Reach For the Spy

by Diane Henders

  I recognized Kane’s intent grey eyes when they surveyed me from his father’s wrinkled face. He extended a hand. “Doug Kane. Pleased to meet you.”

  I accepted his firm handshake. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

  Bleak eyes met mine, but his face was composed. So like his son. “Thank you.”

  I turned away before my eyes welled up.

  I managed to hold it together for most of the short service. I avoided looking at the urn at the front of the chapel. Such a small resting place for such a big man. Germain sat stiffly to my left, his dry-eyed face etched with hard lines. On my right, Spider wept openly and unabashedly.

  As the service drew to a close, the chaplain stepped away from the pulpit and Arnie stood and made his way to the front. He leaned down to the microphone. “Ya know I ain’t much for words. But I gotta say goodbye to my brother.”

  He stood tall and straight and began to sing ‘The Wings That Fly Us Home’ completely unaccompanied, his voice strong and sure. I gulped helplessly at the lump in my throat and held my head high, but I couldn’t stop the tears trickling down my cheeks.

  After the interment at the cemetery, I drifted away from the group. I was gazing blankly out across the headstones when I sensed someone behind me. I turned to see Arnie’s uniformed bulk.

  His face was still stern and emotionless, but his eyes broke my heart. I reached to touch his cheek, and he closed his eyes and leaned into my palm for just a moment.

  When he spoke, his voice was controlled. “You’re invited back to the house. It’s just gonna be a few friends.”

  I cleared the huskiness from my throat. “I wouldn’t want to intrude. I have to go back with Germain and Spider and find a hotel anyway.”

  He reached for my hand. “I’d like ya to be there.”

  I stroked his strong fingers. “Then I’ll come. What’s the address?”

  “Ya can ride with me.” He moved back to the group, and I turned and stood alone for a few more minutes.

  When I heard footsteps approaching behind me, I expected Arnie again. Instead, Doug Kane came up beside me and we stood quietly watching the dispersing group around the grave.

  He spoke without looking at me. “Arnie tells me you were with John when he died.”

  “Yes.” I didn’t know what to say. “He was doing his duty. He died a hero.”

  “You can’t tell me any more than that, can you?”

  “No.”

  It sounded so final. I had no comfort to offer. This should never have happened.

  “I’m sorry,” I stammered finally. My voice came out in a whisper. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save him.”

  The grey eyes turned to assess me then. “Arnie says you fought through five men to help John.”

  “I didn’t get through. And it was too late anyway. I’m so sorry.”

  He eyed my scrapes and bruises. “Nobody could have done more. And John told me you saved his life twice before. You gave me my son for a little longer.”

  “He told you that? I didn’t think he would have discussed...”

  “No details. He just said that he was working with a new partner, and that he thought very highly of her.”

  I stood in silence, fighting for control.

  “I hope you’re coming back to the house,” he said.

  I managed to find my voice. “Thank you, I will. Arnie invited me earlier.”

  The piercing grey eyes appraised me again. “You’re fond of Arnie, aren’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “He’s a good man.” He rocked back and forth, heel to toe. “He’s fond of you, too, I can tell.” He glanced quickly at my face. “Don’t hurt my boy.”

  My throat closed up. “I’ll do everything in my power not to,” I said huskily.

  I’d caused the death of one of his boys, just through my own existence. God help me.

  His face softened. “I believe you. But I need to tell you something to keep you from getting hurt, too.”

  He sighed and rocked heel to toe again. “You need to understand Arnie will never give you a committed relationship. He’s been hurt too badly to offer that to anyone. Don’t fool yourself into thinking he will.”

  I gazed at him, touched that he’d care enough to protect me as well as his adopted son. “Arnie and I had that conversation,” I told him gently. “I don’t want that from him, or from anybody. All I want from him is what we have now.”

  His smile was like the sun coming out, his steady eyes framed by a maze of wrinkles. “Then I’m glad he has you.”

