Never the Same

by Michele L. Rivera

  “Paige!” Justin reprimanded. “You’re overreacting. There’s no mob of lesbians that are gonna slaughter you.”

  “Errr. You spoke too soon,” Marissa said to Justin as three girls loomed next to Lennox. Justin soundlessly sat down. Lennox stepped to the left so that she was standing beside Paige.

  “Galner, we have a grievance to file with you,” the tallest girl said to Paige.

  Paige surveyed the pack of women. They were the executives of the school’s Lesbians United League. “Nina, Sidney, Gwen…what’s up?”

  “You’re setting a bad example for us,” Nina said.

  “Who’s ‘us’?” Paige asked.

  “Lesbians. That’s who,” Gwen said.

  Paige smiled. “Ladies, I’m sorry you’re disgruntled, but I—”

  Nina smashed her fists against the table and glared at Paige. “You betrayed us!”

  “Time out!” Marissa put her arm around Paige. “My gal here did no such thing.”

  “Your duty is to speak for us. Isn’t that in your mission statement?” Nina asked.

  “No. I speak for myself,” Paige said.

  Nina cackled. “So, presto! You’re for bisexuality now?”

  “I’m for solidarity in our community,” Paige redressed.

  “All this because of a fucking blog post?” Lennox intervened.

  Paige’s eyes bolted to Lennox. “Lennox!”

  Gwen smirked at Lennox. “Hey, cutie, close your pretty mouth, okay?”

  Lennox dropped her bag on the floor. “Watch it,” she said.

  Paige bounded from her chair and got in front of Lennox. “Enough!” Paige addressed Gwen. “This colloquy is beyond juvenile.”

  “Then tell us and we’ll go. What or who was the catalyst for you deleting it, Paige?” Nina asked.

  “I’m not obligated to give you an explanation,” Paige said.

  “I asked her to rescind it,” Lennox said.

  “No,” Paige exhaled.

  Nina, Gwen, and Sidney turned to goggle at Lennox. Belatedly, Sidney spoke. “Why?”

  “Because I was offended by it,” Lennox said.

  “You’re bisexual?” Nina asked.

  “Yes. I’m bisexual,” Lennox confirmed.

  Nina knit her brows together. “You can’t be.”

  Lennox let out a short laugh. “Well, I am.”

  “There’s no such thing as half gay and half straight. This is why you all can’t be trusted. You’re too indecisive. You have to choose which camp you wanna be in, sweetie.” Nina winked at Lennox.

  “Nina!” Paige snapped. “Back off of her!”

  Marissa got out of her seat. “Seriously, Nina. Stop being a dipshit.”

  “Guys, I can handle this,” Lennox said to Marissa and Paige. Then she stared down Nina. “I am not your sweetie, so just…don’t go there. And for your information, bisexuality is its own camp—the one I belong to.”

  Keira put one arm in the air. “Preach!”

  “Furthermore,” Lennox said, “I’m with the band—”

  “Yeah she is!” Marissa yawped.

  Lennox went on, “They’re my family at this school and I wanted each of them to accept me for me. Paige’s post fostered intolerance and it made me feel like an interloper, so I went to Paige and requested that she remove it. She kindly acceded.”

  Nina motioned to Lennox, her sights on Paige. “A display of camaraderie? Lovely. You befriended the foe. In my book, that’s treason.”

  Sidney and Gwen nodded in agreement with Nina.

  “How is that treason?” Paige asked.

  “I’d like to know how, too,” Marissa said.

  Nina pointed her finger at Paige. “Your site was our scripture. You wrote that bisexuality was a term that duplicitous people use so that they can hook up with whomever they want to when it’s convenient for them. You said they use lesbians as experiments and that we should be watchful of them. And now you’re associating with them!”

  “What I wrote was a tad extreme,” Paige said.

  “Psht! You’re a hypocrite!” Nina jeered.

  “Called it,” Lennox mumbled into the back of Paige’s left shoulder.

  “Really, Lennox?” Paige whispered out of the corner of her mouth.

  “What is the big to-do if lesbians socialize with bisexuals?” Paige asked Nina.

