Never the Same
Page 9
Lennox answered on the third ring. “Hello?”
Paige’s stomach knotted. “Lennox, hi. It’s me, Paige.”
Lennox’s grin was audible through the receiver. “Hi, Paige.”
“Hi.”
Lennox chuckled. “Yeah. You said that already.”
“Right. Well, I told you I’d call you back, didn’t I?”
“You absolutely did. So, what’s up?”
“Mmm. How was the remainder of your day?” Paige asked.
“Fine. How was the remainder of yours?”
“Not bad.”
“Not bad is good,” Lennox said.
“Definitely.”
“So, this is sufficiently awkward.”
“What’s that?”
“This pseudo convo we’re having,” Lennox said. “Why are you being peculiar?”
“Me? I am? Huh. Yeah. I am. Lennox, I…um…I have to ask you something.”
“Okay. Ask.”
“Did you and Justin…did you two go…er…on a date?”
“No,” Lennox said quickly and took a breath. “We had a meal together today. As friends. Paige, where is this coming from? Is he there with you?”
“Justin? No. Why?”
“Because I was talking to him earlier and he asked me out on a date. I turned him down. I told him that I thought he was a nice guy and that I would be happy to do lunch again sometime, but that I didn’t want to date him. I’m just finding it a little strange that now his bestie is calling me for intel.”
Paige sighed. “Listen, Justin thinks that your lunch thing was a date. I recommended he talk to you to find out if you thought the same. Then that way there’s no confusion.”
“Uh huh. And you thought there would be confusion because you knew I wasn’t into him.”
“Whoa. What makes you think that? I don’t know that.”
“Yes, you do,” Lennox said. “You know I’m interested in someone else.”
Paige became limp. “You are?” she whispered through her chagrin.
“You’re frowning. I can hear it. So, are you glum because it’s you that I’m interested in or because you thought it wasn’t you?” Lennox asked.
Paige coughed and almost rolled off the ball chair she had been swiveling on. She grabbed onto the desk and balanced herself, but couldn’t suppress the aggressive pulsations in her chest and neck.
“It’s me?” Paige asked.
Lennox laughed. “Paige, I thought you were smarter than this. I told you we have chemistry.”
“We’re friends, Lennox. Just friends.”
“You’re still in denial. It’s cool. I have the patience of a Siberian tiger.”
“What?”
“Something I read online,” Lennox said.
“Okay. Whatever. Look, it can’t be me. Lennox, that date that wasn’t a date that you went on with Justin…well, he was going to ask you on another one, because he…because…” Paige rubbed her forehead.
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes,” Paige said.
Just then, Keira strutted into the room and raised an eyebrow at Paige as she passed her. “Are you having phone sex?” Keira asked in a hushed tone.
Paige waved Keira away.
“And he’s my…I won’t lose Justin,” Paige said to Lennox.
“Oh boy,” Keira mumbled from her bed.
Paige took the elastic from her wrist and used it as a slingshot, hitting Keira in the chin.
“Ouch! Goddamn!” Keira touched the red spot on her face and scowled at Paige.
Paige gave Keira a cautionary glare and pantomimed zipping her mouth shut.
“Wait. Why would Justin’s wanting to date me make you lose him?” Lennox asked.
“Um…”
“Is it because he’d get jealous if he found out that I like you? Cuz I wasn’t going to tell him.”
“Yeah. No, don’t tell him. That’s an excellent tactic. Go with that,” Paige said.
“You’re babbling. Are you agitated?”
“Nope. No way. Why?”
“You tell me. Are you omitting something here?” Lennox asked.
“Whaaat? Am I omitting something? That’s outrageous.”
A pillow walloped the back of Paige’s head. Paige turned around in her seat, gave Keira the middle finger, and then went and sat on her own bed.
“Is it outrageous though?” Lennox protested.
“We should really establish what outrageousness is.”
“Paige,” Lennox said authoritatively.
“Yes?” Paige exhaled.
“Can you explain to me why you’d lose Justin?”
“I thought I just did.”
“Uh no. Okay. I have to ask you something else then.”
“Ask.”
“Why did you come to me to inquire about my meet-up with Justin? Why didn’t you just go to him?” Lennox asked.
“Uh. I’m giving him some space.”
“Why?”
“We had an argument. Alright?”
“No,” Lennox said. “Aargh. Will you please talk to me about this?”
“He doesn’t know you like me, so let’s leave it that way, but he thinks I like you and—”
“Do you?”
Paige’s jaw grew rigid. “Does it matter?”
“To me, it does.”
“I told him I didn’t. Several times.”
“I didn’t ask you what you told him. I’m asking you how you feel. Do you like me?”
Paige bit down on her trembling lower lip. “I can’t do this.”
Keira looked up from her book at Paige and pouted.
“What can’t you do?” Lennox asked.
“I can’t be more than your friend.”
“So you do like me.”
“We’re friends,” Paige said quietly.
“Why can’t we be more?”
“We’re just friends.” Paige spoke robotically.
“Is it because I’m bisexual?”
“Lennox—”
“Because I’m a few years younger than you?”