  At the house, a handful of men reminisced in the living room, chuckling over stories of John playing hockey, winning track and field competitions, and chasing girls. I discovered he’d gotten his love of all things automotive from his father, who’d owned a speed shop after he retired from the army. We chatted easily about cars, and as the guests gradually drifted away, I realized the afternoon was gone and it was supper time.

  I rose. “I should get checked into the hotel. I’ll just give Germain a call and ask him to pick me up.”

  “You’re welcome to stay here,” Doug Kane offered courteously.

  “Thank you, but I wouldn’t want to trouble you.”

  “No trouble,” he assured me. The lines crinkled around his eyes, so much like John it wrenched my heart. “Especially if I’m correct in my assumption that I wouldn’t need to make up another bed.”

  Heat rose to my cheeks. You never really get over the idea that parents shouldn’t know about your sex life. But what the hell, I wasn’t embarrassed about my relationship with Arnie.

  I grinned back at his adopted dad. “True.”

  “Stay?” Arnie slipped his hand into mine, and I looked up into his desolate eyes again.

  “Okay. I’ll just have to get my things from Germain. I left my backpack in the rental car.”

  “I’ll take ya over to the hotel to pick it up. It’s time ya ate anyway, so we can get some supper on the way.” He turned to Doug. “Come along with us. Ya gotta eat somethin’, too.”

  Doug shook his head. “I have too much food in the house already. I’ll eat here. I’ll see you kids later.” He winked at Arnie. “You make sure you get in before your curfew, boy.”

  Arnie’s face twisted in a bittersweet smile. “Yessir.”

  Later when we lay in bed, I stroked Arnie’s face and brushed a kiss across his lips. “Hard day.”

  He sighed. “Yeah.” His arms tightened around me carefully, mindful of my bruises. “Thanks for stayin’.”

  “Glad to. I needed some comfort, too.”

  He turned his face into my hair. “It ain’t like we really did a lotta shit together,” he mumbled. “We were both busy. Sometimes we wouldn’t see each other for months. But I always knew he was there, ya know?”

  “I know.”

  I held him until he slipped into merciful sleep at last.

  Kane stood beside the bed, his clothes coated with mud. In the dimness, I saw his smile, the laugh lines crinkling around his eyes. I reached for him. My dream-self knew it was a dream, yet it was vividly real.

  He leaned down to kiss me, his lips hungry on mine. “Aydan,” he whispered. “I want you.”

  I pulled him closer, gasping at the sensation of his hands running over my naked body. My hands slid under his dirty T-shirt to caress the hard muscles of his chest. Then the T-shirt was gone, and he was pulling off his jeans.

  When he lowered himself to me, the touch of his skin burned like fire against me. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him ravenously, pulling him closer. I pressed against him, desperate with need.

  His eyes widened and his body suddenly sprawled on top of me. The horrible laxity of his muscles drove terror through my heart.

  I struggled to push him over onto his back, whimpering frantically. At last his body flopped over under my efforts, his muscular arm slithering loosely over his chest. His eyes stared sightlessly as I began CPR, sobbing with the effort.

  I knew
I was too late. He was already dead…

  “Aydan, wake up, darlin’.” Arnie’s hands were gentle on my shoulders. “Shhh, Aydan, it’s just a dream.”

  “I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t save him.” I wept helplessly against Arnie’s chest while he held me in the darkness.

  Chapter 41

  In the morning, I said subdued goodbyes to Doug Kane and Arnie and gratefully boarded the plane for a couple of hours of solitary introspection. I had a measure of relief now that the funeral was over and I could settle down to a level of functional numbness.

  By the time the plane landed, I’d mapped out the beginnings of a strategy to trap Stemp.

  When we pulled into my yard a couple of hours later, I turned to Spider. “Hey, Spider, I’m having some computer problems. Can you come in and have a look?”

  He eyed me tiredly for a few seconds before the subtext got through to him. “Oh! Sure, no problem.”

  I turned to Germain. “Thanks for the ride. If you want to head out, I’ll run Spider home when he’s done.”

