows how much I miss him. No matter how much he reminds me of Walker, no matter how much it hurts, he still makes me smile. He still tugs on my heart in the best possible way.

  “I’ll see you at my place on Saturday,” Reese promises.

  After I press a kiss to Zeke’s little face, he grimaces and wipes his arm across his cheek, shooting daggers my way. “No kissing!”

  “I can’t promise that, you know I like kisses! I’ll see you in two days, Zeke. Two days!” Holding up two fingers in a peace sign, I wave goodbye to him with my other hand. He flashes that devilish grin at me before they both disappear out of my booth.

  Walker

  “You really don’t have any proof that she cheated on you?”

  Rubbing my hand across my face, I try to control my frustration that’s currently directed at my sister. After last weekend, when she and Steve calmed down enough to call me and ask exactly how I got those papers, I told her I had no idea what had changed Chad’s mind, but Genny had something to do with it. At that point, I’d already been forced off Genny’s property by my own best friend.

  If that wasn’t a mind fuck, I don’t know what is.

  Sure, I’ve ignored his calls and texts for months now, but to find him suddenly hanging out with Genny, taking a fucking bike ride with her? The way she looked, with sweat glistening over her entire body, dressed in only a sports bra and a pair of gym shorts? The way he protected her and kept me from her?

  I had no right to assume that she was with him. Of course, I opened my damn mouth and said something insinuating exactly that, pissing them both off and digging myself even deeper into the hole I can’t seem to climb out of.

  Not the best way to try to ask Genny to talk to me…

  I tried calling and texting her. I left her a voicemail, knowing she wouldn’t listen to it. She has no reason to give me a chance to explain myself. I really fucked up this time. And last time. I fucked it all up. I don’t know what to do now.

  Other than sit and sulk in my own misery.

  Reese is now demanding to hear the story of that fateful night at the bar, the story I never really told her. Steve has the boys somewhere, so it’s just me and my sister. Reese asked me to pick up some stuff at the pharmacy and come over. She wants to figure out how Genny got Chad to sign the papers. I keep telling her it doesn’t matter. They’re signed. Chad is out of her life. He can no longer be her personal demon.

  Now that I suspect how much of a jealous asshole I really was to Genny, it hurts even more to tell the story about that night. I told Reese anyway, hoping it would get her off my back. She should now understand why Genny won’t have anything to do with me. She should understand that I’ll never be able to explain what happened, because Chad is back to not talking to me, and Genny won’t even hear me out.

  Just like I didn’t hear her out.

  Karma’s a bitch who loves revenge.

  “No, Reese. I don’t ha
ve any proof that she actually cheated on me. I jumped to conclusions and ruined any chance I may have ever had with her.”

  “Is it possible she just followed him out there to talk to him about signing the papers?”

  “Anything is possible at this point.”

  Almost anything.

  Getting Genny to talk to me is impossible. And if that’s impossible, I know getting her to ever forgive me would be out-of-this-world impossible. Never-going-to-happen-in-a-million-years impossible. A fantasy that I will forever think about, dream about, and desperately wish for. The biggest regret of my entire life, because I know I’ll never find another girl like Genny.

  It was the first text I ever sent her. She’s one in a million, unlike anyone else in the world. I knew it then, and still managed to fuck it up.

  “What did you say to her when she came back in the bar? You just told me it was something nasty. What was it?”

  “It doesn’t matter, Reese. I was an asshole. I hurt her the best way I knew how.”

  “Was it something about her not being able to keep her legs closed?”

  Cringing, I close my eyes, trying to not think about the shock and betrayal on Genny’s face when she heard me say those words. It dawns on me now that guilt wasn’t one of the expressions crossing over her face that night. No matter how hard I try not to see the emotions that were there, it’s useless. Her expression in that moment is all I can see, whether my eyes are opened or closed. “How the hell did you find that out?”

  “It was something she said to me when I saw her at the hospital.”

  The reminder of how I hurt her, how I fucked up the best thing I ever had, is too painful. I can’t do this. I can’t talk about it. I can’t hash it out with Reese. I can’t hash it out with anyone. I know exactly what I did now. I know exactly what Genny did now. I don’t know how she did it, but I know she’s responsible.

  Genny protects the people she loves, and she loves Zeke and Finn like they’re her own nephews. Thursday nights were her favorite date nights with me once she started joining me at Reese’s every week. She somehow took care of the problem of Chad being in their lives. Something I wasn’t able to. Something Reese wasn’t even able to do.

  I thanked her by proving how much I don’t deserve her. But hurting her the way only I could because she didn’t let anyone else in the way she did me. She didn’t trust anyone else the way she trusted me. And I used it against her.

  “Reese, I can’t talk about this anymore. I’ll never be able to find out how she got Chad to sign those papers. What matters is he did. Let’s just be thankful for that and move on from this catastrophe.”

  “We are,” she insists. “Steve and I already started the adoption process. I just wish I could thank her, ya know? I feel like she performed this miracle for me, and I’ve been hating her for what I thought she did to you. I almost wish I could continue hating her because it was so much easier. But I can’t. Not after what she did for me. It really makes me feel ashamed of myself. I’m always telling Zeke he needs to hear both sides of the story before he makes assumptions, but I just judged her without giving her a chance.”

  Pushing up from my spot on the couch, I try to get her to stop talking. “Shut up, Reese. Please! If you think you feel ashamed, try to imagine how I feel.”

  “I can’t. If I were you, I’d hate myself.”

  That’s putting it mildly.

  “Well, while you’re here,” she goes on, finally changing the subject. “I was hoping you could fix the sink in the boys’ bathroom. It’s been leaking for a while, I just keep forgetting to tell you about it.”