  Nina gnarred. “You were our role model, okay? We bought into your words, your ideas. You can’t just put something out there and then revoke it. That’s shady. It makes you a fraud.”

  “Nina, when I wrote that post, I wrote it with conviction. But since then, my hypothesis about bisexuality has changed.”

  “Also, why do you need Paige to tell you what to think? Are you or are you not in college?” Marissa asked, but her voice fell on deaf ears.

  “The lesbian community is going to be appalled by you when we tell them what you did, Paige,” Nina said.

  “Hmm. Or inversely, they’ll think I’m magnanimous.” Paige grinned. “Bye now.”

  Nina shook her head. “No, they won’t. And there will be consequences. It won’t be long before you have no more disciples. You’ll be a nobody. Hell, you are a nobody.”

  After Nina’s words contaminated the atmosphere, the three girls promenaded out of the cafeteria. Justin, Marissa, Keira, and Callie respired synchronously. Lennox furtively picked up her knapsack. And Paige blinked away her tears of anguish as she left the dining hall.

  “Paige! Wait up!” Keira jogged along the pathway that led to the dormitories. She nabbed the back of Paige’s sweatshirt and pulled her to a standstill. “Wa–wait,” she puffed.

  Paige hastily dried her eyes with her shirtsleeve, turned, and glared at Keira. “Go away.”

  “No.” Keira liberated Paige’s hoodie. “I realize I’m spoiling your poetic exit, but I nearly had to tackle the others to get to you first because I know and they don’t.”

  “What do you know?”

  “You have feelings for Lennox.”

  Paige scoffed. “You’re wrong.”

  “Am I?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Hmm,” Keira said. “You full-on pounced to her rescue to keep her from the possibility of hostility.”

  “So?”

  “Soooo. We’re both cognizant of your hero syndrome.”

  “My what?”

  “Paige! You see a beauteous damsel who looks even remotely endangered and you go to fend for her. It’s like you get a high off of the adrenaline.”

  “Oh. Okay. But no. The reality is that you conjured that up. Also, I’m getting the vibe that Lennox is her own champion.”

  Keira smiled. “Then you do think she’s foxy.”

  Paige quirked an eyebrow. “I don’t think anyone is ‘foxy’ just to be clear.”

  “Very well. Would you say she’s cute?”

  “Yeah, she’s cute,” Paige said. “I’m not visually impaired. That doesn’t mean I’m into her though. Those girls, the lesbian regime, they’re savages and they’re out to get me. Nobody else should be victimized by their childish warfare…counting Lennox.”

  “And this has nothing to do with your crush on her?”

  “Nope.”

  Keira’s mouth dropped and Paige blanched.

  “Shiiiit!” Keira screeched.

  “I. Uh. That’s not. No. I…” Paige stuttered. She shook her head. “No! I said that in error. You tripped me up!”

  Keira crossed her arms over her chest. “You said that accidentally?”

  “Yes. That was a blooper one hundred percent.”

  “You swear?”

  “Psht. Sure. Yeah,” Paige said.

  “Did you take the post down for Lennox or not?”

  Paige squeezed the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. “I saw her at The Bean—”

  “Saw her at The Bean or plotted to see her there?” Keira asked.

  “She wanted for us to talk and maybe come to some sort of reconciliation. And that’s w
hat we did.”

  “Holy mother! Lennox is the mystery girl from last night!”

  “Calm yourself.”

  Keira put her hands on her head. “She’s the one that got you all meditative and whatnot about dating! Was it a date?”

  “Shh! It wasn’t.”

  “Says who?”

  “Keira, please.”

  “But you’ve taken to her.”

  “Aargh!”

  “Paige?”

  “She’s alright.”

  “She influenced you to edit YOUR BLOG, which means she’s a tier above ‘alright.’”

  “Leave it be,” Paige said sternly.

  Keira nodded and pulled her ski vest tighter around herself. “I’m leaving it, but understand something for me, will you?”

  “What?”

  “Those bitches who attacked you are losers. But bullies are everywhere and they’re invariably going to try to take you down or subjugate you. Don’t let them.”

  “I’ll try if you pledge to me that this conversation never took place.”

  “What conversation?”