  Germain agreed, and Spider and I went into my house without speaking. Once inside, I held a finger to my lips and retrieved the scanner he’d given me to quickly scan for bugs.

  “Clear,” I said, and he sighed relief.

  He cocked a quizzical eyebrow at me. “I’m assuming your computer is fine.”

  “Yeah. I wanted to talk to you in private before we got started at Sirius again. I’ve been thinking about Stemp. Is there any way you can snoop on what he’s doing at the internet cafe?”

  Spider raised an eyebrow. “I have many ways. What exactly did you have in mind?”

  “Can you tell if he’s the one that’s sending the messages to Fuzzy Bunny?”

  “Not unless I catch him in the act of doing it. I’d have to snoop on his actual session.”

  I sighed. “Too bad. That would’ve been too easy, wouldn’t it?” I thought about it for a moment. “I guess we’d better check and see if my filter has caught anything more. If it has, we can cross-check the surveillance footage again...”

  My voice trailed off as an idea occurred to me.

  “What?” Spider demanded.

  “Can you bring up the surveillance records from here?”

  “Sure. I just...”

  “Happen to have your laptop with you,” I finished for him, and he smiled as he pulled it out of his bag.

  “Of course. What are you looking for in the surveillance?”

  “I wonder how often Stemp goes to the internet cafe.”

  Spider shrugged. “Let’s find out.” His fingers flew over the keyboard.

  In minutes, we were looking at surveillance records. As we fast-forwarded through them one after another, I turned to Spider to see my growing smile reflected on his face.

  “Well, well. A creature of habit. Isn’t that convenient,” I mused. “So, what are you doing tomorrow morning around eight o’clock?”

  “Same thing I’ll be doing at one in the afternoon. And nine at night.” Spider’s predatory grin was incongruous on his boyish face. “Hacking into Stemp’s internet session.”

  We reviewed the last of the records, and Spider shut the machine down. “Interesting. He’s like clockwork. Same times, even on weekends. I guess that explains why he was in the surveillance record before. When you do something habitually like that, you just keep doing it and nobody pays any attention.”

  I grinned at him. “Except us. Let’s go to Sirius and see if there’s anything new in our filters.”

  At Sirius Dynamics, I idled my way to my office while Spider retrieved the network key from the secured area. On a Sunday evening, the only sign of life was the bored guard in the security wicket.

  I wandered through the door of my office, turning over strategies in my mind but jerked to a halt with a yelp of surprise when I realized I wasn’t alone.

  John Smith stood up from behind my desk. The solid wall of his body odour hit me from six feet away. I surveyed him with disgust, wondering if that was still the same shirt he’d been wearing three weeks ago. I thought the pattern of food stains looked familiar.

  “Ms. Kelly,” he greeted me warily.

  “What are you doing in here?” I demanded.

  He ran a hand through his lank, thinning hair. “Since I’ve been assigned as your handler, I was checking over the structures that you’ve created in the network. I wanted to be prepared for tomorrow morning.” He frowned. “Why are you here tonight?”

  “I’ve missed several days of work. I wanted to check my filters to see if there’s anything urgent.”

  “I didn’t see anything there,” he said. After a short pause, he continued. “I’m impressed with your program. It shows a surprising level of sophistication.”

  I held back my instinctive retort at the patronizing compliment. At least the guy was making an effort to be pleasant. He was probably hoping to get off on the right foot.

  Because the last time he’d pissed me off in the network, he’d gotten my right foot in a place that had caused him considerable discomfort.

  I smiled. “Thanks.”

  Spider appeared in the doorway and halted uncertainly, looking from me to Smith.

  “Webb,” Smith greeted him.

  “Hi.” Spider glanced at me. “Um...”

  “We’re going to be a while, if you want to leave,” I told Smith. Subtle, that’s my middle name.

  “As your handler, I need to be here,” he disagreed. “In fact, going forward, I need to be present at all times when you’re in the network. You’ll need to provide me with a schedule of your planned access times.”