“Lennox—”
“Because you’re afraid—”
“Lennox! Stop!” Paige yelled and swallowed a sob. “Please stop.”
“Give me an answer first. Why won’t you give us a chance?”
“Because of all of those things. I’m sorry. It’s how I programmed myself and there’s a lot I have to unlearn. And I will, but—”
“Do you promise?”
“Do I promise what?” Paige asked.
“That you’ll strive to reprogram yourself. I’ll help you.”
“I promise.” Paige gulped. “But Lennox, there can’t be an ‘us.’”
“I don’t…why?”
“Because Justin’s my best friend. Since we were children. And I blatantly misled him. That makes me a horrendous person and the only way I know how to rectify this is to make it so neither of us gets the girl.”
“And I’m that girl?”
“That would be you. Yeah,” Paige said.
“Oh.”
“Do you hate me?”
“No.” Lennox paused. “I can appreciate that you’re a woman of virtue.”
Paige closed her eyes to imprison her tears with her lashes. “Lennox, I really want us to still be friends.”
“Right. Then we’ll be friends. I’ll take you however I can get you.”
“Okay,” Paige said.
“Okay. I. Um. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow for our…plans.”
“Yup. Mmm hmm. Our plans.”
“Cool. Well, goodnight,” Lennox said.
“Lennox, hang on.”
“What is it?” There was a hint of optimism in Lennox’s voice.
“I got some new followers on my site. That’s your doing. Thank you.”
Lennox sniveled and it defeated Paige, whose sorrow began to drip down her cheeks.
Lennox cleared her throat. “You’re welcome. I…bye, Paige,” Lennox said and hung up.<
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Paige stared at her phone.
Keira got up, walked towards Paige’s side of the room, and sat next to her. She wrapped her right arm around Paige. “I was being a hardass earlier. Sorry,” Keira said.
“I earned it.”
“Eh. You’re flawed. We all are. I just didn’t want you to go through what I have to go through every day.”
Paige rested her head on Keira’s shoulder and broke into a whimper. “You mean this?”
“Pretty much,” Keira said and gave Paige a squeeze. “What can I do?” Keira motioned to the plastic bag on Paige’s nightstand. “I brought you a sandwich, your staple, turkey and provolone on rye. Yum. How’s that?”
“Keira?”
“Paige?”
Paige let go of her phone and hugged Keira tightly, succumbing to the heaviness in her body. “I’m sad,” Paige hiccupped and started to bawl.
Chapter Fifteen
At 2:30 on Tuesday afternoon, Paige’s Interpersonal Communications class came to a close. She crammed her textbook and notes into her backpack, got up from her chair desk, and hoisted the bag onto her shoulders. As Paige plodded down the stairs of the lecture hall, she loosened the zipper of her fitted, heather-gray, fleece jacket and fingered the silver chain dangling from the right side of her boot-cut jeans. When she reached the exit, an imperious voice stopped her.
“Ms. Galner, may I have a word with you?” Professor Chaplin asked Paige.
Paige winced and turned around. “Yes, sir.”
“Your paper on technology and relationships was extremely insightful and well-written,” he said.
Paige mentally commended herself. “Thank you.”
Professor Chaplin gave Paige a curt nod. “I also noticed that during our sixty-minute group debate, you excerpted from today’s print of The Boston Terrene to bolster your contention.”
“Yes, I did, Professor. The political section is highly informative.” Secretly, Paige ridiculed the newspaper, its politics in particular.
“I couldn’t agree more.”
Paige smiled, mouth closed.
“Keep it up, Paige. Ambition often leads to triumph.” Professor Chaplin glanced at his pocket watch. “That will be all.”
“Okay,” Paige said to her teacher and left the room. She stepped into the near-empty hallway, raked her hand through her long, rich, brown hair, unconcerned with the shorter layers that immediately fell back onto her face, and started walking. “Huh. Did reading that dumb periodical just save my grade?” she muttered to herself.
Someone whistled and Paige looked to her right. Marissa stood leaning against the wall, grinning.
“It’s sexy when you do that,” Marissa said.
Paige’s cheeks inflamed and she went up to Marissa. “I wasn’t doing anything,” Paige said.
“Mmm. Carelessly tousling your hair while you talk to yourself, like some vamp in a music video. Hot. You should utilize that move in front of Lennox. She’ll probably come in her pants on the spot.”
Paige’s mouth opened and she paled.
Marissa smirked and shook her head. “Are you really surprised? Dude, I’m your best friend. How could you not tell me that there was something going on between you and Lennox?”
“Because nothing’s going on. Why would you say that? Why do you think that?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Let’s see. Shortly after you met Lennox, you redacted your hallowed blog post. Coincidence? Maybe. But then there was the rare way you behaved when the lezzie league assailed you. It was almost as if you were guarding her. Lennox, that is. So I asked you. I said, ‘hey, Paige, do you wanna get up in that?’ Lennox, that is. And you said, ‘no way José, now please leave it alone,’ which I did cuz I’m a fucking incredible friend. You also said, ‘Marissa, I would neeever bamboozle you,’ and I thought you were being honest. But I feel the need to ask you again. Do you have a crush on Lennox?”