  Glad my interrogation is over, I tell her I’d love to. “Steve’s tools downstairs yet?”

  “They’re already up there. He tried to fix it this morning before I invited you over.”

  “Great. So, a ten-minute job is going to take me an hour or more?”

  “Probably.” My sister flashes me a mischievous smile. Her husband may be her soulmate and someone who’s helped me out in very surprising ways, but a handyman with things around the house, he is not.

  At least I have something to keep me busy for a while. Maybe until Steve gets home with the boys. I could definitely kill some time playing with them. Playing with Zeke has been fun again since he finally stopped asking about Genny. That was about the same time I started dating Sam. God, what a mistake that was. I’m learning a hell of a lot about mistakes lately, aren’t I?

  Lying on the floor, with my head and arms under the sink, I hear Zeke burst through his bedroom door into his room. A smile plays on my lips as I hear him jabbering on about the pictures he’s been drawing lately. This spring and summer he’s really gotten into drawing. If Callie didn’t hate me, I’d see if she could work with him, but I know how bad of an idea that is. She looks too much like Genny. He’d be asking me for Genny constantly again, or maybe for Callie instead. That wouldn’t be as bad, but still too much for me to handle.

  I need to find a way to forget them both. I somehow need to figure out how to move on. How to accept the fact that I will never see Genny again, or that if I do, it’ll be in passing because she’ll never want to talk to me after the things I said to her. After the way I hurt her.

  “This one’s a dinosaur. He’s hungry, see? That’s blood cause he’s eatin little dinosaurs.” The sound of rustling papers works its way to my ears, and I hurry to finish. Listening to Zeke describe his pictures it the best part of his drawings.

  “This one’s you and me. We’re playing blocks at your house. That’s Finn and that’s Uncle Walk.”

  I suddenly find myself paralyzed, wondering if what I’m suspecting is possible.

  “That was a good day, wasn’t it, Zeke?”

  I keep listening with my eyes clamped shut, my heart thumping wildly at the unexpected sound of her voice.

  “Yeah. This one’s a dog. His name’s Max and he likes to lick me. That’s his big tongue.”

  She’s here. In this house, in the room right next to me, with my nephew. I don’t know how Reese managed it, but I wonder if she has any idea how ugly this might get in front of Zeke.

  Wait, Genny loves Zeke. She won’t cause a scene in front of him by yelling at me. She won’t ignore me in front of him either. She doesn’t want him to think it’s ok to treat people like that.

  Maybe my sister is a fucking genius.

  Being as quiet as I can, I extricate myself from the cabinet and cautiously step into Zeke’s room.

  “Do you like it when he licks you?” she asks Zeke, a small smile on her face.

  She’s so fucking beautiful. Reese said she’d looked like hell, but that was, what? Six weeks ago? She doesn’t look like hell now, just like she didn’t last weekend. She looks tanned, healthy, glowing. Maybe her eyes are a little empty, a little void of the life I’m used to seeing there, but someone who didn’t know her well wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.

  She’s sitting cross legged on the floor, with Zeke in her lap, as they sort through a whole pile of pictures Zeke drew. If they don’t notice me, they’re going to be here for a while. And I’m going to watch and listen for as long as I can, soaking in the sight and sound of her.

  “Yeah, it tickles.”

  “You know that’s how dog’s kiss right? That means you like when Max kisses you!”

  Zeke gasps, as if she’s playing a mean trick on him. “Nuh-uh.”

  “Yuh-huh,” she counters, tickling him in the sweet spot on his belly that makes him laugh like a maniac. It also makes him lean back in her arms, catching sight of me and holding his hands out for me to save him.

  “Help, Uncle Walk,” he cries when he’s able to suck in enough air. Genny’s back instantly goes rigid and stiff. She’s holding her breath, most likely closing her eyes and trying to figure out a way to disappear through the floor. I have about five seconds before she can get Zeke off her lap. Ten if I add in the amount of time it’ll take her to get down the stairs.

  “Genny
, can I talk to you?”

  Her head cocks to the side, allowing me a glimpse of the pained expression on her face. “That’s not a good idea… Zeke, Buddy, I gotta go. It was great to see you again. I’ll miss you.”

  “Genny, don’t go!” he pleads as she lifts him out of her lap. She stands up, gently pushing him away.

  “I’ll talk to your mom about when I can see you again, Bud. I promise.”

  “Genny!” He clings to her leg, giving me a little more time.

  But I don’t know what to say.

  There’s nothing I could say that will take away her pain, nothing that will erase everything I said that night. Nothing that will make things right between us.

  She bends over, trying to pry his arms from her, still refusing to look at me, or even face me. She almost gives in. She falters, almost wrapping her arms around him instead, but her resolve is back before it takes over. “Zeke, listen to me. You know how sometimes you’re really mad at someone and you don’t want to see them?”

  “Yeah,” he says, unsure, but nodding anyway.

  “That’s how your Uncle Walk makes me feel right now. We had a big fight, and I need to go away before I say something really mean to him, ok?”

  “No!” He pulls on her arm, keeping her on his level while he searches her eyes. “You gotta hear both sides before you get mad. Mommy says so.”

  “Zeke,” I interrupt, hoping she’ll hear what I tell him. “I’m the one who didn’t listen to both sides. Genny did something that was really good, but I thought it was bad. I’m the one who said mean things and hurt Genny’s feelings without listening to her side.”

  “Did you say sorry?” His eyes swing to mine, even as he continues holding her in place.

  Swallowing, I look back to her. She’s finally meeting my eyes, but if looks could kill, I’d be dead a million times over. She doesn’t appreciate me using this lesson against her. She doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. She doesn’t want to even be in the same room as me. “I want to, bud. But I think I hurt Genny so much she doesn’t want to hear it.”