  Shit. That was going to throw a wrench in the works. I didn’t like him. I didn’t trust him. And I really didn’t like the way he smelled. I tried to sigh and hold my breath at the same time. The resulting grunt was unbecoming.

  “Fine. Spider, let’s get started.” I plopped down on the sofa and waited while he set up his laptop. We both ignored Smith when he took a seat at the desk. As soon as Spider gave me the nod, I stepped into the network.

  I took deep breaths of the untainted virtual air while I headed for my program. With grim determination, I tamped down the wave of self-pity that threatened. Trading Kane for Smith was like trading an Audi R8 for a manure spreader.

  I shook myself and firmly focused my attention on the job at hand. Kane was out of the picture. Suck it up and get on with life.

  I managed not to sniffle only because I knew Spider was monitoring me.

  As Smith had said, my filters were empty. The good news was that nobody was trying to talk to Fuzzy Bunny. The bad news was that nobody was trying to talk to Fuzzy Bunny. I sighed. I would have preferred to see something there. I was positive Kane hadn’t betrayed me, but a bit of proof would have been really welcome.

  I double-checked the program to make sure that it was working. It was, and I made my way back to the portal with a sigh.

  I barely noticed the soft impact against my head when I folded over to swear and clutch my headache. As the pain subsided, my stream of profanity was drowned out by angry shouting. I hurriedly dragged my eyes open to see Spider and Smith squared off in front of me. Spider’s fists were clenched, his eyes blazing in his flushed face. I slowly registered his words.

  “...dare you! Keep your hands off her, you pervert!”

  “I wasn’t.” Smith backed away, his hands raised placatingly. “I wouldn’t, I was just...”

  “Is there a problem here?” Germain stepped into the room, his sharp eyes assessing the combatants. I breathed a silent sigh of relief. Germain was about half an inch taller than me, but the breadth of his powerful shoulders made him look short and square. I’d watched him spar in practice with Kane only a few weeks ago. If there had been a problem earlier, it was officially over now.

  “Aydan, are you okay?” he asked. “What’s going on?”

  I straightened up and let go of my head. “I’m fine. I don’t know what’s happening.”

&nb
sp; “He was... He was fondling Aydan while she was in the network!” Spider blurted, his face scarlet. He glared at Smith. “You’re sick!”

  “I wasn’t!” Smith’s face was reddening, too. “I was just going to massage her temples.”

  Germain frowned. “Aydan? What happened?”

  I stared at him while nausea rose in my stomach. “I don’t know. You know I can’t feel anything with my physical body when I’m in the network. It takes a pain stimulus to wake me.”

  The nausea intensified with the realization that Smith could literally strip me naked and have sex with my real body while I was in the network, and I’d never know unless he actually caused me pain. I was sure he hadn’t done that, but the thought of it made me shudder violently before I could stop myself.

  “Webb,” Germain snapped. “What did you see?”

  “Aydan was coming out of the network, and I was just going out to take the key back to the secured area. I realized I’d forgotten to set up our schedule for tomorrow, so I came back in, and he was standing in front of her, running his fingers through her hair...”

  “I wasn’t!” Smith barked. “How stupid do you think I am? If I was going to assault her, I wouldn’t do it when I knew she was coming out of the network and I’d be sure to get caught!”

  “So you’ve given this some thought,” Germain said evenly.

  “No! Jeez!” Smith’s gaze darted around the room as if searching for an escape route. “I’m her handler. I read Kane’s reports, and he noted that massaging her temples helps relieve her pain on exiting the network. I was just trying to help!”

  Spider opened his mouth to retort, and I could see this would only devolve into a ‘yes-you-did, no-I-didn’t’ argument. I stood up and put my hand on his arm. “It’s okay, Spider, thanks for looking out for me.”

  I turned to Smith. “If you were trying to be thorough, I appreciate it, but for your own safety you shouldn’t come near me when I’m in the network. It can be quite disorienting for me to exit, and I sometimes have violent and unpredictable reactions.”