Paige exhaled. “Yes.”
“Grrr! I am not pleased with you for BS-ing me.”
“Marissa, I’m sorry.”
“You oughta be,” Marissa said.
“I am.”
“You can make it up to me then. We got a gig at Juice this Friday. 8 p.m. Can you print that somewhere to promote it?”
“Yeah. Okay. I’m on it,” Paige said. “I’ll write about it in the school paper. Are we good?”
“Yes. We’re good.”
“Good.”
“Paige, buddy, if you’re into her, ask her out.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Why? It’s requited,” Marissa said.
“What?”
“She has a crush on you, too. But you already knew that, didn’t you?”
“Did she say that to you?” Paige asked.
“In a way. This morning, she gave me a song that she wrote.” Marissa smiled. “It was, um, telling.”
“You’re sure it was about me?”
“I took a lucky guess. Hmm. What were those lyrics? Ah yes. Something something, angst, something something, angsty but tasteful erotica, something something, ‘killer blue eyes.’ Now everyone in our group has brown eyes…except for you. Sooo…”
Paige grimaced.
“What’d you do? Spurn her?” Marissa asked.
“No! I gently explained to her that I wanted nothing more than a friendship with her.”
“Paige! That’s such a low blow! And it’s deceptive because you do want more.”
“But I can’t have more.”
“Why? Is it her sexuality?”
“Not entirely.”
“Then what am I missing? Spell it out for me, Paige.”
Paige put her hands up to her face and groaned into them.
Marissa pushed herself off the wall with her left foot and grabbed Paige by her shoulders. “You can tell me.”
Paige’s arms dropped. She glanced around the deserted corridor.
“It’s just us here,” Marissa said.
Paige looked at Marissa and sighed tiresomely. “Justin came to me and asked me if I liked Lennox, because he did and he was being considerate. I was afraid of her…afraid to like her, because she’s…unique. So I lied to Justin. I told him I didn’t like Lennox. I even encouraged him to ask her on a date. I thought if they were together, my feelings for her would fade, and then I could revert to being Paige Galner, lesbian living a purely lesbian lifestyle comprised of purely lesbian things. But Lennox said no to Justin. She likes me. If Justin knew this, he’d think I set him up to be humiliated and he’d disown me.” Paige’s watery eyes stared at a nonplussed Marissa. “Rissa?”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. It’s quite the quandary.”
“Really? It’s not, Paige.”
“How do you mean?”
Marissa threw her hands in the air. “Hello! You have to tell Justin the truth.”
“What? Didn’t you hear me? He’ll abandon me.”
“No, he won’t. He loves you.”
“Ugh. Your advice is as crummy as Keira’s.”
Marissa folded her arms in front of her. “Keira knows?”
Paige cringed. “Uh, you could say that. She suspected. I confided. It happened so fast,” Paige said.
“Well, whatever. She’s a shitty informant.”
“Stop. I think she wanted me to tell you myself,” Paige said.
“And you’d have told me if I didn’t call you out on it?”
“Someday. Yes.”
“Someday? Paige! Come on! How are you going to repair this?”
“It’s been repaired. If Justin can’t be with Lennox, then I can’t be with her either. See? All done.”
“Abstinence? That’s your answer?”
“Sorta,” Paige said.
“Worst answer ever!”
“Then what do you propose I do?”
“I already gave you my counsel. You’ve gotta talk to Justin.”
“Nope. Marissa, you don’t understand the treachery. He’ll have no mercy on me and
he’ll unfriend me.”
“Don’t you think you’re being moderately extravagant?”
“Not at all!”
“Paige! Ease up and slow down. Alright?”
Paige’s chin began to quiver. “Alright.”
Marissa held Paige’s hand. “Are you okay?”
“No.”
“I didn’t think so. Now, if you want this suffering to end, yours, Lennox’s, the whole nine, you’ve got to tell Justin. But you won’t.”
“Because he’ll leave me.”
“Justin wouldn’t do that. Paige, what’s with the abandonment issues? Was it me?”
“No.”
“Hanna?”
“No.”
“Give me a lead. Anything,” Marissa said.
“Um.” Paige expelled a shuddering breath. “There’s this thing you should know. It’s about my childhood.”
Chapter Sixteen
The tall, picture windows of Steep’s storefront were trimmed with strings of white lights emitting limited luminosity against the dark, autumn night. The sky had become cloudy earlier in the evening and now it was beginning to drizzle outside. Paige stepped beneath the entryway’s purple awning to shelter herself. She checked her phone for the time. It was 6:58. Below the numbers, a text message from Justin appeared.
Sorry about the episode at the library. I think we should talk. When are you free?
Paige frowned and put the phone back in her pocket.
“Hey,” Lennox said as she approached Paige from the left.
Paige’s heart skipped. Then her diaphragm caved in. She steeled herself and turned to Lennox. “Hey.”
Lennox pulled off the hood of her raincoat, exposing her voluminous, textured, reddish-brown hair, which hovered above her shoulders. She smiled at Paige and her caramel eyes flashed.
Paige’s breath caught.
“Aren’t you wet?” Lennox asked.
“Uh huh,” Paige said in a daze.