  Paige smiled. “Thank you.”

  Chapter Ten

  Paige tucked a brown strand of hair fallen from her disheveled pigtail behind her ear, and then pressed the heels of her hands into her temples. She sat at the desk in her dorm room, open laptop in front of her, reviewing each spiteful email referencing her blog activity that had made its way to her inbox. It had been less than twenty-four hours since she deleted the post, but rancorous annotations had already overloaded the website itself.

  “Damn it!” she cried out at the screen while the number of her followers rapidly reduced.

  Her phone went off for the seventh time that hour, and for the seventh time she let the call go to voicemail. When her neglected cell alerted her of yet another message, Paige picked it up with disinclination. There was a text from Marissa that was long enough to be a novella.

  Lady, I know you’re hiding because of what went down in the caf. They’re barbarians so just ignore them. I’m proud of you for doing the noble thing. I have band practice until 3. Can I see you afterwards? Please don’t stonewall me.

  Paige looked at the clock. It was 2:26. She shook her head and texted back.

  3:30. You know where.

  She placed the cell next to her computer, put it on speaker, and listened to the missed messages. Justin’s was first: “Paige, pick up. This is my fifth call. Keira said she spoke to you and that you’re okay, but I want to hear it for myself. She also forbid us all from going to get you, telling us to give you a chance to decompress. She’s being kinda bossy. So I’m at the garage with the gang. Hit me back or I will come for you.”

  The second voice belonged to Marissa. “Hey, bud. I get it if you want to mope. It’s warranted, but at least let me hug you or some girlie shit. I’m your friend. Ugh. My reception is lousy. I’m just going to text you.”

  Lastly, Lennox spoke, generating a spike in Paige’s heart rate. “Hi, Paige. I’m guessing you don’t want to talk to me, but if you decide differently, I’m…um…I’m here. And thank you for making such a hefty sacrifice for the sake of egalitarianism. I applaud you. You’re not the phony they’re making you out to be. I hope you know that. I also hope we can still be friends. I’ll stand by you. Okay. Bye.”

  Paige hung up the phone. Salty droplets trickled from the corners of Paige’s eyes, singed her cheeks, and dribbled from her chin onto the cell’s keypad. She sniffled and chuckled to herself disdainfully. “Pull it together, you ninny. She has no effect on you. Okay. You tampered with your blog on her behalf. No. You did that for the greater good. Surely that’s what it was. So she’s hot. Who cares? Not me. I don’t like her in that way. I have this under control. I—”

  An unexpected knock at the door terminated Paige’s declamation.

  “Paige?” Justin summoned. “I can hear you in there.”

  “Terrific,” Paige grumbled. She teetered out of her chair and over to the entrance of the room. As soon as she opened the door, Justin captured her in a bear hug.

  “Paigey, you gave me anxiety,” Justin said and then let go of her.

  “Sorry. I’m angry and embarrassed and I wanted to brood by myself.”

  Justin glanced around the suite. “Who were you talking to?”

  Paige pursed her lips. “No one. I was…uh…reading. Aloud.”

  Justin raised an eyebrow. “I’m not buying it but I’m short on time. When Keira went on a coffee run to The Bean, I booked it outta there to check on you. But I have to hurry back. She’ll detect my absence. Then she’ll whoop my ass. So, are you persevering?”

  “Yes. Today’s been a clusterfuck but I’m resilient. You’re a decent guy, Justin. Now leave.” Paige nudged him through the exit. “Later.”

  “Whoa whoa. There’s something else.”

  “Whaaat?”

  “Yesterday in the car when we were talking, you said you wouldn’t get involved with Lennox. Did you mean it? Or did that change because the blog thing and…”

  “Where is this going?” Paige asked.

  “I would never backstab you.”

  “I know that.”

  Justin nodded. “I was thinking about asking her to hang out.”

  “Her who?”

  “Lennox.”

  Battered by an unforeseen incursion of nausea, Paige put her arm across her abdomen. The color in her face depleted.

  “Paige?” Justin asked.

  Paige spewed a mouthful of air. “Huh? Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Low blood sugar.”

  “You’re okay?”

  “Yup. Go on with what you…go on.”

  “Would that be cool with you?” Justin bit his bottom lip.

  “Uh. Of course. You don’t need my authorization.”

  “I was trying to be mindful, cuz what if you—”

  “No! I don’t. You can pursue her.”

  Justin grinned. “Stupendous!”

  “So that’s what you’re doing? Pursuing her?”

  “In contrast to?”

  “Well, are you planning on asking her to hang out or to go out, like on a date?”

  “Isn’t it a universal given that they’re the same thing?” Justin asked.

  “Are they?”

  “Yes! And where she’s bi, I’m figuring I have a fifty-fifty shot.”

  Paige shook her head. “Er. It doesn’t work that way from what I’ve gathered.”

  “Oh. But there’s still a likelihood. I am handsome.”

  Paige’s mouth labored to smile. “You are.”

  “Okay! I’m gonna go do this.” Justin stepped backwards. “I’ll let you know.”

  “Totally.” Paige closed the door and slapped it with her palm. “Shit.”

  Paige canvassed the vacant playground a few feet from where she stood leaning against her parked car. She glanced at her watch. 3:31 and there was no sign of Marissa. Leery, Paige trudged over to the swing set. The cool air was refreshing after being indoors for hours. She looked up at the dwindling sun and acknowledged that the once-green foliage on the surrounding trees now had an orange tint. She sat on a swing and held onto the cold, rusted chains. In less than a minute, there was a shuffling through the gravel.

  “Hey, girl,” Marissa said and handed Paige a paper cup. “Chai tea.”

  Paige took the beverage. “You’re late.”

  “Aww. You’re welcome. I know I’m thoughtful. I can’t help myself.” Marissa perched on the swing next to Paige and took a swig of her own drink.

  “Really. You’re late,” Paige said.

  “Geez Louise! It’s 3:34! In no way is that tardy. And I brought you a consolatory herbal potion from Steep, so yeah, it took me a few extra seconds to get here.”

  “You just said, ‘Geez Louise.’”

  “I’m conscious of that. I’m making an effort not to cuss as much. It was my New Year’s resolution.”

  Paige chuckled. “From last January.”

  “Fuck o
ff.” Marissa smiled mischievously and they both laughed.

  “Thanks, Rissa.”

  “For what?”

  “Being you…and the tea,” Paige said.

  “You got it.”

  “What’s Steep anyway?”

  “The new, bohemian joint in Hancock Square specializing in aromatic, boiling water with these teensy, flavor-enhancing bags in them. Very swanky and an unqualified lesbian hub,” Marissa said.

  “Ahh. Guess I’ll have to go sometime.”

  “You should.”

  “You want me to talk about the breakfast incident from this morning, don’t you?” Paige asked.

  “Eh. What I do want is for my best friend to know that those twerps will have to go through me first before they can even try to lay a finger on her.”

  “I–she knows.”

  “Good. Because taking down that post was friggin’ righteous,” Marissa said.

  Paige sipped her tea and shrugged.

  “It was, Paige. It was bold, jeopardizing your reputation. So I have to ask.”

  Paige’s eyes moved from Marissa to the ground. “Then ask.”

  “Are you carrying a torch for Lennox?”

  Gelid beads of sweat garnered along Paige’s hairline. Her pulse thrummed in her trachea but she managed to snort. “Pshaw! As if!”

  “Alright! There was evidence—the blog, the exploits in the caf. I surmised is all.”

  “Well, don’t. Your supposition is amiss,” Paige said.

  “Huh. If I had nailed it, would you have disclosed?”

  Paige softened, looked at Marissa, and supplied her with a winsome smile. “Would these baby blues deceive you?” Paige batted her lashes.

  Marissa smirked. “Yes! Largely because they’re more of a cobalt.”

  “Drink your Chai.”

  “Mine’s organic Oolong,” Marissa said.

  Paige shook her head. “Nerd.”

  “You’re sidetracking me.”

  “You’re irritating me.”

  “You looove me.”

  “I do,” Paige said.

  “Yeah. You’re not too shabby yourself.”

  “Gee. That’s endearing. Now will you let go of this?” Paige asked.

  “It’s gone.”

  Chapter Eleven